Lost Boy

Sometimes the world just sucks doesn't it? I have not gone through what you are going through, but I have a daughter that had pretty severe depression. She isn't completely better, but she is mostly better and quite functional now. But for several years It was very not good. Small things would be viewed as big things. Any negativity gets amplified ten times. She saw doctors and therapists, but none of that really helped her. It does help some people, but what really helps her is doing and teaching Karate. She has been doing that now for a couple of years and she is so much happier. I know that probably won't help you nor your husband, but sometimes patience is required. Learning to love is not easy. It has taken me 25 years of marriage to start to figure things out. When you see him, throw your arms around him and just hold him. Hold him like there is no tomorrow. Don't say a word and just hug him. Hug him for like a minute. If he asks you why, just say you need him. Be kind to him. If he has depression, life really sucks for him right now. Think of kind things you can do for him. Leave him notes and treats. There is quite a bit of information on the web for those who have loved ones with depression. There are also support groups that you can attend. I wish I could say it will be all better soon. But depression is an ugly beast that just doesn't go away easily. It helps to have a good support group because you are going to need some serious strength. And please know this is not your fault. Nor is it his fault. Keep the Lord in your life. There are going to be some hard times. But I think you are going to come out alright.

I don't know if I would go so far as to say amazing. They are nice shots, but not amazing. And a few are quite amateurish.

Scott, you aren't going to win here. Facts are irrelevant. The problem is that most people here are conservative and hate the fact that racists are typically grouped with conservatives. It is quite the sore spot for non-racist conservatives. I looked at the test. What an awful test. It certainly tries to paint people on the right as bad. But to the OP... If creationism were taught as truth in school and it is in some places.... isn't that just as bad? Indoctrination is going to happen. Teaching your kids to have an open mind and be able to think critically and do research is the best solution.

Porn is a huge issue. But I would dare bet that the bipolar issue is the bigger of the two. I highly doubt that the porn issue can be addressed before the bipolar is. I might add one thing. Fighting is bad. Fighting never leads to positive outcomes. It is natural to fight. I fought throughout most of my marriage. The results were never good. It took me 25 years to really understand that. Do you find yourself using phrases like "you never do this" or "you never do that"?? Those are horrible questions that lead to nothing good. It will take some significant effort on your part, but you got to get that emotion in check. When you need to have a discussion with him, it needs to be from a standpoint of love and not anger. Also, don't base your actions on what he does. Keep giving your 110%. It sucks rocks to be in that position, but you got to keep chugging along. Honestly, I don't think this is really a porn issue. I think there are some deeper psychological things going on here. Many many men watch porn and it doesn't make them want to be with other women. Of course the porn will need to be addressed as well, but him having fantasies with being with other women even though he enjoys a good sex life with you is just not natural. So please don't take his actions personal. I highly doubt it has hardly anything if anything at all to do with you. Try to be kind to him as you guys try to figure things out. I hate to say it, but how would Christ treat your husband? It is not easy to treat people that are doing us wrong with love. But it is the right way to handle it.

