classylady

You're right Anatess. I was lumping everything that involved winning or losing into competition. But, for me personally I still have a hard time with competition. Even when I win, on my own merits, I still have a hard time with it, because I know someone else lost. That's the way I feel in our side-business. I hate winning a trip and knowing that our coworkers didn't win it also. Another area where there is competition, is with school. Subjects in school (except for math) came easy for me. I could ace tests without even studying. My best friend would study for hours for a test and come away with a B, and I didn't study and would get an A. That just didn't seem fair. But, I did not get A's in math. In college, with Calculus and Physics I would study for hours and hours, do my homework, and the best I could get was a C. I even retook Calculus and Physics, and still could not get an A. I had to learn that for me, a C in math was okay, and that was a hard pill to swallow. People are not created equal. We have strengths and weaknesses. For some, no matter how much effort is put into something, they won't "win"--the ability/talent simply isn't there.

When I read the OP I was in agreement. I really, really, dislike competition. I don't like losing, and I don't like winning to the detriment of someone else losing. I have such a hard time with winning, I am willing to give up my winnings to the loser. For example, I took a quilting class. There were about ten of us in the class, and we quilted a quilt that we then raffled off among the class members. I won the quilt. I felt so bad about winning the quilt, that I told the class that I didn't really want it, (but I really did), and so I suggested we draw again for someone else to win the quilt. My husband and I have worked in a side business that is very much into competition. There are trips given away and other perks to those that perform the best. I understand it's to help motivate people. I just have a really hard time with it. Even if I'm one of the winners--I'm uncomfortable with it. But, how else can you motivate people? In the world we live in, how can we not have a society that is competitive? I just don't see our society working without competition.

Whenever my husband was critical about how clean the house was, I just told him, "It's as clean as you want it to be". Here's my two cents and this is coming from my own experience. When my husband worked full time and I was a stay-at-home mom, I figured the cooking, cleaning, laundry, diapers etc., were my responsibilities. This is work that I dislike. I love the snuggling and nurturing part of having children. I don't like housekeeping. But, I did it, because it had to be done. My home wasn't spotless, but I tried to keep the living room picked up in case company came over unexpectedly, and of course dishes and laundry done. I don't think a home needs to be spotless in order to be a house of order. I also worked many years full time outside of the home. I still had small children at home. In that circumstance I expected my husband to help with the household chores. He managed to do a batch of laundry occasionally and change a few diapers during the week. In our thirty years of marriage he has probably washed the dishes and vacuumed less than ten times each. I am not joking. Not to put him in a totally bad light, he did pick up the slack with the cooking. He will cook meat. And for him, as long as there is meat, he's happy. So, if I felt we needed a more balanced meal, I would fix a salad and veggies to go along with whatever meat he cooked. Now days, there doesn't seem to be such a division in labor as there used to be. I think the younger men are more willing to help around the house, especially if their wives work out side of the home. My feeling is if women are helping with the bread-winning responsibility, then men should be helping with the house keeping responsibility--just wish my husband would have been taught that. And, I'm sorry to say, I allowed him to behave that way. Both of us came from a generation where there were specific gender roles and duties--very hard to break away from that.

Most likely if it bothers him now, it won't get any better after marriage--only worse. When you're dating and looking for a spouse, there are certain things you look for. What's important to one person may not be important to another--everyone's list will be different. I just see this as a red flag. There were some red flags with my husband before I married him. I wish I would have paid more attention to them. Those red flags have never gone away. What bothered me then, still bothers me now today--30 years later, and it hasn't gotten any better.

Diane, I am so sorry. My heart goes out to you and your family. Some people who haven't experienced the loss of a loved one often don't understand the grief that is experienced, and might say things that simply aren't helpful at all. As stated in some of the other posts, anger is one of the stages of grief. When my 19 year old daughter died in a car accident, I was devastated, and I definitely had feelings of anger. I was angry at her for not having her seat belt on. That might have saved her life. I was angry at God for not stepping in and preventing the accident--He could have. It's been 8 years now, and I have to admit I'm not totally over the grief. Maybe I won't ever be. The anger has faded, but I still get a twinge of it every now and then. This I do know. Your brother is a beloved son of our Father in Heaven. And you are a beloved daughter. The Father knows your grief and sorrow. He knew of your brother's trials and sorrows. All will be well. Bless you.

