Do you believe in being "destined" to be together?

[sweetiepie]

I know many people think this, but I really do believe that my husband and I knew each other and our children in the pre-existence and wanted to be a forever family and find each other on earth. I think our choices in life led us to each other. I used to pray for whoever and wherever my future husband was and to lead us to each other. Exactly around the same time frame when i was doing this every night for months, my husband was inactive and seriously dating a non-member. He had to make a choice... continue down this path and continue to break the law of chastity, or break up with her and begin to repent and come back to church.

He broke up with her, repented, and came back to church. He knew that he did this for his future wife, whoever and wherever she was. He moved with his brother to my ward, and the rest is another long story. I know this doesn't prove anything, but we have been married 14 years and it has always felt like we were so familiar to each other. My children feel so familiar. Like we have always been together, and we are making it eternal by our covenants made here on earth.

I feel that some people are lucky enough to find their "companion" and others find someone that they fall in love with and they can make it work and be happy and make their own eternal family. Sometimes our choices in life change who we end up with. Sometimes we just meet a great person and we make our own eternity together.

I hope that some people are lucky enough to find that person they wanted to be with when they were in the pre-existence.

I know you might think I am deluded, but I just really feel that way about us at least. Do any of you think this is possible?

[Vort]

What is the nature of our premortal life? Does anyone know?

Answer: No, and if they do, they are not saying.

Did we live in families before this life? I have never heard that taught explicitly, but it certainly makes sense to me. I don't see why we would not have lived as families.

What is the relationship of our hypothetical premortal family to our mortal families? I do not know.

But I don't think it's beyond reason that some aspects, and perhaps even relationships, from our premortal existence(s) find continued flower today. Just my opinion.

[mimi]

I think that some people are destined to be together. I think my husband and I were. I knew i was going to marry him the first time we talked. as odd as that may sound to some...didn't admit that to myself for years but hey, it all worked out in the end XD

I know someone who has a very special blessing in their patriarchial blessing. she is told that when her and her future husband see each other, they will know that they knew each other in the pre-mortal existence and that they are supposed to be together. it's a very beautiful blessing. :) though, i wonder if all people have a "special somebody" i guess you could say. or if some don't. I've also sometimes wondered if people who don't get married in this life, through no fault of their own, aren't meant to because their spouses died as babies or as children perhaps and then they'll meet up again in the next life. but perhaps i overthink things....?

[beefche]

Nope, I don't believe in soul mates.

[Guest]

I used to think that. Now I believe that Heavenly Father is kinder than to put just one person on the Earth that we're supposed to be with, and gamble that we'll find each other and stay worthy and everything else. I think there are probably a few people we could be very happy with, and I believe I'm with the one that I would be happiest with. And I believe that we were helped along to meet for years prior to the time that we did, but not that we necessarily knew each other before this life. I find it even more romantic that out of everyone possible, we found and chose each other, and we're choosing every day to make our marriage awesome.

[LDSJewess]

I know many people think this, but I really do believe that my husband and I knew each other and our children in the pre-existence and wanted to be a forever family and find each other on earth. I think our choices in life led us to each other. I used to pray for whoever and wherever my future husband was and to lead us to each other. Exactly around the same time frame when i was doing this every night for months, my husband was inactive and seriously dating a non-member. He had to make a choice... continue down this path and continue to break the law of chastity, or break up with her and begin to repent and come back to church.

He broke up with her, repented, and came back to church. He knew that he did this for his future wife, whoever and wherever she was. He moved with his brother to my ward, and the rest is another long story. I know this doesn't prove anything, but we have been married 14 years and it has always felt like we were so familiar to each other. My children feel so familiar. Like we have always been together, and we are making it eternal by our covenants made here on earth.

I feel that some people are lucky enough to find their "companion" and others find someone that they fall in love with and they can make it work and be happy and make their own eternal family. Sometimes our choices in life change who we end up with. Sometimes we just meet a great person and we make our own eternity together.

