Whining about giving talks

[Vort]

• There aren't all that many people in a ward. You would think that each ward member would be giving a talk every, oh, two or three years. But before we moved, I had not given a talk in many years. Maybe my talks are just that bad, but I got a lot of positive comments after my previous talk, so I'm thinking that's not it. I don't especially love lecturing the congregation, but I do enjoy preparing a talk and offering thoughts and experiences on a gospel topic. Even as a Sunday school teacher, I couldn't do that, because class time is not for lecturing.
• In two of my last three talks (which stretches back some time now), I have been preempted by people (both women, as it happened) who just Had A Whole Lot To Say, and took 30+ minutes to say it. I had prepared a talk, and in the first case I simply trashed my talk and bore a short testimony. In the second case I gave a very highly abbreviated synopsis of my talk, which led me to think that it might have been better to do the short testimony thing. That's just plain inconsiderate. Sure, your thoughts are relevant, but come on. If you're one of two main speakers, don't take up more than half the time. That seems like elementary school-level stuff. Other people prepared remarks, too.
• Speaking of which, I was asked to give a talk in our new ward. The bishopric counselor asked me to take eight minutes. Eight. Minutes. So I did, but there's only so much you can do with eight minutes, even if you talk fast. Which I generally don't.
• Two weeks after my most recent talk, my wife gave a talk. As usual, she did a wonderful job. I had two men (a bishopric counselor and a stake leader) approach me after the meeting and congratulate me on my wife's talk, assuring me that hers was better than mine. I didn't quite know how to respond to that.

[zil2]

Personally, I think the podium should have some sort of count-down lights or timer, visible only to the speaker, that kicks in when the speaker's assigned time is almost up so they know they have to start wrapping up. Maybe @Just_A_Guy can tell us where to find those three lights you see in courtroom dramas where each side only gets so long to speak...   This works:

Let's face it, our sacrament meeting model will unavoidably introduce some issues.  Think of them as opportunities to practice various virtues.

[NeuroTypical]

Folks who have their lives relatively together in the church, often struggle in similar ways when impacted by less-organized people.  I'm reminded of this thread where @mikbone faces his nemesis - having his time wasted by people who waste his time.

 

My life is relatively together in the church these days, and I've experienced such frustrations on occasion.  But it was not always so, and I try hard to remember times when churchy folks had to 'endure' me in ways that I now find myself enduring.   

I've found these to be helpful: 
- Having low expectations.   We're all volunteers here, and public speaking is difficult for many people.  Folks got to church - yay!

- Remembering various stories about how people can be bearing terrible burdens but still be able to act ok.   The mantra "In the quiet heart is hidden Sorrow that the eye can’t see." helps.   

- I challenge myself that if I'm really ticked off enough about this, I should go approach the person and bring it up with them directly.  90% of the time, it suddenly doesn't seem so bad, once I've got skin in the game. 

[Ironhold]

We get a new branch presidency / bishopric.

They realize I haven't spoken in a while. 

I get assigned to speak.

They remember *why* I haven't spoken in a while.

They quietly decide not to call me again. 

We get a new branch presidency / bishopric. 

The ride continues. 

[mikbone]

I always speak with the wife.  After we prepare our talks, I tell her how much time I need her to fill.  

Aren’t you in the High Council by now?

Edited Friday at 10:15 PM by mikbone

[Vort]

2 hours ago, Ironhold said:

We get a new branch presidency / bishopric.

They realize I haven't spoken in a while. 

I get assigned to speak.

They remember *why* I haven't spoken in a while.

They quietly decide not to call me again. 

We get a new branch presidency / bishopric. 

The ride continues. 

That reminds me...

Years ago, Brother X gave a talk in the sacrament meeting, the first talk any of us remembered him having offered. His talk was based around a TED talk he had liked, which had nothing directly to do with the gospel but which he thought was worth talking about. He spent about 25 minutes haranguing the ward members, especially the men, for their various shortcomings, as the TED talk had so brilliantly illustrated. (FTR, a finer group of men I have rarely or never had the privilege of rubbing elbows with.)

