beefche Posted December 2, 2013 Report Share Posted December 2, 2013 Not true. Any one of those list... or any other reason at all... will not cause me to release myself from my marital promise - in sickness and in health, and all that jazz... I take it literally. I am dedicated to doing everything in my power to bring both of us to becoming One with God. Yes, it might require that I remove myself and my children from my husband's presence, but that doesn't mean I remove myself from my promise. And that's really why I married my husband. Because he's the guy that I can make that promise to.What's not true? That you don't have such a list for divorce? Good, since Wingy wasn't talking about you. This is her list. What you have deemed appropriate for your marriage doesn't mean everyone thinks it is appropriate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest kaybm Posted December 2, 2013 Report Share Posted December 2, 2013 What's not true? That you don't have such a list for divorce? Good, since Wingy wasn't talking about you. This is her list. What you have deemed appropriate for your marriage doesn't mean everyone thinks it is appropriate.The only way I would call it quits is if he is gay, abusive, pornography that destroys our marriage, or if he starts to drink/ do drugs/ gamble our money way. Honestly, you do not know what can happen in the future and he can start doing these things let's say in 10 years from now. I have learned some things about him when I took a trip with him to Utah and stayed at his family members house and it was a 2 day trip. Shouldn't marriage be something where you commit to each other forever and take a leap of faith? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wingnut Posted December 2, 2013 Report Share Posted December 2, 2013 Not true. Any one of those list... or any other reason at all... will not cause me to release myself from my marital promise - in sickness and in health, and all that jazz... I take it literally. I am dedicated to doing everything in my power to bring both of us to becoming One with God. Yes, it might require that I remove myself and my children from my husband's presence, but that doesn't mean I remove myself from my promise. And that's really why I married my husband. Because he's the guy that I can make that promise to.What's not true? I didn't lay down any facts. All I did was say that she should consider each of those things. We all know that you have considered them, and that they wouldn't matter to you. That's what works for you. But not everyone has such a philosophy. I didn't even say that I would divorce my husband for any of those things. I just said that I'd considered them. And you can't tell me that that isn't true.What's not true? That you don't have such a list for divorce? Good, since Wingy wasn't talking about you. This is her list. What you have deemed appropriate for your marriage doesn't mean everyone thinks it is appropriate.I didn't even say that these were grounds for divorce for me. I just think they are serious and extreme situations that should be considered at some point.Honestly, you do not know what can happen in the future and he can start doing these things let's say in 10 years from now.That was my point exactly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 2, 2013 Report Share Posted December 2, 2013 What's not true? That you don't have such a list for divorce? Good, since Wingy wasn't talking about you. This is her list. What you have deemed appropriate for your marriage doesn't mean everyone thinks it is appropriate.What's not true? I didn't lay down any facts. All I did was say that she should consider each of those things. We all know that you have considered them, and that they wouldn't matter to you. That's what works for you. But not everyone has such a philosophy. I didn't even say that I would divorce my husband for any of those things. I just said that I'd considered them. And you can't tell me that that isn't true.You misunderstand me. Wingnut said this:It's a symptom of infatuation/twitterpation/honeymoon-goggles to say "no matter what."I said that's not true. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest kaybm Posted December 2, 2013 Report Share Posted December 2, 2013 What's not true? I didn't lay down any facts. All I did was say that she should consider each of those things. We all know that you have considered them, and that they wouldn't matter to you. That's what works for you. But not everyone has such a philosophy. I didn't even say that I would divorce my husband for any of those things. I just said that I'd considered them. And you can't tell me that that isn't true.I didn't even say that these were grounds for divorce for me. I just think they are serious and extreme situations that should be considered at some point.That was my point exactly.Anyway, I feel like you may not know for certainty if he would do things you may see some red flags before getting married but what if red flags show up in 5 years and in 10 years he is addicted to something or doing something terrible? I think you have to take a leap of faith,if that makes sense. