Pornography?

[Guest MormonGator]

Porn is like smoking cigarettes. One of the rare things in life that absolutely nothing good can come out of it. Just saying. 

[Guest MormonGator]

I mean, we all have bad habits (smoking, porn, whatever) but literally NO good can come out of this one. 

Edited December 28, 2015 by MormonGator

[priesthoodpower]

I mean, we all have bad habits (smoking, porn, whatever) but literally NO good can come out of this one. 

 

MG, I agree about smoking, but Porn can lead to adultery/fornication which may also lead to pregnancy. I know many people who are the result of adultery and they are wonderful people. One of them, my nephew, was a huge blessing to our family back in the 90's.

 

just saying. but yes I agree that sin is never good.

[Guest MormonGator]

MG, I agree about smoking, but Porn can lead to adultery/fornication which may also lead to pregnancy. I know many people who are the result of adultery and they are wonderful people. One of them, my nephew, was a huge blessing to our family back in the 90's.

 

just saying. but yes I agree that sin is never good.

 Good point. I meant no offense at all, and I apologize. My biological parents were not married either.

God bless you and your family. 

Edited December 29, 2015 by MormonGator

[JojoBag]

I'm confused by your response here. I'm not doubting what you said, but that you said it as some sort of proof that PriesthoodPower was wrong.

Don't you see that everything you said makes his answer more correct? Or to put it more directly the Savior is THE answer to all those issues you just outlined.

Christ is the answer. Of course, I think marriage counseling is essential as well, but Christ is the answer.

 

I'm not doubting priesthood power or faith or the Atonement.  I was healed from nearly five decades of porn addiction through the power of faith, a priesthood blessing, and the Atonement.  I was started in porn at age six by my forty-something neighbor and became addicted at age seven.  I have completely overcame my addiction and am revolted beyond belief at the thought of porn.  In spite of being healed, I still suffer the consequences on a regular basis.  Also, my grown children suffer the consequences of my addiction and I'm afraid my grandchildren will also. 

 

You are right that Christ is the answer and the Atonement heals.  What it doesn't do is stop the consequences.  It takes away the pain of the consequences and of the memories, which is a major blessing.  This is what I meant.

[priesthoodpower]

This is where you are wrong. She will pay the consequences of his actions as will her children for years to come. She will suffer anguish, frustration, doubt, lack of trust, etc. All the arguments they will get into over this will affect her children and shape their lives. He will pass on his attitude to his children if she cannot counter it. She will always think she isn't good enough for her husband and every other woman will be her enemy because he will always be looking at those other women. That is the burden her husband placed on her that she must deal with. I saw what my addiction did to my wife and it is the same for every other woman I've read about.

Friction in a relationship can occur where there is resistance and a lack of understanding. Labeling her husband as a bad person creates resistance

Labeling him as a sufferer of an addiction changes the perspective and provide room for compassion, sympathy, things in which this couple needs to overcome the issue together.

Have you ever noticed that when our Prophets have spoken over the years, they speak with compassion and love. But the further you go down the chain to our Stake presidents, Bishops, Auxiliary leaders, Mothers/Fathers etc...their relaying of the prophets words are more emotionally charged, maybe a little judgmental? Maybe we have been socially conditioned to accept these judgements by individuals who are not Prophets, then we turn around and judge each other under the same guise?

Your wife and/or local church leaders may have condemned and chastised you over your short comings which caused friction in your home but there is no reason that we need to allow that same mindset to continue for the OP.

When my wife was 12 yrs old her father (non-Lds) cheated on his wife and they got divorced. My wife was devastated and in her mind built up the belief that all men are cheaters. The first year into my marriage my wife found out about my porn addiction, she was disappointed in me but understood that us men are not perfect. After explaining to her my total commitment to her and that my problem is an addiction and not a fantasy life style I desire, she had no problem being supportive of me through the repentance process. 13 years later and we are happy together, Im always repenting, we still have the ups and downs that any relationship goes through but as far as my porn addiction we did not let it cause friction in our relationship.

