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The thing I find interesting is that--at least during my time there--BYU was very insistent that the honor code was in place because the students had asked for its implementation back in nineteen-twenty-something. I like the no-beards policy. I have little sympathy for agitators generally, and Mormon agitators in particular. But--while I generally assume that LDS leadership are fundamentally honest and have good intentions--experience has taught me that the same is often not true for a wide swath of the mid-level bureaucrats who administer BYU. If they want to perpetuate the fairy tale that the Honor Code has democratic origins--I have no problem seeing them hoisted with their own petard by students who purport to take them at their word and ask for change through a democratic process.

I always liked going to visit my friends down there while I was wearing my beard...and U of U sweatshirt.

Anything said about this would be pure speculation on our part, and would only be our individual opinions. There is no revealed doctrine on these ideas. The exception maybe is that we do have a heavenly mother.

For years your wife has looked up to church leaders. Now she’s found out that they’re not what she thought, and she feels betrayed. She’s angry, she’s bitter. And she needs a hug. Love you wife as you always have. She’s going through a really tough time, and needs you to be there for her. Listen to what she feels—you don’t have to agree with her, but let her speak her very real emotions. Wherever her path leads, listen to her and love her. Healing from this level of hurt will take a long time, and she needs you. As to the children… my two cents would be rather than telling them “don’t believe this, don’t believe that”, is to tell them things TO believe. Your wife believes that Jesus is her savior, have her teach them that! Teach them positive things you believe as well (like their values as children of God). Join forces with your wife in that regard. As to things like whether or not JS was a prophet, take that off the table for 6 months or so, until your grown-up wounds have healed.

I'm sorry for what you are going thru, that has to be hard. I myself have been thru divorce. IMHO I just don't feel that someone leaving the Church justifies divorce. I read an article but forgot the name of a very outspoken women who left the Church and spent years writing anti-mormon literature. She recently returned. Her husband thru those any years remained faithful to her and to the Church. It can be done. I read a book about helping Children develop resilience and one of the things that brought me comfort was when the author mentioned that studies show as long as there is one positive, good influence in their lives that they will turn out ok. In other words, your spouse may not be on the same page...as long as one of you is on the right page it will be ok. Because of your wife’s choices your children may have the option earlier to leave their faith. I say earlier, because eventually everyone grows up and makes their own choices. I think your influence will be stronger under one roof then it would be split. And perhaps just seeing them on the weekends. I don't mean to be offensive but your wife’s demonstrated ignorance when she calls you a hypocrite for not being perfect is only matched by your ignorance that you can't have the church in your life and be married to someone that's not a member. It certainly does not speak well of our faith and its values regarding the family if we abandon each other when we slip and fall. Our faith should be stronger than that. If I were you and wanted an Eternal Family, I would tell your wife it's ok for her to leave the Church. Assure her that you are committed to her. I'd would discuss with her that it's important to you that your kids attend church and ask for her support in establishing rules and come up with a timeline. I would think 18 is old enough for kids to make up their own minds about attending Church. Up till then if you are supporting them under your roof, the Children need to attend. It's not going to be easy..a house divided and all...but I wouldn't entertain divorce

What is so hard with following rules? Really. Why is it so difficult for some people to understand that some rules are in place just to see if you will follow them? It's a simple concept called h u m i l i t y..... ...so just shave for crying out loud. It's not like you are being asked to cross the plains again. It blows my mind that so many people freak out over the beard thing but don't seem to give a bleep that our government is openly and blatantly breaking major established constitutional laws. Again, mind blown. (...and yes I had a bad day at work.)

