Mormon Receptions

[omegaseamaster75]

So a Mormon Reception is just like an open house right i'm talking Mormon belt receptions? 

 

Culturally I don't get it

[Just_A_Guy]

"Open houses", in my experience, are usually done only where the bride's and groom's hometowns are far away from each other.  Since the wedding and reception usually happen near the bride's home, it becomes impractical for the groom's extended family and friends to attend that event; and an "open house" is held a couple of weeks later in the groom's hometown. 

 

My experience is that open houses tend to be much more relaxed than the reception itself and many of the "wedding trappings" you see at a reception--the tux/dress, the receiving line, the cake, etc--are missing.  At least, that's how mine was.

 

(By the way, Just_A_Girl and I were perhaps a bit of an aberration in that our reception was three days after our wedding.  It sounds weird, but I think overall--from our standpoint--it was a much better choice. Less rushed, and more time to take in the ceremony and the temple and enjoy the family who attended the sealing/luncheon.)

Edited January 15, 2016 by Just_A_Guy

[Guest]

I think it's whatever the couple wants it to be.

[estradling75]

When my wife and I got married we were in a state that had lots of my family and friends (and family friends) but very few of hers were.

 

So a few days later we held a reception in a different state that had lots of her family and friends (and family friends) but very few of mine. 

 

This made it easier for all the people that might wish to celebrate with us but had issues with distances to do so

[omegaseamaster75]

I have been to "regular" receptions and also to "Mormon" receptions.

 

Normal receptions- you RSVP because they are catering a meal, they do normal reception stuff. Throw a bouquet/garter belt, Daddy daughter dance, first dance as a couple. etc, etc.

 

Mormon receptions- no RSVP because they invite EVERYONE, a receiving line, minimal food/horderves, no DJ, sometimes dancing mostly not. Pretty much a gift grab.

[pam]

 

Normal receptions- you RSVP because they are catering a meal, they do normal reception stuff. Throw a bouquet/garter belt, Daddy daughter dance, first dance as a couple. etc, etc.

 

 

 

I see these same things all of the time at Mormon receptions too.

[Guest]

OR, they are following counsel to not have extravagant receptions that cost a lot of money.

 

If it bothers you to not get a square meal in "payment" for your gift, don't go. Most people aren't so focused on material things, they're just wanting to celebrate the start of life together.

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

Pretty much a gift grab.

Ouch harsh. I have to agree with Eowyn, if that's how you feel, don't go.

I think the differences are simply due to culture (you do what your friends are doing) and financial (Mormons tend to have larger families which means less $$$ to spend on catering and more mouths to feed if you did.)

My hubby and I were 28 and 33 when we got married, so we paid for everything on our own. We threw the bouquet, had a dance where we danced first (no daddy daughter dance though because my step dad was drunk at my reception...made a spectacle of himself and left early.) We had cake and food but it wasn't catered. I think everyone had a good time.

Oh and my hubby tripped and spilled green punch all over my dress and ruined it. Good times. I hope my daughter has a temple wedding and then skips the whole reception thing and uses the reception $$$ for the honeymoon. :)

Edited January 15, 2016 by LiterateParakeet

[Backroads]

Husband did not have a reception at his first marriage and thus enjoyed our reception a lot more than I did. Our reception was definitely my mom's thing. I stood in the receiving line for two hours and looked pretty. It was nice enough and I don't exactly regret having a reception, but if I had to do it over again I'd probably skip it.

[beefche]

I really don't understand people who get upset at other people's choices for a wedding reception. If you aren't paying for it, then your choice is either to go or not.  

 

BTW, I had both. My husband lived in Utah and his family was in Utah. We had an open house type of reception in Utah. He planned it (ok, let's be honest, his mom planned it). I was not about to plan a wedding and 2 receptions by myself. So, I gave him a budget and said, "have at it." The only thing I requested was that we have some type of food--sandwiches, hors d'oeuvres, cheese on crackers, something.

 

I'm from Indiana and my whole family live in Indiana. We had a reception here and I originally wasn't going to do more than an open house. But, my dad wanted a catered meal and he was paying for it. So, we had a ring ceremony (again, for my non-member dad) and then a catered meal.  

 

At both things, I did NOT want to stand for 2 hours in a line. So, instead we mingled and greeted our guests personally. I enjoyed that so much more than standing in a line. And I'm pretty sure we actually greeted everyone who came and while we may not have spent a lot of time with each guest, we did spend a few minutes with everyone. Perhaps the guests didn't like it, but since they didn't have a Benjamin or even a Washington invested, I didn't care.