I hope that some people are lucky enough to find that person they wanted to be with when they were in the pre-existence.

I know you might think I am deluded, but I just really feel that way about us at least. Do any of you think this is possible?

I am not much of a believer in soul mates or being pre-destined to meet and marry our spouses. The reason perhaps is that approximately 51 percent of marriages end in divorce. Those statistics may be lower in LDS marriages, but many people marry before they even join the church. So even though we have free agency, it does not seem like pre-destined soul mates would be a solid plan especially it is likely that the failed marrages are the first marriage where the majority of children were concieved.

I also stop and think that society in general and even more so the church encourages marriage at a very early age. This does not give much opportunity to find that "soul mate."

I am in a 20 year very satisfying and happy marriage. But it is my second marriage and we met in our early 40's and already had grown children. Due to our life experience we already knew what we were looking for in a mate, and we also knew clearly what we did not want.

People change a lot over time as well. My husband I both agree that although we are happily married now; had we met 20 years earlier there is a very high likelihood that we would have not wanted to marry each other, and had we married we would have likely wound up divorced. We each wanted very different things in our younger years regarding family, goals, ambitions, and even entertainment. 40 years ago we would have had very little in common. 20 years ago we met and are a very good match.

I like to think that finding someone that you are willing to share a lifetime, indeed an eternity with is something that would require our free agency to choose our partner.

Also since marrying is a requirement to exaultation, it would seem to reason that using our free agency to select that person is a part of the progression.

Just my thoughts on the matter, but then again who knows, since like Vort saud, we don't remember the pre-existance.

[skippy740]

I think "Saturday's Warrior" is way more popular than I ever thought.

[garryw]

my name is not really garry so this is anonymous. Having said that, my ex wife's P.B. says she will be blessed to be sealed to the man she knew and loved in the pre-existance. When I was set apart as a full time missionary my stake president said "because of this service you will meet your wife in a special way". Well, one of my mission companions met me after the mission and set me up on a blind date with my ex wife.

So that's all a bit spooky, but I see it more as a spooky story than something to take seriously. I'm recently remarried and have done paperwork to get a clearance. Whatever destiny we had, it's gone and over now. Free agency > destiny. If we ever had a destiny, her agency trumped it.

Edited July 11, 2011 by garryw

[beefche]

Personally, I think this kind of thinking is very dangerous. Because I've had friends who ask me, "I thought about Sis So-and-so while in the temple....do you think that is God telling me I should marry her?" Or "I was thinking about CuteBoy and I suddenly got a text from him. Is that a sign I should marry him?"

What I have found in my study on the subject (and for someone who was single as long as I was, trust me, I've studied this subject), is that all the General Authorities talk about choosing your companion and then taking that choice to the Lord for confirmation. The confirmation is more of if the Lord approves the choice, not so much if this is who the Lord wants us to marry.

Satan is a great deceiver. He loves to get us to take truths and twist them just a bit to get us to begin a dangerous path. When we begin to believe that there are "soul mates" or someone we are "destined" to marry, then dissatisfaction with a partner (dating or spouse) and divorce is a lot easier to justify. It's very easy to become too picky and have too high of expectations for a dating partner ("well, I prayed after our first date and he isn't the one for me. He has great qualities--all I'm searching for--but the Lord didn't tell me to marry him."). It's simple to justify divorce ("I fell out of love with him. We aren't compatible and we both deserve to find someone to make us happy.").

Having said that, I do not deny that there are circumstances in which some were ordained or set apart (or another word that is more appropriate here) to have a certain partner. Adam and Eve come to mind--I would not be surprised at all that those two made agreements or covenants to be our first parents. However, I believe those instances to be very rare and not something that is generally true for the human family.

[NeuroTypical]

we have been married 14 years and it has always felt like we were so familiar to each other. My children feel so familiar. Like we have always been together, and we are making it eternal by our covenants made here on earth.

...

I know you might think I am deluded, but I just really feel that way about us at least. Do any of you think this is possible?

