Stake Conference...

[Ironhold]

Yesterday was stake conference. I was also pet-sitting for someone who was out of town for a family emergency, and so due to a series of issues with that I arrive quite late; it started at 10 AM and I was in at about 11:15. 

First talk I do catch is one about how we shouldn't actually be contending with people or getting into debates or anything else like that and should just walk away as needed. 

As I've noted earlier, when I first got online in 2000, if you were a member of the church then conflict was inescapable; if you self-identified you'd get jumped by people eager to test out whatever anti-Mormon material they'd been spoon-fed, and members of the church were so rare online you generally had no back-up. 

So there I am in the back of the chapel like so, thinking about how between my being on the spectrum, the drama I was dealing with IRL, and constantly having to fight off cyber-bullies I functionally became a living weapon. 

 

Ever have a stake conference talk that just really, really rubbed you the wrong way? 

[LDSGator]

13 minutes ago, Ironhold said:

Ever have a stake conference talk that just really, really rubbed you the wrong way? 

We had one where a lady came up and said there was no right or wrong, just what you feel. It was an incoherent mess. The next week the poor Stake President (the nicest man I ever met, to this day) had to go up and basically say everything this woman said was wrong. 

[NeuroTypical]

26 minutes ago, Ironhold said:

First talk I do catch is one about how we shouldn't actually be contending with people or getting into debates or anything else like that and should just walk away as needed. 

Sounds like whoever gave that talk needs to go back and re-read Pres. Nelson's talk.  Absolutely zero things he said indicate that we "should just walk away".  

We're supposed to be peacemakers.  We're supposed to "be examples of how to interact with others — especially when we have differences of opinion".  We're supposed to treat people compassionately, and "build, lift, encourage, persuade and inspire — no matter how difficult the situation".  We're supposed to "literally change the world—one person and one interaction at a time. How? By modeling how to manage honest differences of opinion with mutual respect and dignified dialogue."

Yeah, no.  "Just walk away" is about as much what we're NOT supposed to do, as reacting with the spirit of contention.  You can't be a peacemaker if you're not even there to make peace.

Look, if I have to accept he was talking directly to me when he denounced 'pithy barbs' and 'cutting retorts', then whoever gave this talk should at the very least have some idea what the prophet wants me to do instead.  And "just walk away" certainly wasn't it.

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2023/04/47nelson?lang=eng

 

Edited May 1, 2023 by NeuroTypical

[LDSGator]

5 minutes ago, NeuroTypical said:

We're supposed to be peacemakers.  We're supposed to "be examples of how to interact with others — especially when we have differences of opinion".  We're supposed to treat people compassionately, and "build, lift, encourage, persuade and inspire — no matter how difficult the situation". 

To be fair, the overwhelming majority of LDS at least try to do this. 

[NeuroTypical]

For the record, it was my Stake Conference too, and it was one of the most amazing ones I'd ever seen.  The recurring topic, speaker after speaker, was mental health, which has been a pet hobby soapbox of mine for a long time.  Tearful stories were shared - sometimes when folks made mistakes and learned, sometimes when healing and health was gained, sometimes when folks were just doing their best with the cards they've been dealt.  The false doctrine of "brain pills and shrinks should always be avoided" was clearly and strongly repudiated.  "Please don't think things like that."  It was that clear.  

[NeuroTypical]

3 minutes ago, LDSGator said:

To be fair, the overwhelming majority of LDS at least try to do this. 

Face to face, yeah, we've got it nailed.  But online?  Yeah, I was specifically targeted and called out.  Prophet was looking directly at me for a lot of that.  😬

I mean, I know how to fight with love.  It's just also so much fun to wade into a brawl and throw two punches for every one you take.  *sigh*   Well, I can do it.

[LDSGator]

5 minutes ago, NeuroTypical said:

But online?  Yeah, I was specifically targeted and called out.  Prophet was looking directly at me for a lot of that

Uh, no. You are nothing of the sort. 
 

Don’t be too hard on yourself. If you really were acrimonious or obnoxious you probably wouldn’t be aware of it or care. 
 

But that’s not you at all. 

Edited May 1, 2023 by LDSGator

[NeuroTypical]

Heh - not here, or on facebook or in email.   I've been known to slug it out in TikTok and Youtube comment sections with the worst of 'em though.  My greatest accomplishments are on Nextdoor.  Where my snarky passive-aggression is so well-disguised, all the nice folks think I'm being nice, and only one or two fellow snarkmasters understand just how utterly I roasted my target.  I'm having to turn over a new leaf here in some of those anonymous forums.  

Don't tell anyone!

Edited May 1, 2023 by NeuroTypical

[zil2]

8 hours ago, NeuroTypical said:

But online? 

Pfff, online schmonline - try "on the freeway", where every (Utah) member is immediately possessed not only with the spirit of contention but also of murder....   That would make for a fun GC talk: "Driving Habits of Christ's True Disciples" ...

Edited May 2, 2023 by zil2

[LDSGator]

13 minutes ago, zil2 said:

Pfff, online schmonline - try "on the freeway", where every (Utah) member is immediately possessed not only with the spirit of contention but also of murder....   That would may for a fun GC talk: "Driving Habits of Christ's True Disciples" ...

I went to services once where the pastor said “Remember, treating people with Christ like compassion starts after service is over in the parking lot.” 

