Why is there a "crazy" switch with single adults in our faith?

[Guest MormonGator]

31 minutes ago, Eowyn said:

There's enjoying it, and there's enjoying it to the exclusion of all else. 

My nephew (I have a huge family) is in his mid-20's and when he's not playing Pokemon and going to Pokemon tournaments, he's working a minimum wage job to pay for his Pokemon things and Pokemon events. Marriage isn't even on his radar, let alone the horizon.

I play DnD frequently and I agree. I'll play about once every few months, but I do have video games I play frequently.  For LadyGator and I-we have different interests. She's fine with me having hobbies. She'll often play Game Boy in the same room. 

To me it's about communication. If you two are cool with it, than knock yourself out with whatever hobbies you want. 

[Guest]

8 minutes ago, MormonGator said:

I play DnD frequently and I agree. I'll play about once every few months, but I do have video games I play frequently.  For LadyGator and I-we have different interests. She's fine with me having hobbies. She'll often play Game Boy in the same room. 

To me it's about communication. If you two are cool with it, than knock yourself out with whatever hobbies you want. 

My husband and I have Eowyn and Faramir for screen names, for goodness sake. I know from cohabitating in mutual geekery.

But we also work hard, fill our callings to our best ability, etc. 

[Guest MormonGator]

10 minutes ago, Eowyn said:

My husband and I have Eowyn and Faramir for screen names, for goodness sake. I know from cohabitating in mutual geekery.

But we also work hard, fill our callings to our best ability, etc. 

I think the four of us would get along quite nicely. Several of our tattoos are dedicated to Harry Potter and Star Wars and our beloved bull terrier is named "Jaina" after a character in the Star Wars EU! 

I totally agree with you, Eowyn. We also work hard and we did our callings to the best of our ability too. We don't have any in our new ward. 

We also do "grown up" things like fine dining, charity work, art galleries and we love going to plays. So it's all about balance, really 

[NeuroTypical]

Eowyn and Mormongator have good Nerd-fu.  But I am the master.  I challenge y'all to top these:

* I've got so good at my tinfoil-hat prepping 2nd amendment nuttiness, I've delivered two talks on such things in church.  One from the pulpit in the chapel.  I've also had a hand in more than one ward member getting their conceal carry permit.  

* I've given two talks in church as ward social media specialist, on how to be cool online.  (I guess I called it "how to do missionary work online).  My power point slides, (one given in elder's quorum, one displayed up on the wall of the chapel) contained this picture. 

 

Edited March 17, 2016 by NeuroTypical

[Vagabond80]

Well Omega dude... you opened a can of worms with this one.  I have to admit that yes there is a tendency EVERYWHERE for people to bemoan their problems.... (check out my original post that started this all), but you are the type of Mormon that makes me hate Mormons...  I did not serve a mission until 26, because during my time in Utah I met lots of people just like you.  So please keep it up.  Its members like you that keep things fresh... it gives us a standard to measure ourselves against in that onward march called Eternal Progression.....

[Guest]

I don't know what to call that, but awesome. 

[Guest MormonGator]

13 minutes ago, NeuroTypical said:

Eowyn and Mormongator have good Nerd-fu.  But I am the master.  I challenge y'all to top these:

* I've given two talks in church as ward social media specialist, on how to be cool online.  (I guess I called it "how to do missionary work online).  My power point slides, (one given in elder's quorum, one displayed up on the wall of the chapel) contained this picture. 

 

              

I bow to your eternal coolness, my friend. 

[NightSG]

30 minutes ago, NeuroTypical said:

Eowyn and Mormongator have good Nerd-fu.  But I am the master.  I challenge y'all to top these:

I have to choose whether to wear my Iron Man, Millennium Falcon, or Rebel Alliance cufflinks to Church Sunday.

(Thinking Rebel Alliance logo if I can find my red tie to match.  Otherwise the red/gold one goes really well with the Iron Man ones, or the plain pewter Millennium Falcons work with the silver tie and hanky.)

[Guest]

Pewter with the silver, I say.

[Guest]

3 hours ago, Vagabond80 said:

http://www.dictionary.com/browse/lampooned

1) Reading that, please review your questions...... did I NAME anyone in particular?  Also ahem....

If it's not unique to the church why the OP and title of this thread?

2) I never said it was unique to this church... If you READ my post.. not even carefully I mean its right at the end I said.... 

Sobbed for a whole hour?  Really?  A whole hour?

3) A whole hour?...