All the symptoms you describe of what should happen to a family where the husband is a porn addict did not happen in my home and a big key to that was to really understand the Atonement, understanding that with a humble and meek heart my intentions can be good but my body remain weak, after enduring to the end no matter how much I fail as long as I never give up our Savior will make me whole. That is the joy and good news of the gospel that I needed to believe in order to get me through the hard times and prevent me from doing things that I would later regret, for example dating or flirting with other women or even adultery.

 

I'm not doubting priesthood power or faith or the Atonement.  I was healed from nearly five decades of porn addiction through the power of faith, a priesthood blessing, and the Atonement.  I was started in porn at age six by my forty-something neighbor and became addicted at age seven.  I have completely overcame my addiction and am revolted beyond belief at the thought of porn.  In spite of being healed, I still suffer the consequences on a regular basis.  Also, my grown children suffer the consequences of my addiction and I'm afraid my grandchildren will also. 

 

You are right that Christ is the answer and the Atonement heals.  What it doesn't do is stop the consequences.  It takes away the pain of the consequences and of the memories, which is a major blessing.  This is what I meant.

There may be different degrees of porn addiction and different degrees of consequences. In my case it never got to the point where I was physically hurting someone. I also never allowed myself to get into the really hard core porn that would really screw up someones mind.

 

ps* Although I am talking to jojobag I really am doing this for the OP to read and understand it from our point of view. I really hope and pray that any information in this thread can be beneficial to someone.

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

You are right that Christ is the answer and the Atonement heals.  What it doesn't do is stop the consequences.  It takes away the pain of the consequences and of the memories, which is a major blessing.  This is what I meant.

 

I'm in agreement with you then.  I think too often people think the gospel is like a magic wand that can make all the pain go away...it doesn't work like that.  We are blessed though that the Savior can help us THROUGH the pain, and turn it into something worthwhile, but yeah, it doesn't get magically whisked away.  

[Guest MormonGator]

I'm in agreement with you then.  I think too often people think the gospel is like a magic wand that can make all the pain go away...it doesn't work like that.  We are blessed though that the Savior can help us THROUGH the pain, and turn it into something worthwhile, but yeah, it doesn't get magically whisked away.  

 Right. It doesn't go away, but it makes the pain easier to deal with. 

Before I converted I was a nominal Christian. Now that I try to be more serious about it, I'm amazed in how much the restored gospel has helped me.

Frankly. Lit, I think it's the Book of Mormon. LDS have an innate spark of beauty in them. Even the driest LDS is more interesting than a non member. Just saying. Not an insult to non members, but lets face it-LDS are the cool ones. 

Edited December 29, 2015 by MormonGator

[texygirl]

I feel like I really have let worldly things take over my life. I guess it has happened slowly but surely. And I realize it has to stop now. I can't change my husband but I can change myself and our home. And if he decides he wants to change it is up to him. I realize our little family is really following in the footsteps of my family when I was growing up. We weren't super active, my parents would watch inappropriate movies, I know because I used to try to sneak out of bed to see what they were watching. My mom was always screaming at my dad. In my family now, no one screams, though my husband has a temper. The Spirit wasn't felt very often in our home and I am sure my kids don't feel it very often in our home. And that makes me sad because I really wanted to raise them differently.

Since my parents divorce I have seen both of their testimonies disappear. My brothers both live with their girlfriends and have both asked if they could live at our house with their girlfriends. When I told them no, my mom said I am judgmental and that I shouldn't push my brothers away. And I told her that it would be the wrong example for my kids and she said this is how the world is nowadays and God understands that things change. My kids have told my brothers they shouldn't live with their girlfriends and drink alcohol, because they talk about it in front of my kids and my brothers told me I am raising them wrong, that they are judgmental like me and shouldhave an open mind. My brothers both live far from me now and I think that is better for my kids. But I feel sad for them both because I know they aren't happy. My parents divorce really effected them. And in some ways has effected me. My Dad cheated on my mom at the end of their marriage and I have always been scared that would happen to me. My husband is very friendly and sometimes I have seen him flirting or maybe it was just being friendly with other women and I get jealous. Ihave seen him check out women in front of me and when I would tell him what I have seen he will say something like he was just looking because he thought he recognized them from somewhere. He had a co-worker that is a woman around our age who wanted to carpool with him and they work like 5 minutes away from our house and he had given her a ride a couple times and he told me she wanted to continue carpooling and I told him I didn't like it and it stopped, she got a lady from work to give her rides. I don't believe he would cheat on me but I believe he definitely has shown interest to pictures and once in a while a pretty lady walking by and I guess that's how it can all start. But I believe my parents divorce has caused me to be more jealous than I should be I guess.

