Not really advice.

[RachelleDrew]

But I have new information about my marriage.

It is over. I have been pulled back and forth, lied to and manipulated. He has not made any effort to help me out with my son's finances. He lied to his branch president many, many times.

My husband admitted to me today that he has been sleeping with a girl we used to work with for several months now. This is a girl who has slept with well over 50 people, and has had several STD's. She brags about it constantly. I now have to go get tested on Monday, to make sure my husband hasn't given me freaking AIDS.

I started crying when he told me. He started laughing. I asked him how he could do this to me, and he said he didn't care. I asked him if he cared about his son's emotional welfare and he said no. Began laughing again. He was roaring with laughter.

I'm done. This is abuse. Period. I'm more aware than ever that he is mentally ill, but I simply cannot handle this. He has no desire to seek help for himself.

I cannot do this anymore. His parents are recommending divorce, saying that I can live with them and that they will help me financially in any way that they can. My branch president was speechless. All he could say was " i cannot recommend divorce to anyone. but good golly who could blame you?"

I'm done. I do not love this man. I want out, I want to move on. I am so angry right now.

Just thought you would like to know.

[Misshalfway]

A guy who would do this....and then laugh in your face is an absolute, total, BLEEP! BLEEP! BLEEP! Not to mention a big fat BLEEP!

I think he is doing you a favor. You are clearly better off without someone who acts like this!

But I know it hurts and I am so sorry. You just keep being strong and rising above. God will lead you by the hand to greener pastures.

Take care.

[RachelleDrew]

I'm not hurt. I no longer love him, so I don't desire any love from him.

I'm angry. He put me at risk, he put my son's emotional well-being at risk.

I would love to bash his head into a wall repeatedly.

[pam]

Such language Miss 1/2 but I totally agree with you.

[Misshalfway]

I know! I am such a potty mouth!

[Seanette]

I have no clue what to say that might possibly be even remotely useful. My husband and I have had our difficulties (our respective emotional hiccups don't help), but infidelity or outright cruelty have never been in the mix.

About all I can do is offer a virtual hug and put you on the Sacramento Temple prayer roll when I go tomorrow.

[RachelleDrew]

I would love that. Thank you so much.

I never expected this from him. He was such a wonderful person before. It's like someone has flipped a switch in his brain. There were literally no warning signs when we got married. I know that most people have some hindsight about things they should have seen. But there were none.

[Seanette]

I just wish there were something more I could do for you.

[Maureen]

Rachelle, I think you have made the correct and wise decision. This is an awful thing to go through but you definitely deserve a better life, and so does your son.

M.

[miztrniceguy]

i'm sorry to hear about this. definately need to get out. my heart goes out to you.

[foreverafter]

I'm really sorry to hear this. Heavenly Father will help you through this. The Adversary has completely gotten ahold of him, but your husband allowed it to happen & is accountable for what he is doing, no matter how mentally ill he has become from his sins.

You don't need to be concerned about inflicting punishment on him, even though right now he is getting away with things on the level of murder. Be assured that someday justice will be done & Heavenly Father will require your husband to suffer far greater than you would have the heart to make him for this. You're right, adultery & his indifference is major abuse on you & your son. One day he will be so sorry he did this to you & your son & wish he could do anything to reverse what he did, when he comes to himself & realizes reality.

[ztodd]

I pray that the Spirit will be with you in abundance at this time in your life. With the Lord's help you can overcome all things.

But you don't have to do it overnight, or even in a week or month. Just keep doing the right things and you'll know things will be alright.

[Moksha]

Anger is a waste. Time itself will heal your wounds. Spend your energy on enjoying the rest of your life. You have your son, support from family, friends, LDSNETers and most important the Love of God.

[Vort]

But I have new information about my marriage.

I'm sorry, Rachelle. You should not have to walk this path. It's not fair, but it is what it is, I guess. God be with you.

Things will get better. Not just better, but good.

[Misshalfway]

Anger is a waste. Time itself will heal your wounds. Spend your energy on enjoying the rest of your life. You have your son, support from family, friends, LDSNETers and most important the Love of God.

This perspective may not be popular in the LDS community, but I actually think that it is natural to be angry. I think it is part of the healing process and I think there are some benefits to being angry. Anger has important lessons for us to hear. Why else would God hotwire us with such a basic instinct?

I think I do agree that being angry to long is like cooking steak too long on the fire. The fire just isn't beneficial anymore. But I don't want anyone to feel like feeling anger (or passing through a season of anger) over trauma or betrayal is an unrighteous or unhealthy thing. I mean anger is sometimes needed to get us out of really bad situations. So, in that sense it can be ones ally (if managed properly, of course.).