4) Carborendum, if you're smart enough to use a computer you comprehend the importance of reading a post on an online forum before putting in your two cents....  I can see from your snippy little comments you at least ermm "skimmed".  But yeah I went there with the whole name calling, blah, blah, blah... you gotta put this hater back in his place.  So good for you.  Great job, you SURE showed me didn't you?  "Clap, clap, clap"....

1) From Merriam-Webster: To mock or make fun of someone or something.   Naming a certain individual is not required.  In fact a party or group or society is often included in the definition.  But you are right.  It wasn't lampooning because that would require humor.

2) If I did not read the post, why would I have said, "If it's not unique..."  I think you got something confused.  My premise was that A) You admit it was not unique.  Yet B) You titled your post "...in our faith".  Why add those three words if you already know it is not unique to our faith?  It would have been a more accurate title if you omitted those three words.  So, it leads one to believe that you see something worse in our faith?  Or what?

NOTE: this item #2.  This was a completely innocent question.  Why did you add those three words?  Was there an additional point you were making that was not explicit in your OP?  Why is it so important that merely asking this question brought out ire?  This could be the key to the advice you seek.

3) Ok then.

4) "you gotta put this hater back in his place....  Clap, clap, clap."        ---Pot, kettle.

 

Edited March 17, 2016 by Guest

[omegaseamaster75]

3 hours ago, NeuroTypical said:

Ok, omega bro, I totally appreciate the good wisdom and intents that motivated you to make such a post.  But I gotta let you know buddy, you're living in the previous decade.  There is a cultural shift happening, and unlike other cultural shifts, it's jumping generations.  It's nothing to be concerned about.  I'm in my 40's, and enjoying the heck out of anime.  (Like, the word "animation" abbreviated.)  Plenty of family-friendly stuff out there.  Some of it is breathtakingly beautiful.  Some of it expands my understanding of the human soul.  I mean yes, a lot of it is crap and scantily-clad nonsense, but much is not. 

Last decade this stuff was the exception not the rule.  Every year that goes by, it's more and more the rule.  

Go find out what your kid's friends are into.  It might surprise you.

Bro....I am not living in the previous decade I am younger than you.  Just because there is a culture shift does not mean that it is a good one. 

[omegaseamaster75]

2 hours ago, Vagabond80 said:

Well Omega dude... you opened a can of worms with this one.  I have to admit that yes there is a tendency EVERYWHERE for people to bemoan their problems.... (check out my original post that started this all), but you are the type of Mormon that makes me hate Mormons...  I did not serve a mission until 26, because during my time in Utah I met lots of people just like you.  So please keep it up.  Its members like you that keep things fresh... it gives us a standard to measure ourselves against in that onward march called Eternal Progression.....

Wow did I hit to close to home? truth hurt a little? 

The steps I laid out have nothing to do with religion except for the temple recommend one. "You are a mid single, at this point your reasons for not serving are no one's business" My quote.  Also you don't know me or the "type" of "Mormon" I am. My personal opinion about serving missions is that it should be a personal decision made by the individual and if you don't want to go or want to delay it is no ones business but yours.

Everything else is part of being a GROWN UP.

 

 

[NightSG]

3 hours ago, Eowyn said:

And immature men, from what I've seen. 

For instance, take my niece who is quite well-adjusted, self-sufficient, and somewhere in the neighborhood of 30 years old. She's attractive, of a healthy weight, etc. She has not been able to find a guy who is willing to let go of the bachelor life and get married. She's on her 3rd serious (as in close to marriage) relationship. The last two pulled out because they just weren't "ready for marriage" at 30 years old. The current one she's stuck with for much, much longer than I would have (years, not months) and he's still trying to be "ready" for marriage, though he clearly loves her. 

Maybe there are girls who are what you would classify as crazy, but I'd say it's even worse that there are a clear lack of guys willing to grow up and move on into adulthood. 

If I date three women in a row who all have the same problem, I start asking myself why this is apparently my type, and what I need to change to get away from that.

In the FB singles groups, it's a constant theme from the women; guys are immature, they all just want sex, etc.  It's funny how often I can go sit down with a half dozen other guys who don't fit that mold, discuss the post, and find out that she's turned at least three of us down because we're just not her type.

If she's seeing a lot of immature men, she should probably take another look at the ones she passed over without properly considering them.

[Guest]

@NightSG,

I think that is the best piece of advice I've ever heard that could go to a single who has relationship issues.  Even though it is mostly the other party, there is something wrong with the primary party's methods or screening process that seems to attract these types.  Or worse, something in the method that precludes the type you really want.