Several years later, a bishopric counselor was released and I was called to take his place. One Sunday in bishopric council we were discussing who might give talks. With a barely concealed smile, I suggested that we might want to hear from Brother X. The bishop laughed and said, "We will never hear from Brother X again in sacrament meeting, at least not while I am the bishop." And true to his word, we never again did hear from Brother X as a speaker, up to the moment the ward was tragically dissolved and absorbed into adjacent wards. That ward is now just a fond memory, and that talk a specter quickly receding into the distant past.

[Vort]

1 hour ago, mikbone said:

Aren’t you in the High Council by now?

Lol. There are many things that will never happen. Vort on the high council is one of those things. I'm amazed that Vort in a bishopric ever happened.

[mirkwood]

We get to speak a lot more often these days.  We have about 100-120 actively attending Sacrament Meeting.  About half refuse to give talks or say prayers.

[HaggisShuu]

5 hours ago, mirkwood said:

We get to speak a lot more often these days.  We have about 100-120 actively attending Sacrament Meeting.  About half refuse to give talks or say prayers.

Other way around in mine! Nobody will do callings. Or we get this quite often "here's a lovely service project idea anybody could do. Lets make the youth do it!" 

[Carborendum]

20 hours ago, Vort said:

• In two of my last three talks (which stretches back some time now), I have been preempted by people (both women, as it happened) who just Had A Whole Lot To Say, and took 30+ minutes to say it. I had prepared a talk, and in the first case I simply trashed my talk and bore a short testimony. In the second case I gave a very highly abbreviated synopsis of my talk, which led me to think that it might have been better to do the short testimony thing. That's just plain inconsiderate. Sure, your thoughts are relevant, but come on. If you're one of two main speakers, don't take up more than half the time. That seems like elementary school-level stuff. Other people prepared remarks, too.

Up until this current ward, I had a remarkable 100% experience in my married life.  I was asked to give a 15 to 20 min talk.  I prepared a 15 to 20 min talk.  I was given 5 minutes in which to deliver it.

100%.  Notice that this was L-I-T-E-R-A-L.  Not "most of the time."  Not 90%. Not 99%.  It was 100% of the time. 

One time my wife (who preceded me that Sunday) purposefully shortened her talk to be sure to give me more time because she was well aware of the curse.  The youth speaker (who was actually one of the missionaries assigned to our ward at the time) didn't give a short talk.  She gave a 35 min groan-a-thon about how terrible her life was and is and how difficult it is for her to be a missionary.  Guess how long I had to give my talk?  Zero, really.  It was already the top of the hour.  And the bishop asked me to keep my talk to 5 min.  Good thing that's all I prepared for.

When I gave my first talk in my current ward, I prepared a 5 min talk.  But apparently, everything went on schedule.  The youth speaker gave a 5 min talk.  My wife gave a 10 min talk.  And I had 25 min before 5 min to the hour (for closing the meeting).  I gave my excuse and explained why I had only prepared a 5 min talk.  I stretched it to about 8 min.  The bishop had to get up and say a few words to fill in the extra time.

The next time they called me to speak, they asked me to prepare a 25 to 30 min talk (referencing my previous talk). With some level of exasperation, I determined to prepare a 25 min talk and I also prepared a 5 min talk.  It turned out that I had about 25 min to give the talk.  So, I pulled out my notes for the longer talk and found out the hard way that it was really a 35 min talk.  So, I had to rush through the end.

People liked it.

Edited Saturday at 01:23 PM by Carborendum

[zil2]

1 hour ago, Carborendum said:

Up until this current ward, I had a remarkable 100% experience in my married life.  I was asked to give a 15 to 20 min talk.  I prepared a 15 to 20 min talk.  I was given 5 minutes in which to deliver it.

