Congratulate or ignore?

[dahlia]

A former professor of mine, now closer to a colleague than a figure of authority, and someone I've known for 15+ years announced he was getting married to his partner.

I want to congratulate him. I'm certainly not going to say anything negative. The only alternative to congratulating him that I can think of, would be to ignore him.

What do you guys do with your gay friends? I have gay friends and students and don't have any issues, but this is the first one to get married.

I look at it in terms of not everyone is going to be LDS. Not everyone is going to see the world as I see it, why shouldn't I be happy for him (and let him know it), if he is happy? Also, being in academe, I imagine this is just the first of such marriages that I'm going to run into. There are a lot of gays in the academy and in my field, open gays are not unusual. Am I supposed to just turn away in a huff every time I m'm introduced to someone's same sex spouse?

Thoughts?

[beefche]

If you want to congratulate him, then do so.

[Bini]

My husband's best friend is a lesbian and has been with her partner for years. They celebrated their 10th anniversary a few years back and had a little get together that we attended. It was a backyard BBQ and we thoroughly enjoyed the evening.

Be congratulatory but if this is really going to rub you the wrong way, don't go.

[Anddenex]

These present interesting situations for anybody who is religious, especially if they follow the true gospel of Jesus Christ.

This consummation denotes a greivous sin in the Lord's eyes and The Lord does not look upon sin with the least degree of allowance, yet we ask ourselves, "Should we congratulate a person who sins"? I have wondered the same question.

In light of this I wonder if any of us would congratulate a friend who has been in an adulterous relationship, and is happy and proud of his relationship with another woman, and even begins to brag about it? Probably not.

Dahlia, wish I knew myself the correct response to this question. My heart says not to ignore and neither congratulate, but this will create some form of tension.

[annewandering]

I have a friend who broke up with a long term bf then found an old friend. He had been very depressed but happy to have renewed his relationship. It was very hard to decide what to say.

In the end I told him that I was very glad he was happy again and not depressed, which I was. It isnt necessary to congratulate but a wish for happiness etc is a good thing in my opinion.

[Maureen]

If he's happy he's getting married and you're glad that he's happy, then I would congratulate him.

M.

[pam]

I would congratulate and then just leave it at that. At the very least let them know you are happy that they are happy.

[dahlia]

OK. I just wondered if I'd have temple recommend issues if I wished my friend well. I am happy that he's happy, and I can leave it at that when we talk.

[prisonchaplain]

It is hard, because these folks may be following their consciences, and honestly believe what they are doing is rooted in love and goodness. And yet, we consider it sin.

I won't congratulate a friend who is consummating a relationship that I consider to be sin. Should I be expected to? Where's the tolerance for my sense of morality?

If you feel they are happy, that they are not bound by our sense of morality, and so you can congratulate them (bless???)--then do so. I wouldn't though.

[Finrock]

If "wickedness never was happiness" and homosexual marriages are wickedness, then what happiness would we be congratulating?

Alma 41:10

Regards,

Finrock

[skippy740]

Because it's polite. As followers of Christ, we should be polite. Love the sinner, but hate the sin.

The closest I was in this kind of situation was a childhood friend is now in a civil union. I told him that I was happy for him. I support individual happiness where one can find it... but I didn't necessarily like the LGBT political movement. He's in Northern California, while I'm in SoCal... so attending anything wasn't an option for me.

We're still friends and he even "likes" various LDS things on facebook. I don't know what his future will be, but I'd rather be friendly than not.

[Praetorian_Brow]

Regardless of our own opinions on homosexual activity, they should be praised for finding happiness and satisfaction in their lives. Most heterosexuals can't even achieve that, even with the splendid propaganda of various religions.

There is more harm done, more unrighteousness, done through judgement of someone, even if we disagree with their choices in life.

