[No Talk of Miracles]

I have never heard that we should never speak of miracles, but rather, only if the Spirit prompts us to share. I have had miracles occur in my life. Most of the time I do not share them, but there are times when I have felt prompted to do so.

For my children, now all adults, I created a binder I called “Family Treasures“. In the binder I have recorded the miracles that have happened to me, my husband, my children, and many of our ancestors. I believe there is a time and place for some of these miracles to be shared. They are sacred. I hope in my telling of the events that they will help strengthen my children and grandchildren’s testimonies.

[When Women (don't) Speak]

44 minutes ago, anatess2 said:

Elder Eyring trying to hold his emotions when speaking of the Divine Authority of President Lee touched me a lot.  This truly is the TRUE Church of Jesus Christ.

Unfortunately, it only takes 1 person who is not single to to the glory of God to make this not work in secular settings.  Elder Eyring tried his best to make it clear he is not disparaging the efforts of secular organizations.

 

I had just watched that video of Pres. Eyring about an hour ago. It popped up on my FaceBook feed.  Powerful! 

[When Women (don't) Speak]

13 hours ago, Carborendum said:

I thought it was spot on as well -- regarding the findings.  It was the interpretations and solutions that I disagreed with.

Of course everyone should be heard in more personal settings.  But here's something the article left out: What needed to be accomplished in these meetings?  What was the heirarchical structure to begin with? From the way it is written, it seems that the particular studies were done on structures that were more "democratic committees" than standard hierarchical structures.

I'll more fully answer your questions at the bottom of this post.

Then you will never be heard.

Then someone else will succeed and you won't.  This isn't hard to understand.

I mentioned several times that dealing with God is different.  We're SUPPOSED to be sheep when dealing with God.  But when dealing with mankind, it's a bit 

 

Just wanted to comment on the two bolded areas.

First: “Then you will never be heard” — true. Hopefully, if an aware person is in charge, they will be aware that there are those in the room that have something worthwhile to share but won’t because they are not aggressive enough to get their thoughts shared.  I’m thinking along the lines of a Sunday School class. Many don’t share thoughts or experiences because they feel inferior, or in my case it’s too intimidating to speak up in front of men and some women. I’m much more likely to speak up in a group where I feel accepted and everyone feels comfortable. There are times I don’t participate, even though I know the correct answer (reading these forums, I’ve learned a thing or two) because of the alpha attitude of some in the class. They seem to take over, and I’m not aggressive enough to interject. So, my information, thoughts, and feelings don’t get shared.

Second: “Then someone else will succeed and you won’t. This isn’t hard to understand.” For me, what is success? It certainly isn’t getting first in a competition or a promotion. In many areas I know I can win, and often did. I would much rather give up my prize to a struggling coworker.(I’m so glad I’m retired. ) I had no desire to be the one in charge., even when I was a supervisor. Let me just do my job so I could go home and be where my heart was—with my family. I was not the main breadwinner in our home. That was my husband’s job. So, glad he was willing to be that person. So, was I an unsuccessful employee? I think not. I used my time wisely And did my job. Then I went home to my real job. I was happy to see my coworkers get promotions and worked to see them get ahead. I received promotions too, but it didn’t mean much. (When I was single it did mean a lot more). Let me be a mom to my kids and support my husband. I consider that a success! I may be in the minority in regards to my thinking. But, success, in my mind has always been as a wife and mother. 

[When Women (don't) Speak]

5 hours ago, MormonGator said:

That's fascinating, I never thought about it that way. I like to win and hate losing, so I can't relate. When I lose in TKD or video games it bothers me for days. 

I like to win too. But, I have given up my winnings/prize to someone else. I like to see others succeed.

[When Women (don't) Speak]

I actually liked the article. It was spot-on for me. Should women’s voices not be heard? Why do we need to be aggressive in order to be heard? My personality is such, that when I’m in a group I am reserved. I’m that way whether it’s a mixed group or all women group. I will speak up if I have something worthwhile to contribute, but I’m not going o be aggressive about it. It’s not in me to act that way.

