After a date, you are at the door, then what?? Dating 101

[Sunday21]

1 hour ago, NeedleinA said:

Okay Sunday21... what is the party line? You are not getting off that easy

Is this backhanded knuckles showing like the Queen of England wave OR balled up fist knuckles and wave?

This is probably the closest that I would tell my own kids, especially if I had a blonde haired daughter!

 

Thank you everyone for all the funny comments... now you can see why my wife and I are like..."uuuhhh? what do we really say?"
In all seriousness, I think Vort & Eowyn are the closest to our initial thoughts. Something to the effect of, the date is over at that point, so don't drag it out. Let them know you had a good time (assuming you did), shake their hand, "good night" and walk away. 

The party line from The Strength of Youth', which I strongly believe to be divinely inspired is: no passionate kissing. Which I interpret as a quick peck on the lips. Personally, I do not think this is appropriate for the first or second date. Ewww! Only if you think the guy could be the 'one' on maybe the third date..maybe. No holding hands until maybe 3rd date. You are trying to assess if you have feelings for this person. Getting physical just muddies the water! You need to think straight. Do you want to end up married to someone because they are a great kisser? Personally, I think you should go grocery shopping with prospective spouses. 

[Guest]

1 hour ago, pam said:

So a fist pump.

Like Arsenio Hall?

[NeedleinA]

10 minutes ago, Sunday21 said:

Personally, I think you should go grocery shopping with prospective spouses. 

Yes, on a tight budget while baby sitting 2 kids from the ward = perfect!

[Guest MormonGator]

11 minutes ago, Sunday21 said:

 Personally, I think you should go grocery shopping with prospective spouses. 

That's actually a great idea. You should also walk around a mall and not buy anything-or just "Netflix and chill" together.  You need to find a way to be happy and content while just chilling out. Some couples can't do that. I speak from personal experience. A girl I dated needed to be going out almost all the time. She said she got "bored easily". The irony is I eventually got bored with going out all the time. 

[Guest]

Only boring people get bored.

[Guest MormonGator]

9 minutes ago, Eowyn said:

Only boring people get bored.

Agree 100%. I said that I "got bored going out all the time " in total jest. I found it shallow, not boring. And LadyGator and I go out easily three times a week. So we are hardly hermits. 

[zil]

5 hours ago, Backroads said:

Er... I tended to also lip lock on first dates...

 

5 hours ago, pam said:

Is your husband aware of this?

Grrrr! Joke thief!

1 hour ago, pam said:

So a fist pump.

Errr, I think you mean bump.  (Easily confused since b and p are the same letter, except one is vocalized and the other isn't.)

[Guest]

7 hours ago, NeedleinA said:

My wife and I will be speaking to the YW & YM this week about dating. Our part of the presentation deals with, "What do you do at the door after you date?". I'm always hesitate in sharing our personal story since we met when we were 16yrs old and ended up lip locking on our first date at the door. We tend to be the "exception to the rule, not the rule" as far as high school sweet hearts sticking together go, so I don't want to give false hope or encourage youth to do deep exclusive dating either.  

So, what would you share? If you were presenting this to your own youth, what would you suggest? If you are currently dating what do you do? We have ideas, but we would love to hear your thoughts!! 

Thanks in advance!

DoctorLemon's kissing rules for single people (may need to be further restricted for teenagers):

1.  No tongue

2.  Kiss when standing up (no making out in cars or whatever)

3.  Hands on the other person's back while kissing so they don't "wander".

Anyhow, those were my rules when dating and kept me out of trouble.  You can debate if they are too strict or too loose.

[Guest]

Actually, I can't comment much about teenage kissing because I had trouble as a teenager finding nice girls willing to date me.  Growing up in Texas will do that to you.  My wife and I wound up exchanging first kisses on our first date together.  I was 23 and she was 22.

Edited April 11, 2016 by DoctorLemon

[Traveler]

It has been a while since I was involved in dating – but it does seem that I had a very different attitude about dating.  I believed that first principle of dating is that it should be fun - a lot of fun.  That was my personal goal on a date.  I wanted my date to think the date with me was the most fun she had ever had with a guy and a evening she would never forget.  To be honest I loved first dates the most – just because it was so fun to surprise the date (some find it hard to believe what I would do on a first date) – after the first date (second date) it was often difficult to live up to the surprises. 