[MarginOfError]

I would congratulate them and tell them I hope that they find all the happiness they are looking for. By virtue of my religious choices, most of the homosexuals I have known know that I disagree with their lifestyle choices. But they've also known that I consider the human beings and am happy to be a part of their own pursuit of happiness.

I can be a friend and be civil without agreeing with all of their choices. I can be a friend and be civil without making a scene about my disagreement with their choices. I can put people before dogma.

What's more, despite my disagreement with their choices, once this couple is married, I would offer my full support for their marriage. Even though I may think that their marriage is not approved of by God, I do believe strongly that no one, gay or straight, should have to go through the misery of a bad and/or failed marriage.

[mnn727]

My DW's sister is a lesbian and in a long term committed relationship and happy, we don't treat them any differently than any other couple or relative.

[Soulsearcher]

Dahlia,

There's two things on my mind when you ask this. First off, what kind of reaction did you want from family and friends when you were baptized into the church? If your friends and family weren't members your choice could have been met with any number of reactions, how would you have like the choice received?

second is many of the responses here remind me of something i read not to long ago. Some might say it doesn't apply but i want to post it and let dahlia mull it over.

I Am Sorry | Exodus International

[Dravin]

Generally speaking I feel comfortable wishing people happiness.

[beefche]

Really, Soul? Many of the responses? Let's see, I count Finrock and maybe Prisonchap as 2 of 15 reponses that you wouldn't agree with. So, how does 2/15 mean "many?"

[Soulsearcher]

Really, Soul? Many of the responses? Let's see, I count Finrock and maybe Prisonchap as 2 of 15 reponses that you wouldn't agree with. So, how does 2/15 mean "many?"

Actually what i posted comes from the many responses i'd agree with if you read the link i posted :)

[Twisted_Fairytales]

If "wickedness never was happiness" and homosexual marriages are wickedness, then what happiness would we be congratulating?

Alma 41:10

Regards,

Finrock

THEIR happiness as they are obviously happy and do not share the same view. Perhaps some religions view us that way, bit it doesn't stop us from being happy or believing what we are doing is right.

[beefche]

Actually what i posted comes from the many responses i'd agree with if you read the link i posted :)

Ok, I'm sorry that I misread your post.

[Soulsearcher]

Ok, I'm sorry that I misread your post.

LOL no worries at all, honest mistake considering how i usually post, still love ya :)

[prisonchaplain]

Dahlia,

There's two things on my mind when you ask this. First off, what kind of reaction did you want from family and friends when you were baptized into the church? If your friends and family weren't members your choice could have been met with any number of reactions, how would you have like the choice received?

This is really a perfect analogy. I have a childhood friend who is a Jehovah's Witness. I have not interacted with him in a couple of decades. Should I meet him and say, "Guess what? I'm an ordained Pentecostal minister and chaplain!" I'd hardly expect him to congratulate me. He'd probably offer a polite and awkward, "Oh really--that's something."

Why would I expect him to endorse or congratulate me for becoming a full-time advocate of what he considers to be corrupted Christendom?

At the same time, I would not expect a debate, or rude comments about my sinful alignment or practices. I'd expect an awkward nuetrality, given out of politeness, not agreement.

Those who believe homosexual practice and marriage to be compatible witht their religion, spirituality and morality will likely reach Maslov's self-actualization. If they are my friends they will remain so as long as they tolerate (put up with) my inward religious convictions. Some can and do, others will not and will disassociate.

[Suzie]

What do you guys do with your gay friends?

My friends are my friends, I don't differentiate the way I treat them based on their sexual orientation . If a straight friend of mine gets married, I congratulate him/her, go to their ceremony, reception, etc and try to support them in the best way I can. Same exact reaction if it was a gay friend. That's the way I show that I love them.

[brycematheson]

Congratulate him (them) and leave it at that. You might not support their actions, but you can still be happy that they're happy.

[prisonchaplain]

I hate to strain at gnats, but how can I congratulate them on their actions if I don't support their actions?