Things your not so righteous self wanted to do in church, but you did not

[beefche]

20 hours ago, Scott said:

Play AC/DC on the relief society piano

 

@NeuroTypical and @mirkwood, wasn't it Santa Hans who played music from Star Wars as the prelude for sacrament? And he played the Imperial March when the bishopric would come into the chapel to take their seats at the beginning of sacrament? I would have loved to have been there for that.

[NeuroTypical]

Heh.  I specialize in music that sounds like normal music to everyone, except that .5% who get where it's really from.  We had a multi-family Thanksgiving-at-the-ward thing one year, and I had some soft orchestral stuff playing in the background.  It was an orchestral remix, of a fan-made dubstep piece, referencing a grimdark fanfiction of My Little Pony, where the weak pegasi get ground up and their blood is used to make rainbows.  But entirely inoffensive and appropriate as soft background music for a ward get-together.  One of the new missionary's ears perked up and he eventually had someone point me out as the guy who brought the music.  He came over and we tried to figure out if we were going to hell or not for knowing the story behind the music.

Edited February 28, 2019 by NeuroTypical

[askandanswer]

5 hours ago, MormonGator said:

I wanted to put a charcoal bath bomb in my pocket during my baptism so that the entire water would turn pitch black when I was baptized. Just for the dramatic effect.

No need for the charcoal bath bomb for you my friend............

[askandanswer]

I would one day like to try the ear wiggling story that President Monson related in the Priesthood session of the April 2008 - the one wear the kid in the pews imitated every move that President Monson made. I wonder if my bishop would notice, and if he did notice, if he would remember the story.  

[prisonchaplain]

On 2/27/2019 at 8:25 PM, NightSG said:

I have wanted to pick up a well used coffee pot from Goodwill to sneak into the kitchen when no one is looking.  Accessorized with all the basic supplies and a few moderately stained mugs. 

Please do not ever actually do this. I know how these things go. “Who told PC he could use the kitchen? That guy thinks that just because he is a moderator he can do whatever he wants, and not clean up after himself!” “Yeah...who made him a mod. anyway?” So, ... let’s not do this one. 😬

Edited March 3, 2019 by prisonchaplain

[pwrfrk]

Could always do the coffee pot prank with a jar of Postum next to it.  Of course, as a *sister* here (cough cough) should remember, a sin in thought is the same as a sin in act....lol!

 

[NightSG]

On 2/28/2019 at 10:23 AM, unixknight said:

• Laugh out loud when being asked to take on a calling that "won't take much of your time."

Done it.

On 2/28/2019 at 10:23 AM, unixknight said:

• On Fast Sunday, stand up and point at the clock when the meeting is almost over, two people are waiting to talk, and one person had been droning on for 10 minutes.

Part of the fun of a pocketwatch is how obvious you can be about checking it.

On 2/28/2019 at 10:23 AM, unixknight said:

• Yell "I don't care" when someone introduces themselves, in detail, complete with life's story, as a way to burn up the clock when giving a talk

Maybe someday when I'm sleep deprived enough.

On 2/28/2019 at 10:23 AM, unixknight said:

• Read Dungeons & Dragons rulebooks (all meetings)

As a lesson?  Some converts might notice, but plenty of members would only question the names.

On 2/28/2019 at 10:23 AM, unixknight said:

• (Borrowing this one from @mirkwood) Say "amen" to cut short a really long prayer

Doesn't work on Baptists.  Sometimes works on Methodists.  Track your success and we'll get a chart going.

[NightSG]

2 hours ago, prisonchaplain said:

Please do not ever actually do this. I know how these things go. “Who told PC he could use the kitchen? That guy thinks that just because he is a moderator he can do whatever he wants, and not clean up after himself!” “Yeah...who made him a mod. anyway?” So, ... let’s not do this one. 😬

I'm really just waiting for a bishop with a more common name so I can put it on one of the cups.  When he's the only one in the ward with that name, it's a little too obvious.

[NightSG]

On 2/28/2019 at 9:11 AM, NeuroTypical said:

Is it fair game to give an answer containing something you actually ended up doing?

When you baptize a kid, you arrange the interlude music that plays for the people who show up, while everyone is drying off and changing, yes?  Well, baptizing child #2, I put together a playlist with about a dozen songs from the Children's Hymnbook, and this song too.  After the baptism, I hit shuffle, and left it up to God on whether He wanted the people to hear the song or not. 

Should've stuck this one in too: 

 

[prisonchaplain]

2 hours ago, NightSG said:

Doesn't work on Baptists.  Sometimes works on Methodists.  Track your success and we'll get a chart going.

Saying AMEN to cut-short a lengthy prayer would prove an epic fail with Pentecostals. I'd just think you--to use LDS-speak--were sustaining my content, and would probably get louder and go even longer.

