Grunt Posted April 25, 2018 Report Share Posted April 25, 2018 4 hours ago, NeuroTypical said: No. I never hang out with a female friend. When I married my wife, I basically ceased activity with female friends. When I was single, I traveled Europe with 14 women. I had three female friends and we went camping and on vacation and spent time together. All that ended when I got married - it wouldn't have been appropriate to continue such things. Maybe it's different in your culture. But I'm in the vast majority here. Also, a short while back, my wife expressed a little discomfort with how chummy I was apparently getting online. Now, nothing was happening, I wasn't doing anything wrong, there was no emotional attachment at all. But rather than argue the point, I just unfriended 40+ females. Including some on this board (sorry, Pam). My wife's comfort and the sanctity of our marriage is more important to me than some fun conversation with random women. Maybe if there's a takeaway for you here, it's that people like me exist, all over the place, in far greater numbers than you apparently ever thought. I would delete my social media account without thought if it made my wife the slightest bit uncomfortable. NeuroTypical 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grunt Posted April 25, 2018 Report Share Posted April 25, 2018 Unless something changes that I can add value to, my involvement in this thread has run its course. I’m talking in circles now. Sometimes a city must be destroyed before flowers can bloom. zil and Sunday21 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lost Boy Posted April 25, 2018 Report Share Posted April 25, 2018 20 minutes ago, Grunt said: Unless something changes that I can add value to, my involvement in this thread has run its course. I’m talking in circles now. Sometimes a city must be destroyed before flowers can bloom. It would seem the guy would happily wreck a marriage for his own personal desires. Sad, but he won't be the first or last to do so. In all honesty, she is as much to blame. So if there is a major issue, he would only be half of it. He should know better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
estradling75 Posted April 25, 2018 Report Share Posted April 25, 2018 30 minutes ago, Lost Boy said: It would seem the guy would happily wreck a marriage for his own personal desires. Sad, but he won't be the first or last to do so. In all honesty, she is as much to blame. So if there is a major issue, he would only be half of it. He should know better. Indeed... since we can only talk to him, and he is the one that came looking for advice we can only really try to encourage him to fix this mess Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anatess2 Posted April 25, 2018 Report Share Posted April 25, 2018 On 4/24/2018 at 1:06 PM, JayKi said: Do you think I should tell her I can't hang out with you even though you want to because your husband don't like it ? YES! That's the decent thing to do in ANY CULTURE. NeuroTypical 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JayKi Posted April 25, 2018 Author Report Share Posted April 25, 2018 32 minutes ago, estradling75 said: Indeed... since we can only talk to him, and he is the one that came looking for advice we can only really try to encourage him to fix this mess Well I want to fix because I need my temple recommend back but no one told me how I can Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JayKi Posted April 25, 2018 Author Report Share Posted April 25, 2018 16 minutes ago, anatess2 said: YES! That's the decent thing to do in ANY CULTURE. No one explain to me why. Other than it is right thing but why ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anatess2 Posted April 25, 2018 Report Share Posted April 25, 2018 (edited) 15 minutes ago, JayKi said: No one explain to me why. Other than it is right thing but why ? Because the marital covenant is sacred and you should respect it. Whatever differences the husband and wife has, you don't want to be in the middle of - regardless of who is right or wrong. You bow out and let them resolve the issue without you providing the complication. This is a common occurrence between the spouse and the in-laws. It is a common occurrence for parents to have a hard time letting go of their son/daughter and it causes friction between the husband and wife as loyalties get split between the spouse and the parent. The decent thing to do for parents is to let go and not come in-between the spouses. You, as a friend, even have a whole lot less reason to put yourself between husband and wife. You don't want to be the reason that the marriage fails. This is not your problem, this is your friend's problem. If she wants to keep your friendship, then she needs to resolve the issue with her husband. If you are a good friend, you will allow that to happen without you pulling the wife away from the husband. Also, the attitude you expressed lacks respect