I feel im being abused?

[beefche]

Ok, look. You feel humiliated. It was extremely embarrassing to you to have her do that in public. You are deeply hurt by these actions.

Now, step back and understand this. What you did humiliated her. She was extremely embarrassed by your actions in public. She is deeply hurt by these actions.

You want to be taken seriously by her? Then accept the consequences of your actions. You messed up. You did a stupid thing. Accept that she is hurt, embarrassed and reacted badly. Apologize and show her that you can be responsible and mature. You have time to earn her trust to allow you to take driver's ed.

[Dravin]

The first half of your post is familiar... Here it is: http://www.lds.net/forums/general-discussion/47389-i-feel-im-being-abused.html#post681049

IT WAS ONLY MCDONALDS NO PLACE FANCY AND IT WAS KETCHUP. her telling everyone im a baby and stuff was foul and abunch of lies. like i said she took away my x box and games and I pod. she wont let me take drivers ed in school saying im to immature to drive.

Even if it's a McDonald's and not a fancy place and it was ketchup that doesn't make it mature behavior. You attempting to justify your behavior is just going to make you look increasingly immature to the people of this board. It compounds the original mistake/immaturity to refuse to recognize it for what it is.

on the car ride home she is screaming and me and my brother. telling us we made her look bad as a parent that we behaved like a bunch of toddlers.

Well playing with one's ketchup is rather stereotypical toddler behavior. I can't justify the yelling but the description is accurate by all accounts. And yes, having a 15 and 13 year old get into a ketchup fight is going to make her look bad because a 15 and 13 year old should be more mature than to get into ketchup fights at McDonald's. This might leave an observer questioning her parenting skills, the assumption being a properly parented 15 and 13 year old don't engage in such behavior. Now most people realize children misbehave despite good parenting but that won't prevent her from feeling how she did.

I won't justify her yelling or calling you names but realize you and your brothers behavior very likely humiliated her and thus why she reacted so strongly. Just like how you felt humiliated and so you're now yelling at people on here. If it's abuse call CPS, you don't need anyone's permission here, if it's not actionable they'll tell you or just not follow up on it. Realize though that even if your mother had beat you with a lead pipe in response to your behavior nobody here is going to agree that your behavior was anything other than immature in the restaurant.

Here is the score:

You: You acted immaturely and shouldn't have had a ketchup fight at McDonalds and should recognize this.

Your Bother: He acted immaturely and shouldn't have had a ketchup fight at McDonalds and he should recognize this.

Her: She shouldn't have called you and your brother names and yelled at you in public and she should recognize this.

Edited July 6, 2012 by Dravin

[Just_A_Guy]

Can i turn her into CPS for abuse saying those things to me? isnt it slander or something saying lies about someone. saying i need pampers and making me look bad in public. just to scare her and For the record he started it my brother not me. its not fair now she is not going to let me take drivers ed in school. she told me that im to imature to drive that babies dont get to do grown up things. she saying all these mean things to me. I have a right to drive? cant they make her a better mom or something. this suxs so bad wut she did to me.

OK, dogemily, here's the deal:

If your home situation is so truly abusive that you're scared spitless of your parents and you think you need to get out, then by all means, make your report. But if this is just a typical teenaged power play, let me warn you that a) you have no freakin' idea what results could come of the action you propose, and b) I personally believe that one of the deepest circles of hell is reserved for those who make false reports of criminal activity against others. If you want to get your parents' attention, try spending a day serving them and then, at the end of the day, respectfully request that all of you do some family counseling.

CPS is not an organization that exists for combative teenagers to try to force their parents to be nice to them. CPS puts people in jail and removes children from homes. And those children don't usually go to ideal situations. And as someone who deals with both victims and perpetrators of real, honest-to-gosh abuse victims almost daily, I strongly resent it when someone drops the "a" bomb just to try to get the upper hand in a disagreement.

Edited July 6, 2012 by Just_A_Guy

[slamjet]

Something about the OP doesn't seem right.

[Wingnut]

When I was in sixth grade, my mom suggested I invite a friend over to hang out (I didn't really have any friends, so that was exciting). Then she tasked me with some chores, and wouldn't allow me to play with my friend until they were done, which was mortifying. My friend ended up reading books to my sister for 45 minutes of the two hour she was at my house. Fortunately for me, she didn't tell anyone (that I know of). I thought my mom was being unfair and lame, and maybe she was to an extent, but I also could have moved a lot faster in completing my chores.