Meh. I don't think you are deluded. I do think it's possible. Here's hoping you and your family continue to be this close for the rest of this life and into the eternities.

But for the record, I'm training my girls in the following scenario:

Guy: "We were meant to be together! I had a revalation - the veil was partially lifted - and I saw you promising yourself to me in the preexistance!"

My Daughter: "That's fine - but I've changed my mind. Sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you to stop calling me now. I'm seeing other people."

LM

[RescueMom]

I guess one can say one can know our mates in the PE but I have read what Spencer W. Kimball said

"'Soul mates' are fiction and an illusion; and while every young man and young woman will seek with all diligence and prayerfulness to find a mate with whom life can be most compatible and beautiful, yet it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price."

— Spencer W. Kimball

Thomas S. Monson has said Choose your love...love your choice.

So I tend to think there is more than one 'mr./mrs. right' That marriage takes work, not just destiny. Of course I also believe the whole Prince Charming/Cinderella sets up people for really disappointing marriages...no one is that perfect, everyone has struggles and if people only believe in the fairytale they tire and things happen (adultry, addictions, ect.) that destroy the 'ideal' of marraige, not the reality of marriage.

[Blocky]

Simply sometimes yes, usually no. I wouldn't be surprised to learn we fraternized with those who we are close to in this life, but not necessarily ordained to be with them.

[Seminarysnoozer]

I think there are "soul mates" for this existence but only because we are in a fallen state and have so many deficiencies. There are 'matching' or counterpart deficiencies that could be best for our learning in this life. But progression is like an arrowhead pointing towards one spot. I believe the more we strive to become like our Heavenly Parents and, of course, more so in the next life the more similar we become. To be "one" with Christ and God would mean that person is also "one" with everyone else who is "one". Those differences that we would call "soul mate" properties I think are going to be less and less noticeable the closer we come to Godliness.

[prophetofdoom]

I don't believe there is only one person that I could have married. There is probably a percentage of women in the population that I would be compatible with. Our pre mortal lives could dictate our lives to some extent... but as some posters have noted.. we are always free to choose who we want to be with.

[Seminarysnoozer]

I don't believe there is only one person that I could have married. There is probably a percentage of women in the population that I would be compatible with. Our pre mortal lives could dictate our lives to some extent... but as some posters have noted.. we are always free to choose who we want to be with.

I tend to believe that how we are now, in terms of our "personality" and therefore our compatibilities are temporary. Just ask anyone who has a down's syndrome child or has seen the effect of chronic illness on children over time. I don't think that is a reflection of how they were in pre-mortal life. So, our "compatibility" here may be totally different than our "compatibility" in pre-mortal life. This is our 'test' compatibility here, our "soul mate" may be the person that has to face similar tests in life or similar responsibilities or challenges or tests that compliment the other person's test or challenge in life. Once those tests and challenges are over, they are over as they are temporary, part of a probationary existence. Then we get to see who we really are, without the veil of a testing situation.

I think it is good to base the marriage relationship on having a sense of who that person is spiritually and not just earthly traits (meaning - not just looks and their 'earthly' personality).

[classylady]

I believe that my husband and I are a good match, but definitely do not believe that we were predestined to be together. I'm not saying that it's not possible, but I just can't see how it would be a routine thing. If I believed that marriages were predestined, then for sure my husband and I were not meant for each other because he had previously been married and sealed in the temple to his ex-wife. If marriage was predestined, then his predestined match would have been with his first wife, not with me.

[Wisher]

I'm with beefche..... I think we came HERE to make the choice of who we will marry.... there are too many variables involved here on earth to find THE ONE

[texas1992]

I am a divorced man who thought that my first wife was my soul mate. We were married for 21 years. However, I have met a woman and our personalities match almost completely. I don't think that it could ever possibly get any better. Do I think we are soul mates? No. We are very compatible and if we get married I believe that we will be very, very happy. However, no matter how compatible we are a great marriage takes a lot of work. I have learned this from my first marriage. The minute you stop working at keeping the flame burning is when you are in trouble.