for the husband and the marital covenant. I am quite certain that the husband sees this which is why he objects to your friendship with his wife. My husband, for example, is very intuitive. He knows when a friend of mine is "safe" or "danger" to our marriage. People who show no respect for our marital relationship will become enemies to my husband and he will advice me to end that friendship. I have learned to respect his instincts on the matter because there is no friend in the entire planet that is worth risking my marriage over. Edited April 25, 2018 by anatess2 zil 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JayKi Posted April 25, 2018 Author Report Share Posted April 25, 2018 2 minutes ago, anatess2 said: This is not your problem, this is your friend's problem. If she wants to keep your friendship, then she needs to resolve the issue with her husband. If you are a good friend, you will allow that to happen without you pulling the wife away from the husband. Exactly it is their problem not mine so why I have to resolve it by telling my friend no to hang out when she ask me. If she want to is her choice. And why me punish for their problem? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
estradling75 Posted April 25, 2018 Report Share Posted April 25, 2018 1 minute ago, JayKi said: No one explain to me why. Other than it is right thing but why ? The golden rule... do unto others as you would have done unto you. Reverse the role and see if you would like it. You are the husband newly married... This strange guy is making moves on your wife and your wife appears to be falling for it. Sure they claim they are just "friends" but he is flirting with her in texts... he is offering large sums of money to her to leave you behind and come to him. And worse of all when you express your concerns your wife does not end it but blows off your concerns and continues to see the guy. If you can not see how destructive this would be to you and your marriage you have a big awakening coming 11 minutes ago, JayKi said: Well I want to fix because I need my temple recommend back but no one told me how I can What part of "STOP IT" was unclear to you? You off cut all contact with the woman (get your socialization needs elsewhere). Then you go to your Bishop and or Stake President and say with all humility that you were wrong and that you have stopped. Then ask what else you need to do to get it back. And they will tell you. This was told you on the first page and repeatedly since then. But you do not want to hear it. Vort 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anatess2 Posted April 25, 2018 Report Share Posted April 25, 2018 (edited) 5 minutes ago, JayKi said: Exactly it is their problem not mine so why I have to resolve it by telling my friend no to hang out when she ask me. If she want to is her choice. And why me punish for their problem? You don't resolve it. YOU STAY AWAY FROM IT so you don't become involved in their problem. You are not "punished". You are being voluntarily DECENT and being a good friend. Good friends don't cause marital problems. Just like good friends don't let their drunk friends drive cars no matter how much they ask and beg and plead for the keys. Edited April 25, 2018 by anatess2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeedleinA Posted April 25, 2018 Report Share Posted April 25, 2018 P-l-e-a-s-e, when will this thread end. Worse than watching water boil or cement dry. I keep hoping the light will go on for the OP. This person simply doesn't care what we have to say or is simply enjoying the attention. ( dang, I just made the thread go longer) Sunday21 and BeccaKirstyn 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JayKi Posted April 25, 2018 Author Report Share Posted April 25, 2018 8 minutes ago, anatess2 said: You don't resolve it. YOU STAY AWAY FROM IT so you don't become involved in their problem. You are not "punished". No I be punished by lose my temple recommend. But just me lose it. That isn't fair Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
omegaseamaster75 Posted April 25, 2018 Report Share Posted April 25, 2018 2 minutes ago, JayKi said: No I be punished by lose my temple recommend. But just me lose it. That isn't fair whaaaaaaa, it's not fair.....you sound like my 3 year old JayKi and BeccaKirstyn 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JayKi Posted April 25, 2018 Author Report Share Posted April 25, 2018 16 minutes ago, estradling75 said: What part of "STOP IT" was unclear to you? You off cut all contact with the woman (get your socialization needs elsewhere). Then you go to your Bishop and or Stake President and say with all humility that you were wrong and that you have stopped. Then ask what else you need to do to get it back. And they will tell you. This was told you on the first page and repeatedly since then. But you do not want to hear it. Alright I will do that. Minus the humility part it is not my style Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anatess2 Posted April 25, 2018 Report Share Posted April 25, 2018 (edited) 9 minutes ago, JayKi said: No I be punished by lose my temple recommend. But just me lose it. That isn't fair You lost your temple recommend for disrespecting a marital covenant. That is easy to fix - repentance process would be 1.) acknowledge that you did wrong, 2.) resolve not to do so again - this would involve respecting your friend's husband. I would add to this respecting your bishop. You seem to think because you live with him you don't have to respect the office that he holds. So yeah, do what he says and you'll get your temple recommend soon enough. And just as an add-on: It would be a bad idea for you to get married when you don't respect marital covenants. So, you would have to go through the repentance process to get married anyway. Edited April 25, 2018 by anatess2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anatess2 Posted April 25, 2018 Report Share Posted April 25, 2018 1 minute ago, JayKi said: Alright I will do that. Minus the humility part it is not my style Humility is not a "style". It's a COMMANDMENT. Vort 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
estradling75 Posted April 25, 2018 Report Share Posted April 25, 2018 Just now, JayKi said: Alright I will do that. Minus the humility part it is not my style So you are going to cut of all contact with the woman? Even if she texts you first? As for humility... Humility is a Christ-like attribute and you can choose that being Christ-like is not your style... but you only hurt yourself Vort 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JayKi Posted April 25, 2018 Author Report Share Posted April 25, 2018 5 minutes ago, estradling75 said: So you are going to cut of all contact with the woman? Even if she texts you first? I will try but is not so easy to walk away from a friend Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JayKi Posted April 25, 2018 Author Report Share Posted April 25, 2018 8 minutes ago, anatess2 said: And just as an add-on: It would be a bad idea for you to get married when you don't respect marital covenants. So, you would have to go through the repentance process to get married anyway. I will respect my own marital covenants because I am the one making it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Connie Posted April 25, 2018 Report Share Posted April 25, 2018 8 minutes ago, JayKi said: Minus the humility part it is not my style That's a shame. "... he that shall humble himself shall be exalted." Matthew 23:12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anatess2 Posted April 25, 2018 Report Share Posted April 25, 2018 (edited) 6 minutes ago, JayKi said: I will respect my own marital covenants because I am the one making it. Yeah, but if you have no respect for marital covenants in general you wouldn't respect yours either. For example: you had this thing in your mind that you don't have to respect your friend's marital covenant because you can't let go of your friendship: 7 minutes ago, JayKi said: I will try but is not so easy to walk away from a friend There will be things that will pull you from your marital covenant - like if your wife tells you she doesn't want you to hang out with your friend anymore. So, if you don't respect marital covenants like you should, you'd rather put a strain on your wife rather then let go of your friend. Edited April 25, 2018 by anatess2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JayKi Posted April 25, 2018 Author Report Share Posted April 25, 2018 Just now, anatess2 said: Yeah, but if you have no respect for marital covenants in general you wouldn't respect yours either. I will respect it, it will be sacred to me. Someone else makes covenant is not for me to keep theirs but is for me to keep mine own. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
estradling75 Posted April 25, 2018 Report Share Posted April 25, 2018 Just now, JayKi said: I will try but is not so easy to walk away from a friend If necessary you can respond once with.. "I do not want to come between a husband and wife any more. So I am going to focus on having a great life with out you... and I suggests you focus on having a great life with your husband." This is the right thing to do by her. It is what a true friend would do. She might not like it. She might destroy her marriage anyway... But that needs to be totally on her and not even a bit on you if that happens. zil and anatess2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anatess2 Posted April 25, 2018 Report Share Posted April 25, 2018 2 minutes ago, JayKi said: I will respect it, it will be sacred to me. Someone else makes covenant is not for me to keep theirs but is for me to keep mine own. I edited my response to this. I added more stuff for you to think about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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