Another way I find myself to be different than men is in the area of competition. A number of years ago I was working with a boss who set up competitions in order for co-workers to be more successful in sales. This didn’t motivate me at all. Sure, I would like to win the competition prize, but I hated to win because then someone else would lose. I would rather see someone else succeed, rather than me.
I’m very grateful that the Lord doesn’t set up getting into the Celestial Kingdom as a competition. We can all make it!

[Coolest sudoku EVAR!]

I enjoy doing sudokus, but I’ll pass on this one.

[How is everybody doing?]

My life hasn’t changed much. I babysit my 4-year-old grandson. His parents still work full time, so I drive out to Eagle Mountain every morning, M thru F. The commute used to take me 30 to 35 minutes. Now it’s about 22 minutes. One morning it only took me 20 minutes. I shop when I need to. Don’t wear a mask, though I have ordered one. I do have cabin-fever, but I always get this way during the Spring. I want to get out into the outdoors. My husband and I, along with several of my siblings and their spouses, are going on a 4-wheel drive trip through some back-country in Southern Utah next week. I’m really looking forward to that! We checked the county restrictions, and the nonresident county restrictions have been lifted.

My entitled Karen complaints:

*My guitar lessons are currently on hold. (Yes, this older woman is trying to learn guitar.) I want to buy a new guitar and I’m feeling very frustrated because I can’t go into a guitar shop and try different guitars to see what I like best. I’m hoping the nonessential stores will open soon.
*I want to travel!!! I’m feeling deprived. I have flight benefits (retired airline employee), and not being able to travel is so frustrating! Even though I didn’t have any definite travel plans until September,  just knowing I can’t travel overseas is getting me down. Plus, I was hoping for a trip to Hawaii for our 39th anniversary. Doesn’t look like that will happen.
*I miss eating out. My husband and I don’t eat out that often, but on occasion it is a nice treat.
*I love the National Parks! Just knowing they are closed is hard! I want to go to Bryce and Zion. 

[Help starting a garden.]

I try to do a garden of some sort every year, but I don’t have much of a green thumb. So, my gardens have been haphazard and some years successful and other years not so much. Our soil is very rocky and so we have switched to container/box gardening. I’m getting older with a bad knee and don’t have the strength or energy I used to have, so container gardening works for me.

One crop I plant every year is radishes. I don’t particularly love radishes, but they only take about 25 days to mature. They are easy to plant, and easy to care for and it’s exciting to get results within such a short time frame. It helps me feel like I’m a successful gardener.

My minimal garden every year includes radishes, turnips (personal favorite of mine when fresh and small), tomatoes, zucchini, carrots, and crook neck squash. On years when I feel like I can handle a larger garden I add  bell peppers, corn, green beans, peas, cucumbers, pumpkins, egg plant, broccoli, lettuce, and cabbage to my minimum garden. I often try strawberries and different melons, but don’t seem to have much success with them. 

[I am a widower planning on marrying again in the temple but my kids aren't accepting of it. Please give me some advice]

Since I am a stepmother I have done a lot of studying on second marriages and step-parenting. There is a high divorce rate of 2nd marriages when children are involved. I think about 67 %. Even though you and your fiancé love each other, your children may not love her or ever grow to love her.  Whereas, the stepparent usually makes a conscious choice to love the stepchildren, the stepchildren usually do not make that choice. There are almost always loyalty issues for the children involved. That in turn may cause relationship problems between the married couple. The stepparent often feels marginalized and can feel like they will never be number one in their spouses life. It is a very difficult relationship!!! Most stepparents have no idea how difficult it will be before getting married.  Premarital counseling may be a good idea, not only for you and your fiancé, but also for the children.