The door step at the end of the first date was one of the best places for a surprise – that is because by nature this is one of the most awkward things to get past when dating.   What I loved doing the most was to act a little coy and shy implying  I had something important to say but I was a somewhat scared.   Girls fall so easy for this and start encouraging you to just say it – even if you are stumbling through it.  Then I would take a deep breath and just say, “Can I give you a kiss goodnight?”  The shock of the question was usually priceless – and of course fun.  They were usually so taken back they did not quite know how to respond.  --- I would then reach into my pocket to retrieve a heresies’ chocolate kiss – hand it to her, say good night and promptly leave.

 

 

The Traveler

[Guest]

47 minutes ago, Traveler said:

The door step at the end of the first date was one of the best places for a surprise – that is because by nature this is one of the most awkward things to get past when dating.   What I loved doing the most was to act a little coy and shy implying  I had something important to say but I was a somewhat scared.   Girls fall so easy for this and start encouraging you to just say it – even if you are stumbling through it.  Then I would take a deep breath and just say, “Can I give you a kiss goodnight?”  The shock of the question was usually priceless – and of course fun.  They were usually so taken back they did not quite know how to respond.  --- I would then reach into my pocket to retrieve a heresies’ chocolate kiss – hand it to her, say good night and promptly leave.

Traveler, that has got to be the most Mormon dating behavior I have ever heard.  I like it!

Edited April 11, 2016 by DoctorLemon

[classylady]

I didn't mind kissing on the first date. But, I was selective. Not every guy I dated got a goodnight kiss. I know I kissed my husband-to-be on our first date, and I remember him saying "I'm in heaven!" How's that to boost a girls ego? Of course, I wasn't a teenager by then, but nearly 25.

From a girl's perspective I would think a simple "That was fun!" and a simple pat on the arm would suffice.

[NeedleinA]

11 hours ago, Eowyn said:

Like Arsenio Hall?

Double ooooops for me. Yes, fist "pumping" from his dog pound audience.

11 hours ago, zil said:

Errr, I think you mean bump.  (Easily confused since b and p are the same letter, except one is vocalized and the other isn't.)

I was lying in bed last night when I realized this, duh! The kids around me when they do fist bump, say "pound it". I'm getting old

Edited April 11, 2016 by NeedleinA

[zil]

28 minutes ago, NeedleinA said:

I was lying in bed last night when I realized this, duh! The kids around me when they do fist bump, say "pound it". I'm getting old

So are they.  They just have some catching up to do...

[Guest]

Yes, yougsters like myself have our own lingo.  (I think that whole sentence negated any cred I might have had as a "youngster"). 

[unixknight]

12 hours ago, pam said:

So a fist pump.

No that was actually a "fist bump."   A "fist pump" is when you put one fist in the air and pump it down and up in celebration, such as when We pull into a gas station with the needle on 'E' and make it all the way to the pump before the engine dies...

[Traveler]

8 hours ago, classylady said:

I didn't mind kissing on the first date. But, I was selective. Not every guy I dated got a goodnight kiss. I know I kissed my husband-to-be on our first date, and I remember him saying "I'm in heaven!" How's that to boost a girls ego? Of course, I wasn't a teenager by then, but nearly 25.

From a girl's perspective I would think a simple "That was fun!" and a simple pat on the arm would suffice.

I admit that in high school, kissing a girl was my main goal in dating – I think especially for guys this is very much an ego thing.  However, having served in the military and on a mission; my college years were very different.  For example, I learned that kissing a girl just because she let you was a quick way to end any chance for a friendly and happy relationship.  I also had learned that kissing not only meant something different to girls than guys but just about everybody has a different view of a kiss.  But one thing for sure – a kiss always meant some kind of commitment. 

A couple of other things few guys seem to understand about dating girls.  Pre-college it was just as important to impress the parents and siblings as it was the date – in college it was just as important to impress the roommates and friends as it is the date – perhaps even more important.  Girls like to talk a lot more about the details of a date (to roommates and friends) than guys do – it is part of the gender gap thing.  Guys seem to be more interested in bragging about themselves to friends and roommates.

For my wife – I deliberately avoided the first kiss and put it off as long as possible – perhaps the 4^th or 5^th date.  BTW my wife was the second lady that I ever took out 2 times in a row.  I wanted to make sure that for her it was special and unique – I like to tell everyone that I never kissed my wife until we were keeling at the alter in the temple – but that is a little misleading.  Previously to that moment she was not my wife.

