Willful misinterpretation

[Vort]

A few questions for consideration and discussion:

How do you respond when someone willfully misinterprets what you say or write, imputing to you ideas and positions that you never claimed? Do you gently correct them? Call them a liar? Ignore them? Does your response change if you correct their misperception and they ignore you and continue to misinterpret you?

At what point are people responsible for their misinterpretations? If you said or wrote something they misinterpreted, the problem might lie with your speaking or writing, not with their understanding. But if you have taken pains to express yourself clearly and they continue to misinterpret, at some point are you justified in concluding that they are either (a) dishonest or (b) thick as a brick?

[Bini]

Vort, I don't know if you're referring to a certain thread but I do appreciate the thoughts and wisdom you share in the forum, even if delicacy in words isn't your first approach. In regards to your questions.. It can be really difficult to get a feel of where someone is coming from through a computer screen and going off of nothing more but text. You can't tell how sincere or genuine they really are. I've been frustrated before by posters not understanding where I'm coming from in the middle of a forum debate.. After one last attempt to clarify my point, I usually just conclude that they're thick as a brick Misinterpretation is just part of the interweb experience in my opinion.

[Vort]

General question. Anyone who has posted to discussion boards for any length of time has encountered this situation. Just wondering what everyone else's thoughts on the subject are.

And whaddya mean, delicacy in words isn't my first approach?! Actually, believe it or not, I do try to be delicate, or at least not overly blunt, when starting out. But I strive for accuracy of expression above all else, figuring that if I'm going to be crucified by some random internet person, I would rather be crucified for what I actually said than for what I didn't say. Which makes people's willful misunderstanding all the more frustrating.

If they're liars, of course, then it doesn't matter. But I don't want to dismiss everyone who seems intent on not understanding me as a liar or a crank. Maybe that would be better, though.

[Dravin]

A few questions for consideration and discussion:

How do you respond when someone willfully misinterprets what you say or write, imputing to you ideas and positions that you never claimed? Do you gently correct them? Call them a liar? Ignore them? Does your response change if you correct their misperception and they ignore you and continue to misinterpret you?

If I think it's willful then I do my best to just walk away. If someone is going to willfully misinterpret what you say then there isn't much point in correction or further discourse. The crux of course is knowing it's willful misinterpretation and not genuine miscommunication.

[Leah]

A few questions for consideration and discussion:

How do you respond when someone willfully misinterprets what you say or write, imputing to you ideas and positions that you never claimed? Do you gently correct them? Call them a liar? Ignore them? Does your response change if you correct their misperception and they ignore you and continue to misinterpret you?

At what point are people responsible for their misinterpretations? If you said or wrote something they misinterpreted, the problem might lie with your speaking or writing, not with their understanding. But if you have taken pains to express yourself clearly and they continue to misinterpret, at some point are you justified in concluding that they are either (a) dishonest or (b) thick as a brick?

That's kind of a tough one.

I think genunine misunderstanding is pretty simply and easily identified. And I think both parties are able to acknowledge the misunderstanding.

Willful misinterpretation is frustrating. My personal opinion is that it, too, is usually easily identified. Perhaps I am a cynic, but I think when this happens, it is more often dishonesty, than a lack of intelligence.

I don't think I will ever understand those who think they know better what someone else is saying than that person knows themself! For me,,,they are my words, I said them, I am the one who knows what I meant to say! If someone repeatedly insists that I am saying something I am not...it is hard to feel respect for them.

[Suzie]

Well, it depends. Is it one person misinterpreting or is it something that happens often and with different people? If it's often, then I would analyze what I'm doing that may be causing people to do that. If it's just one person, it depends on my mood and whether the topic is that important to me.

[Wingnut]

I don't think anyone can determine whether or not it's willful misinterpretation except the person misinterpreting. That being, I think all you can do is either accept it and agree to disagree, or try to help them better understand your intent. Calling someone a liar is offensive and incendiary.

[annewandering]

Sometimes they may believe you are wrong. No matter how you restate it they still do not agree. I was reading an article about this not long ago. One big point they made was that sometimes we think that if we just explain it right, or they arent stupid, that they will agree with us. It just isnt so. They may actually think you are just wrong. In fact they may actually think you are being obtuse or you would see that they are right. If they could just explain it to you right, it would be so clear and then you would see and agree.

^^

[skalenfehl]

Contention is of the devil. I don't spend much time with anyone who willfully is combative for its own sake. It's not difficult to discern this type of person with someone who genuinely seeks to understand. Everyone else just wants to be heard. We all do. We may not always agree but as long as we can understand each other, then we can walk away edified.

[Anddenex]

A few questions for consideration and discussion:

How do you respond when someone willfully misinterprets what you say or write, imputing to you ideas and positions that you never claimed? Do you gently correct them? Call them a liar? Ignore them? Does your response change if you correct their misperception and they ignore you and continue to misinterpret you?

At what point are people responsible for their misinterpretations? If you said or wrote something they misinterpreted, the problem might lie with your speaking or writing, not with their understanding. But if you have taken pains to express yourself clearly and they continue to misinterpret, at some point are you justified in concluding that they are either (a) dishonest or (b) thick as a brick?