In my house we were not allowed to slam doors. As a 13- or 14-year-old, frustrated with my mom one day, I slammed my bedroom door after entering it. I had been pushing the door-slamming lines quite a bit in recent days and weeks, and my mom had told me that if I did it again, I would lose my door. Sure enough, when my dad got home from work that night, she had him take my door off its hinges. If I couldn't respect the door, I couldn't have it. I was doorless for about a week.

I don't remember how old I was when this one happened -- tween years, though. I also don't remember how it started, but it had something to do with chronic disrespect for house rules. Eventually my mom kicked me out of the house...into a tent in the backyard. I was allowed inside to shower and eat with the family. But I slept outside and I did my homework outside. (I think this consequence was a result of my mom holding a grudge that I didn't apologize for something I didn't actually feel sorry for, but I don't remember completely.) After a month -- yes, a month -- I left one night while she and my dad were at a church function. They were supposed to be home at a certain time, so I figured I'd go back home before then. My siblings were with a babysitter, and I was locked out of the house, but in a fenced backyard. After they left, I let myself out of the yard, and walked 10 minutes to my best friend's house. Her dad let me in, and I told them the whole story. Around 9:30, my friend's mom walked in the door, and was really confused as to why I was there. She said my parents had left the activity over an hour earlier to go home. She immediately called my parents to tell them where I was, then drove me home. There were several police cars at my house when I got there...they'd reported me as missing. The rest is a blur -- I was allowed back in the house, and the incident was never spoken of again. I shamed my mother, and she may well have been investigated by CPS, though I don't know. At the time, I felt satisfied with myself -- "I sure showed her." I thought I'd won. As a mother now myself, I can't imagine the anguish I put her through that evening and in subsequent weeks. I can't fathom the guilt.

It was inappropriate for your mother to say what she did to you in public. If she was frustrated or upset, I can understand the saying of immature things -- I say them more often than I'd like to admit. But context and setting are important. She shamed you publicly. Chances are, your friends will write it off as an uncool mom, not an uncool you. Before you do anything stupid, consider that CPS is required to investigate every complaint that comes their way. Looking into your mother because you're made and being petty takes them away from helping others who have far greater crises than a need to put on their big girl panties. Consider also that if your mom is investigated by CPS, that's something goes on her record permanently.

You're a teenager, and it's hard for you to think about how things affect anyone besides you -- that's totally normal. But try.

[FunkyTown]

So... Just so I can confirm.

You got in to a ketchup fight. At McDonald's.

You ruined some poor womans clothing.

And your step-mom called you immature.

Is that about the size of it? And did she ask you to stop before this? Or was she totally silent until you ruined that womans blouse?

Because as far as I can see, your step-mom took you out to a restaurant as a treat, you publicly humiliated your step-mom, ignored her when she tried to stop you and your brother, ruined a ladies blouse and got in to a KETCHUP FIGHT at McDonald's.

And your argument is... What, exactly? You were being immature. Your step-mom was right. You disrespected her, disrespected the people around you and acted as immature as you possibly could. And now that you're suffering the consequences for what you and your brother have done, you're upset.

Your step-mom isn't perfect. She may have lost her temper, but make no mistake that you are the one at fault here. You and your brother. Not your brother more than you. You and your brother.

[pam]

Driving is NEVER a right. It's a privilege. Like they told my kids when they first got their license. Until you are 18 your mom can have it revoked at any time for any reason. Even for something as trivial as not making your bed.

To be honest, I may have reacted the same way as your mom if my 13 and 15 year old had acted so immaturely throwing ketchup at each other in a public place. Talk about embarrassment. You'll need to grow up quite a bit before I'd consider letting you get into a car that basically can be a lethal weapon if not driven by someone with a bit of maturity.

[Sicily510]

Dogemily,

for what it's worth you are a daughter of Heavenly Father and should consider all the things that you are taught in church. It's hard going through growing up yet still feeling like that little girl, it's coming to a point in your life where you will need to start taking accountability.

A little something that girls your age should be building spiritually :

We are daughters of our Heavenly Father, who loves us, and we love Him. We will ‘stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places’ (Mosiah 18:9) as we strive to live the Young Women values, which are:

Faith

Divine Nature

Individual Worth

Knowledge

Choice and Accountability

Good Works

Integrity and

Virtue.

