Newly inactive family.

[mumoal]

I just joined this forum today, but I feel that since this is the issue that pushed me into actually joining.

For years now, my family has been dwindling away in the church. First went my older brother. He stopped attending and ran away from home. It broke my heart when I realized how much I wanted a brother to serve a mission, and he wasn't going to. Then went my dad. He calls himself a "New Order Mormon," like the "New Order Amish." He reads all sorts of outside literature on Mormons which doesn't help at all. I see how much it has hurt my family in the years since my brother fell away, and now that my dad is gone, I can't help but hurt so strongly for my mom. She married my dad for time and all eternity, and if all continues down this path, she won't get it. And neither will I. I recently moved back into my parent's home only to find my younger brother dreading church, yelling as he gets ready about how he hates it and if my mom forces him to go he'll hate going for the rest of his life. And now, I feel like maybe, I might be falling too. My faith is fading as I feel more and more alone. I've relapsed into a few sins I thought I had overcome. The spirit does not exist in this house, and it's becoming harder and harder to hold on to it.

I just need some support. Some advice. Some...anything. I don't know what to ask. I can't even remember how to effectively pray. And I thought maybe someone could say something here.

[Maya]

I know.... all too well what you are talking about. I am teh only one in my family that is ni the church at all... except for my own family and there too half of my kids are in half are out. Some people just dont have the needed strength or faith. Many just dont care. Some wonder a way for a while and get back later.

The ONLY advice I can give you is that stay strong! Start stydying the gospel, phonder, seek... You go to seminary? Maybe you`ll find someone there who is in a similar situation.

I know it hurts when people in Church talk about families staying together aso... and your family is not like that today. But you NEVER know about tomorrow! If you keep strong your family DOES have a better chanse that if also you give up.

One of the hardest lessons we need to learn here on earth is that we all have our own free will... and that will is not always showing our frends and family the same way as to us.

The things you can do is love your familymembers no matter what... in the end love will winn. Pray for them and pray for yourself! Try to find someone you can trust in the Church who you can talk to!

Read Mosia 4: 27

Also it says somewhere that everybody will ket waht their heart wishes... I need to go to institutt center to take care of it this evening....

I hope what I wrote helps you some. You are welcom to pm me if you want to. There are MANY in the same heartbreaking situation as you and me.... and I am sure there is a sollution.

[Rico]

I don't know what kind of advice I can give and it's probably not worth much, but all I can say is keep going to Church. Go to the door and greet every person that comes in the door, do something. As long as you are going to Church, you are trying. Once you stop trying, then it's even harder to get back to where you want to be. Your faith is your own, it shouldn't be based on anyone else.

As they say, the Church is true, but not every member is.

[RandomEquine]

This is a lot like what is happening/has happened in my fiancé's family. His mother and father were married in the temple, and then a few years later (after having 4 kids and financially ruining his mother), the father and older brother took off. Fast forward to now -- his sister still goes to church, but is marrying a man who drinks and smokes and has never been involved in the church. His brother is vulgar, has anger problems, and suffers from a somewhat "arrested development" -- only goes to church because it makes Mommy happy. Mom is somewhat verbally abusive too, but a devout member of the church.

I'm the only member in my family, and every one else thinks LDS is a cult and I'm crazy.

My best advice is PRAY. Heavenly Father is ALWAYS there, even when you feel like you're all alone. And don't just pray for yourself, pray for everyone in your family...and do it with real hope and intent :-). I know I am guilty of praying for people who I feel are "lost causes" and never believing anything will come of it. But God takes care of all, and wants all of us to be eternally happy. Study your scriptures (just a little at a time if need be!). And another good thing to maybe think about is visit with the missionaries in your area. If you just can't deal, talk to your bishop or stake president. These two men have been called of God to help members of the church -- they could help give you ideas and make sure you stay strong.

Good luck -- stay strong -- and know that God is in all.

[FunkyTown]

One of the covenants we make at baptism is to bear each others burdens. RandomEquine is right. I can't say how much I respect the struggle that you are going through. You aren't alone. We're here to lift each other up, to help one another and to never let them be alone.

Never be afraid to ask for help.

[Hemidakota]

I just joined this forum today, but I feel that since this is the issue that pushed me into actually joining.