Very interesting question which reminds me of a dialogue the two of us had in a previous post.

At what point did I think you were dishonest or thick headed? Never dishonest. Never thick headed, definitely strong minded.

At what point did I think it was my inability to write eloquently enough to explain my view properly? The whole way through.

My personal opinion, a person becomes dishonest or thick headed when they begin to use ad-hominems to prove their point, either attacking the character of the person they are speaking with, or attacking the character of an entity a person is involved with.

For example, when you are trying to explain to an anti-Mormon the difference between cannon scripture and a prophets opinion and they ultimately end up saying, "You're a Mormon, like you would ever tell the truth." Or, "The truth, from a Mormon, that's laughable."

This type of person is both dishonest and thick headed.

Cheers Vort! :)

[Vort]

Sometimes they may believe you are wrong. No matter how you restate it they still do not agree. I was reading an article about this not long ago. One big point they made was that sometimes we think that if we just explain it right, or they arent stupid, that they will agree with us. It just isnt so. They may actually think you are just wrong. In fact they may actually think you are being obtuse or you would see that they are right. If they could just explain it to you right, it would be so clear and then you would see and agree.

^^

This is true, and may be something we have all fallen prey to at some time. But I'm not talking about when someone thinks he's right, and if could just find the right words to explain things, surely you would agree with him. Rather, I'm talking about when someone openly and continually misrepresents your own words or ideas, and your attempts to correct his misapprehensions fall flat. You don't necessarily care that he agree with you; you just want him not to misrepresent your position.

[Guest]

I don't see the point in willfully or knowingly misinterpretting someone's words. I just don't see a reason for it on an internet forum - it sure isn't going to win arguments. Okay, maybe I can see it if someone is just mad at you and is trying to get you riled up they might put words in your mouth or twist what you say just to get you mad. But, that's an idiotic way to get somebody riled up because it's an internet forum. One doesn't have to log on for the next 6 months to avoid getting riled up. So, instead, this would just get you riled up waiting and waiting every minute of every day for the riled up response to what-you-thought-was-oh-so-clever post.

So, when I've explained myself twenty million times and it's just not getting through, I always try to find alternate meanings/usage to the word/phrase/expression I use to see if maybe they read it differently than what I intended for it to mean.

I don't mind disagreement. It's quite normal with a jillion unique individuals having their own unique experiences and knowledge. What bothers me is a disagreement (or even an agreement for that matter) when one hasn't understood what I was trying to say. Because, how can one disagree or agree with something they didn't understand? So, the first objective is to start with a common understanding - then we can either agree or disagree on that point.

I've had this happen a lot - I remember I was so frustrated with Dravin once (now, the guy is super smart, so he can't possibly be thick as a brick). English is my 3rd language so I read and re-read everything I posted to see how Dravin could have mis-interpreted what I wrote. I don't see it. So, I can't fix it. So, my conclusion... the topic is too muddled to get a common understanding so I leave it at that.

[prisonchaplain]

The only time I intentionally misinterpret someone's post is when doing so brings humorous results. However, I know that one of my character flaws is that my humor is often quite dry. Therefore, I usually try to make it obvious that I am purposely twisting a post's meaning.

Example:

PC, are you really a prison chaplin?

My answer: Well no--my uncle Charlie was never in prison. I am a chaplain, who works in a prison, though.

[applepansy]

I agree with Wingnut and Skalen,

If someone wants to deliberately misrepresent what I'm saying I walk away. Its not worth destroying my equilibrium over.

[Backroads]

I actually have a problem of willfully misinterpreting statements. It's what I do when I get moody--I pick fights and sometimes to get the fight going I have to willfull misinterpet stuff. I'm trying to work on.

I have a husband and several friends and family members who calmly inform me I am entering "Crazy Town". That usually gets me to rethink what I'm accusing. Once I have shut up, they usually try to distract me (so I won't get back on the topic) and calmly explain why I'm wrong.

It usually works, though the big trick is getting me to calm down or I will continue to willfull misinterpet.

[ZionsRodeVos]

I probably wouldn't realize the person was willfully misinterpreting what I said or wrote and would think they misunderstood me and try to repeat it a different way. I may try restating things one to three times before realizing there is no way for me to clarify what I meant. I always try to be kind and gentle as I restate what I meant and strive to not make it sound like I am correcting someone.

I would not call them a liar. I have done and would ignore someone after trying to help them understand what I was trying to communicate. My reason for ignoring someone would be to avoid an argument which I don't like and the way I see it if only one person is talking(writing) then there is no argument. Everyone on the forum will be able to see my attempts and unless I am really not able to communicate will be able to tell what is going on.

Too me, it doesn't matter if I know a person is intentionally misinterpreting me or not. When something is stated clearly and purposely misunderstood or misinterpreted then the person purposely doing it is responsible.

In cases such as these I sometimes figure that someone simply read what I wrote too fast or skimmed or something and missed a crucial part of what I meant.