[Vort]

11 hours ago, Ironhold said:

Ever have a stake conference talk that just really, really rubbed you the wrong way?

A year ago, coming off the worst illness of my life, I was feeling so drained and so deeply nihilistic that I begged God for some indication, anything, that I was known by him. The next Sunday was stake conference Sunday with Elder de Hoyos. Over my wife's vociferous objections, I insisted on attending in person, despite the physical difficulty involved. We managed to get a seat on the front row left. Perhaps the stake conference was typical and the only thing extraordinary about it was my reaction, but I don't think so. I wept openly several times, from the music and the words spoken. It was an answer to prayer. We even stayed after and chatted with Elder de Hoyos and some good friends in the stake.

Fast forward a year. I attended the adult session of stake conference remotely, the only way open to us. Toward the end, the attending Seventy basically gave an "open mike" for people to express their thoughts and concerns about the youth. One sister proceeded to lecture the congregation about how today's generation of children were so vastly better than previous generations, and so, so tolerant, that the best thing we could possibly do is to stand back out of their way and keep our mouths shut. The presiding Elder tried mightily not to offend her or call her delusional while still affirming that, yes, we indeed do need to counsel our children carefully. I was pretty upset about that, more than I should have been. My wife thought my reaction was 50% hilarious and 50% concerning. (Fortunately, the next day's general session went off more or less without a hitch.)

[Vort]

11 hours ago, NeuroTypical said:

The false doctrine of "brain pills and shrinks should always be avoided" was clearly and strongly repudiated.

Well, the "always" makes it false. As a general rule for the 90%, I think there's some real wisdom there.

[askandanswer]

11 hours ago, LDSGator said:

We had one where a lady came up and said there was no right or wrong, just what you feel. It was an incoherent mess. The next week the poor Stake President (the nicest man I ever met, to this day) had to go up and basically say everything this woman said was wrong. 

Sounds like an effective technique for avoiding the possibility of future conference talks. 

[askandanswer]

16 hours ago, zil2 said:

Pfff, online schmonline - try "on the freeway", where every (Utah) member is immediately possessed not only with the spirit of contention but also of murder....   That would make for a fun GC talk: "Driving Habits of Christ's True Disciples" ...

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/1992/10/successful-living-of-gospel-principles?lang=eng

You might have missed this one - these are the habits that should drive Christ's true disciples

[LDSGator]

8 hours ago, askandanswer said:

Sounds like an effective technique for avoiding the possibility of future conference talks. 

Lol! 

[zil2]

2 hours ago, askandanswer said:

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/1992/10/successful-living-of-gospel-principles?lang=eng

You might have missed this one - these are the habits that should drive Christ's true disciples

My point was that Utahns leave every virtue they ever learned scattered behind them on the on-ramp.

[pam]

6 minutes ago, zil2 said:

My point was that Utahns leave every virtue they ever learned scattered behind them on the on-ramp.

I used to think Utah drivers were THE worst.  Then I moved to San Antonio.  

 

[Carborendum]

I still don't know what the purpose of Stake Conferences is.

[zil2]

3 minutes ago, pam said:

I used to think Utah drivers were THE worst.  Then I moved to San Antonio. 

Well, I know there are worse drivers (Russians, Italians come to mind from my own experience), but wouldn't have imagined Texas would be worse.  Now I know not to visit San Antonio...  Oddly, NYC was not as bad as people made it out to be, though I wasn't there for that long and wasn't the one driving...

[zil2]

3 minutes ago, Carborendum said:

I still don't know what the purpose of Stake Conferences is.

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/general-handbook/29-meetings-in-the-church?lang=eng#title_number16

[laronius]

5 minutes ago, Carborendum said:

I still don't know what the purpose of Stake Conferences is.

As a rule I have found the Saturday evening adult session to be very fulfilling. But I'm with you on the Sunday session. I'd rather just have regular church.

[Carborendum]

6 minutes ago, zil2 said:

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/general-handbook/29-meetings-in-the-church?lang=eng#title_number16

...k...

[LDSGator]

56 minutes ago, pam said:

I used to think Utah drivers were THE worst.  Then I moved to San Antonio.  

 

Every city thinks “their traffic” is the worst, but I still believe DC has the most annoying drivers and massive traffic jams. 

Edited May 2, 2023 by LDSGator

[Vort]

40 minutes ago, LDSGator said:

Every city thinks “their traffic” is the worst, but I still believe DC has the most annoying drivers and massive traffic jams. 

My beefs with Seattle-area drivers are:

1. They don't seem to know how to drive in the rain. Astounding, given Seattle's constant drizzle.

2. Even though it snows enough to stick on the roads almost every year and often multiple times in a winter, Seattleites totally forget from one year to the next how to drive in icy conditions.

3. Aggressive drivers are bad, but passive aggressive drivers are almost as bad.

4. Even politeness is taken to an extreme. In city driving, I often have other drivers "politely" wave me across to e.g. turn left in front of them. I have taken to remaining stonily motionless until they use their right-of-way. It doesn't seem to occur to them that if I turned left in front of them and they then drove into me, it would be MY fault. I'm all for polite driving, but do you know what's even better than polite driving? Driving according to the rules of the road. In the 80/20 model, the rules of the road are the 80 and being polite to others is the 20.

Edited May 2, 2023 by Vort

[Vort]

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Edited May 2, 2023 by Vort