I don't want us to end up like my parents and I don't want my kids to end up like my brothers. I want them to be better than me and my husband and I wantthem to have a strong testimony and feel closeto Heavenly Father. So I need to get closer to him myself now before I run out of time to make things good for my family.

Edited December 29, 2015 by texygirl

[estradling75]

"To not get what you have always gotten... You have got to stop doing what you have always done."

 

It's pithy little saying with a lot of truth behind it.  Change can be very hard.  Trying to do all the changes you want at once can be overwhelming.  So start small and basic and build up to the massive changes you want.  You don't get much more basic then regular prayer and scripture study.  If you are not current doing those personally start there.

[zil]

I feel like I really have let worldly things take over my life. I guess it has happened slowly but surely. And I realize it has to stop now. I can't change my husband but I can change myself and our home.

 

OK, this is the third time I've read one of your posts and had this random thought pop into my head out of the blue, so I'm going to tell it to you, in case it will benefit you: Get some spiritual pictures to hang on your walls - pictures of temples, pictures of the Savior, scenes from the scriptures, a framed version of the Proclamation on the Family or The Living Christ, or something.  As many as you think appropriate.

 

(Or don't, but now I've said it, so maybe it'll quit popping into my head.) :)

[WakkoWarner]

I didn't read all the responses, so someone may have already provided you with this link:  Click Here   I receently listened to a presentation given by a man who is trying to get resources into people's hands to combat this sort of thing.  I hope that this link may give you some of the tools you need to get this situation fixed:  www.fightthenewdrug.org

 

A couple of things that have come to light about pornography that most people are not aware of:

 

Pornography changes the chemistry in your brain.

 

The average age of pornography exposure today is 9 years old.

 

You are actually better off using cocaine or methamphetmine than viewing pornography.

 

 

He covered so much information that it was difficult to absorb it all.  Please utilize the website and the

tools that are available there.  Pornography is an incredibly destructive thing.  It is far too easy to access

and it is destroying lives and families around the world.  People truly do not understand just how addictive

it is.  If it becomes an addiction, it will take 2 years to over come it (the same as any other addiction).  I hope

that you will be able to get through this trying time.

 

P.S.  One thing I forgot to add.  The speaker covered the concept of bishops telling people to pray and read

their scriptures to overcome a pornography addiction.  IT DOES NOT WORK.  The largest group within the

church that has problems with pornography is return missionaries.  They were told to read and pray and their

addiction was never addressed properly before their mission.  Professional help will be needed to ovecome

this if it has indeed become an addiction.

Edited January 3, 2016 by WakkoWarner

[The Folk Prophet]

P.S.  One thing I forgot to add.  The speaker covered the concept of bishops telling people to pray and read

their scriptures to overcome a pornography addiction.  IT DOES NOT WORK.

 

You cannot possible know this. You cannot possibly prove this. And I absolutely, adamantly, from personal experience, flat out disagree.

 

The largest group within the church that has problems with pornography is return missionaries.

 

Well...yeah...men in the 20s. Obviously. Would we expect 12 year old girls to be the largest group? And since most men in the church in their twenties and up are returned missionaries...

 

They were told to read and pray and their addiction was never addressed properly before their mission.  Professional help will be needed to ovecome this if it has indeed become an addiction.

 

I'm not discounting or debating against seeking professional help. Not doing something of the sort would be like praying for a headache to go away and then not bothering with a pain-killer. But please don't tell me that prayer and scripture study do not work. That is just flatly false. Expecting that prayer and scripture study means one can then sit back and rest on their laurels, doing nothing and solve the problems flies in the face of the true principles of prayer and scripture study. But they DO work.