[rameumptom]

I will usually just quietly research who the person is, find out where he/she/they lives, empty their bank account, destroy their credit, cancel their utilities, put a lien on their home and assets, and hook up their daughters with a notorious motorcycle gang.

Other than that, I just ignore them and continue on my way.

[NeuroTypical]

How do you respond when someone willfully misinterprets what you say or write, imputing to you ideas and positions that you never claimed?

Well, first of all, I ask myself exactly how I came to the conclusion they are doing something wrong on purpose. Humans posess so many ways to just screw stuff up on accident, why jump straight to the conclusion they're doing something on purpose?

Commandments to have charity, mean I must at least allow for the possibility.

Scriptures about how everyone has the spirit of Christ in them, lead me to conclude that much or even most of the time, someone is doing what they think is right.

Commandments to judge righteous judgement only, prevent me from assuming I know someone's motivations, belief window, past baggage, understandings and misunderstandings, cultural leanings, and all the other stuff that get in the way when one human tries to get a point across to another human.

At what point are people responsible for their misinterpretations? If you said or wrote something they misinterpreted, the problem might lie with your speaking or writing, not with their understanding. But if you have taken pains to express yourself clearly and they continue to misinterpret, at some point are you justified in concluding that they are either (a) dishonest or (b) thick as a brick?

Life got a lot easier for me once I realized two things:

1. I may be invested in getting my point across, but them recieving and accepting the point isn't within my stewardship. Them being wrong isn't my problem.

2. Even though neither of us will ever budge a single dang inch in our beliefs, people witnessing the exchange may indeed form or change opinions. In other words, I'm not just arguing with some idiot, I'm arguing my point in a big room of undecided or swayable people. Keeping that audience in mind, it's much easier to be polite, civil, charitable, nonjudgemental, and all those other good words.

Edited July 19, 2012 by Loudmouth_Mormon

[norah63]

It depends on the topic sometimes. If I say liberal, I know what I mean, and someone else may not.

So they may not present me in a favorable way.

If I say I am a christian and someone else says no, is that delebrate misinterpatation?

And what else can you do but ognore that.

[norah63]

Wish my spelling was better. Maybe that is how the problem starts?

[Just_A_Guy]

Being a moderator,

A certain amount of restraint and patience is often

Necessary in dealing with difficult personalities.

[unixknight]

For me, the answer is that at some point it doesn't matter whether it's willful or not. If a person either is unable or unwilling to respond to your posts as written, then in no case will make any progress by continuing to try to make them. At some point you just have to accept that your blood pressure is more important than getting this person to see your point.

As to when, exactly, that point is reached... I suppose it's on a case by case basis, but for me usually I'll attempt to rephrase what I said once, maybe twice. It's certainly possible that I didn't phrase myself well. After that, if they still seem to be resisting my actual point, then it's time to walk away.

[annewandering]

Maybe its YOU that is resisting their point. :)

[unixknight]

Maybe its YOU that is resisting their point. :)

Could be, and when I was first on Internet forums and arguing with people, I was probably as bad as anyone about being so consumed with getting my own point across that I failed to value the other person's. So I like to think I've learned to be more careful about that, and take the time to truly understand what they're saying, if for no other reason than it's embarrassing to be caught talking out of one's backside when trying to wrestle for the moral high ground.

The problem is that while it led to a shift in my approach, it didn't mean others were shifting theirs, so now I'm picky about who I'll argue with. If it turns into a friendly, dynamic debate then I'm all in. I've had the pleasure of participating in a few with some Protestant brethren in recent weeks :)

[Hala401]

A few questions for consideration and discussion:

How do you respond when someone willfully misinterprets what you say or write, imputing to you ideas and positions that you never claimed? Do you gently correct them? Call them a liar? Ignore them? Does your response change if you correct their misperception and they ignore you and continue to misinterpret you?

At what point are people responsible for their misinterpretations? If you said or wrote something they misinterpreted, the problem might lie with your speaking or writing, not with their understanding. But if you have taken pains to express yourself clearly and they continue to misinterpret, at some point are you justified in concluding that they are either (a) dishonest or (b) thick as a brick?

I like discussing belief systems, and used to greatly enjoy the discussions in islam.about.com because non-muslims have some truly wacky beliefs about what Muslims believe.

The same is true for me when discussing Mormonisim, because there are people out there who also have wacky ideas about the LDS. Though, for some reason, anti LDS folk seem to sometimes be more harsh than anti Muslim folk, some have even sworn at me.

I still think that a similar phenomena is at play in both instances. And I sometimes think that some of our detractors are just frustrated folk looking for something in which to aim their ire.

In my opinion, and you are welcome to correct me, some of the nasty things they say about our church, may have been true 50 or 100 years ago. What I like about the LDS church is it is a living, growing church and it is capable of change.

A woman who is 85 once told me in Relief Society that one time, you had to obey your husband what ever he said, and not even the Bishop would help. In my ward, I know that to not be true today.

It is a good day when I can have a fruitful and healing conversation with a non Mormon.