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Backroads

Mother butting in

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I've learned over the course of my adulthood to set boundaries with my parents as well as simply accept that 9 times out of 10 they are simply doing what they do out of love. All in all, I would say we have a pretty good relationship. 

But I had an oddity today that is really bothering me and I am seeking some perspective and advice.

Our ward, like many, has split us into halves with alternating the days we attend sacrament meeting. A weekly Zoom broadcast occurs. We do weekly lessons in the home and read the scriptures.

Well, my mom announced today that she is furious we (being my husband and children andI) are only attending every other week. She feels we should attend every week and wants our bishop's number (I think she can actually look this up) so she can talk to him about it. She also saw on Facebook that one of our best friends happens to drink iced coffee. She feels we should be setting a good example to our friends. 

I'm kind of shaken and feel a line has been crossed, especially when she now wants us to criticize our good friends.

Edited by Backroads
Edited for clarity

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51 minutes ago, Backroads said:

Well, my mom announced today that she is furious we are only attending every other week. She feels we should attend every week and wants our bishop's number (I think she can actually look this up) so she can talk to him about it. She also saw on Facebook that one of our best friends happens to drink iced coffee. She feels we should be setting a good example to our friends. 

I'm kind of shaken and feel a line has been crossed, especially when she now wants us to criticize our good friends.

 

She needs to be told to butt out.  Nicely if you choose, but do it.

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If you're in a region that has restrictions in place concerning the size of public gatherings, then remind your mom that the law is the law. The split in the ward attendance may simply be the result of the ward having too many active members to handle them all in a given meeting. Does she have someone at home who can do the sacrament with her?

As far as your friend goes, we can set the example, but we have to remember that other people have their free choice and free will. 

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5 hours ago, Backroads said:

Well, my mom announced today that she is furious we are only attending every other week. She feels we should attend every week and wants our bishop's number (I think she can actually look this up) so she can talk to him about it. She also saw on Facebook that one of our best friends happens to drink iced coffee. She feels we should be setting a good example to our friends. 

I'm kind of shaken and feel a line has been crossed, especially when she now wants us to criticize our good friends.

"Mom, thank you for your views, I heard you.  And now we are done talking about that.   How is ___<insert subject change> ___".

Both of these subjects are way outside of her jurisdiction.  It's not remotely her job to tell your bishop how to do your job, and there's probably a multitude of relevant factors she doesn't know.   It's also not her job to tell your friend what to drink, especially if said friend isn't an LDS Christian and has not covenanted to obey the Word of Wisdom.  

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I'm not sure what your issue is?   I think it's perfectly acceptable to speak to the Bishop about her desire to attend weekly.  That's much better than murmuring.    As for the iced coffee, she isn't wrong but what does she want you to do about it?   Personally, I wouldn't mind someone approaching me about a perceived faith issue.  If I told them to pound sand, then I would hope they'd mind their own business and our relationship would continue.  

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“Are you saying you have revelation over the Bishop? Are you complaining about our leaders?? Are you apostatizing from the church mom!?!? I’m calling the bishop myself right now and telling him you are leaving the church!”

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4 hours ago, Grunt said:

I'm not sure what your issue is?   I think it's perfectly acceptable to speak to the Bishop about her desire to attend weekly.  That's much better than murmuring.    As for the iced coffee, she isn't wrong but what does she want you to do about it?   Personally, I wouldn't mind someone approaching me about a perceived faith issue.  If I told them to pound sand, then I would hope they'd mind their own business and our relationship would continue.  .

 

On 1/21/2021 at 11:30 AM, Ironhold said:

. Does she have someone at home who can do the sacrament with her?

Different stakes, different wards, different bishops. Sorry that wasn't clear. My family and I keep a separate household from my parents. 

 

Edited by Backroads

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Snarky Responses....

Maybe or Maybe not given to me by children or relatives at various times of their life...

Tell your Mother that your Bishop already has one wife that tries to tell him what to do...he isn't currently looking for another one.

Tell your Mother that you are currently attending a Catholic Church, perhaps she would want to talk to the Father in Charge rather then the Bishop first??

Ask for her Bishop's and Stake President's number as there is a member in their stake that you think should have their membership restricted for abusing their power over you...

Ask her if you can now drop her off a 100 foot cliff and see if she can fly as obviously she puts myth over that of science...

Tell her that no, you will not clean your room, in fact insist on it and that then include that you should also be given a bag of candy and cookies...and when she is mystified at the change of conversation tell her you were acting in the manner she was treating you...

Tell her that you've gone off the deep end, if she thinks that's all she has to worry about she's mistaken.  You've also taken up a Heroin habit and are also now a hitman for the mafia as well.  Don't make you angry or she might be the next one on your list...

Not that any of my kids ever did this to me :rolleyes:, or were ever snarky :eek:...sarcastic<_<...or tried to make me realize that they were now adults and could think on their own...

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On 1/21/2021 at 9:59 AM, Backroads said:

I've learned over the course of my adulthood to set boundaries with my parents as well as simply accept that 9 times out of 10 they are simply doing what they do out of love. All in all, I would say we have a pretty good relationship. 

But I had an oddity today that is really bothering me and I am seeking some perspective and advice.

Our ward, like many, has split us into halves with alternating the days we attend sacrament meeting. A weekly Zoom broadcast occurs. We do weekly lessons in the home and read the scriptures.

Well, my mom announced today that she is furious we (being my husband and children andI) are only attending every other week. She feels we should attend every week and wants our bishop's number (I think she can actually look this up) so she can talk to him about it. She also saw on Facebook that one of our best friends happens to drink iced coffee. She feels we should be setting a good example to our friends. 

I'm kind of shaken and feel a line has been crossed, especially when she now wants us to criticize our good friends.

I would suggest that you suggest to your mother that she ought to talk to her bishop (proper channels).

 

The Traveler

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On 1/21/2021 at 9:59 AM, Backroads said:

Well, my mom announced today that she is furious we (being my husband and children andI) are only attending every other week. She feels we should attend every week and wants our bishop's number (I think she can actually look this up) so she can talk to him about it.

This is odd behavior. All wards are different, virus or not. I have never come across someone who thinks they have the right to scold or correct a bishop (in a different ward no less) in this way. He holds the keys and leads the ward...end of story.

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So, @Backroads, how did you decide to handle it?

(I'm mainly asking because all of my family members that brought all this grief all got old and died, and I'm sort of missing the drama.)

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12 hours ago, scottyg said:

This is odd behavior. All wards are different, virus or not. I have never come across someone who thinks they have the right to scold or correct a bishop (in a different ward no less) in this way. He holds the keys and leads the ward...end of story.

As a side note - I have never encountered any bishop, stake presidency, 70 or otherwise that is doing such a poor job that I personally desire to replace them.

 

The Traveler

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1 hour ago, Traveler said:

As a side note - I have never encountered any bishop, stake presidency, 70 or otherwise that is doing such a poor job that I personally desire to replace them.

 

The Traveler

I always ask myself, "could I do a better job"? "Do I want to be in his position?" The answer is always no.

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2 hours ago, scottyg said:

I always ask myself, "could I do a better job"? "Do I want to be in his position?" The answer is always no.

I'd almost say the 2nd question is the more pertinent one.

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4 hours ago, NeuroTypical said:

So, @Backroads, how did you decide to handle it?

(I'm mainly asking because all of my family members that brought all this grief all got old and died, and I'm sort of missing the drama.)

I briefly explained our family's general gospel participation, reminded her not all wards were back full-time, didn't mention my grown adult friends and their beverage preferences, and changed the subject.

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