[Eleven]

looks like you got alot of people disagreeing with the destiny thing. to be honest though, i think it is right and its better that way. We live under a God of agency. NOTHING in our lives should be predestined. not that im going to get mushy, but wouldnt a loving couple RATHER say " I myself out of my own free will chose YOU when i could have chose anyone else out there" instead of saying "..yea we got stuck together.." lol. hopefully you can see the levity in my post, but in my opinion, i dont believe in pre destined couples, but i do believe in soul mates in a very different way. i believe you BUILD each other into your soul mates. you could be compadible with many people, but you wont have a soul mate until you pick one and decide that you two are going to work towards being the best person for each other. because lets be honest, NO ONE will be perfect for anyone. BUT, through time, you can get closer, and become someones soul mate..

anyways, just an idea to throw in the water bucket

[jarb]

For me, pondering the possibility of the “pre-destined” spouse is easier if I strip away the mythical and fairy-tale-ending aspects of the idea and just take a straightforward look at what it would really entail.

Mormon theology and doctrine provide me a few basic truths to start off with:

• The pre-existence was a real place where we really existed before we were born. Whatever happened to us before we were born happened to us there.
• We learned and advanced ourselves there while we interacted with each other and with Heavenly Father.
• God has given us agency or choice. The only possible way to lose one’s agency is to give it away to Satan through sin and put oneself in his power.
• When this Earth was being planned, certain spirits were foreordained to do and be certain things during their time in mortality.
• Foreordination does not remove choice. It just means someone voluntarily accepted an assignment before mortal life to do something during mortal life. I like to think of foreordination as an opportunity—kind of like God saying, “This is one particular part of my plan that I’d like you to tackle during your mortal experience.” We do have to be foreordained to be given a shot at it, but ultimately we decide during this life if we’re actually going to go through with it.
• Foreordination is not the same thing as a commandment. It’s an assignment you agreed to try and do here on Earth that can be completed by obeying commandments and following the Holy Ghost’s promptings. Following God’s will means you’ll complete the assignment and get more blessings, not following just means you won’t complete the assignment and will miss out on the blessings and opportunities that you might have had. You only need to repent for the individual sins you committed along the way when you didn’t follow his will.

With those fundamentals in mind, the concept of “destiny” is much easier for me to understand:

• There are no mysterious cosmic forces or planetary alignments making decisions or planning out history behind the scenes. If destiny means something decided before we were born, that just means God and us agreed on it in the pre-existence.
• Destiny cannot mean something a person must inevitably do no matter what they choose or wish. That’s not how God’s law works and is impossible. (The only possible actions we can do that completely discount our agency are the ones that Satan controls after we have given him our will through sinning. And even those weren’t decided before we were born.)
• Destiny can be used as a substitute word for Foreordination, and is quite often. However, destiny in that sense has to mean “an appointment by Heavenly Father in the pre-existence to fulfill a specific mission during mortality.”

So if someone were “destined” to be a prophet, that really means that in the pre-existence, God wanted to give this person the responsibility to be a prophet during mortality and that this guy accepted the assignment. That doesn’t necessarily mean he will do it, has to do it, or has completely failed at life if he doesn’t do it. “Destined” means if this man is righteous and follows God will in this life, he’ll be given the opportunity to fulfill the “prophet” assignment that he agreed to before he was born.

Likewise, if you say that you and your companion were “destined” be together, what you’re really saying is that in the pre-existence, Heavenly Father had an assignment for the two of you to be eternal companions. You both voluntarily agreed to fulfill this assignment and be sealed together in mortality. This “destined” union only meant that you two would be given an opportunity to fulfill the assignment if you both followed God’s will here on Earth.

Does God work this way with eternal companions? I don’t really know. This is just my understanding of how God handles aspects of His plan that had to be agreed upon before we were born. Adam and Eve is one example already mentioned where this would seem to be the case. I wouldn’t be surprised if there were others. However, if we believe that “many are called but few are chosen,” then that would need to apply to these kinds of “callings” as well. Apart from Christ, no one is absolutely indispensable in their role in God’s plan. His plan will go forth no matter who should fall.

