Sign in to follow this  
Bri55

Chastity

Recommended Posts

I have a boyfriend, and we promised to always keep the law of chastity. Then I read that we should not participate in passionate kissing. We have been together for a long time, so we have made out like most couples have. There was no touching in inappropriate places, no getting on top of one another, and it was not laying down. We do French kiss though and I have heard some LDS people say that is bad and some think it is ok and normal. I’m still not sure if I am keeping the standards and if I should stop kissing like that. I didn’t think it was a big deal until I read something by Spencer W Kimball, but we have been together for almost a year and have never gone farther than making out, and we don’t plan to. Is this ok?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi @Bri55, welcome to the forums.

I'm going to start my question my addressing the obvious, and then going into the nuanced.

Obviously ok: basic kissing, hand holding.  The type of stuff you'd feel completely fine doing with your grandma watching you.

Obviously not ok: clothes coming off, inappropriate touching/kissing.

 

More nuanced: things like prolonged passionate kissing.  For this rather than giving a Law of Moses laundry list of do's-and-don't-does, I'd rather focus on the spirit of things: is what you are doing being done to provoke those feelings which should be reserved for a husband and wife?  If you're doing A for the purposes of invoking those feelings or they do invoke those feelings, then I would back off.  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Quote

Strongly tied to the sacred, private parts of the body are powerful emotions intended to be used within the covenant of marriage between a man and woman in ways that are appropriate and acceptable to them both. They are an important part of the love and trust that bond a husband and wife together and prepare them for the responsibilities of a family. They bring the blessing of children. These emotions are not to be stimulated or used for personal gratification outside of the covenant of marriage. Do not touch the private, sacred parts of another person’s body to stimulate those emotions. Do not allow anyone to do that with you, with or without clothing. Do not arouse those emotions in your own body. -- Richard G. Scott, Oct 1998 General Conference

This is the standard I fall back on to evaluate these questions.  It ties decision to your level of sexual arousal.  If you aren't overly aroused, don't sweat it. If you continue to get involved in these make outs specifically to get the arousal, then maybe you should dial it back.

Keep in mind also that the nature of the relationship may play a role in the decision.  I am much less concerned with adult boyfriend and girlfriend who are moving toward marriage engaging in some make out than I am with teenagers making out on the first date.  

While the law of chastity is clear (no sexual relations outside of marriage), there are dating-in-a-serious-relationship activities prior to marriage that are not necessarily sexual. It isn't always clear to me where the line is drawn for any two people.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
9 minutes ago, MarginOfError said:

Quoting Elder Scott: "Do not arouse those emotions in your own body."

I think this is key.

Not to put too fine a point on the matter @Bri55...but...licking each others tongues may not arouse those emotions in you...but I'd bet a donut it does in him. And I'd bet a dollar that it actually does in you too.

Is it a "sin"? I don't think that's the standard we set for all behavior, particularly where the definition of what literal "sin" is gets pretty blurry pretty quickly. What standard should we have?

Holiness.

On a side note: Why are you together for a long time french kissing each other but haven't moved forward towards marriage? Get busy with it or move on to greener pastures!

Edited by The Folk Prophet

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 hours ago, Bri55 said:

I have a boyfriend, and we promised to always keep the law of chastity. Then I read that we should not participate in passionate kissing. We have been together for a long time, so we have made out like most couples have. There was no touching in inappropriate places, no getting on top of one another, and it was not laying down. We do French kiss though and I have heard some LDS people say that is bad and some think it is ok and normal. I’m still not sure if I am keeping the standards and if I should stop kissing like that. I didn’t think it was a big deal until I read something by Spencer W Kimball, but we have been together for almost a year and have never gone farther than making out, and we don’t plan to. Is this ok?

The simple fact that you feel the need to ask tells me that something needs to change. Is french kissing normal? (i don't have a problem with it) but would you do it in front of your bishop or mother? Probably not, it should probably be reserved fro a more deep and meaningful relationship. While you claim to not have much feeling about it I can guarantee you that your BF does.

If you don't plan on going further along than making out I say back it up a little bit slow things down. It is easy to get wrapped up in the physical aspect of a relationship without really getting to know an individual. you've been dating a year? time to make some decisions about your relationship. You don't mention your age so it is hard to advise.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Bri55 in my opinion french kissing is one of the signs that you're physically and emotionally connecting in your relationship. It's not bad per se as along as you don't allow it to be. If you have the spirit in your life then you have your answer. 

President Kimball has said some stuff in his day that might just have been his opinion. Especially if it was written in the commercial book the Miracle of Forgiveness.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 6/18/2019 at 8:20 AM, faithful_father said:

@Bri55 in my opinion french kissing is one of the signs that you're physically and emotionally connecting in your relationship. It's not bad per se as along as you don't allow it to be. If you have the spirit in your life then you have your answer. 

President Kimball has said some stuff in his day that might just have been his opinion. Especially if it was written in the commercial book the Miracle of Forgiveness.

Hmm. The opinion of President Kimball vs the opinion of random internet posters.

Which opinion seems wiser to harken unto?

Hmm. A real head scratcher. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this