 

And for the record, I honestly and truly didn't care if we got a gift or not. I just wanted to share this time with my friends and family. We didn't open our gifts at either reception but waited until later in the week when we were alone.

[Jane_Doe]

I have been to "regular" receptions and also to "Mormon" receptions.

 

Normal receptions- you RSVP because they are catering a meal, they do normal reception stuff. Throw a bouquet/garter belt, Daddy daughter dance, first dance as a couple. etc, etc.

 

Mormon receptions- no RSVP because they invite EVERYONE, a receiving line, minimal food/horderves, no DJ, sometimes dancing mostly not. Pretty much a gift grab.

 

Mormons can do both, and I have been to both-- sometimes for the same couple!  It's all up to what the couple wants to do / culture.

[The Folk Prophet]

Pretty much a gift grab.

 

What's wrong with that?

[mrmarklin]

One would think that since marriage is required for one's exaltation that this would receive a lot more attention in one's life. Mormon receptions IMHO are largely an oxymoron.

One would think a major blow out would be in order, considering the importance this has in Mormon belief. But not so!

[Jane_Doe]

One would think that since marriage is required for one's exaltation that this would receive a lot more attention in one's life. Mormon receptions IMHO are largely an oxymoron.

One would think a major blow out would be in order, considering the importance this has in Mormon belief. But not so!

 

Quite the opposite: Mormons focus on the marriage, not the reception.  

[Guest MormonGator]

Quite the opposite: Mormons focus on the marriage, not the reception.  

 We should focus on both. A wedding should be a time of great of joy. 

LadyGator and I both wish we got married on a beach somewhere with just our friends. Sadly, we listened to family and did what they wanted. The older I get, the more I wish we just eloped. 

[The Folk Prophet]

One would think that since marriage is required for one's exaltation that this would receive a lot more attention in one's life. Mormon receptions IMHO are largely an oxymoron.

One would think a major blow out would be in order, considering the importance this has in Mormon belief. But not so!

Attention in one's life = major blow out?

I don't think that's the kind of attention we're looking for.

Edited January 16, 2016 by The Folk Prophet

[Maureen]

...I hope my daughter has a temple wedding and then skips the whole reception thing and uses the reception $$$ for the honeymoon. :)

 

I'm wondering if this way of thinking is the reason why Mormons view celebrations differently than other religious people.

 

For one thing, a temple sealing doesn't require others to attend. If a couple wishes they could have a sealing with just them, the sealer and witnesses; and family members would see that as normal. While those of other religions look at the wedding ceremony as something joyous to attend and witness. A wedding ceremony is intended for family and friends to come together in support of two people making the decision to start a new family together. And those in attendance are their for support and well wishes.

 

The reception happens for all those witnessing the ceremony can celebrate in a more interactive way.

 

In a perfect world, a wedding should be a joyous once in a lifetime event, and wonderful memories should be a part of that. I would think that especially Mormons know the value of sharing that special day with family and friends who are there to support and be a part of the couple's happiness. Because once the wedding is over, it's nice to know that those who were there are also there for you in good times and hard times.

 

M.

 

Edited - I edited the work "even" for the word "especially". Since Mormons are family oriented, a wedding reception is a perfect family get-together.

Edited January 17, 2016 by Maureen

[Backroads]

I'm wondering if this way of thinking is the reason why Mormons view celebrations differently than other religious people.

For one thing, a temple sealing doesn't require others to attend. If a couple wishes they could have a sealing with just them, the sealer and witnesses; and family members would see that as normal. While those of other religions look at the wedding ceremony as something joyous to attend and witness. A wedding ceremony is intended for family and friends to come together in support of two people making the decision to start a new family together. And those in attendance are their for support and well wishes.

The reception happens for all those witnessing the ceremony can celebrate in a more interactive way.

In a perfect world, a wedding should be a joyous once in a lifetime event, and wonderful memories should be a part of that. I would think that even Mormons know the value of sharing that special day with family and friends who are there to support and be a part of the couple's happiness. Because once the wedding is over, it's nice to know that those who were there are also there for you in good times and hard times.

M.

However, this pressure to have a big way to celebrate with friends and family is a stated reason why many don't get married. They can't afford to entertain so many people.