“We believe as we come to accept and act upon these values, we will be prepared to strengthen home and family, make and keep sacred covenants, receive the ordinances of the temple, and enjoy the blessings of exaltation.”

Mia Maids, Ages 14–15

A young woman becomes a member of the Mia Maid class when she reaches age 14.

The term Mia refers to the Mutual Improvement Association (MIA), which was once the name of the youth program in the Church. The word Maid means young woman. The Mutual Improvement Association adopted the rose as an emblem of their organization, and that emblem continues with Mia Maids today as a symbol of love, faith, and purity.

As a member of a Mia Maid class today, a young woman strengthens her testimony of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, accepts and acts upon the Young Women values, and learns about love, faith, and purity.

So it's up to you to strengthen yourself spiritually through your trials and testify of Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ compassion, you must be able to accept and act upon the young women values, and learn about love, faith and purity. These are essential virtues that can only instill our heavenly fathers love to help you become confident in all that you do and say. You have every right to feel hurt to feel bad to feel sorrow, these are all characteristics of humility. As long as you are able to change these feelings into a positive outlook by changing for the better will you be able to understand accountability. The incident in Mcdonalds shouldn't bring you down but teach you that things could have been conducted differently. I know you are more than able to do the right thing and hope that you will consider all these counsel as a positive reconstructive way of helping you feel motivated to do good. Remember CTR choose the right and you will start to feel the difference. Keep us posted and cheers :)

[FunkyTown]

Dogemily,

for what it's worth you are a daughter of Heavenly Father and should consider all the things that you are taught in church. It's hard going through growing up yet still feeling like that little girl, it's coming to a point in your life where you will need to start taking accountability.

A little something that girls your age should be building spiritually :

*points sheepishly at Dogemily's profile*

Sicily: Dogemily's a dude. I'm not saying that doesn't make him a daughter of Heavenly Father, but pointing out that girls his age should be building spiritually probably isn't the way to go.

[Sicily510]

I apologize Dogemily,

Well still you are a son of Heavenly Fathers and are sooner or later going to have to be accountable for your behaviors and actions. :)

And your going to inherit a very spiritual holy calling as a priesthood holder in the future so reconsider the way you act for the better. I apologize for assuming you were a girl.

[charityneverfaileth]

The consequences of calling CPS are Greater than you WANT..My husband works in the system and MANY CPS workers take ALL the kids away from BOTH parents first and asks questions later. Even if it is not really warranted. In some states it could be YEARS before that can be fixed.

Even if it did not matter to you about your father's girlfriend...do you want to do that to your DAD?!! Do you want to do that to your siblings????? The kids will also be separated from eachother into separatre foster homes ....THINK...

CPS is not a puishment for "parental" mistakes. It is a safety for people who are ACTUALLY being abused.

[pooter1]

I work with CPS and you my friend have it easy in your life.You have no idea what abuse is. You talk about YOU being embarrassed? What about your mom? There is no way I would let you behind the wheel of a car after acting so in public.You need to tell your mother your sorry and write a note to McDonalds and tell them your sorry. How embarrassed your mother must have been to go up to the lady who's shirt YOU destroyed and give her money for the damage a 15 year old and 13 year old did.If that would've been me,I would have gotten a lot worse then name calling.I wouldn't have been able to sit down for a week! Be thankful you just got name calling from your mother. We all mess up in our lives and thank goodness for the repentance process.Live and learn.

[Dravin]

CPS is not a puishment for "parental" mistakes. It is a safety for people who are ACTUALLY being abused.

Thank you, that was part of what I was trying to get at with my questions about feeling it's an unsafe environment physically or emotionally. If it's not abuse but simply a way to 'get even' then it's akin to calling the cops because your brother played 'Slug Bug'.

Edited July 6, 2012 by Dravin

[Guest]

My two cents:

Calling you a baby in public while humiliating your stepmom in public? It was the wrong reaction to bad behavior and by itself it is a single instance of verbal abuse, commonly called a mistake. But that's not what people talk about when they say "abuse" that needs to be addressed by the CPS.