I do remember well our first kiss.  She was younger (7 years) and I was shocked at how good her kiss was.  Obviously she was much better at this part of a relationship than I was – I realized (one of but a few) that I as way out of my league.  I have spent the next 40+ years trying to measure up – she is still way – way out of my league – but if you ever meet her – please do not tell her.  I am desperately trying to keep this particular secret from her.

 

The Traveler

[NeuroTypical]

I'm the dad in this scenario.  So, I watched a YouTube video that so perfectly covers my role, it's just perfect and there is no more to be said about it.  Unfortunately, it's R-rated and I can't share it.  So here's the play by play.

Door scene - guy is leaning against the house looking down at girl, who is looking up at him.  They are very close.

Guy: I had a great time.
Girl: Me too - I wish it didn't have to end.
Guy: Well... It doesn't have to... How about [proposes going way over the line - the reason I can't post this video]
Girl: I can't do that!  My dad would kill me!
Guy: Oh, come on.  It's the perfect end to a perfect evening!
Girl: What if we get caught?  I'd die of embarassment!
Guy: Come on, honey, nobody has to know...
Girl: Well I don't know...

[The porch light turns on, the front door opens, and the girl's 14 yr old younger sister opens the door, looking ticked.]

Younger Sister:  Dad says to just [go over the line] and get it over with.  Or I can do it.  Or he can come down and do it himself.  Just take your stupid elbow off the intercom button, we all have to get up early tomorrow.

 

 

[NeedleinA]

18 minutes ago, NeuroTypical said:

Just take your stupid elbow off the intercom button, we all have to get up early tomorrow.

 Thanks for the laugh NT!

[NeedleinA]

30 minutes ago, Traveler said:

I admit that in high school, kissing a girl was my main goal in dating – ... this is very much an ego thing. 

she is still way – way out of my league – but if you ever meet her – please do not tell her.  I am desperately trying to keep this particular secret from her.

Traveler - thanks for sharing this, it is fun to see this side of you too! 
I just checked, there isn't an account for a "Mrs. Traveler", so your secret is safe with us

[NeuroTypical]

I guess I do have a real answer to the question.

When you kiss someone, it starts things.  Things between the two of you, things inside you.  It is a way of forming an attachment that will be difficult to break.  Think about every "we just broke up" story you've ever heard.  Stories like that are not to bad before kissing starts.  The heart wrenching stories of pain and agony over breaking up have all happened after they've started the kissing hugging part of the relationship.

So you ask yourself - do I like this person enough to risk the hurt if she turns out to be a jerk?  Or just not the right one?  Do I know them enough to have an idea of if they're a jerk or not?   After the kissing starts, it hurts more to break up.  If she dumps you, it hurts more.  If you have to dump her, it's harder and yes it hurts more.

Now, pain can be a part of life, and I believe that everyone here will probably have their heart broken at least once as part of the mortal experience.  That said, you might want to have a clear understanding that the person you're about to kiss, is worth it.  You don't have to have a perfect crystal-ball understanding - that doesn't exist.  Just that she's worth the risk of being hurt over.  

Lots of people have "I remember my first love, and how much it hurt when I found out it wasn't meant to be" stories.  But you don't have to have a story like "I was such an idiot - what on earth was I thinking?  To get so hurt over her?  Dang was I stupid."

So make your choice and come back and tell us next week how it went.

Edited April 11, 2016 by NeuroTypical

[pam]

45 minutes ago, unixknight said:

No that was actually a "fist bump."   A "fist pump" is when you put one fist in the air and pump it down and up in celebration, such as when We pull into a gas station with the needle on 'E' and make it all the way to the pump before the engine dies...

Dang thanks.  That's actually what I meant.

[NeedleinA]

 

 

 

[anatess2]

Well... I'm on the "Teen-age Dating is stupid" camp.  I'm glad my two sons agree with me.  For now.

[NightSG]

13 hours ago, Traveler said:

Then I would take a deep breath and just say, “Can I give you a kiss goodnight?”  The shock of the question was usually priceless – and of course fun.  They were usually so taken back they did not quite know how to respond.  --- I would then reach into my pocket to retrieve a heresies’ chocolate kiss – hand it to her, say good night and promptly leave.

Be careful doing that to drunk women.

A former coworker never let me forget the night I asked his very drunk at-the-time-fiance if she was expecting a good night kiss after helping her to the car.

Fortunately, the chocolate got the taste of cheap girly drinks out of my mouth, but he was more offended at having wet his pants laughing at my reaction than he was at her being drunk enough to try to lick my tonsils.