Mixed Mormons?

[GirlNextDoor]

Recently Ive noticed that a lot of mormons act way different when they are around non-mormons. Neither of my parents are LDS, so growing up I noticed this a lot. 

Now that Im older Im still trying to decipher why this occured so many times. Was it because my non lds parents were a bad influence, or maybe the mormons felt that they could be themsleves around the non mormons without feeling ashamed of their actions. Im not trying to offend anyone, thses are just my thoughts.

[Guest]

10 minutes ago, GirlNextDoor said:

Recently Ive noticed that a lot of mormons act way different when they are around non-mormons. Neither of my parents are LDS, so growing up I noticed this a lot. 

Now that Im older Im still trying to decipher why this occured so many times. Was it because my non lds parents were a bad influence, or maybe the mormons felt that they could be themsleves around the non mormons without feeling ashamed of their actions. Im not trying to offend anyone, thses are just my thoughts.

There's an old joke about that:

Quote

Why do I always want to bring two Mormons with me while fishing?

If I only bring one, he drinks all my beer.

Really, very few active, practicing Mormons would ever drink a beer.  But this is a perception among non-Mormons.  We only behave when we're "watched".  Well, that is true of just about everyone.  Human beings certainly tend to behave better when others are watching.  The true test of character for all people of course is to behave well, whether people are watching or not.

I'll tell you that I behave differently around non-Mormons than Mormons because I don't like dealing with a whole bunch of crap that non-Mormons make me deal with.  EXAMPLES:

Quote

I was in a project meeting at work.  At some point the "meeting" was over, but conversation went off on tangents.  Some people started saying some inappropriate things (toilet humor).  At some point I got so fed up with it and said,"I guess it's time for me to leave."

Quote

A friend of mine invited me to dinner.  During this "dinner" a lot of people got drunk.  One person was almost falling down drunk -- later in the evening, he did fall down -- right in front of a bouncer at a bar.  He had an objection to the fact that I would not get into the car with him while he intended to drive.  And I was very mad at the friend who invited me to this outing.  He knew I was Mormon and he drove me here.  He offered me no way to get home other than this drunk driver.  Eventually, they all agreed it would be a good idea to have me be a designated driver.  But I didn't appreciate nearly being forced to ride with a drunk driver.

Quote

A bunch of friends got together at a high school party.  Now, I had grown up with these guys and girls.  They all knew I was a Mormon.  And there were two other Mormons there too.  We were just hanging out and playing games.  Then someone pulls out a rated R movie.  Everyone gathered together to watch it.  When I found out what this movie was, I walked into the kitchen.  I was considering whether I should go home or not because they said they were going to do some other things after the movie.  Then the other two Mormons came and joined me.

We began talking about stuff.  We hung out.  Slowly other people started coming into the kitchen.  Eventually, the movie was shut off and we were playing games again.

Now, the other side of the story.

Quote

Church is a fairly formal environment.  And you get used to behaving somewhat formally.  So, you tend to get used to being formal with the people you know from those settings.  When I'm at work, I'm less formal.  So, I tend to relax a bit around the people at work.

To combat this, we try to have a lot of Church activities where we can get together with the same people in a more relaxed setting.  Depending on how often we do that, I can get more and more relaxed around the people at church.

[Guest MormonGator]

Sometimes when we are around people who don't share mutual interests and mutual values, it can be a little awkward. The church is very time consuming and we might get used to be around just fellow LDS-so when we are around a non member we may not know how to relate and interact. 

I think you are right though.  Most of my close personal friends are non members. I'm a lot more myself when I'm around them. When I'm with LDS members I'm sort of on my best behavior because I don't want to offend them.  So I might know how your parents feel. 

[Fether]

15 hours ago, GirlNextDoor said:

Recently Ive noticed that a lot of mormons act way different when they are around non-mormons. Neither of my parents are LDS, so growing up I noticed this a lot. 

Now that Im older Im still trying to decipher why this occured so many times. Was it because my non lds parents were a bad influence, or maybe the mormons felt that they could be themsleves around the non mormons without feeling ashamed of their actions. Im not trying to offend anyone, thses are just my thoughts.

A friend of mine has a son named Luke and he told me this. 