Verbal abuse is saying something bad over and over with the intent to break somebody's self-esteem down - regardless of whether it is in public or in private. Have you seen the movie Tangled? What the stepmom was doing when she pats Rapunzel's head like a pet is abuse. Not because of the patting but because of what it symbolizes - with her always telling Rapunzel she's not good enough to leave the castle walls making Rapunzel scared of leaving. Do you understand what I'm saying?

So, I look at this incident and my take on it is that your stepmom is not verbally abusive. She simply made a mistake after you humiliated and disrespected her in public. Contrary to teen-ager's opinions, adults are not perfect and one thing that can get me to lose my cool is for me to be humiliated by my kids in public. My boys are 10 and 8 - getting in a ketchup fight even without getting it on someone's blouse at McDonald's - would cause me to wish the floor would open up and swallow me. What do you think that lady with the blouse was thinking? That I have 2 undisciplined monkeys for kids? Nope. That lady, along with everybody who saw your behavior, would blame the parents for not teaching their kids proper behavior. Yep. They would look at 2 boys fighting at McDonald's and call ME a bad mom for it. For a mother trying her best to raise 2 boys, that is a very humiliating experience. So, I can completely understand how your stepmom lost it. Your stepmom calling you a baby that belongs in a crib in public is the least of your humiliation - your humiliation is that, everybody who saw you acting out at McDonald's are thinking, those 2 boys are babies that belong in a crib. Yes, your mom didn't need to point it out - they're already thinking it.

And about that driver's license... our house rule is - My kids will be taught how to drive for emergency purposes. But I will not agree to them having a driver's license until they can buy their own car. Driving a car is a big responsibility. You can easily kill somebody with it. That privilege will not just be given to them. They will have to earn it.

[applepansy]

Reading this thread has left me struggling for words.

Dogemily, you were in the wrong. If I had thrown ketchup at my brother in a public restaurant being called names would have been the least of my worries. And growing up I wasn't abused, I was disciplined.

At 15, I was often responsible for tending four younger siblings. At 15 acting like a 1yo is not acceptable. Your step-mom/dad's girlfriend got upset. Are you just now realizing at your age that adults are people too and sometimes get angry? I would have been angry at your behavior too. I probably would have been yelling and I would have likely embarrassed you in public. Driving? That's a privilege reserved for people mature enough to drive, throwing food in public in not a sign of maturity.

I'd also having you work your little behind off to earn the money which had to be paid to replace the lady's blouse.

As for calling CPS, if you want to hurt those you love go for it. You'll hurt your Dad and you'll be hurting your younger brother and any other siblings you have. And all because you decided to be immature and then continued to be immature. You are 15... act 15.

This is just sad.

[Guest]

Here's my response from that other thread in case you missed it:

My two cents:

Calling you a baby in public while humiliating your stepmom in public? It was the wrong reaction to bad behavior and by itself it is a single instance of verbal abuse, commonly called a mistake. But that's not what people talk about when they say "abuse" that needs to be addressed by the CPS.

Verbal abuse is saying something bad over and over with the intent to break somebody's self-esteem down - regardless of whether it is in public or in private. Have you seen the movie Tangled? What the stepmom was doing when she pats Rapunzel's head like a pet is abuse. Not because of the patting but because of what it symbolizes - with her always telling Rapunzel she's not good enough to leave the castle walls making Rapunzel scared of leaving. Do you understand what I'm saying?

So, I look at this incident and my take on it is that your stepmom is not verbally abusive. She simply made a mistake after you humiliated and disrespected her in public. Contrary to teen-ager's opinions, adults are not perfect and one thing that can get me to lose my cool is for me to be humiliated by my kids in public. My boys are 10 and 8 - getting in a ketchup fight even without getting it on someone's blouse at McDonald's - would cause me to wish the floor would open up and swallow me. What do you think that lady with the blouse was thinking? That I have 2 undisciplined monkeys for kids? Nope. That lady, along with everybody who saw your behavior, would blame the parents for not teaching their kids proper behavior. Yep. They would look at 2 boys fighting at McDonald's and call ME a bad mom for it. For a mother trying her best to raise 2 boys, that is a very humiliating experience. So, I can completely understand how your stepmom lost it. Your stepmom calling you a baby that belongs in a crib in public is the least of your humiliation - your humiliation is that, everybody who saw you acting out at McDonald's are thinking, those 2 boys are babies that belong in a crib. Yes, your mom didn't need to point it out - they're already thinking it.