For years now, my family has been dwindling away in the church. First went my older brother. He stopped attending and ran away from home. It broke my heart when I realized how much I wanted a brother to serve a mission, and he wasn't going to. Then went my dad. He calls himself a "New Order Mormon," like the "New Order Amish." He reads all sorts of outside literature on Mormons which doesn't help at all. I see how much it has hurt my family in the years since my brother fell away, and now that my dad is gone, I can't help but hurt so strongly for my mom. She married my dad for time and all eternity, and if all continues down this path, she won't get it. And neither will I. I recently moved back into my parent's home only to find my younger brother dreading church, yelling as he gets ready about how he hates it and if my mom forces him to go he'll hate going for the rest of his life. And now, I feel like maybe, I might be falling too. My faith is fading as I feel more and more alone. I've relapsed into a few sins I thought I had overcome. The spirit does not exist in this house, and it's becoming harder and harder to hold on to it.

I just need some support. Some advice. Some...anything. I don't know what to ask. I can't even remember how to effectively pray. And I thought maybe someone could say something here.

This is why it is so important to have our own testimony vice relying upon others. Spending enough time with anti literatures will only open doors of doubt.

If he is of culture age in being considered an adult, at that point, allow him the room to decide for himself. At times, we must allow failure in order for that person to see his/her own light.

[NeuroTypical]

I just need some support. Some advice. Some...anything. I don't know what to ask.

Ok, people tell me I'm totally useless at support, so if you want to avoid advice that is difficult to hear, you should probably skip my post.

I do have advice, and here it is: Until you learn how to mature past the "I'm hurt by other people's choices" nonsense, you'll continue to be hurt by other people. You'll get hurt by people who don't even wish you harm. Seems like a huge waste of time to me, moving through life getting hurt by and for people. You can't control who your parents or brother are. You can only control who you are, and be an example to those around you.

LM

[Sequoia]

The spirit does not exist in this house, and it's becoming harder and harder to hold on to it. I just need some support. Some advice. Some...anything.

You're not alone on this. We have lived in many wards where there was only one member in the family, often a new convert, with people that are anti-LDS or least not supportive of their life. Sometimes they are feeling judged by the new member.

So first, I'm wondering if you HAVE to live at home. Maybe someone at church your age is wanting to leave home too and you can room with them. Or maybe someone at church would be willing to rent out a room for some extra money.

If there are no options about leaving, there are so many things you can do to foster the spirit in your home. First, clean your bedroom from top to bottom. Wash the windows and let the light in. Get rid of any clutter. Hang up some LDS pictures, photos of you at the temple or church building or activities, or things that represent your goals in life. Move the furniture around. Also, buy a plant or some flowers. Make your home a place to retreat to when needed. Invite your mom to come in as she feels a need. Buy some church music or some sweet instrumental music to play. Have uplifting magazines, poems, and books to read nearby. When contention starts, retreat to your room and defer the ugliness that you don't want invading your spirit.

Another way to invite the spirit into your life is to serve others. Really do this. I have a husband who is so good at serving others. Always sees a need that I overlook with people. It's not just our ward or neighbors or family, but often it's someone at a store waiting in line or an acquaintance at work. I am not like this. I actively have to seek out opportunities to serve. I have to plan them. I have kids who naturally think of themselves, since they have trouble connecting with people (They are high functioning autistic- goes with the territory). So one method to help them get outside of themselves is to have them serve with me. It's hard, and I struggle to find opportunities, but they are there. Often when I do this, they are unwilling to help, but afterwards the spirit has touched them, and they are grateful they could help. Me too, by the way. Feeds my very soul. Maybe this could be something your mother and you can do together.

[Faded]

I just joined this forum today, but I feel that since this is the issue that pushed me into actually joining.

For years now, my family has been dwindling away in the church. First went my older brother. He stopped attending and ran away from home. It broke my heart when I realized how much I wanted a brother to serve a mission, and he wasn't going to. Then went my dad. He calls himself a "New Order Mormon," like the "New Order Amish." He reads all sorts of outside literature on Mormons which doesn't help at all. I see how much it has hurt my family in the years since my brother fell away, and now that my dad is gone, I can't help but hurt so strongly for my mom. She married my dad for time and all eternity, and if all continues down this path, she won't get it. And neither will I. I recently moved back into my parent's home only to find my younger brother dreading church, yelling as he gets ready about how he hates it and if my mom forces him to go he'll hate going for the rest of his life. And now, I feel like maybe, I might be falling too. My faith is fading as I feel more and more alone. I've relapsed into a few sins I thought I had overcome. The spirit does not exist in this house, and it's becoming harder and harder to hold on to it.