"When I'm around my religious friends, I tell them I named him after st. Luke. When I am around my geeky friends, I say I named him after Luke Skywalker".

When I'm with my religious friends, I talk about religious things.

When I'm with my gaming friends, I talk about games

When I'm with my traveling friends, I talk about traveling

When I am around my drumming friends, I talk about drumming and use phrases like "that break was hype", "That lick was clean!", "ugh! Those diddles were jank!", Alright guys, let's play these pataflaflas, grandmas and triplet rolls with some Steeze!"

this all being said, I know what you mean! The standards can fall sometimes. But who I am in church is far more reverent than who I am whipping out sick licks on the Snare drum at football games as we cream our rivals. There are variations of rowdiness/reverence throughout my week. Sometimes I use more slangs, or I am a bit more sarcastic, but I my standards remain.

Do we really need to be the "same" person always? I can't think of any righteous man that acts the same in sacrament meeting as he does playing games with his friends.

Edited August 25, 2017 by Fether

[zil]

Welcome to the forums, @GirlNextDoor!

[Sunday21]

@GirlNextDoor. Good to have you here! 

[Blueskye2]

46 minutes ago, Fether said:

 

"When I'm around my religious friends, I tell them I named him after st. Like. When I am around my geeky friends, I say I named him after Luke Skywalker".

 

True story: the kids in our  CCD (Children's pre-confirmation religious education) were being taught about choosing a confirmation name. The name is after a Saint of the Catholic Church. The adult teaching the classes asked the kids if they had chosen a confirmation name, explain a little about who the Saint was, and why they chose the name. She gets to two boys who were pals and they both said Luke! She asked them why they chose the name and said because they like Luke Skywalker! (Usually Luke, is St. Luke, the Apostle.)

Cracks me up, I tell ya.

[zil]

The following sums up my thoughts on Mixed Mormons:

49% of them are the same old thing you always get, most of the rest are slightly more interesting, a few are bad, and a couple seem like they ended up in the wrong can...

[Midwest LDS]

I try to act the same no matter who I'm with. Obviously I don't always succeed, but I grew up in a somewhat similiar situation to you @GirlNextDoor. I'm a convert who joined the church with my mom when I was younger, and so grew up with most of my friends and family being non-members. If anything, I think this made my siblings and I act more Mormon just to stand out from the crowd. We sure didn't always succeed, but for us it was important to hold tight to what made us unique. But I realize that's just my own personal experience. It's next to impossible to accurately generalize how a diverse group acts in a given situation.

[seashmore]

One reason I didn't attend a "church school" for college was because I was nervous about culture shock. I was so used to being so different from others that I didn't know how to be part of the majority. Personally, I like being around people of cultures different than mine. That's why I try to keep a balance between LDS and non-LDS friends. 

Another motivation for me to be around and act differently around nonmembers is because it keeps me accountable. 95% of the time I'm around nonmembers, I'm the only one. In a lot of cases, I'm likely the only Mormon they know. This motivates me to leave a good impression on them. 

[Ironhold]

Another thing to consider is the individual persons involved. 

A lot of people have what they regard as a "sanctum" of sorts, a place where they can unload at the world and nothing they say goes further. This is often employed by people who have not been so fortunate in their experiences as a place where they can sort themselves out and express their emotions. I've seen a number of people - including members - make use of these places. 

In that sense, these places are where someone's true self emerges... especially if the place is something shared with other people who have had similar life experiences. 

Once these people have had a chance to commiserate, it gives them the strength to maintain the shiny, happy facade until such time as they're well enough again to actually be that person. 

[Bad Karma]

Mormons are human, personalities differ. Different folks and all that. In the end, we're still Mormons. 

[mirkwood]

On ‎8‎/‎24‎/‎2017 at 2:57 PM, MormonGator said:

When I'm with LDS members I'm sort of on my best behavior because I don't want to offend them.

Ooops...not that I'm likely to change, but....ooops.