And about that driver's license... our house rule is - My kids will be taught how to drive for emergency purposes. But I will not agree to them having a driver's license until they can buy their own car. Driving a car is a big responsibility. You can easily kill somebody with it. That privilege will not just be given to them. They will have to earn it.

And just so you know, Just-A-Guy is a lawyer. He knows what he's talking about when it comes to CPS. So pay very close attention to the bolded part of his post below:

OK, dogemily, here's the deal:

If your home situation is so truly abusive that you're scared spitless of your parents and you think you need to get out, then by all means, make your report. But if this is just a typical teenaged power play, let me warn you that a) you have no freakin' idea what results could come of the action you propose, and b) I personally believe that one of the deepest circles of hell is reserved for those who make false reports of criminal activity against others. If you want to get your parents' attention, try spending a day serving them and then, at the end of the day, respectfully request that all of you do some family counseling.

CPS is not an organization that exists for combative teenagers to try to force their parents to be nice to them. CPS puts people in jail and removes children from homes. And those children don't usually go to ideal situations. And as someone who deals with both victims and perpetrators of real, honest-to-gosh abuse victims almost daily, I strongly resent it when someone drops the "a" bomb just to try to get the upper hand in a disagreement.

The "a" bomb - it's like the Boy Crying Wolf, except he cries "Abuse" instead.

[applepansy]

dogemily.

Two threads about the same thing? Do you think you're going to get different answers?

I'm seriously beginning to hope this is a joke.

[Backroads]

I actually don't believe this OP. I can't comprehend a teenager being that ridiculous.

Yes, it was wrong of your mother to call you names.

But I believe, all social niceities aside, you deserved it.

There is no law anywhere saying you have a right to drive. If your friends think you are a baby for not driving, get new friends. Apologize to your mother and have a MATURE ADULT TALK with her about how you felt.

And after that, try volunteering the community and maybe you'll get an opportunity to witness true suffering, abuse, and hardship. Maybe you won't feel quite so bad over your "I acted like an infant at McDonald's and my mom got mad at me and now my world is coming to an end."

No wonder you're not allowed to drive.

[Backroads]

Also, it might be prudent if you and your brother offer to pay back your mother the 45$. It wasn't her that ruined a stranger's clothing.

[Guest]

I keep reading the title of this thread with a Russian accent.

"In Soviet Russia, the ketchup has fight with YOU!"

[Bini]

Both posts by OP possibly are fishy.

[Iggy]

Both posts by OP possibly are fishy.

I agree- smells like a troll to me.

I am absolutely amazed that mods and members alike have fed into these two posts.

When I read the OP to my husband, he said: Pampers? Is that all she has said she would do, I would not only put him in pampers, he would get a bottle, and be placed in a crib large enough that he COULD NOT GET OUT OF!

Why the mother allowed the two kids to escalate to condiment throwing is beyond me. The manager of the McD's should have thrown the three of them out also.

Meh- the spelling and text language equates to under 14 year old to me. OR an adult trying to come across like a 15 year old. Troll, non-the-less.

By The Way, I thought that new members had to post in existing threads a minimum of 10 posts BEFORE they could start their own thread. Whats with that? Glitch in the system, or what?

[pam]

I've merged the two threads.

[pam]

By The Way, I thought that new members had to post in existing threads a minimum of 10 posts BEFORE they could start their own thread. Whats with that? Glitch in the system, or what?

There never was a requirement that they had to make 10 posts before starting their own thread. It was 5. I took the requirement away when I found myself having to answer at a minimum of 5 pm's or emails a day explaining why they couldn't start even an intro thread. It put such an additional burden on me that really wasn't solving anything. It was a test to see if it would help the spam. It didn't as they would spam threads already in existence.

[NeuroTypical]

My wife works with troubled teenagers. She knows kids who were sold into the sex trade at age 14 by their parents. And a kid who was molested by her older brother, and when she told her parents, the parents said she was crazy, and needed to keep quiet or she'd destroy their happy family.

That's what abuse looks like, dogemily. I'm sorry your mom didn't respond well to your dumb fight that disturbed other people and got catsup on them. But really, compared with what real abuse looks like, you should consider thanking your mom for caring enough about you to try to bring down the heat on your immature behavior. Some mommies try to teach lessons like that by burning permanent marks into their kids' skin with a cigarette.