My husband remembers it well. Even though he was living in Spokane, he could see the gray sky towards the west, and by late afternoon the ash was falling in Spokane. He says he rode his motorcycle up and down the road, leaving huge dust trails behind him. He worked for the Air National Guard and had the "privilege" of cleaning up ash in the Sprague area among others. To this day, it has left a lasting impression on him.

I don't do well with heat, so I understand your concern about wearing garments during the summer. For me what helps is to wear light clothing during the summer, but still allows me to wear garments. There are different garment fabrics that help me stay cooler. When you get to the time where you will be purchasing them, look at the different fabrics, and maybe even purchase different fabrics to see what would work best for you. Do you have any LDS friends or family? They can also be a help in your reactivation.

Whether engaged or not the law of chastity remains the same. There are many engaged couples who later call off the engagement and don't get married. As for wanting to make sure the plumbing works, that is one of Satan's tools, along with wanting to make sure that sex is good with someone before getting married. Don't tarnish your relationship with your girl friend. You said that she is sweet and really great and kind. If you love her, treat her with the respect she deserves as a daughter of God. And that goes for you too. You deserve to be respectful of yourself. How to keep yourself from breaking the law of chastity? Have a heart-to-heart talk with your girlfriend. Commit yourselves to being chaste. It's probably not a good idea to have a long engagement. Some more suggestions: don't get horizontal with each other, go on group dates, give yourselves a curfew and stick to it. It can be done.

I really appreciate everyones advice. As of yet, I haven't felt like the time is right to approach my grandson's father about his baptism. I've been doing a lot of praying to be guided and led by the Spirit in this. One of the reasons I asked for advice, is because what I had going in my mind on how to approach him just didn't seem quite right. Now I can see where I probably shouldn't bring my daughter into the equation. That's good advice. And if he doesn't want my grandson baptized, we will of course respect his wishes. And I don't want to alienate him. I want to always have a good, respectful relationship between us. If he should decide to cut off all visitation with us, we as grandparents would have very little say in the matter. In our particular circumstance we would have no money to fight it in court. Plus, I have no wish to ever have bad feelings between us. My grandson loves his father. I also love and respect his father. I want to keep it that way. As for discussing this behind his back, that was never our intention. We were just assuming that he wouldn't have any problem with his son being baptized, because he is also a member (albeit, not active). And I never got the feeling from him that he was anti, just inactive and questioning. So, we had discussed baptism with our grandson, just assuming it was going to happen. Asking him questions like "Who do you want to baptize you, etc.?" My grandson had picked out who he wanted to baptize him--his uncle (my 17 year old son). If anyone else has any other ideas on how to approach this, advice would still be appreciated.

My grandson just turned 8 in April and he would like to get baptized, but he tells me his dad has said he doesn't want him baptized until he turns 14. I absolutely agree with church policy in parental permission for children getting baptized. But, I would like to at least bring the subject up with my grandson's father, and maybe come to a compromise, if possible, without alienating him. Here's a little history about my grandson's life. My daughter, his mother, died in a car accident when he was two months old. She was an unwed mother. She and the baby were living with us at the time of the accident. After the accident, the baby's father moved in with us, so he could receive help in caring for the baby. He had every right to take the baby away to live with him, and I'm grateful that he chose to live with us. They lived with us for 18 months, until the father decided he could then care for his son on his own. After they moved out, my husband and I would pick up our grandson every Friday and have him with us for the weekend. So, we have taken our grandson to church with us every week. Also, whenever our grandson's father was having financial difficulties and didn't have a place to live, our grandson would come and live with us for months at a time, and also stay with us for extended periods of time whenever his dad had depression problems or health problems. And every vacation we have gone on, national and internationally, we have taken our grandson with us. He is almost like a son in some regards. We have a good relationship with my grandson's father, and I want to keep it that way. He comes from an LDS home where his mother and step-father are active, but he is not at all active. He has even told me that he doesn't even know if he believes in God anymore, because he can't see how if there was a loving Father in Heaven, how He could allow my daughter to die. I have been praying about this, and trying to decide how to approach my grandson's father. My thoughts on this has been to tell him that I think he's doing a wonderful job in raising my grandson. (Which I feel he really is doing a great job, because my grandson has aspergers, so there are difficulties and issues that are involved with that). And then, after that I was thinking of saying something like "___ tells me that you don't want him getting baptized until he is 14. You know, you and ____(my daughter) would probably not see-eye-to-eye on this, because I feel that she would want ____ baptized. Is there anyway that you would reconsider?" I need advice on how to approach this. Does that seem like an okay way to bring it up? Any thoughts on this would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