From one whose spouse had an emotional affair, I'll give you my two cents. 1) Infidelity at the time seems like the end of the world. It isn't. Read Hosea. 2) The things we need to do to have a strong marriage isn't rocket science. Staying committed to those things does take a dedication. I have given this analogy before, but marriage is much like a flower garden. At first it is small, but you see the individual flowers and you see them grow. It is exciting. Each day is new. You plant more flowers and existing ones develop. Your garden gets fuller and richer. And at first you tend to it. You water it. You weed it. Fertilize it. You get rid of those things that make it ugly. But as time goes on you look at your amazing garden and think to yourself..... I got a pretty good thing here. And then you start slacking off because you are content with what you have. You stop putting as much effort into it and start focussing on other interests. And then you start neglecting it more. You see a few weeds creeping in, but you figure you will take care of them when you have the time. But because you have started focussing on other things, you don't make the time to get rid of the weeds. I think almost all marriages get to this point. It is what we do after this that is critical. Do you double down and make your garden (marriage) important again. Or do you say to yourself. Hey, my partner isn't putting much effort into this, so why should I. And then you let it go so more. Pretty soon, your garden is full of weeds and dying flowers. It doesn't look good. You start looking at other gardens and start going over and admiring them... instead of fixing your own. Much like a garden, marriage requires dedication. Dedication on a daily basis. It should be the second most important thing in your life. More important than kids. More important than work. Make a daily love routine. everyday do things for your spouse. make the bed, clean the room, make breakfast, dinner, wash their car, etc. The things you can do to make their lives better is endless. Find a way to sincerely compliment your spouse each day. Hug your spouse like you mean it. Talk with your spouse. Doing these things are akin to watering, weeding and fertilizing your garden. It keeps things healthy and resistant to "things" that may come along. Don't worry about if your spouse is loving you as much as you loving them. Once you get in the habit of comparing yourself to your spouse, you will start to kill your marriage. Instead, compare yourself to yourself. Are you doing better today than you were yesterday? Are your treating your spouse like the king or queen they should be? Treat them not as they are, but like what you want them to be. Control your anger. There will be times when you aren't happy with your spouse. That is natural. It is also natural to fight. But fighting never ends in a good way. You are far better off taking a few steps back and looking at the situation from a broader perspective. If you were the Lord, how would you handle it? You aren't the Lord so maybe you should ask him.. Pray with your spouse. Pray for your spouse. You do these things and you will have a happy marriage. It is neglecting to do these things that allows the marriage to weaken. You certainly don't have to be perfect. but you do need to put your best effort into it. I certainly didn't. I let my marriage go to pot. But I didn't give up either. I saw what it had become and I decided to fix it. Turn myself into the husband I should have been. Things aren't perfect, but I am happy and she is happy. Even with the sadness I had, I would not trade in my marriage for anything. I am glad I didn't give up. And so what if she had an emotional affair. She loves me today. Go back to Hosea... The Lord never gave up on his people even though they gave up on him. He welcomed them back and rejoiced. It was an experience that I hope never to have again, but it taught me many things and hopefully, I am a better person for it. Hopefully, this helps a bit.

We actually do talk about letting others serve us. At least in my ward we do. We ask if there is anyone with a project that they could use some help with. Sometimes there isn't. Sometimes there is. Sometimes people don't need help but say people are welcome to join.

To me testimony meeting has always been about bearing testimony of our father in heaven, our savior and of the gospel. It is not a chance to recount your last vacation. It is not a chance to let everyone know how awesome of a parent you are by throwing accolades at your kids. It is not a chance to be preachy. To me it is a chance to testify of things that you have felt from the spirit. Feelings you felt in the Temple. promptings you had when you read the scriptures, etc. It certainly shouldn't be used as a chance to show your superiority over your fellow church members.

I have been a mechanical engineer working in the auto industry for 20 years. Everything that I have designed for work has been in metric. I prefer designing in metric. When it comes to everyday things in life, I really don't care which system. Does it really matter if you get a gallon of milk or 4 liters of milk? You can convert to the metric system, but there is so so much legacy things that it really doesn't make sense to. All buildings are done in feet and inches. All plumbing is done in feet and inches. If you want your metric pipe to connect to a pipe in inches, you have to have an adapter. And for what purpose? So you can be in metric? If you are doing chemistry, yes, there is a great benefit. Even in cooking it is a decent benefit. Converting temps to metric is pretty much pointless. If you are doing science experiments, celsius is ok, not great, but ok, for everyday things, it has very little advantage over fahrenheit. Think about it. What temp do you like to bathe at? Don't know? guess it doesn't matter. What temperature do you like to cook cookies at? You don't know? guess it really doesn't matter. How much liquid does your favorite cup hold? Don't know? guess it doesn't really matter? In most daily activities, it really doesn't matter. Only when you have a discussion does it seem to matter. But then after the discussion you couldn't care less until the next discussion.

The goal in life is a celestial marriage. To become like God. God is a being of infinite love. This includes both husband and wife. You goal is to become beings of infinite love. I could hardly imagine a first wife being selfish and still being considered a being of infinite love. I might be wrong here, but my guess is that celestial love is going to be a bit different than you see on Earth. Do you even have sex in the eternities?