Anti-Semites often insist that it is the Jews who killed Jesus. Historically, Jews endured vicious acts by self-proclaimed Christians, because of the accusation. A close look at one key gospel passage reveals an incredible irony: Matthew 27:24-26: 24 When Pilate saw that he was getting nowhere, but that instead an uproar was starting, he took water and washed his hands in fron of the crowd. "I am innocent of this man's blood," he said. "It is your responsibility!" 25 All the people answered, "Let his blood be on us and on our children!" 26 Then he released Barrabbas to them. But he had Jesus flogged, and handed him over to be crucified. (New International Version) So again, anti-Semites focus on 25, where the crowd, largely Jewish in composition, proclaims that they and their children will take the blame. Some Christians retort that, no matter what, it was the Romans that crucified him. Yet verse 26 holds the answer--and incredible one. The one who says he's innocent of Christ's blood. The one who feigns objectivity. The one who would blame the crowd. It is Pilate who hands Jesus over to be crucified. Could it be that the most dangerous enemies of Jesus are not the Jihadists or the atheists? Rather, it is the those who are cool with Jesus. The ones who find him A-OK. The ones who respect him, but will not follow him. Why? They are the closest to us--yet will turn on us when the opposition comes. Truly the prophet John called it right, when he recorded Jesus telling the Laodicean Church that the lukewarm would be spewed out like vomit. Let us not use this teaching to judge others, but rather to allow the Holy Spirit to audit our own souls. Are we too objective, too relaxed, too casual and friendly with Jesus? Will we falter on the day of opposition? Lord grant me the wisdom and anointing the embrace true devotion to Jesus, and to reject the psuedo nuetrality so beloved by our post-modern culture.

I think Severus Snape was Wiccan because he practiced magic and lived with witches.

I agree with the two other comments given above. Marriages go thru roof times as well as good times, with time we also change. It is unfortunate that your wife has became anti, hopefully this will just be for a season.It happens Satans time is short he will try us and he wants all to fall. Id stay stick it out love your wife, continue to support each other, continue to communcate with each other on all leveles, and love her back, but dont force her, she has her free agency. Treat your marriage as if you were married to a nonmember. Will this be easy for you, her and the children, probably not. You stay strong in your faith, keep the commandments, live the church ways in your home with the children if she doesnt want to join, dont get upset or hurt, or even mad. Not one of us is perfect, we all have weakness. Hold on to your Spiritually strengh let this make you stronger this is your big trail now (its your whole familys) The Lord knew it wouldnt be easy, but He said it will be worth it!!!! Let her see you praying for your family, for her, put her name in the Temple. Above all alse dont stop loving her. We are all tested. It is the last days lots of temptation and anti stuff out there, Tread softly, tread gently. The Lord wont give up on her, so why should you. It can work just needs time and a different focus for you to look at. God will Bless you through this, hold on tight.....Stay close to the spirit!!!

I thought this was a really interesting response on this issue - The Modern Campus Cannot Comprehend Evil by Camille Paglia ...and case in pointVANDALISM ON IVY LEAGUE CAMPUS ATTACKS CONSERVATIVE AS ‘RACIST RAPE APOLOGIST’ This guy is under malicious attack on his campus after he published his concern that the "affirmative consent" legislation may "muddle the line between consensual sexual behavior and sexual assault because it fails to specify what is needed to establish affirmative consent".

I'm not big on superficial standards that have no meaning, to me at least. If that's the image the college wants to project I empathize with the students, but ultimately it is up to the college. I didn't know about the negative bias against shorts! I LOVE shorts. Yeah, other, closer, decent, colleges have better rankings for my major, so arbitrary "standards" don't help it look like an attractive choice. Still a potential place to go to for education, just not #1.

Although they did initially argue that it was purchased from a different store, we got passed that eventually. There is no chance I'm driving that far for a broken phone that I believe was faulty, and I think they realized that. Besides, AT&Ts website doesn't mention returning it to the same store it was purchased from. At that point, the argument turned to whether or not a broken screen is covered under warranty. Understandably, it's not usually. A broken screen often indicates the device has been dropped, or mishandled. In my case, I'd had it less than 12 hours and it had barely been touched. It spent most of that 12 hours in a box on a secure shelf. So I believe that I'm being reasonable in believing that a fault on the device itself caused the screen to crack. Maybe the screen hadn't been fitted properly, and therefore standard pressure that it should be designed to cope with caused the crack. Their terms and conditions don't take this into account. Not covering such an issue under warranty would be highly unfair, in my opinion, as by definition it would be defective. Either way, the phone is currently with Samsung. I'm hoping to hear back from them soon.

