Girlfriend help

[Rebreg]

So my girlfriend who I love a lot is going to be moving to be moving from Utah to England, so I had a choice either to stay in Utah go on my mission, and just let her go, or to put my mission aside and follow her. She keeps trying to convince me to just forget her because she thinks she isn't good enough for me. And so I had been left with a fairly simple choice, let her go, or follow. But on a date we went on recently she said that she didn't believe in the LDS faith anymore, and now I'm scared that if I let her go she'll end up with an absolutely miserable life in England, like she finds an abusive boyfriend gets pregnant and has to stay with the jerk ( I know I'm probably over exaggerating but ther is still a chance it could happen). She'll be leaving for England by July 2017, I just don't know what to do and any advice will be greatly appreciated. Thanks

Edit: the reason I am worried about it is that she has in the past shown that she is self destructive.

Edit: so I let her go and told her that she could follow her dream and move to England (also some of you misunderstood, she loved me back) and now 3 days later she sends me this, and now Im not sure what to do, tell her no? ( I still love her) or go back to dating her?

Edited September 1, 2015 by Rebreg

[Bini]

Oh gees.

 

You can't "save" anyone. Make sure you understand that. Whether they're Mormon or not, you will never, have the power to save someone from life. I think it's a pretty crummy mindset to assume that this young woman is off to a horrible start after she's confided in you that she doesn't relate to Mormonism anymore. If you care about her, you'll wish her well and respect her feelings, whether or not you agree. Unless she's given you blatant proof that she's self-destructive, harmful to herself or others, what she does is really none of your business. She says to let her go. Can you manage that and just be a friend? A real friend? A listening one?

[Guest]

Go on your mission

[Jane_Doe]

Short answer: Go on your mission.

 

Long answer--

1)  She told you to do that. 

2)  You both have a lot of growing up to do still (I'm assuming you're still in HS).

3)  Just because she's lost faith for the moment doesn't mean she's going to end of pregnant with an abusive boyfriend (you are being completely ridiculous).

4)  Even if she wanted to get pregnant with an abusive boyfriend, that's HER choice and not yours.  You cannot "save" her from something she chooses.

5)  It's not like going on a mission disqualifies you from being her friend and emotionally supporting her.  

6)  July 2017 is a long way away and a lot can happen between now and then.  

[Str8Shooter]

Go on your mission.

 

One of the great pains in life is to see people exercise their agency poorly.  It hurts.

 

Love God first by serving a mission.  Love your neighbors (or girlfriend) by loving God.

[Josiah]

If you take care of His loved ones, then He takes care of yours.

 

That doesn't mean she won't make bad decisions, but following her would not change that. You will do more good for her and for yourself in the service of the Savior.

[The Folk Prophet]

Go on a mission.

[thoughts]

One of the things you will eventually understand about people is that you need to believe what they tell you.  

 

And you will learn that you must make decisions that are about what you think is best for you (and at some point your spouse and children, when you actually have them), with God's help.    It will never be helpful to you or them for you to do what you think someone else needs you to do. 

 

Your girlfriend does not sound the least bit ready to make any marriage commitment, and she needs to concentrate on herself and getting better, not you.

 

By all means, if you think she is at risk of self-harm, tell her parents, tell her teacher or bishop, or best friends.   If you think the self-harm threat is immediate (and after you break up it is highly likely she'll call you at some point very distraught) then call  911 and report her address, her phone number and her address.   But do not go to the hospital or go yourself to rescue her --- that doesn't help her, it merely teaches her how to manipulate others.   If this is where she is, she needs professional help, not you.

 

And let's say, you finally have a healthy relationship with her someday and marry her, your missionary service will help you become a better husband and father than you can be at this point, if you go and obey the rules and serve with all your heart and no distractions.

 

Much better for you (and her if you eventually get together) for you to serve the mission on schedule and work on you for the two years.

Edited August 30, 2015 by thoughts

[LDS0617]

Being concerned for others is a very Christlike trait. But, we also are to follow Christ's commandments. (John 14:15) One commandment is to serve a mission.

Be careful, as you get older, to not become so wrapped up in helping someone else that you lose yourself along the way. Look up codependency. I hope you will pray and fast and go to the temple before you make your decision.

[clwnuke]

My vote? Go on your mission. An alternative definition for a "broken heart" is to break away from all the things that the world seems to offer us and serve Him. I say go, serve, and you will come to know the truth of all things.

Edited August 31, 2015 by clwnuke

[cdowis]

I think she made it clear that she doesn't want you hanging around, intruding in her life, trying to "help" her.  She'll see you as someone trying to impose his values on her.

 

The best way to help her is to go on your mission and see what happens when you come back.

 

Best of luck to you on your mission.  Be sure to tell us where you are going.

Edited August 31, 2015 by cdowis

[pkstpaul]

She's trying to tell you something and you're not listening. Listen.

[omegaseamaster75]

She's not in to you and doesn't have the Cajones to break it off cleanly

[mdfxdb]

Dude, let her go.  Don't make one of the biggest mistakes men make when they are seeking women.  Don't be her knight in shining armor.  As previously mentioned, you can't save anyone.  Heck, you do not want to save her, trust me she will not thank you for it.  The behaviors you see now are only an example of future behaviors, which will likely escalate and / or get worse.  Let her live her life and become someone other dudes problem.  

[Vort]

She's not in to you and doesn't have the Cajones to break it off cleanly

 

If "she" did, that alone would be reason enough to take "her" up on it.

 

Dude, let her go.  Don't make one of the biggest mistakes men make when they are seeking women.  Don't be her knight in shining armor.

 

This does appear to be a problem for LDS men in particular. For all my flaws and failures, one thing I got right was in figuring out before I got married that I didn't want to "save" anyone, nor did I want anyone to "save" me (at least not in the person I was marrying).

[pkstpaul]

...trust me she will not thank you for it. 

Amen to that!

[kapikui]

If you follow her, I can about guarantee you that after you've given up your mission she's going to dump you, probably for the abusive boyfriend you fear.  She has to make her own choices.