 

I was talking with my Sgt. one night at work, who also happened to be my neighbor and 2nd counselor in the bishopric.  I don't know how we got on the topic, but I told him how brother so and so had ticked me off in regards to my calling.  I was talking with Bishop R...... about it and referred to brother so and so as an a***.  As I walked down the hall, I realized what I had said.  Then I did it again a couple weeks later about the same person.  I was chastising myself for swearing in front of the bishop and my Sgt. said, "Bishop R....actually appreciates the fact that his calling doesn't intimidate you and you are comfortable being yourself."    I still try not to talk that way, but fail at times. I am who I am and if it offends people, most likely it is their problem.  I have found it interesting to see how many of my co-workers pretend to be active when at home, but at work they are a far cry from it.  People should just be themselves all the time.

 

[seashmore]

5 hours ago, mirkwood said:

People should just be the best version of themselves all the time.

 

There. I fixed it.

Personally, I'm really susceptible to mimicking the behavior and attitude of anyone I'm spending time with, which is why I've become more particular about who I spend time with as I grow older.

[Guest MormonGator]

22 hours ago, mirkwood said:

Ooops...not that I'm likely to change, but....ooops.

 

I was talking with my Sgt. one night at work, who also happened to be my neighbor and 2nd counselor in the bishopric.  I don't know how we got on the topic, but I told him how brother so and so had ticked me off in regards to my calling.  I was talking with Bishop R...... about it and referred to brother so and so as an a***.  As I walked down the hall, I realized what I had said.  Then I did it again a couple weeks later about the same person.  I was chastising myself for swearing in front of the bishop and my Sgt. said, "Bishop R....actually appreciates the fact that his calling doesn't intimidate you and you are comfortable being yourself."    I still try not to talk that way, but fail at times. I am who I am and if it offends people, most likely it is their problem.  I have found it interesting to see how many of my co-workers pretend to be active when at home, but at work they are a far cry from it.  People should just be themselves all the time.

 

They should be themselves, I agree, but there is a difference between having manners and not being yourself. I swear all the time-but I'm not going to do so in front of women or children. I guess that's me being fake to some degree. 

[Fether]

I think we should just be good always. Personality and how we act does and should change. When I'm around my nephews, I am going to wrestle them all and let them climb all over me. When I'm around my parents, I probably won't. 

My stances of gospel topics do not change but how I address them does. For example, I'll openly admit the evils of homosexual relationship in a presidency meeting, but speak more cautiously when im around my many friends that are homosexual (though my stance will be the same).

[NeuroTypical]

Well, you know the old joke.  Jews don't recognize Jesus as the Messiah, Protestants don't recognize the authority of the Pope, and Mormons don't recognize each other at the store on Sunday.

[Bini]

I know exactly what you mean and it can be unfortunate when you must put on a facade to impress people you wish not to disappoint. It's not a life I would want.  

[Anddenex]

Why does this thread remind of this song:

Why do we as humans often act differently, in any situation? Why did my friends stop cussing when they entered my home growing up and my parents were there. I assume because they are fake, it didn't have to do anything with being respectful.

Why did I have Atheist friends act so differently when they entered a church? Why did I have so many Christian friends act differently when they entered their church, or home, and their parents were home?

Why did my friends act so differently when they were around girls/boys they liked?

I don't know of "anyone" who didn't put on a "facade" when they first met a person they were interested in. It is the life we all live. There are dozens of reasons:

1) Because people are aware of "respectful" situations and people act respectfully
2) Same reason why people, who marry, within the first year of living together often ask themselves, "Wow! I never knew this about you!" We put our best foot forward, and it would be nice if we always did this but we don't.

EDIT Answer -- It is just "Complicated."

The question should be, "Why do "humans" act differently in different situations, and just in case you didn't know, "It isn't just Mormons that act differently in different situations." It is no secret.

Edited August 28, 2017 by Anddenex

[Jane_Doe]

1 hour ago, Bini said:

I know exactly what you mean and it can be unfortunate when you must put on a facade to impress people you wish not to disappoint. It's not a life I would want.  

It is not the life I want, nor the life I live.  I am what I am, no putting on any fake faces about it anywhere....even when it's a little socially awkward.  

[mordorbund]

22 hours ago, Jane_Doe said:

It is not the life I want, nor the life I live.  I am what I am, no putting on any fake faces about it anywhere....even when it's a little socially awkward.  

 

[Guest]

On 8/28/2017 at 4:42 PM, Bini said:

I know exactly what you mean and it can be unfortunate when you must put on a facade to impress people you wish not to disappoint. It's not a life I would want.  