I just need some support. Some advice. Some...anything. I don't know what to ask. I can't even remember how to effectively pray. And I thought maybe someone could say something here.

I would recommend the following. Firstly, I'm going to work under the assumption that you have your own room. As long as that is true, I would use that space to immerse yourself in better things. Good music. Scripture study. Favorite scriptural quotes. Study there often. Pray there often. You can only affect your own personal space, but there is no reason not to and every reason to do it. Make it your refuge.

If and when your brother or father feel the need to challenge you on the matter or object have two things working in your favor:

1.) It's your space, not theirs. They can do what they want in theirs, and you are not going to apologize for doing what you want with yours.

2.) It sounds like your mother will support your side of things.

I would work to establish some respectful boundaries. You should make it very clear to your brother and father that their bigotry and hatred of your faith and beliefs is not appreciated and is not welcome. They need to know that you will not sit there and listen to them attack the Church and the beliefs that are precious to you. You will walk away from any such conversation. You also need to be fully aware that standing and debating it with them will get you nowhere. You see, anti-Mormons compensate for their hate, bigotry and total lack of verifiable truth in odd ways. Here are a few of them:

1.) They will constantly talk louder than you so you can't get a word in edgewise.

2.) They will try to guilt you into abandoning your faith.

3.) They will argue and debate ENDLESSLY.

4.) They will throw a continual barrage of things that you can't possibly be ready for -- all of it calculated to put a thread of doubt in your mind. Obscure historical reference (they virtually always come from invalid or unverifiable sources, or are taken wildly out of context), "how other Christians are right where Mormons are wrong", polygamy, blacks and the priesthood, etc.

5.) They never fight fair. Virtually every method they use to disprove or discredit the LDS faith could just as easily be used to invalidate any other Christian faith out there.

6.) Anti-Mormon sources lie. They weave a very complex and tangled web of lies. They reference one another's lies to validate their own lies. At the end of the day, untangling it all is a waste of time and effort.

To sum up, all you can do is everything you can do to help yourself, and avoid letting them drag you into their Mormon-bashing garbage talk. It's possible that they'll realize the error of their ways as you persist in refusing to be part of that kind of conversation.

[Mirium]

I am the only active member in my house. I too find it hard to feel the spirit. I struggle with the standards they keep but I am slowly learning that I have to respect their free agency and that has been really hard to come to terms with. I use good uplifting music and good books to read. I have pictures of the Saviour by my bed.

There are times too when I have slipped and wanted to give up but we must continue to be a good example to our families. Talk to your Father in Heaven, He loves you and He understands. Go to church however hard it is to motivate yourself and you will be blessed for it. Just try to do your best everyday even if its only little steps.

My heart goes out to you. Take good care of yourself. Do you have good friends at church who can help you and support you?

[Maureen]

Then went my dad. He calls himself a "New Order Mormon,"...

What is a New Order Mormon? New Order Mormons are those who no longer believe some (or much) of the dogma or doctrines of the LDS Church, but who want to maintain membership for cultural, social, or even spiritual reasons. New Order Mormons recognize both good and bad in the Church, and have determined that the Church does not have to be perfect in order to remain useful. New Order Mormons seek the middle way to be Mormon.

IMO, New Order Mormons don't seem to be bad, they're just going about their beliefs and non-beliefs in a non-traditional LDS way. Have you talked to your Dad about what he thinks?

[Islander]

IMO, New Order Mormons don't seem to be bad, they're just going about their beliefs and non-beliefs in a non-traditional LDS way. Have you talked to your Dad about what he thinks?

Oh, this is delightful. I HAVE to quote my grandma here. She said that: "when it came to prophets and the word of God it is not a buffet line where you can pick and choose what to believe or not. Your plate comes straight from the kitchen and the hands of the Master Chef Himself. It would be stupid, not to mention arrogant thinking you can do better."