I remember I was single and I kept thinking, "I could never go out with a girl who..."  My list was so long that I never really went out with anyone.  When someone finally pointed this out to me, I changed.  It took a while to decide what I really wanted rather than what I really did NOT want.  But eventually, the process got fine tuned enough that I met Mrs. Carb.

[Guest MormonGator]

3 hours ago, NightSG said:

(Thinking Rebel Alliance logo if I can find my red tie to match.  Otherwise the red/gold one goes really well with the Iron Man ones, or the plain pewter Millennium Falcons work with the silver tie and hanky.)

 I have the Rebel Alliance logo tattooed on my left leg!!! 

[Ironhold]

4 hours ago, omegaseamaster75 said:

I only focused on one thing in your post, all the whining was just background noise to me. Really I can narrow it down to one word ANIME.

You are a mid single, at this point your reasons for not serving are no one's business, I happen to think that you made the right decision for yourself at the right time. Lets check off some boxes and see why you're struggling finding an eternal companion

1. Current temple recommend holder? While not an absolute it is a key indicator of worthiness

2. Education? You have taken the time to prepare yourself for life right?

3. With no wife can we assume that you have dutifully pursued a career, make a good living are debt free, own a home, drive a nice car,  etc. etc?

4. You are cultured right? Enjoy the arts, know how to dance (girls love guys who can dance), can eat at a nice restaurant without looking like a caveman?

5. You take care of yourself physically? not to fat? well groomed and dress nice?

6. Lastly I will address the Anime thingy, my understanding is that this is japanese cartoon stuff, I lump this with role playing games and other silly childish stuff. KNOCK IT OFF. You are a grown man act like one. 

Ok I am ready for it guys, all the exceptions will come out and say "well my wife likes anime also" or "we play D&D together" this is the EXCEPTION not the rule.

If you do all these things and women aren't lined up to marry you ....guess what...it's you not them. See a therapist. 

1. When I went in for a temple recommend a decade back, the person who was stake president at the time shot me down cold. He said that he was told to only give temple recommends to people who were going on missions, getting married, or at a stage in their life where their finances were absolutely secure. Until I met one of those three criteria, it was a lost cause regardless of how I lived. College blew my finances apart, such that I'm still trying to rebuild. I never went on a mission, so that's out. And because I never went on a mission, I'm not getting married any time soon, so that's out. 

2. I've got a master's degree in business administration. Before the recession hit, I would have been making six figures a year at this point. Unfortunately, the big white-collar jobs left the region after that, and given my financial state I don't have the money to follow them. So I'm in sort of a vicious cycle right now.

3. See above. The B-school I attended made a major snafu that resulted in my being denied financial aid through no part of my own, and so I had to pay for an entire calendar year's worth of classes out-of-pocket. This and the time I spent unemployed with the recession (I was laid off from what was a good entry-level office job) destroyed my finances; I'm still trying to rebuild. 

4. I'm a movie reviewer for a local newspaper, so yes I'm up on the arts. 

5. Back when I was at my peak I could push Buicks around like lawnmowers. Nowadays, I've got a few injuries that are slowing me down because I was never off my feet long enough for them to heal right; I was having to work my way through school just to try and keep from going into even more debt than I was already in. 

6. You do realize that Vin Diesel is on the list of rich & famous who routinely play Dungeons & Dragons, right? That in and of itself is no impediment. 

[Guest]

16 minutes ago, Ironhold said:

a decade back

How long are you going to let that make you feel bad?

[Ironhold]

13 minutes ago, Eowyn said:

How long are you going to let that make you feel bad?

I've come to the realization that so long as I'm still in the stake someone is going to do their darndest to keep rubbing it in my face. Enough people are still around after all this time to remember that I never went, and we've had more than a few toxic members rotate into the stake due to their involvement with the military; some hold opinions similar to those expressed earlier, while others are on ego trips because of their own missions and don't value those who didn't go. 

[NightSG]

17 minutes ago, Ironhold said:

I've come to the realization that so long as I'm still in the stake someone is going to do their darndest to keep rubbing it in my face. Enough people are still around after all this time to remember that I never went, and we've had more than a few toxic members rotate into the stake due to their involvement with the military; some hold opinions similar to those expressed earlier, while others are on ego trips because of their own missions and don't value those who didn't go. 

You're not even two hours from me. In fact, I think our stakes share a boundary.  Makes me wonder if we're dealing with some of the same crazies.

[omegaseamaster75]

9 minutes ago, Ironhold said:

I've come to the realization that so long as I'm still in the stake someone is going to do their darndest to keep rubbing it in my face. Enough people are still around after all this time to remember that I never went, and we've had more than a few toxic members rotate into the stake due to their involvement with the military; some hold opinions similar to those expressed earlier, while others are on ego trips because of their own missions and don't value those who didn't go. 