I entirely agree that Jesus died for my sins. He gave his life for me...willingly. Nevertheless, it does not miss the point to ask questions about how the players resemble me? 1. The Jews were the people of God. Yet, most of them missed the Messiah. I am part of God's church, yet how might I "miss Jesus?" 2. The Romans were the power-holders. As an American, my nation holds great power. Nevertheless, Rome got used to execute Jesus. How might my nation be used for purposes against Jesus? When might I have to pause and say that my gifts, talents, position, and power are not helping the kingdom at all? 3. And, as in my OP, Pilate was neutral. I might have to ask myself if it's time to commit--to take a stand--to risk rejection by the mob, in order to side with Jesus. The main point is the main point. Jesus chose to die for us. Still, there is much to be learned by studying what happens around that main point.

Here's something interesting. BYU-I does not allow shorts on campus. Or capris. Or flip-flops. For either men or women. Knee-length (or longer) skirts and dresses are allowed for women, and pants are allowed for both, but not shorts. What does that have to do with doctrine? Absolutely nothing. Same with the beards. Oh, and both campuses permit facial hair of the mustache persuasion.

I'm neutral on beards, but protests are stupid. Proactive action would probably be more effective.

Outsider view--lobbying to allow beards at BYU does not seem that substantial, on the surface. However, if successful, administrators probably fear a slippery slope. What will they ask for next? Are we loosening our standards? If that's the fear, I have to wonder what next indeed? There isn't a whole lot that students can lobby for, given the church's strict standards. As for the "take the standards or go elsewhere" line--isn't that a bit dismissive? After all, BYU holds a special place in LDS culture. Graduates likely can expect a certain measure of favor from employers with LDS ties. It is a prestigious school in the greater education world, but an especially prized one for LDS. So, to insist that anyone studying there either stay shaved or transfer out seems harsh. That may be the end result, but is it really the height of rebellion to lobby for permission to wear a beard? I would hope the worse that could happen would not be dishonorable removal from the school, but rather a definitive, "No, we're not changing our standard." Then again, the school might just decide it is time to jettison this particular grooming standard.

I would agree that this situation is not comparable to Ordain Women, mainly because the issue of beard or no beard does not affect LDS doctrine. As for these sort of events being public instead of private, I think it has a lot to do with how society as a whole has changed, wanting to bring current issues to the forefront of social media. This is something both sides of the fence does.

The report said: "...they showed up for the...event, wore their beards, signed a petition and rode to the administration building with a message." How is any of that not peaceful? The video shows a bunch of very polite, respectful and thoughtful young adults. I doubt very much that BYU was tarnished by this event; and I say event because it wasn't even close to being a protest. M.

Yes, BYU has a code. However, the particular part under consideration here (men must by clean shaven) was certainly not part of the code since the beginning (late 19th century). I'm not certain of the history of the dress and grooming standards, but my impression is they started somewhere in the mid 20th century (the article claims '70's), probably in response to the "hippie" movement and similar cultural/political forces of those decades. IMO, the link between long hair and beards that was present during this era is mostly faded. As BYU alumnus who works with many professionals who choose to wear beards, I think it is well within these students' rights to ask the administration to reconsider a cultural policy for which the cultural motivation has faded into the sunset.

My father abandoned my mother and me when I was five years old. My mom put all her focus on my happiness and well-being and leaned on her own mother, sisters, and friends to help her through. It was hard, but she got back on her feet and survived. My father later felt terrible for what he had done, and I think he might have come back to us, but he died, sadly. I don't mean to sound trite, but prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Reality has a way of unfolding somewhere between those extremes. Leave the door open to reconciliation with your husband and spend extra time making your son feel loved and safe, but start thinking about whether you're better off with or without your husband. Get some professional advice on your legal and financial options. I'm sure this feels like your world has been blown apart, as you say. Your son will be better if you focus your energy on being a strong adult in this very tough situation, or at least to the extent that you can. But do surround yourself with loving friends and family and talk, talk, talk to them. Best wishes. What happened to you sounds very terrible, but there's a path forward from almost all tough situations. I hope you find the right path and the strength to follow it.