100%.  Notice that this was L-I-T-E-R-A-L.  Not "most of the time."  Not 90%. Not 99%.  It was 100% of the time. 

One time my wife (who preceded me that Sunday) purposefully shortened her talk to be sure to give me more time because she was well aware of the curse.  The youth speaker (who was actually one of the missionaries assigned to our ward at the time) didn't give a short talk.  She gave a 35 min groan-a-thon about how terrible her life was and is and how difficult it is for her to be a missionary.  Guess how long I had to give my talk?  Zero, really.  It was already the top of the hour.  And the bishop asked me to keep my talk to 5 min.  Good thing that's all I prepared for.

When I gave my first talk in my current ward, I prepared a 5 min talk.  But apparently, everything went on schedule.  The youth speaker gave a 5 min talk.  My wife gave a 10 min talk.  And I had 25 min before 5 min to the hour (for closing the meeting).  I gave my excuse and explained why I had only prepared a 5 min talk.  I stretched it to about 8 min.  The bishop had to get up and say a few words to fill in the extra time.

The next time they called me to speak, they asked me to prepare a 25 to 30 min talk (referencing my previous talk). With some level of exasperation, I determined to prepare a 25 min talk and I also prepared a 5 min talk.  It turned out that I had about 25 min to give the talk.  So, I pulled out my notes for the longer talk and found out the hard way that it was really a 35 min talk.  So, I had to rush through the end.

People liked it.

For as long as I can remember, I've designed my talks to be adjustable.  I also volunteer to go last, knowing that I'm conscious of time and have planned to adjust to however much time is left. I tell whoever I'm speaking with that I'll take as much time as they leave me (I never tell them I'd like them to take extra time - I like to speak in Church).

A few years ago, I was given some reference for my talk (perhaps a GC talk, but I'm not sure any more).  The source material naturally divided into three areas of focus. I initially made notes for each of the three areas, but the more I prepared, the more insistent the Spirit became that I focus on the third.  There wasn't enough in the third for a long talk, so I kept my notes about the first two, but focused my efforts on polishing the third.  The other speakers left me just barely enough time to cover the third - I think I went a minute or two over.  The Spirit knows.

[mirkwood]

9 hours ago, HaggisShuu said:

Other way around in mine! Nobody will do callings. Or we get this quite often "here's a lovely service project idea anybody could do. Lets make the youth

We have the same issue with getting people to accept callings.

[mikbone]

On 4/18/2025 at 10:20 AM, zil2 said:

Personally, I think the podium should have some sort of count-down lights or timer, visible only to the speaker, that kicks in when the speaker's assigned time is almost up

 

Then:

And after a minute, if they keep talking, organ music starts playing.

Finally, if you keep going, the microphone automatically shuts off.

😀

[zil2]

29 minutes ago, mikbone said:

 

Then:

And after a minute, if they keep talking, organ music starts playing.

Finally, if you keep going, the microphone automatically shuts off.

😀

And then the trap door is released.

[Jedi_Nephite]

I seem to have the opposite problem.  I have difficulty stretching my talks into 20 minutes when I can make my point in about 10.  

[Traveler]

On 4/18/2025 at 10:57 AM, Vort said:

• There aren't all that many people in a ward. You would think that each ward member would be giving a talk every, oh, two or three years. But before we moved, I had not given a talk in many years. Maybe my talks are just that bad, but I got a lot of positive comments after my previous talk, so I'm thinking that's not it. I don't especially love lecturing the congregation, but I do enjoy preparing a talk and offering thoughts and experiences on a gospel topic. Even as a Sunday school teacher, I couldn't do that, because class time is not for lecturing.
• In two of my last three talks (which stretches back some time now), I have been preempted by people (both women, as it happened) who just Had A Whole Lot To Say, and took 30+ minutes to say it. I had prepared a talk, and in the first case I simply trashed my talk and bore a short testimony. In the second case I gave a very highly abbreviated synopsis of my talk, which led me to think that it might have been better to do the short testimony thing. That's just plain inconsiderate. Sure, your thoughts are relevant, but come on. If you're one of two main speakers, don't take up more than half the time. That seems like elementary school-level stuff. Other people prepared remarks, too.
• Speaking of which, I was asked to give a talk in our new ward. The bishopric counselor asked me to take eight minutes. Eight. Minutes. So I did, but there's only so much you can do with eight minutes, even if you talk fast. Which I generally don't.
• Two weeks after my most recent talk, my wife gave a talk. As usual, she did a wonderful job. I had two men (a bishopric counselor and a stake leader) approach me after the meeting and congratulate me on my wife's talk, assuring me that hers was better than mine. I didn't quite know how to respond to that.

One of the most profound and effective talks in all of history was given by President Lincoln at Gettysburg (The Gettysburg Address).   His talk was completed in two minutes and contained a total of 272 words.  Over 150 years later it remains the most memorable talk ever given in the entire history of the USA.  The main speaker (Edward Everett) at the event spoke for two hours.  No one remembers him speaking nor anything he said.  I had to look him up because I did not remember him though I have heard several times that someone else also spoke and was the main speaker.

Here is a thought:  Suppose that later today you received a phone call from President Nelson that asked you to prepare a short 5 minuet talk to be given at the next semiannual general conference in October of a topic of your choosing.  I would personally be most anxious to hear from @Vort or many others on this forum.  I also believe that anyone accepting such an assignment would quickly learn what is meant to earnestly study and ponder the scriptures with a truly prayerful and humble heart.

 

The Traveler

[Carborendum]

17 minutes ago, Traveler said:

Here is a thought:  Suppose that later today you received a phone call from President Nelson that asked you to prepare a short 5 minuet talk to be given at the next semiannual general conference in October of a topic of your choosing. 

Well, to be honest, I don't know all that much about minuets.  So, I may not be the best person to talk about it.  

Howevever, I would be perfectly fine preparing and giving a 5 minute talk.  What I don't like is being asked to prepare a 20 min talk and then being told at the last minute,"Hey, could you cut that down to 5 minutes?"

[mikbone]

29 minutes ago, Traveler said:

The main speaker (Edward Everett) at the event spoke for two hours.  No one remembers him speaking nor anything he said.

[NeuroTypical]

57 minutes ago, Traveler said:

Suppose that later today you received a phone call from President Nelson that asked you to prepare a short 5 minuet talk to be given at the next semiannual general conference in October of a topic of your choosing.

In the spirit of @Ironhold's method of dealing with talks, I actually keep a link on my phone in case a Bishop (or President Nelson) surprises me with a last-minute request to speak publicly.  It's doctrinally sound, written to be easily understandable by most audiences, and I've never seen a group of humans who couldn't do with internalizing it's advice a bit more.  Ten bucks says even if I delivered the talk to the Quorum of the 12, they'd chuckle and someone would say "that's a good message, I need to keep working on that."   

I'll just change the name to whoever is asking me to talk:

https://thoughtsofmark.blogspot.com/2006/04/when-anthony-preaches-when-anthony.html

Edited 12 hours ago by NeuroTypical

[Vort]

4 hours ago, NeuroTypical said:

In the spirit of @Ironhold's method of dealing with talks, I actually keep a link on my phone in case a Bishop (or President Nelson) surprises me with a last-minute request to speak publicly.  It's doctrinally sound, written to be easily understandable by most audiences, and I've never seen a group of humans who couldn't do with internalizing it's advice a bit more.  Ten bucks says even if I delivered the talk to the Quorum of the 12, they'd chuckle and someone would say "that's a good message, I need to keep working on that."   

I'll just change the name to whoever is asking me to talk:

https://thoughtsofmark.blogspot.com/2006/04/when-anthony-preaches-when-anthony.html

Wasn't that Hugh Nibley's son who wrote that as a child?