[priesthoodpower]

You are actually better off using cocaine or methamphetmine than viewing pornography.

 

I disagree, drugs screw up your priority's and destroys your body physically, porn can do the same things indirectly but still not as bad as what drugs do to people.

 

 

P.S. One thing I forgot to add. The speaker covered the concept of bishops telling people to pray and read

their scriptures to overcome a pornography addiction. IT DOES NOT WORK.

I agree. In my personal experience of porn addiction from the age of 12 - 39 praying did not help me get completely over it. I have served a mission, married in the temple, blessed all 3 of my kids, baptized 2 of them, all while praying and repenting to overcome my porn addiction. Understand that during these milestone events I was clean for months but then afterward slowly get caught up in the viewing of porn again, thus I refer to it as an addiction.

 

What praying did do was help me maintain my prioritys, humble me to recognize that I have a problem and I need to continually look to the Lord for forgiveness and strength.

 

When I turned 39 something funny happened. My testosterone levels dropped, apparently this is the age that most males bodys start to change. When that happened I completely lost the desire to view porn, heck I thought it was sick and disgusting even. My sex life with my wife did drop a little but we are still both happy in that department. 

 

I asked myself, "Why did it take a physical change (drop in testosterone) in my body for me to get over my porn addiction?". I concluded that young males have such high testosterone and this drives them to want to reproduce (Gods plan). If physical reproduction is not possible with a female companion then the next option is to masterbate and look at porn.

 

Lets take a look at any medical ailment, acne for example. You cant pray away the pimples, you need to take medicine, eat proper foods as well as a list of other things to keep your skin protected.

 

Why then can we not have a medicine to control male testosterone levels?

[Vort]

Because male testosterone levels do not need to be "controlled".

[priesthoodpower]

Because male testosterone levels do not need to be "controlled".

 

Vort do you speak from experience and admit that you have not once viewed porn nor fornicated or masturbated because you were able to "control" your testosterone driven desires?

 

if yes then your comment is well received, if not then don't be a hypocrite.

Edited January 4, 2016 by priesthoodpower

[The Folk Prophet]

Someone doesn't know what the meaning of being a hypocrite is.

[Vort]

Vort do you speak from experience and admit that you have not once viewed porn nor fornicated or masturbated because you were able to "control" your testosterone driven desires?

 

if yes then your comment is well received, if not then don't be a hypocrite.

 

What do you think it means to be a hypocrite? In what sense do you think it would be hypocritical for a man who has been less than perfect in exercising self-control to decry attempts to "control" his testosterone level?

Edited January 4, 2016 by Vort

[Just_A_Guy]

I think we've actually touched on a really interesting question here with ramifications above and beyond the issue of porn use:  If a physical/chemical source of temptation is removed, do we still get "credit" for "overcoming" that temptation?  If I may be candid, hormonal intervention for porn use does sound a little like "cheating".  But, then again--we use chemical interventions (Methadone, suboxone, etc) to treat substance addiction . . .

 

And, how about a reverse scenario--a kind, gentle person, at the close of their life, is in constant pain and becomes crotchety, ill-tempered, and vindictive?

 

I guess I'm just glad it's not me who will be doing the judging . . .

[Guest]

 

And, how about a reverse scenario--a kind, gentle person, at the close of their life, is in constant pain and becomes crotchety, ill-tempered, and vindictive?

 

 

I've heard more of the opposite happening, and in fact witnessed it with my dad. He was kind and gentle and funny, and throughout his very painful death (liver failure) he was even kinder, exceedingly thoughtful, and hilarious.  I've heard that people's qualities tend to exaggerate when they're on their way out. 

 

Of course that's a different thing from addiction. I speak mostly ignorantly, other than second-hand witness, but it seems to me that addiction places the problem out of our reach in a lot of ways. It pushes us past our capabilities and may even put us in the hands of other influences that we can't see, but are just waiting to pounce. I think that could be a lot of the reason behind the Word of Wisdom, and other warnings we have against being ensnared and enslaved by addiction. The sad part is that an addict puts themselves in those snares and chains. so they still bear responsibility for being there, even when they are past what they can handle, if that makes sense.

