Child support/ temple recommend

[Hello]

My husbands ex owes us child support. And I know she has a valid temple recommend. Is this something that my husband should bring up to our bishop? ( she’s in a different ward) I feel like this is the only thing that may register to her that what she is doing is wrong. 

[Ironhold]

If memory serves, church policy does indeed require that people be current on child support. So yes, bring this up to your bishop if you can prove it. 

[NeuroTypical]

Temple recommend questions - question #12:

Quote

Do you have any financial or other obligations to a former spouse or to children?
If yes, are you current in meeting those obligations?

 

I usually don't recommend going to someone else's bishop to "tell on them".  What's the point?  If it's revenge, or trying to manipulate or force behavior out of the ex, y'all will have to ask yourselves if those are worthy reasons to act upon.

It's just that for every 100 people who say something like "I'm worried about their soul, and want their bishop to be able to give them help appropriate to their struggles", I figure maybe 95 of them are lying to themselves, and it's really just a way to lash out at the person.

[Jane_Doe]

50 minutes ago, Hello said:

My husbands ex owes us child support. And I know she has a valid temple recommend. Is this something that my husband should bring up to our bishop? ( she’s in a different ward) I feel like this is the only thing that may register to her that what she is doing is wrong. 

In order to have a valid temple recommend, yes you are required to be up to date on child support.  Which probably means the lady in question lied about it to her bishop & the Lord.  Honestly, that puts her in way more of a bad spot than other any mortal could make her.

If you're seeking to get this child support, I would reach out through legal channels.  

[estradling75]

6 minutes ago, NeuroTypical said:

I usually don't recommend going to someone else's bishop to "tell on them".  What's the point?  If it's revenge, or trying to manipulate or force behavior out of the ex, y'all will have to ask yourselves if those are worthy reasons to act upon.

It's just that for every 100 people who say something like "I'm worried about their soul, and want their bishop to be able to give them help appropriate to their struggles", I figure maybe 95 of them are lying to themselves, and it's really just a way to lash out at the person.

Indeed,  telling a different Bishop (yours) does not do much good.  Telling their Bishop is unlikely to do anything either...  If they are going to lie before the Lord and their Bishop they are going to lie...  There simply is not much more the church can do in that case.  They are not the courts or the law... that is were people should go to to address it. 

[NeuroTypical]

I've gotten to know half a dozen divorced guys over the years.  I do not envy the burden of trying to be good disciples, while dealing with the fallout of a divorce, having to make hard decisions with that force winners and losers.  Trying to discern whether those harsh decisions are made out of selfishness or righteousness.  

Good luck you guys!

[Suzie]

3 hours ago, Hello said:

My husbands ex owes us child support. And I know she has a valid temple recommend. Is this something that my husband should bring up to our bishop? ( she’s in a different ward) I feel like this is the only thing that may register to her that what she is doing is wrong. 

In my line of work, I talk to many stepmoms with similar situations and I always ask the same question: What would be the purpose of talking to the Bishop about it? It is a very valid and important question you need to ask yourself. If the issue is the fact that she is behind child support payments, then as it was suggested here, there are legal channels to address this. But when you bring up the Bishop, then something tells me that this isn't really about the fact that she isn't paying child support but the fact that she has a Temple recommend and you perceive that fact as "unfair" or "wrong" or like you stated "the only thing that may register to her that what she is doing is wrong." Granted, everyone is entitled to their opinion but not everyone should be entitled to act upon that opinion.

First, because this person is not your ex. But your husband's ex wife, the mother of his child. Therefore, it is up to your husband to decide what he would like to do (if he chooses to do anything about it) and I'm quite sure that as a responsible parent, he would choose to take the legal route so he can have the funds to continue supporting his child. But this is something between him and his ex-wife. Of course, with your support as a stepmom.

I understand it might be very upsetting seeing someone "getting away" with something we consider "wrong" but there are other legal channels to address it ( IF the issue is really child support payments) but if the purpose of calling the Bishop is to expose her, to shame her, to "correct" her this is not the way to go about it and frankly (and I say this without any disrespect or animosity) none of your business.

[Just_A_Guy]

I go to bishops for healing, and to judges for justice.

[Vort]

1 hour ago, Just_A_Guy said:

I go to bishops for healing, and to judges for justice.

Do either or both provide what you seek from them?

[Just_A_Guy]

2 hours ago, Vort said:

Do either or both provide what you seek from them?

1.  For bishops—I find that depends on me more than them.  A bishop can do as much as I’m willing to let him do.

2.  For judges—Umm . . . usually?

Edited April 17, 2021 by Just_A_Guy

[NeuroTypical]

10 hours ago, Just_A_Guy said:

13 hours ago, Vort said:

Do either or both provide what you seek from them?

2.  For judges—Umm . . . usually?

It helps, once you reconcile the difference between God's righteous justice, and the justice thrown together by a bunch of His unruly fallen sinful error-prone agenda-driven immature offspring off by themselves on earth.

Yes, earthly justice is a thing, and yes, local, state, and federal judges try really hard to do their best, and they call that best "justice".