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Praetorian_Brow Posted December 2, 2013 Report Share Posted December 2, 2013 Third date at the temple, where you got revelation for marriage, all in a month and he just got back from his mission and is still not back to reality. Mormon crazy is my term for that. I do not disagree with your feelings or your interpretation of revelation, but I do disagree with your rational and as previously mentioned, you should definitely slow the bus down. I know women who believe it is there right to "shop", have no qualms with making out with those dates and using the men for food and activities. When 50 men was mentioned, I thought of one particular woman who justified making out with over 50 guys, while reciting the mantra of accepting no baggage herself while conveniently overlooking her own. I am still astonished to this day how many people in the dating scene lie about themselves or dilute their past and believe their opinion of the other person negates their own ugliness of character. Looking back at who I have dated, I realize that who I was and who I was not, was merely an excuse for the women to carry on doing their own crazy thing.Everyone changes, marriage does not solidify someones character. On this forum, you will get the embittered, the man eaters, the divorced, the abused, the diehards, the happily married, the hypocrites, the service oriented, the people who have learned the hard way, but as always, advice is free from everyone, but rarely applied to themselves.Be true to yourself and your feelings, but also take the advice and experience given here with a grain of salt and be grateful for the rare moments of happiness that you have felt in your few years.Best wishes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backroads Posted December 2, 2013 Report Share Posted December 2, 2013 (edited) This has been bugging me. So you'd stay with him despite physical disfigurements. Great. I have a cousin who got married 12 or so years ago, and three months later, she and her husband got into a car accident that left him paralyzed from the waist down, and wheelchair bound. They're still together, miraculously. But it's not been an easy road. Major traumas like that leave more than just physical scars. But still, the physical things are sometimes the easier things to confront.It's the "no matter what" that bothers me. I've been married to my husband for almost eight years now, and I honestly can't say that I'll always love him "no matter what." I can't say that there are absolutely no circumstances under which I'd consider divorcing him. Think about some of these scenarios:He develops a gambling habit, draining away your life savings. Twice.He abuses you.He abuses your kids.He sexually abuses the neighbor's kids.He cheats on you.He cheats on you with a man.He is a workaholic who spends 110 hours a week working. (There are only 168 hours in a week, btw.)Ten years in, he confesses that he's gay.He's a hoarder.I don't have personal experience (thankfully) with any of these scenarios. But I've considered them from time to time, some more extensively than others. I've even researched some of them.It's a symptom of infatuation/twitterpation/honeymoon-goggles to say "no matter what." Reality is much muddier.Good list.My husband and I, early on, had a conversation in which we discussed what we each considered grounds for divorce. Might be a worthy conversation for the OP when and if marriage with this guy happens.EditShe apparently did. Edited December 2, 2013 by Backroads Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bini Posted December 2, 2013 Report Share Posted December 2, 2013 The HOARDER thing would be a big problem for me. I cannot stand clutter of any kind. Our house is almost barren compared to most households. I just don't like a lot of furniture around, let alone, knickknacks beginning to pile up! REDFLAGREDFLAGREDFLAGGGG Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dravin Posted December 2, 2013 Report Share Posted December 2, 2013 Holy cow! 50 people? I feel badly for those people who rarely go on dates due to various circumstances. I certainly didn't date even near 20 people and I was in the dating pool many, many years. I think that number is excessive, although I agree with the thought behind it.Interesting, your husband married the first woman he dated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarginOfError Posted December 3, 2013 Report Share Posted December 3, 2013 Interesting, your husband married the first woman he dated. Everyone knows that man is certifiable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beefche Posted December 3, 2013 Report Share Posted December 3, 2013 Everyone knows that man is certifiable.Hey, why date 49 other women, after meeting the perfect woman? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backroads Posted December 3, 2013 Report Share Posted December 3, 2013 Awww...I owe you two a pie recipe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarginOfError Posted December 3, 2013 Report Share Posted December 3, 2013 Hey, why date 49 other women, after meeting the perfect woman? But now he'll never fully appreciate the perfection? Yeah...we'll go with that..