 

But I agree with you, JAG. Thank goodness I'm not the one who has to judge. And thank Heavens for the Atonement and a Savior who willingly helps us when the burden is too heavy. 

[JojoBag]

You are actually better off using cocaine or methamphetmine than viewing pornography.

 

 

At the same time I was addicted to porn, I was also addicted to heavy duty narcotics.  I took nearly 1000mg of morphine at a time.  I did this for eleven years.  I came off the narcotics cold turkey.  The rush one gets from looking at porn is extremely similar to the rush from drugs.  And, just like the drug addict, the porn addict needs more and more to get the same effect.  Porn addiction is all about the new and different.  He quickly gets tired of the same filth and needs something new and different to satisfy his craving.  This is why a man into porn is always looking around at women when out in public.  He needs that constant stimulation to keep from going into withdrawal.

 

A drug addict or alcoholic coming off their drug of choice can stay away from the people and places where they bought their drug and partied.  A porn addict's drug is walking around in front of him everywhere he goes.  This is why I tell men with porn problems to stay away from the TV, movies, and avoid the beach, pool, and malls.  You can't control what is out in public, but you can avoid the places that tempt you.  You can also not bring it into your home.

[priesthoodpower]

A drug addict or alcoholic coming off their drug of choice can stay away from the people and places where they bought their drug and partied.  A porn addict's drug is walking around in front of him everywhere he goes.  This is why I tell men with porn problems to stay away from the TV, movies, and avoid the beach, pool, and malls.  You can't control what is out in public, but you can avoid the places that tempt you.  You can also not bring it into your home.

I dont mean to wander off topic but this is the exact reason why I tell my wife and daughters to dress modestly and not show off their curves too much because there are men everywhere out in public with this frame of mind. Heck, because I was a porn addict myself I can more easily sense when a man is using his lustful eyes. That is why I stay away from my Dad and my one brother because they are so deep into porn that they dont know how to switch their way of thinking when around my wife and daughter, I could sense by the way they look and act that they have thoughts running around in their minds. smh

[priesthoodpower]

I admit nothing to the likes of you. Your God complex is humorous, but it does not fit you well.

What do you think it means to be a hypocrite? In what sense do you think it would be hypocritical for a man who has been less than perfect in exercising self-control to decry attempts to "control" his testosterone level?

I may have mistakenly took your previous post as being sarcastic to my post.

Fact remains we have a porn problem, My bishop told me that it is a problem in our stake and the constant counsel in General Conference from our Apostles suggest it is also a worldwide problem in the church. I can only assume that in this younger generation growing up with the internet that the majority of young males struggle with porn.

We need to tackle it head on. Im not afraid of being open and honest (anonymously) especially if it helps to create dialogue and lead us to a path of understanding and hopefully one day resolution. 

[priesthoodpower]

I think we've actually touched on a really interesting question here with ramifications above and beyond the issue of porn use:  If a physical/chemical source of temptation is removed, do we still get "credit" for "overcoming" that temptation?  If I may be candid, hormonal intervention for porn use does sound a little like "cheating".  But, then again--we use chemical interventions (Methadone, suboxone, etc) to treat substance addiction . . .

 

I think God expects us to be problem solvers. Everything on this earth is given to us for our use. I dont think the first pioneers that crossed the great plains walking in freezing snow to settle in Utah are angry that Missionarys are doing the same today in vehicles that have heat/ air con.

 

I know for a fact that my struggles with porn while on my mission kept me from being laser focused on the work. Although I planted many seeds by simply going through the motions of missionary work, I continue to testify that the majority of my mission has helped me to find myself. I wish I was able to say that the majority of my mission was spent helping others find themselves.

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

 That is why I stay away from my Dad and my one brother because they are so deep into porn that they dont know how to switch their way of thinking when around my wife and daughter, I could sense by the way they look and act that they have thoughts running around in their minds. smh

 

I'm grateful that you are aware of this and keep your wife and daughter away from them, but

 

ick, ick ick!!!!  It's so repulsive what porn can turn people into.