I was taught that it was a show of respect to continue to call them bishop after they were released. I researched on LDS.org, and this is what I found. New Era, June 1980: I have a question “If a bishop in the ward has just been released and another bishop put in, do you refer to the former bishop as brother or as bishop?” Answer/Brother Roy W. Doxey Because of the importance of the office of bishop, considerable space is devoted to this calling in the scriptures and in the writings and sermons of the General Authorities. As far as I am aware, the answer to your question is not available in these sources. This may suggest that the custom of referring to a released bishop by this title is acceptable. There should be no compulsion to continue to use the title over a long period of time, however. Certainly, the first few weeks or months after a bishop’s release is the period when the members of the ward will call him by that title. It is probable that as time passes the inclination to use the title bishop will be replaced by brother. The axiom “once a bishop always a bishop” is correct because the office of bishop is an office of ordination conferred by the laying on of hands, the same as the Melchizedek Priesthood office of elder or high priest. As a stake president, I always referred to a released bishop as bishop, and even to this day, years later, the same salutation is used. Such a relationship continues to bring back memories of times spent in a very special calling. Latter-day Saints use the titles of bishop and president as names of respect. When they do so, they are recognizing that the Lord has called the person to a noble calling and their sustaining help is constant. They also know that when a bishop is released he no longer presides over the ward. The concern which one might voice in calling a former bishop by that title would be if members of the ward believed that he was continuing in the bishop’s role of counselor. Wise released bishops understand that when ward members come to them as though they were active bishops they refer them to their present bishop. If I were introducing a former bishop to a congregation or audience, I would refer to him as brother and then possibly mention he is a former bishop."

Here's a quote from Russell M. Nelson in the Ensign, March 1983: I have a question...Is it necessary to take the sacrament with one's right hand? "Parents are sometimes concerned about which hand their children use to partake of the sacrament. As a means of education, preparation, and training, unbaptized children in the Church are offered the sacrament “to prefigure the covenant they will take upon themselves when they arrive at the years of accountability.” (Bruce R. McConkie, Mormon Doctrine, 2nd ed., Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1966, p. 660.) Therefore, it is very important that they develop a good feeling and a sacred mental attitude about the symbolism and significance of the sacrament. Parents who wish to teach the importance of this sacred experience might make the topic a part of family home evening instruction. Then, if a reminder becomes necessary in a meeting, it may be given quietly, in patience and love." And here's another quote from the January 1978 Ensign: I have a question. "What benefits do children receive by partaking of the sacrament before the age of accountability? Elliott D. Landau, chairman of the Child Committee, Sunday School General Board Although children under the age of eight “cannot sin, for power is not given unto Satan to tempt little children, until they begin to become accountable before me” (D&C 29:47), it has been the practice of the Church to offer children the sacrament. Partaking of the sacrament serves to remind worthy individuals (1) to remember the broken body and spilled blood of him who was crucified for the sins of the world, (2) to take upon themselves the name of Christ and always remember him, and (3) to “live by every word that proceedeth forth from the mouth of God.” (D&C 84:44.) Allowing children to participate does not indicate that they have the same need for repentance as an adult; however, partaking of the sacrament can help teach them to love the Lord and to obey his commandments. Observation has taught us that growth processes having to do with such things as attitudes, habits, and dispositions begin at a very early age. We are often impressed with the idea that children, in our homes and in Church services, are making a limited but effectual spiritual response to attempts made to motivate them on the level of spirituality. We may also observe that their response to spiritual things often precedes or exceeds their intellectual understanding. In other words, we may see spiritual responsiveness and growth before a child “begins to become accountable” for his moral choices. His moral innocence does not necessarily imply complete spiritual incapacity. A child may get a feeling about God as he repeats a prayer or hears one. He may think momentarily about Jesus as he is instructed to bow his head and close his eyes—especially if he has been invited to do so just preceding the prayer. It is especially important that the less tangible religious lessons be given most careful attention and repetition. The sacrament is one of the most important vehicles available to us to do this. Although the attention span is short for young children, the feeling may develop that partaking of the sacrament is a special occasion, that Jesus is a special person, and that the bread and water somehow relate to him. But becoming accountable is gradual, not sudden, and the more mature idea of making a promise to Jesus and receiving blessings through him may well have—and should have—its beginnings before the age of eight. In both the Junior Sunday School worship service and the sacrament meeting, children see their families and their older peers partaking of the sacrament, and this weekly repetition from toddler days to the age of eight helps them to model themselves after these important persons. Under the above circumstances, partaking of the sacrament may not only start a pattern that will go on in later life, but it may also become a dynamic, vitalizing, and developmental foundation for spiritual growth. Therefore, children partaking of the sacrament when they are emotionally immature and relatively ignorant of the doctrines of salvation is not necessarily an idle gesture. Spirit may speak to spirit, attitudes may generate attitudes. Although children may not get the same thing out of partaking of the sacrament that adults do, they may have some of their important needs met through that ordinance."