I hope you understand that there is a difference between horses for courses and putting on a facade.

Would you actually go to a wedding wearing a tank top, bikini bottom, and a pair of flip flops?  But you'd wear that to go to the beach no doubt.  Why the difference?  You do what is appropriate for the setting.  That concept affects the way we dress, the way we behave, the way we talk, the way we interact.  This is not a fake face.  It is doing what is appropriate for the setting.

If that analogy doesn't get you, how's these:

Do you speak the same way to your 2 y.o. (or will you when your baby turns 2) as you would your boss?  I'd hope not.  They'd react very differently to the same tone or the same subject matter.

Some of my employees respond very well by showing them proper respect and explaining every decision.  Others just refuse to do what I say unless I yell at them, and sometimes cuss at them.

When comedians come to the Provo comedy club (Johnny B's) they aren't allowed to tell jokes that are too raunchy because, frankly, most people who frequent the place wouldn't laugh at it.  So, they tell other, more family friendly jokes.  And they get lots of laughs.

When I go to my martial arts studio, I bow to others; they bow to me.  We all call each other "sir" and "ma'am" regardless of age.  I'd never do that anywhere else.  But that is what is appropriate for the setting.  Is this fake?  No.  This is what is done.

People smoke at various times.  And forgetting the WoW for a moment, consider when they smoke.  Could you imagine a pastor having a cigarette in his mouth as he said,"So, do you (puff) take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband? (blow)"

I once had a client ask me why I didn't call him "dude" when he found out I was raised in So. Cal.  I told him that if it were a less formal setting, I just might.

What is appropriate for different settings is part of what sets humans apart from animals.  We don't just go to the bathroom in the middle of the living room.  We have manners at the table.  We dress for the occasion.  We speak proper language at the proper setting.  The fact that some notice Mormons actually do this is actually a compliment.  If you can't see yourself behaving differently in different settings, then you don't really have the concept of what "appropriate" is.

[mordorbund]

21 minutes ago, Carborendum said:

We don't just go to the bathroom in the middle of the living room.

Excuse me?

[Guest]

32 minutes ago, mordorbund said:

Excuse me?

What do you think inspired me?  Yes, I just called Vort inspiring... sort of.  TMI??

[Bini]

On 8/29/2017 at 5:09 PM, Carborendum said:

I hope you understand that there is a difference between horses for courses and putting on a facade.

Would you actually go to a wedding wearing a tank top, bikini bottom, and a pair of flip flops?  But you'd wear that to go to the beach no doubt.  Why the difference?  You do what is appropriate for the setting.  That concept affects the way we dress, the way we behave, the way we talk, the way we interact.  This is not a fake face.  It is doing what is appropriate for the setting.

If that analogy doesn't get you, how's these:

Do you speak the same way to your 2 y.o. (or will you when your baby turns 2) as you would your boss?  I'd hope not.  They'd react very differently to the same tone or the same subject matter.

Some of my employees respond very well by showing them proper respect and explaining every decision.  Others just refuse to do what I say unless I yell at them, and sometimes cuss at them.

When comedians come to the Provo comedy club (Johnny B's) they aren't allowed to tell jokes that are too raunchy because, frankly, most people who frequent the place wouldn't laugh at it.  So, they tell other, more family friendly jokes.  And they get lots of laughs.

When I go to my martial arts studio, I bow to others; they bow to me.  We all call each other "sir" and "ma'am" regardless of age.  I'd never do that anywhere else.  But that is what is appropriate for the setting.  Is this fake?  No.  This is what is done.

People smoke at various times.  And forgetting the WoW for a moment, consider when they smoke.  Could you imagine a pastor having a cigarette in his mouth as he said,"So, do you (puff) take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband? (blow)"

I once had a client ask me why I didn't call him "dude" when he found out I was raised in So. Cal.  I told him that if it were a less formal setting, I just might.

What is appropriate for different settings is part of what sets humans apart from animals.  We don't just go to the bathroom in the middle of the living room.  We have manners at the table.  We dress for the occasion.  We speak proper language at the proper setting.  The fact that some notice Mormons actually do this is actually a compliment.  If you can't see yourself behaving differently in different settings, then you don't really have the concept of what "appropriate" is.

Reading way too into things. Better sit down.