Of course, Nephi said it better:

[i"]O that cunning plan of the evil one! O the vainness, and the frailties, and the foolishness of men! When they are learned they think they are wise, and they hearken not unto the counsel of God, for they set it aside, supposing they know of themselves, wherefore, their wisdom is foolishness and it profiteth them not. And they shall perish." 2 Ne 9:28

[breezygirl]

I just joined this forum today, but I feel that since this is the issue that pushed me into actually joining.

And now, I feel like maybe, I might be falling too. My faith is fading as I feel more and more alone. I've relapsed into a few sins I thought I had overcome. The spirit does not exist in this house, and it's becoming harder and harder to hold on to it.

I just need some support. Some advice. Some...anything. I don't know what to ask. I can't even remember how to effectively pray. And I thought maybe someone could say something here.

I might be way off track here but... maybe you can find someone like me. Someone who wants to learn more and be more involved but cant for one reason or another and then you can share with them what you love about being LDS. Maybe sharing your love of the church with them will benefit you both.

I could be wrong tho it happens all the time:rolleyes:

[Maureen]

...when it came to prophets and the word of God...

It is still up to each individual to detemine, with God's help, if that Prophet is indeed speaking God's word. Blind faith is just being lazy.

[Palerider]

It sure makes it easier to belong to any religion and become lazy by picking what you want to believe in....no need to sacrifice....if you don't like something...then don't believe in it.....

It makes more sense to me now why a friend of mine would tell me...before they changed churches...they wanted to listen to the Minister and make sure his politics were in line with his thoughts....

[Maya]

The missionary couple who tok care of the institutt has gone home and while we wait for the new couple (from USA) I been a voluntair worker there for 2-3 evenings a week. There are many wonderful young people there. Some of them are from strong church families and others are not, maybe they are all alone in the church. I can say, that I truley love them all! I think it is fantastic how this youth if in need for comfort and a "mother" come and ask or tell me things, as if I was their mother. I really feel they are my children, especially those without their parents and family in the church.

An other good thing to do is... if you are allowed to use the kitchen and if you have missionaries in the ward... ask them over for dinner! They bring with them such a good spirit!!!:)

[hordak]

She said that: "when it came to prophets and the word of God it is not a buffet line where you can pick and choose what to believe or not.

Not every statement made by a Church leader, past or present, necessarily constitutes doctrine.

We have to pick and chose. This is the reason for the Holy Ghost.

[hordak]

It sure makes it easier to belong to any religion and become lazy by picking what you want to believe in....no need to sacrifice....if you don't like something...then don't believe in it.....

.

Isn't that what everyone does to some extent? I've know members who won't use caffeine while others drink mountain dew like it's water. Some who believe keeping the sabbath day holy means no tv or only spiritual entertainment while many will watch the Superbowl next Sunday.

Based on the scriptures, Joseph Smith declared: “The fundamental principles of our religion are the testimony of the Apostles and Prophets, concerning Jesus Christ, that He died, was buried, and rose again the third day, and ascended into heaven; and all other things which pertain to our religion are only appendages to it.”

We all do it. We all determine what appendages we believe and interpret how to follow those appendages.

[jolee65]

This is how NOT alone you are we were told to stay close to the gospel for a reason, we are all tested and Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ know that, they warned us of the trials we were going to be facing and we were told how to help fight back and that is to read and stay close to the spirit.

[Moksha]

It sure makes it easier to belong to any religion and become lazy by picking what you want to believe in....no need to sacrifice....if you don't like something...then don't believe in it.....

Not to worry Pale, when the Tri-Pod's spaceship arrives they will commence the capping process immediately, so we can truly begin to sacrifice...

[Rico]

It sure makes it easier to belong to any religion and become lazy by picking what you want to believe in....no need to sacrifice....if you don't like something...then don't believe in it.....

No worries, by friend, they've got churches today that don't believe in anything but eat, drink and be merry. Those are easy churches to belong to.

It makes more sense to me now why a friend of mine would tell me...before they changed churches...they wanted to listen to the Minister and make sure his politics were in line with his thoughts....

Hahaha, kind of ridiculous I know, but I was like that. At the time, I figured I knew what was right and many ministers didn't so I didn't want to get stuck with one who was wrong.