So, Dahlia, how did your lesson go?

Dahlia, I would love to be there in RS and hear your lesson! Whenever I read any of your posts, I think of you as a wonderful, colorful character, and I think you'd bring pizzazz to any lesson! Plus, I think you have great insight and will be able to bring the Spirit into the lesson. Whenever I've taught in RS, I always learned so much more than what I actually shared with the class. Back-in-the-day, we didn't have LDS.org, and I'd go through Ensign after Ensign, all of my church books, and scriptures, trying to find anything that would contribute to the lesson. LDS.org makes it so much easier to search a topic. You'll do great!

While I was on my mission in Germany, and working the Street Board in Duesseldorf, I had a woman come up to me and ask "Why are you all so beautiful? When I'm on the bus, or the train, I can pick you out." Just then two Elders, that I wouldn't have called particularly good looking, walked up to the Street Board, one Elder was short and stocky, the other a tall, lanky, red-head. The woman turned to me and said "Look at them! They are beautiful!"

I love Enos. I can relate with "And my soul hungered; and I kneeled down before my Maker, and I cried unto him in mighty prayer..." I went through something similar to that while trying to gain my own testimony. For me, it isn't necessarily an entire book that I love but some of the experiences that these brothers of ours went through. I especially love the missionary experiences of the 4 Sons of Mosiah and Alma's yearning desire "Oh that I were an angel, and could have the wish of mine heart,..." Some of the scriptural passages somehow reach out and touch my soul. Love it!

My two kitties won't let me forget the hugs either! They're very social and loving.

I noticed the misspelling of noone.

I really have a hard time knowing what some of the abbreviations mean that are used in a lot of the posts. For example I didn't know what IMO meant for such a long time. But, finally figured that one out--In My Opinion, or there's IMHO--In My Humble Opinion. But there are others that I can't figure out. Like HoI, and FWIW and DH and lots of others. Could someone post a list with some of the common abbreviations, or at least let me know where I can look it up on the internet? Thanks!

Good post Beefche, I agree with what you say. And what's the saying, I can't remember it exactly "try walking a mile in my shoes before judging". We simply don't know what is happening in people's lives or within their minds to make condemning judgments or remarks about them. And especially on forums like these, all we read are the little snippets of what's happening in someone's life. We don't know all the anguish of soul they may be going through, or some of the physical and emotional battles they may have suffered.

My goal is to read every day in the scriptures--at least something. So, my minimum is at least one verse of scripture a day. Because my minimum requirement is practical and something I can do, I've been able to say I've been reading every day for years and years. Now, I usually don't read just one verse. I usually read at least a chapter or more. For me this has worked because I keep my scriptures at my bed, and if I haven't read during the day, I can read before falling to sleep. And even on some nights when I can hardly keep my eyes open because of such a busy and hectic day, I know I can read at least one verse, so I do. What's also nice is having my scriptures on my iphone. I always have my scriptures with me. And if I choose to read late at night (I'm a bit of a night owl), I can read from my iphone without the light on, and it doesn't keep my husband awake. I actually have found that I read more of my scriptures because of my iphone. Yeah for technology.

This is why I let my hubby take care of everything technological. I thought because we use a MAC I didn't need to worry about this. But, hubby tells me otherwise. There are now viruses out there that affect MACs too.

That's my understanding also--you can't get it (the time between the marriage and the sealing) waived or expedited. So, the choices are: marry civilly and then wait one year to be sealed, or get married/sealed once your sealing cancellation and sealing clearance come through. How long it takes for all the paper work to come together depends on the circumstances. My understanding is that once the First Presidency get the paper work it takes about three weeks. So, if you don't want to marry civilly first and then wait a year to be sealed, make sure the bishop gets the ball rolling with the paper work.

Happy birthday, Slamjet! Do something special and have a great day!

I wish her all the best! But, I can tell you, as a 2nd spouse, it brings up some serious misgivings.