That is a good question and probably something you should contact your insurance about. I bet it differs from company to company, but my guess is that you would be out of luck in most cases.

I would be the audio visual specialist. The members generally enjoy me as a teacher. I seem to have a knack for getting a good discussion going... I attribute it to my lack of desire to speak. Introduce a topic, get it going in a certain direction and then ask questions that make 'em thing a bit. I get bored with standard sunday school answers and prefer to ask questions that bring in life experiences of the members. It keeps members far more interested. I think it brings the spirit a lot more.... And I don't have to talk as much. That said, I am a total introvert and prefer not to be in front of everyone. I would make a terrible bishop. I feel I would be far too easy on the members when forgiveness is required and probably too harsh when they are asking for something that they really don't need my help with.

OK, let's get real. There is only one movie that all can equally love..... Over the Top with Sylvester Stallone. There is no film that is its equal.

Mine is the princess bride.

I do not love the lion king. It was ok, but never felt compelled to watch it again.

Yes, that is what I mean... If you can find it outside of marriage, then it really isn't a benefit of marriage. And if you aren't getting it in marriage then not being married is more of a benefit.. (speak for the worldly man that is).

If I were not a church member, I too would probably not marry. I probably wouldn't have kids either. There are very few benefits for men in marriage. If ever there was a divorce, it is usually the guy that gets screwed regardless of why the marriage broke up. It would be far easier to not get married. If things fall apart, you just move on, no ugly divorce. you get to keep your stuff. etc. Of course I am not that way. I love my wife and kids and have no regrets about getting married. I have a few regrets of how I was as a husband, but I can say I have learned much and hope I am a better person now.

The man upstairs knew I slept through the 3rd hour anyway

I could give up the social media. It is the anti social media that I really like....

Many members have challenges with their testimony. There is no proof that God exists. The evidence that God exists is very much up to one's interpretation. The only way to know of God's existence is through the power of the Holy Ghost. There is no other way. We are each going to have our testimony challenged. Be kind and gentle to those that do, especially loved ones. Being harsh with them only drives them away. It certainly doesn't bring them closer. If your husband wants to participate in the priesthood, tread carefully. Be happy that has some importance to him. My wife has fallen away from the church and is in some goofy new age spirituality non-sense. And although I really dislike that she is into it, I have made it a point to be respectful of it. I hope one day she will feel the desire to come back. but until that day, I have decided that being critical of her is of zero benefit. All you can do is to love them back. His actions are between him and the Lord. So be easy on judging him.

Our life on Earth can seem like an eternity at times especially when it is not going the way we want. In the grand scheme of things it is only a blip. Spouses can change. We can change. We want that change to happen overnight, but often it doesn't. It took me nearly 25 years to really start figuring out myself and my wife. We were quite unhappy for a very long time. I could see all the issues with my wife, but couldn't see the huge issue with me. When I finally realized and acknowledged I had some serious flaws, I was able to start working on them. And then I realized how selfish I had been wanting her to change without putting effort into bettering me. Everything was her fault or so I thought. I knew I wasn't perfect, but had no idea how my imperfections influenced her. I didn't realize some of the things that I thought were small had a big effect on her and what she thought about me. I still have my flaws. They aren't going away any time soon, but I have really started addressing them and getting much better. She too has made significant effort in changing herself. The same flaws are there, but are much less. You don't have what you want, but that doesn't mean you can't have it eventually. How much of a sacrifice are you willing to make to get it? If you view your husband as someone you aren't willing to truly sacrifice for, then chances are you are not going to get what you want. Yes, he is the one that is being naughty, so why should you have to do anything? Isn't that the relationship we have with Christ? We are the ones being naughty, why should he doing anything for us? The answer to that is that he knows each and every one of us has value. You have value, I have value, your husband has value. I tried getting my wife to behave differently for so long. I tried through reason, anger, etc. The one thing I didn't try is to try and love her as Christ would. And that is not easy to do. But it gets the best results. But patience is a must. When I look back I certainly didn't treat my wife in a Christ like manner. She didn't treat me in a Christ like manner either. But that is no excuse for my behavior. The way I treat her should be independent on how she treats me. And that is a tough life lesson, but an incredibly important one.