And I don't think time heals all wounds either. I think we need time so other healing processes can take place. But time alone isn't all that magical. I think there are lots of disgruntled ex's out there that are still raging years after the divorce.

[FunkyTown]

Yeah. Anger is something that's okay to feel. I felt angry towards this selfish person and I only heard what happened.

It's okay to feel betrayed: You were. It's okay to feel angry.

Now, on to what will most likely happen.

You will leave him. You will divorce him. He will eventually come down off of this emotional high and will be mortified. When he realizes how much he lost, he will run back to you and beg for another chance. Then, he will most likely fall in to depression when you leave.

This next part will be hard, but you should hear it: When he falls in to depression, he will most likely threaten suicide. Manic Depressives do it all the time. He will talk about his son, how he failed you, he will cry, etc. He might even make an attempt on his own life.

Don't fall for the crocodile tears. Without medication, he will put you through this again and again. He will cycle through normality, manic, normality, depression. Each time, it will be just as hard.

For your sons sake, you have made the right decision. Do not let that man back in to your life no matter what: Make that decision ahead of time and it will be less difficult when he seems to 'have changed'. He will have changed. For however long it takes before he becomes manic or depressed.

[Vanilla]

(((HUGS))) to you Rachelle. You are in my prayers.

[pam]

And I don't think time heals all wounds either

I agree with this. I've never agreed with the saying "Time heals all wounds." Time may soften it a bit but it doesn't always heal them.

[Jenamarie]

I have no real useful advice for you. Just many many hugs and prayers for you and your son.

[NeuroTypical]

Just wanted to remind you of the advice my wife gave on your other thread. It's still very much valid.

[talisyn]

I am so sorry it turned out this way. I will keep you in my prayers as well, RachelleDrew.

IDK if this would help you, but those Billy Blanks kickboxing DVDs really helped me when my ex was having..umm..issues

[skalenfehl]

Wow, I've been away from this forum for a long time and the first post I come to today is this. Rachelle, my heart goes out to you. I already know that you are a strong woman. I pray that you can find peace soon. Here's a brotherly hug.

Best wishes.

[beefche]

I agree with Miss 1/2way that anger is a natural and healthy feeling. It's ok to feel anger.

I did want to point something out--and I don't know if I will be able to articulate it well. Your husband is mentally ill. What he is doing is wrong and despicable, but mentally ill people are sometimes not completely aware of their actions and consequences. I'm not saying this to excuse him--he is still responsible to act and take care of his mental illness. In fact, as an adult, he should be even more diligent in making sure he gets the proper care for his illness. When he is taking his meds and is well he knows the consequences of not taking care of himself.

I guess what I'm trying to say is there is a reason why a switch was turned in him. You aren't responsible for anything he has chosen and your judgment was not flawed in choosing him as your husband.

Take care, Rachelle. I'm sorry for the hurt you are feeling and the difficulties this means for you and your child. I'm glad to hear that your in-laws are so willing to help you. That means a lot for them to offer such assistance to you instead of "siding" with their son.

[jadams_4040]

But I have new information about my marriage.

It is over. I have been pulled back and forth, lied to and manipulated. He has not made any effort to help me out with my son's finances. He lied to his branch president many, many times.

My husband admitted to me today that he has been sleeping with a girl we used to work with for several months now. This is a girl who has slept with well over 50 people, and has had several STD's. She brags about it constantly. I now have to go get tested on Monday, to make sure my husband hasn't given me freaking AIDS.

I started crying when he told me. He started laughing. I asked him how he could do this to me, and he said he didn't care. I asked him if he cared about his son's emotional welfare and he said no. Began laughing again. He was roaring with laughter.

I'm done. This is abuse. Period. I'm more aware than ever that he is mentally ill, but I simply cannot handle this. He has no desire to seek help for himself.

I cannot do this anymore. His parents are recommending divorce, saying that I can live with them and that they will help me financially in any way that they can. My branch president was speechless. All he could say was " i cannot recommend divorce to anyone. but good golly who could blame you?"

I'm done. I do not love this man. I want out, I want to move on. I am so angry right now.

Just thought you would like to know.

Rachell although divorce is a horrible and one of the most hardest things we will ever have to go thru; get it over with, and stay away from this guy; the sooner the better off yu and yer son will be. When my divorce happened many years ago; i kept playing games trying to salvage something that was not possible, as soon as i finally got it thru my mind to let it go is when the healing process began; move on with your life, things will get better and better and better, and never ever as long as you live give up on this gospel, it is the only thing that will keep you sane and healthy.:)