[Vort]

I would think that even Mormons know the value

 

You'd think so, but don't overestimate them Mahrmans.

[Guest]

Even Mormons. Even them.

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

I'm wondering if this way of thinking is the reason why Mormons view celebrations differently than other religious people.

M.

There's just one problem here - I was just kidding.

Did you read the rest of my post? My reception went a bit wonky...my step dad was drunk and made a scene, my husband spilled punch on my wedding dress. I was making a joke.

If there is one thing you should know from hanging out with us, is that Mormons can be as different from one another in matters like this as night and day so your generalization is incorrect and unfair.

Edited January 16, 2016 by LiterateParakeet

[Guest MormonGator]

There's just one problem here - I was just kidding.

Did you read the rest of my post? My reception wentry a bit wonky...my step dad was drunk and made a scene, my husband spilled punch on my wedding dress. I was making a joke.

If there is one thing you should know from hanging out with us, is that Mormons can be is different from one another in matters like this as night and day so your generalization is in correct and unfair.

No, no no. All Mormons shall be exactly alike in thought, deed, practice and...um...everything else.

Goodness, people like us are doomed Lit! 

;-)  

[Guest]

... Mormons can be as different from one another in matters like this as night and day...

 

Wut???  Ware are you getting that from?  We're a Kult after all.  We all think exactly the same way ore their r seveer concekwnces.

 

 

Honestly, I don't know what the big deal is about receptions.  As long as there's food, I'm happy.

Edited January 17, 2016 by Guest

[Jane_Doe]

 

I'm wondering if this way of thinking is the reason why Mormons view celebrations differently than other religious people.

 

For one thing, a temple sealing doesn't require others to attend. If a couple wishes they could have a sealing with just them, the sealer and witnesses; and family members would see that as normal. While those of other religions look at the wedding ceremony as something joyous to attend and witness. A wedding ceremony is intended for family and friends to come together in support of two people making the decision to start a new family together. And those in attendance are their for support and well wishes.

 

The reception happens for all those witnessing the ceremony can celebrate in a more interactive way.

 

In a perfect world, a wedding should be a joyous once in a lifetime event, and wonderful memories should be a part of that. I would think that even Mormons know the value of sharing that special day with family and friends who are there to support and be a part of the couple's happiness. Because once the wedding is over, it's nice to know that those who were there are also there for you in good times and hard times.

 

M. 

 

 

I would agree that Mormon theology does play a role in different reception traditions (not that Mormons can't also do "normal" receptions too).  But I would disagree with you on exactly what that role is.  The big factors I see are---

 

1---  Mormons believe in reserving sex/living together until after the wedding, resulting in the life plan of: fall in love -> get married -> live together -> have kids.   This naturally results in Mormons generally getting married younger than people whom put these steps in a different order.  

 

For example: a hypothetical couple that's been living together for 15 years and has 3 kids decides to get married.  Or course that couple's going to have a fancier wedding reception than the Mormons getting married at 24!  The other couple is 1) older, 2) finically more established, and 3) the wedding is simply an excuse to celebrate (they've already been living together with kids).  So yeah, it's going to be a fancier party.  

 

And what happens if they can't afford a fancy party?  Well, then the cohabitation couple postpones getting married until they can afford the fancy party, versus the Mormon couple who gets married a tiny budget.

 

2--- Temple sealings.  The temple sealing is place to make covenants to God very privately.  So when it comes receptions (aka celebration) time, Mormons invite a LOT of people (>200 frequently).  As doing a catered meal for 200 is infeasible, you then instead get simple snacks (which is feasible).  

 

 

In a perfect world, a wedding should be a joyous once in a lifetime event, and wonderful memories should be a part of that. I would think that even Mormons know the value of sharing that special day with family and friends who are there to support and be a part of the couple's happiness. Because once the wedding is over, it's nice to know that those who were there are also there for you in good times and hard times.

 

M. 

 

Amen!  (Though I would omit the "even Mormons" part as unnecessary). 

Edited January 17, 2016 by Jane_Doe

[bytebear]

I think it more has to do with the church's council on saving money and preparing for a family.  An extravogant wedding is expensive, and church members generally would rather have that money go to their future than a big expensive party, so you generally have lower key (but ironically more open invitation) events.  I have had friends who are amazed that the temple is free and the cultural hall is free to use.  They are just blown away that the church doesn't charge for services.