I don’t even think examples like those patriarchal blessing promises necessarily mean those individuals are supposed to marry one specific person. First of all, a patriarchal blessing is a promise of possible blessings conditioned upon righteousness, not a fortune cookie. So that’s not a destined companion as much as a great opportunity that God would like to bless you with if you allow Him to through your righteousness. Also, statements about knowing one’s spouse in the pre-existence might not mean what we think. I’d wager we knew and loved a whole bunch of people during the pre-existence, kind of like we know and love many now. And a promise from God that we will know when we meet him or her could mean He’ll tell us if any of the really awesome ones from our pre-mortal social circle cross our path.

But maybe it doesn’t have to be about destiny or foreordination at all. What if we were able to make a request here and there, and our desires were taken into account even if no promises could be made. It’s not too difficult for me to imagine someone saying in the pre-existence, “Heavenly Father, I really want to spend eternity with this person. If that fits in with your will, could you help that to happen while we’re living on the Earth?” We say these kinds of prayers all the time now, and God accommodates our righteous desires whenever he can. Is that so different? Maybe, maybe not.

Anyway, these are a few of my thoughts on the subject.

[Seminarysnoozer]

I think we have to also keep in mind that the forordinations we are talking about are for this unique situation of being proven and tested, this mortal, fallen state. Just like taking a final exam in college, there are different versions of the test handed out. The version of the test can't represent all that we were taught before, there is a veil placed to allow for a focused, summarized version so-to-speak of what we each need to do and be tested on. We can't base our eternal natures and compatibilities on the tiny, summarized version of who we really are. In other words, I think it is different to talk about the matches that exist in this setting versus matches that relate to our complete self, such as in the pre-mortal life or after. We are given unique characteristics and challenges in this life that don't reflect who we really are in the pre-mortal life. A person born with a predisposition to alcoholism, or obsessive compulsive personality or social phobia etc likely does not have any of those features in their spiritual self.

[mrmarklin]

I suppose it's possible to have known one's spouse in the pre existence, but I wouldn't spend a lifetime banking on that.

Not a believer in that sort of destiny.

Knowing what I know now, I would not have married my wife, but would have made another choice. Nevertheless, I've been married to the same woman for almost 40 years. I'm with Monson on this one.....................

"Thomas S. Monson has said Choose your love...love your choice."

[JudoMinja]

Thank you jarb! That was an amazing summary of destiny and how it could possibly apply to "the one".

I, personally, do not believe that there is "one" person I am "destined" to be with. I think it is very much like jarb described. It is possible that some of us made some commitments in the pre-existance, but I do not think that God foreordains many particular people to be together. That would completely negate the idea of agency which is so central to his plan.

I believe there are several people that we could each have good relationships with depending on the circumstances and that it is ultimately up to our personal choice. If someone tells me they prayed about it and I was destined to be with them.... quite frankly I'm going to avoid that person, because that stings of manipulation to me. It's like he's trying to remove my choice in the matter and say that if I don't marry him, I'll be going against what God foreordained. Heavily manipulative. Even if that is exactly what the guy believes and he's not really TRYING to manipulate me.... I wouldn't want to marry someone who thought I HAD to marry him.

[Guest FixingTheWrongs]

The Temple teaches us that the world we now live in was patterned after one which we used to live in. So I do beleive that we did live in family and community groups in the preexistance where we learned and progressed. Wether I knew specifically my wife and childern before, I don't know, but it is a nice thought and I'm going to start keeping that perspective.

I recently read the series "The Great and Terrible". While I'm not sure the authors portayal of the preexistance is acurate or I agree with everything, it does give one a lot to think about how life there was like.

[Guest]

Every time I see this thread, I start hearing in my head, "I've seen that smile somewhere before. . ."