[Islander]

We have to pick and chose. This is the reason for the Holy Ghost.

I am speaking about the doctrine, not a comment spoken by the prophet. I am referring to the "Thus saith the Lord..."

[bmy-]

I would work to establish some respectful boundaries. You should make it very clear to your brother and father that their bigotry and hatred of your faith and beliefs is not appreciated and is not welcome. They need to know that you will not sit there and listen to them attack the Church and the beliefs that are precious to you. You will walk away from any such conversation. You also need to be fully aware that standing and debating it with them will get you nowhere. You see, anti-Mormons compensate for their hate, bigotry and total lack of verifiable truth in odd ways. Here are a few of them:

1.) They will constantly talk louder than you so you can't get a word in edgewise.

2.) They will try to guilt you into abandoning your faith.

3.) They will argue and debate ENDLESSLY.

4.) They will throw a continual barrage of things that you can't possibly be ready for -- all of it calculated to put a thread of doubt in your mind. Obscure historical reference (they virtually always come from invalid or unverifiable sources, or are taken wildly out of context), "how other Christians are right where Mormons are wrong", polygamy, blacks and the priesthood, etc.

5.) They never fight fair. Virtually every method they use to disprove or discredit the LDS faith could just as easily be used to invalidate any other Christian faith out there.

6.) Anti-Mormon sources lie. They weave a very complex and tangled web of lies. They reference one another's lies to validate their own lies. At the end of the day, untangling it all is a waste of time and effort.

To sum up, all you can do is everything you can do to help yourself, and avoid letting them drag you into their Mormon-bashing garbage talk. It's possible that they'll realize the error of their ways as you persist in refusing to be part of that kind of conversation.

To the OP..

There are legitimate complaints against the Church. Equip yourself with knowledge and above all be respectful. Anti-mormon sources do lie.. just as often as Pro-mormon sources lie. Keep that in mind.

Let them do as they wish.. be an example.. and pray/hope for the best. All you can do is be there for them and to continue to strive for excellence.

Edited January 22, 2009 by bmy-

[Justice]

I just need some support. Some advice. Some...anything. I don't know what to ask. I can't even remember how to effectively pray. And I thought maybe someone could say something here.

I didn't read any of the replies, but I do have some advice for you.

The definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing and expect different results.

Your younger brother is headed down the same path as your older brother unless you make some changes. Sure, he's not your son, and it's not your house, but you can make a difference. Don't forget the examples of Ammon, Ruth, and Joseph Smith... all individuals who made a difference.

I would have a heart to heart with your mom and ask her if you can try to raise the spirituality in your home, and ask for her help where your brother is concerned.

After doing that, read the scriptures with your mom and brother every day. Make that commitment. Don't waver from it. Don't just *read* them, but study them. It would help if you studied what you are going to read before hand and pray and ask for answers, and ask specifically for what lessons your brother needs to hear from that scripture block. The answers will come to you, then you can share them with him.

After you've read for a couple weeks, then start praying. If you can read and pray together every day, or at least start on Sundays with the goal to increase it to every day, it WILL make a difference.

The catch here is you have to be willing to be the example. Your brother will know if you're doing it for him, or because it's the right thing to do. You can't just read and pray with him and expect it to make a difference. He has to SEE how reading and praying blesses your life and makes you happy. He will start coming to you for advice. As you pray and read, you will be able to help him.

It's a hard commitment, and it won't be easy, but I think you see that it's worth it.

Edited January 22, 2009 by Justice

[babaproducer]

I'm so sorry that you are struggling right now. Sometimes when it seems difficult to do all the right things to continue to build my faith, I can turn to a nice LDS Romantic Fiction book. I order them on Deseret Book online. There a lot of them available. Most of the stories are sweet and have an underlying faith-promotion portion of the story -- so as you read and enjoy the story, there is a quiet confirmation of the gospel as a sideline -- a peaceful, sweet sideline. Do you have a visiting teacher that is actually someone you would consider a friend? Have you talked to that person or your relief society president or your bishop? All may have some good advice. Is there a singles program in your area? go to the activities... get to be friends outside of church, but with people that live the gospel values. These are the things that help me. Best of luck to you.