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John11111 Posted December 3, 2013 Report Share Posted December 3, 2013 Id spend more time, also you are very yound and you will change a lot in the next few years.Not saying it wont work I got married at 18 and am still married happily but we have had few very rough spots in our marriage.I personally dont feel a month is long enough to get to know someone well enough to be married. Your young take your time date more find out what you like about each person you date and what you dont like. Eventually you will meet the guy that has all the qualities you like in a guy and few to none of the qualities you dont like. Until you have dated a while you may not even be aware of qualities in a man that you like or dont like, not only that but the qualities that are important to you may change as you gain more life experience. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
person122 Posted December 3, 2013 Report Share Posted December 3, 2013 Think we can all agree that each one of us went into marriage not fully knowing what it was going to be like. Most people don't marry someone they can't stand. Marriage is challenging no matter what. I love what a comedian said. He wishes we could marry someone we didn't care about. Then when you hurt them it wouldn't hurt you so much. You could just brush it off. So true! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Finrock Posted December 3, 2013 Report Share Posted December 3, 2013 Good Afternoon Wingnut! I hope you've been well. :)It's a symptom of infatuation/twitterpation/honeymoon-goggles to say "no matter what." Reality is much muddier.Not necessarily. I'm committed to my wife no matter what. I will not abandon her in her times of trouble, no matter how big, serious, and catastrophic that trouble/sin/issue may be.That doesn't mean that I am immune from being hurt by her only that I will not surrender, ever. If my wife chooses to leave then that will be her choice, of course.-Finrock Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pam Posted December 3, 2013 Report Share Posted December 3, 2013 Hey, why date 49 other women, after meeting the perfect woman? What's it like meeting a translated being? I mean, anyone that is "perfect" has to have already been translated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beefche Posted December 3, 2013 Report Share Posted December 3, 2013 But now he'll never fully appreciate the perfection? Yeah...we'll go with that.....Don't worry, MOE. I nag....er....remind him often to appreciate me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beefche Posted December 3, 2013 Report Share Posted December 3, 2013 What's it like meeting a translated being? I mean, anyone that is "perfect" has to have already been translated.You've met me. It is awesome, right? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wingnut Posted December 3, 2013 Report Share Posted December 3, 2013 I hate to break it to you, but I'm pretty sure that a perfect being would have an air mattress that didn't leak, Beefie. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrmarklin Posted December 3, 2013 Report Share Posted December 3, 2013 You have a year before are to be married.That should be long enough to have an understanding of your prospective partner.Good Luck!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzie Posted December 5, 2013 Report Share Posted December 5, 2013 Am I crazy or not? Yes, you are. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MorningStar Posted December 5, 2013 Report Share Posted December 5, 2013 The only reason you should get engaged that soon is if Heavenly Father tells you to. You really can't claim that you know someone inside and out after one month. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimzirker Posted December 5, 2013 Report Share Posted December 5, 2013 Be smart and don't rush anything. Maybe you two are meant to be together forever. If this is true, then it will still be true a year or two or three from now. It's fun to be young, but please listen to the sound advice you are getting on here. Time is the only thing that can confirm if you are crazy or not. So take that time to find out before you get married because finding out afterwards really, really, REALLY sucks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
person122 Posted December 5, 2013 Report Share Posted December 5, 2013 (edited) So take that time to find out before you get married because finding out afterwards really, really, REALLY sucks.So true. Watched my sister's marriage. He had a porn problem and never told siser before married. Did that end up bad! After 1 month the honeymoon was over and my sister a needy mess. He couldn't connect with her. He would stay out late over at his friends. Most days after his school (he wasn't full time and failed most of his classes), work, being on computer, and being with his friend they would only be together 3 hrs...and most of the time she was asleep during that time because it was past bedtime. Never confessed even though it was found on computer. It lasted three years. Was so scared when dating my husband. She was so emotionally hungry and empty. Edited December 5, 2013 by person122 put in word my Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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