I don't know you and you don't know me, but I will give you some unsolicited advice over the interweb. 

I think you should move, I see that you are from Copperas Cove that has a population of what? 30-35k people? what's the next closest big town? Killeen? with a population of 130k? This is small potatoes. 

You have a masters degree in business. this is marketable but you are letting time get the better of you. You need to sell whatever you have and move to a real city. In fact get a head hunter to find you a job on one of the coasts. Get away from the Stake guys who are holding you up on a temple recommend. Take the first office job that you are offered, get a roommate so you can save on rent. live poor, poorer that you live now. Sell your car in a big city you can take public transport. Eat right, exercise is over rated 90% of weight control is what you put in your body. Put your head down and grind away, grind hard for 5 years. Be the best in your office first one in, last one home. People will notice. Sacrifice. Forget about not serving a mission your reasons for not going are your own and no one else's.  A decade later no one should care, and if they do shame on them. Go to church, fulfill your church callings, pay your tithing etc.

It's been a decade, the only thing holding you back is you.

[NightSG]

21 minutes ago, omegaseamaster75 said:

Sell your car in a big city you can take public transport.

Very bad advice in Texas.  I spent two years without a car in Dallas, and had to pass up a lot of good jobs because even catching the first bus at 6AM wouldn't get me to certain parts of town by 8.  Texas has some of the most poorly designed transit systems in the US because they're not made for working folks to get to work.

Plus, the added costs of living in the city can kill any increase in pay that you manage to get.  Much more profitable in the long run to look at the under 100,000 population metro areas online, find out who the major employers are in each one, and start emailing resumes and cover letters.  For example, Kohler in Brownwood, FMC in Stephenville, Antelope Oil in Weatherford, Owens Corning in Waxahachie, etc.

[Vagabond80]

1) From Merriam-Webster: To mock or make fun of someone or something.   Naming a certain individual is not required.  In fact a party or group or society is often included in the definition.  But you are right.  It wasn't lampooning because that would require humor.

2) If I did not read the post, why would I have said, "If it's not unique..."  I think you got something confused.  My premise was that A) You admit it was not unique.  Yet B) You titled your post "...in our faith".  Why add those three words if you already know it is not unique to our faith?  It would have been a more accurate title if you omitted those three words.  So, it leads one to believe that you see something worse in our faith?  Or what?

NOTE: this item #2.  This was a completely innocent question.  Why did you add those three words?  Was there an additional point you were making that was not explicit in your OP?  Why is it so important that merely asking this question brought out ire?  This could be the key to the advice you seek.

3) Ok then.

4) "you gotta put this hater back in his place....  Clap, clap, clap."        ---Pot, kettle.

 

Grasp, grasp, grasp.  

[zil]

42 minutes ago, omegaseamaster75 said:

In fact get a head hunter to find you a job on one of the coasts.

This.  Let a head-hunter work for you.  And I agree with the advice to go to a new location.

@NightSG - he did say "on one of the coasts" - by which he clearly meant Pacific or Atlantic...

[omegaseamaster75]

30 minutes ago, NightSG said:

Very bad advice in Texas.  I spent two years without a car in Dallas, and had to pass up a lot of good jobs because even catching the first bus at 6AM wouldn't get me to certain parts of town by 8.  Texas has some of the most poorly designed transit systems in the US because they're not made for working folks to get to work.

Plus, the added costs of living in the city can kill any increase in pay that you manage to get.  Much more profitable in the long run to look at the under 100,000 population metro areas online, find out who the major employers are in each one, and start emailing resumes and cover letters.  For example, Kohler in Brownwood, FMC in Stephenville, Antelope Oil in Weatherford, Owens Corning in Waxahachie, etc.

Leave Texas, forget the small towns. I live in the SF bay area there are over 7 million people in the surrounding cities, if you need to be at work by 8am and leaving at 6am won't get you there in time guess what...you need to leave at 530am. Do what you need to do to get ahead. 

There is a reason that the wealthiest segments of the population live on the coasts...that's where the high paying jobs are. Don't boohoo the economics of living in a big city because it's just not true.

[Guest]

1 hour ago, Ironhold said:

keep rubbing it in my face

I'm curious about what this means. When they see you, do they point and say, "There's the guy that didn't serve a mission."? Do they tell you you'd be married/have a better job/be rich and famous if you had gone on a mission? What do they keep doing that rubs your face in it?