Being aware of how other may react is wise. Trying to please everyone is foolish and bound to fail. There are three people that need to be happy with what you do... The Lord, You, and your Spouse to be. Once you figure that out you will know the right thing to do. Then do the right thing... knowing that whatever else happens because of that is trivial compared to getting it right

Maybe this didn't come out quite the way you meant it to, but I can only answer the question as it is phrased--It's one thing to want to avoid hurting feelings; but the above makes your family sound like they have crossed from "hurt" into outright "manipulative". You and your fiancé need to learn to follow the course you two have laid out with the Lord; regardless of what the uber-Catholics or uber-Mormons in your life might think of your choices.

Hi Valdree, I'm a dude..but have experienced the same thing and was left with 4 kids. I feel for you and know what your going thru. They say that coping with a divorce is harder then dealing with a death and I believe it. You need to put your faith in Heavenly Father and know that things will get better. This experience is so hard, but can make you so much stronger and closer to your Heavenly Father. One thing I discovered was running and yoga...believe it or not. But running and yoga really helped my deal with the physical symptoms of the stress I was going thru. It was actually the first thing my psychiatrist recommended and I thought he was an idiot at the time. But after a week of running the aches and pains I was feeling in my body were gone and I could drop the SSRI drugs he was giving me completely. ..anyway strange advice perhaps. I have a feeling one day we will look back and be grateful for our challenges and we'll witness the hand of the Lord in helping us weather the storms. learn also to be grateful. Despite our challenges we can look around and find things to be grateful for. It didn't take long to look around and see people that had it much tougher then I did. In my same ward a women with 12 kids had her husband run off to China and marry someone over there leaving them destitute and they were British living in the States so they were basically made illegal as his job was what allowed them their residence here. anyway take it a day at a time, be grateful and seek support from the Lord. much love from a brother

I'm sorry you're experiencing this. You deserve soooo much better. As far as coping: - for starters, change your phrasing. You're not "destroyed". Incredibly hurt, yes but destroyed, no. A person who's destroyed can't get through this but you can and you must (for yourself and your son) - be glad that it's now and not later (after more kids, more years, more cheating, etc.) - find a good lawyer! - take one day at a time - create a support network for you and your child - stay positive as much as you can (thoughts and words) - negativity will only keep/bring you down - let this challenge serve it's purpose to bring you closer to Christ prayers and {hugs}

First, welcome to the Church (and forum)! Glad to have you join us! Just as a caution - making great money and knowing how to manage it are two very different things. There are millionaires who've gone bankrupt. Age is irrelevant for a lot of things - it's about maturity level. The fact that you're already in your second year of college is a good indicator (as long as you're getting good grades). Now regarding the ceremony (civil vs temple) - although I haven't been in your shoes, I feel for you and can imagine how difficult this may seem. Some questions: -Have you considered that this may be a test of your faith? -To start your marriage off on the best possible footing, what do you consider that to be? -Have you considered that this may be a chance for your family to learn and grow and prove their unconditional love? Some reading: -https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2002/04/follow-me?lang=eng -https://www.lds.org/church/news/elder-david-s-baxter-urges-ldsbc-students-to-follow-jesus?lang=eng&query=leave+all+to+follow -Luke 18:28 Then Peter said, Lo, we have left all, and followed thee. You stated that you "want to be married in the temple" so...the way I see it - since it's your wedding, it's your choice and the decision is already made. You can have a ring ceremony and big reception for everyone so it's not like they'd be totally left out. You can even talk to your bishop about possibly pledging your love to each other so it feels more like what your family is thinking they're missing out on. This will not be the last time your family disagrees with choices you make so where/when will you draw the line?

My parent were sealed in the temple before getting married by law. It is possible to do. (Not all countries are alike, but it's worth asking for) I would recommend not worrying too much that others may judge you as being sinful. Appearances are temporary, Covenants eternal.

Do not let would-be gossips dictate how you're going to get married! If any LDS folks can't understand why you want to have a civil ceremony to include all your family, then they need something thrown at them (frankly, what business of their's is it anyways?). I really like Eowyn's idea of getting sealed just the two of you. Then you can come out of the temple, put on the big white dress, meet ALL your collective family, and have a giant celebration of the happy occasion.