What about us tri-geders and quad gender people??? I feel offended.

Who said we wear pants during priesthood session... Tmi??

I would not suggest either. Do you divorce a spouse for becoming inactive or leaving the church? I would hope not. Do you join them in leaving the church. That, too, I would hope not. My spouse has chosen a different path for now. I have prayed, and while I receive no firm confirmation that she will come back, I do have a feeling that she will someday. But more than that I had the strong prompting to love her. It hasn't been easy at times, but I have grown tremendously.

A cross dressing fetish is not good. I can't say for certain, but I would guess that he is at least bi-sexual. And that is most likely the real cause of the disinterest. I don't know how you fix that or if you even can fix that. But I do believe you can love each other. You have discovered that cleaning is not his thing. He doesn't really care if you clean or not. My wife would do the same. She would try and show me love through cleaning. I was grateful, but it just didn't do it for me. I really didn't care if the house was a bit of a mess. What I wanted was affection and she wasn't giving that to me so all the cleaning in the world really didn't mean much. I tried to show her affection to try and get her to show me affection. It didn't work. Essentially we were out of phase. We were both trying, but doing all the wrong things. I finally figured out that what she wanted was me to help in a big way with taking care of the cleaning. Showing her acts of service. It doesn't come natural to me. But now that I know how much she appreciates it, it is far easier for me to do and I have started enjoying it. She on the other hand has figured out how much I like her affection and she has been making strides. It is going to take some time to figure out how to love him the way he wants to be loved. And it may take some time for him to figure out how to love you. I really don't think it was the porn in his life that is the real issue here. Yes, it is a big issue. But the real issue is that he isn't attracted to women. I would bet that is why he likes you without the makeup and what not. That would make some sense. Anyway, I would forget about the porn issue for right now... Yeah, pretty hard to do. Work on loving him. You aren't going to change him, but you can change you. Learn to be patient. Learn not to judge. Learn to always be kind. Learn not to fight. There are many things about you, that you can improve. That you need to improve. Yes, your husband has many as well. Don't worry about his demons, worry about your own. He will notice. And if he is worth keeping, he will want to change as well. I know you want him to put as much effort into it as you do. He probably won't right now and you are probably going to have to be the strength for a while. I've been there. It sucks. But if you are determined to love him and be a positive force, things will get better. I appreciate you sharing. It is not easy. I can feel you are a good person. Let go of your ego and not worry about whether you are good enough or not. I don't know you, but your father in heaven does and I know that he knows you are good enough. So let your ego go. Find the things you can control and fix those things that you can. Try to let go of the things you can't control. I don't know what the future hold for you and your husband, but I know that if you really work on being a better you, regardless of what happens you will end up a better person.

I am very curious and certainly you don't have answer, but I would like to know. Was the marriage sexless before you found out or did it become sexless after? I would think that if he was watching porn he would want to have sex. I don't quite understand why it goes to a sexless marriage. Now from an addiction side. You do understand the dishonesty part here right. With an addiction you are caught between a rock and a hard place. You know you shouldn't be doing it. There is a very big part of you that wants to stop, but you know that you can't stop. You want to be a good person, but you can't so you lie. You are ashamed because you can't stop. Your spouse and people around you have no idea what you are going through.... They think that if you loved them, then you would stop. It doesn't work that way. It doesn't matter if they love you or not, the addiction controls them. And unless you have experienced such an addiction, you probably really have no clue the strangle hold it can have on you. So of course he lied. Had he been honest, about it, he probably thought that you would look down on him. He doesn't know how to stop, but he doesn't want to give up those things that are precious to him either. The addict hates himself. The spouse essentially thinks that they married a loser. Of course the marriage breaks down. It doesn't have to. But it requires both husband and wife to look at it differently. He needs to know his spouse will love him and the spouse needs to be able to look at her husband and love him. That is not what happens most of the time. most of the time the wife gets upset and the husband retreats into hiding and lies. The wife thinks, why doesn't he just stop? he has agency. Yeah, not really. And so the lies continue. If the families of the church are going to survive this plague, they need to learn how to trust and love each other in spite of the sin.