[Traveler]

18 hours ago, prisonchaplain said:

Please do not ever actually do this. I know how these things go. “Who told PC he could use the kitchen? That guy thinks that just because he is a moderator he can do whatever he wants, and not clean up after himself!” “Yeah...who made him a mod. anyway?” So, ... let’s not do this one. 😬

If I were you - I would be more worried about being sustained for some calling.  😲

 

The Traveler

[prisonchaplain]

3 hours ago, Traveler said:

If I were you - I would be more worried about being sustained for some calling.  😲

 

The Traveler

I know a Pentecostal minister who became LDS. I was sure he would return to the jail with a calling to do prison ministry. Instead, I find he's relocated to Samoa, where he's 'suffering for Jesus.'

Hmmmmm ....

[NightSG]

10 minutes ago, prisonchaplain said:

Instead, I find he's relocated to Samoa, where he's 'suffering for Jesus.'

Editing Sacrament talks?

[anatess2]

Be the first to come up to the podium on testimony meeting and say, "I just want to remind everybody that this is not Stand Up Comedy hour".

[unixknight]

28 minutes ago, anatess2 said:

Be the first to come up to the podium on testimony meeting and say, "I just want to remind everybody that this is not Stand Up Comedy hour".

I want to live in the ward where THAT is necessary.

[Traveler]

14 hours ago, prisonchaplain said:

I know a Pentecostal minister who became LDS. I was sure he would return to the jail with a calling to do prison ministry. Instead, I find he's relocated to Samoa, where he's 'suffering for Jesus.'

Hmmmmm ....

Interesting, that you view living in a tropical paradise as suffering.  Next you will probably tell me Adam and Eve eat the apple to end their suffering in Eden.😉 

Also for your information - I am aware of many individuals that are not members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints that have received "calling" - been sustained by church members and serve - "suffering for Jesus' - perhaps in ways that you were not aware.

 

The Traveler

[Traveler]

12 minutes ago, unixknight said:

I want to live in the ward where THAT is necessary.

Have you ever attended a "singles" ward?

 

The Traveler

[MarginOfError]

34 minutes ago, Traveler said:

Have you ever attended a "singles" ward?

 

The Traveler

Yup.  It drove  me to the drink.

[unixknight]

45 minutes ago, Traveler said:

Have you ever attended a "singles" ward?

No I haven't, but now I wish I had. 🤣

[Vort]

On 2/28/2019 at 5:09 PM, askandanswer said:

I would one day like to try the ear wiggling story that President Monson related in the Priesthood session of the April 2008 - the one wear the kid in the pews imitated every move that President Monson made. I wonder if my bishop would notice, and if he did notice, if he would remember the story.  

A few days ago my 12-year-old wiggled his ears for me. I was so proud.

[prisonchaplain]

3 hours ago, Traveler said:

Interesting, that you view living in a tropical paradise as suffering.  Next you will probably tell me Adam and Eve eat the apple to end their suffering in Eden.😉 

PC:  You are either tracking with me perfectly, or not at all. 🙂

Also for your information - I am aware of many individuals that are not members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints that have received "calling" - been sustained by church members and serve - "suffering for Jesus' - perhaps in ways that you were not aware.

PC: For sure...I truly believe God called me to my current work. We tend to fun about those who seem to get plush/posh settings, but those who serve God tend to both suffer for Jesus and would not trade it for the world (literally).

 

[anatess2]

23 hours ago, unixknight said:

I want to live in the ward where THAT is necessary.

Move to my ward.

[Traveler]

19 hours ago, prisonchaplain said:

Interesting, that you view living in a tropical paradise as suffering.  Next you will probably tell me Adam and Eve eat the apple to end their suffering in Eden.😉 

PC:  You are either tracking with me perfectly, or not at all. 🙂

Also for your information - I am aware of many individuals that are not members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints that have received "calling" - been sustained by church members and serve - "suffering for Jesus' - perhaps in ways that you were not aware.

PC: For sure...I truly believe God called me to my current work. We tend to fun about those who seem to get plush/posh settings, but those who serve God tend to both suffer for Jesus and would not trade it for the world (literally).

The more I come to understand how profound and vast our universe is; the less I am impressed with the accomplishments of humans - especially myself.  It is also difficult for me to believe that being attached to and serving someone and a cause so much greater than me can be described at any level as suffering.  Scientifically it has been determined that there are 3 things necessary for a person to be happy and avoid psychological suffering - a mental state of suffering.  I am not sure that the order the three things are given are correct but here they are:

#1. Food

#2. Shelter and a feeling of being "Safe".

#3. A sense of belonging and contributing to something important.

I have experience intense suffering, on several occasions when I have felt (thought I was realizing) the loss of all of the above - but never in the service of G-d.  I also would confess that there have been times I thought to be serving G-d only to discover my own ego and pride so easily deceiving me.  For me the greatest service has not been what I would refer to as a calling (thought sometimes such service was initiated with a "calling") - for me such service seems to come and pass quietly - almost unnoticed and seemingly beyond my control.  Hardly my own accomplishment and definitely void of any sense of suffering - more a sense of extraordinary blessing or being lucky. 

 

The Traveler