I have also been a stepchild. My mother remarried about 6 years after my father died. I did not like my stepfather! Looking back, now as an adult, I can see that he wasn’t such a bad guy, but I was a young teen, and there was no way that I was going to accept him. And, I admit, that I (nor my younger siblings) made it easy for him and that in turn made it hard for my mother. Their marriage lasted less than six months. 
 

I was at a meeting with Dallin H. Oaks, and he mentioned that he did not start dating after his wife passed away until all his children were on board with it. I believe he said one of his daughters had a more difficult time with the issue, and he waited until she was also okay with him dating/remarrying. Because, all the children were accepting, the step-parenting issues were at a minimum. 
 

I hope you and your family can find peace as you find answers together as a family.

[Are We Overly Compelled by Church Culture and Human Tendencies to Say I Know This Church is True?]

I admit I don’t often get up and share my testimony in Fast and Testimony Meeting. But, when I do share my testimony whether in Fast and Testimony Meeting, or in a Primary lesson, Sunday School lesson, or Relief Society lesson, I feel the responsibility that is on my shoulders. My responsibility is to teach or share with the Spirit, and to help my fellow members and/or investigators feel that Spirit. Because I do have a testimony and have felt the Spirit testify to me of the truthfulness of the gospel I feel I will have let my Savior down if I don’t testify. So, I will use the terminology “I know”, or “I testify in the name of Jesus Christ that ...”. And then I try to clarify why I know. I feel because I do know, I need to help those who are struggling. I want them to learn for themselves and know without a doubt so that when trials come their way, they have an anchor to hold on to. If they don’t know for themselves, when a a pivotal point comes in their life I hope they might remember me, Sister Classylady, and remember she knew! I hope they can hold onto my knowledge until they get their own. This is a responsibility I feel very strongly about. 

[Impeachment question for experts]

11 hours ago, Scott said:

It's not only with leaders, but with the general population.  Almost none of the general polulation likes Trump.  I haven't met even one yet and that includes travels to the UK, Norway, Sweden, Iceland, Austria, Switzerland, Germany, Italy, Mexico, Saba, Sint Maarten, Saint Marten, St Eustatius, and Morocco, all of which I have visited since last year.  I'll be in Spain the day after tomorrow.  

It isn't just among world leaders.  In all these countries, I haven't met even one person who has said something positive about Trump.  Not even one.  Rest assured though, I have heard plenty of negative.  Of course the disapproval is towards are president and not all Americans.   

My family was in England last April and actually stayed with several English families. We were always asked how we felt about Trump.  We met quite a few people who love Trump. It surprised me because I was under the impression that most Europeans hated Trump. Those that I met who loved Trump were also for Brexit and quite conservative. They see their country as failing and to them immigration was a big part of it. They feel they are losing their culture. They don’t dare let their daughters even go shopping alone because of the fear of rape by the immigrants. Those who loved Trump are glad he is stirring the pot. They are tired of having to keep their mouths shut because it isn’t “politically correct” and because anything they say against the immigrants is considered racist. Housing prices are expensive. They blamed that on the immigration policies. The immigrants get the housing and there is very little left for the Brits. Young people can’t afford housing, etc. We had some great political conversations. My experience must have been different than yours.

When I travelled to Italy, Germany, Switzerland, and France this year I didn’t have the opportunity to get into politics with anyone.  A couple of years ago I was able to visit a friend in Germany and she and her husband and adult sons liked Trump. I think Europeans are very similar to US citizens. If you listen to the news almost everything you hear is negative about Trump and everyone hating him, but if you start talking to some of the regular folks, and they feel like you won’t ridicule them, they will start to tell you what they like about Trump. Many Europeans are tired of the liberal policies and are afraid of where their leaders are taking their countries.

[Keeping the Sabbath Day Holy]

Here’s a few things we do: Attend church. Usually stay home after church and try to take a nap—especially now since we’re older and have less energy. Read. Some Sundays we visit extended family. Try to have family dinner. I like to do family history on Sundays. We used to have a Family Home Evening lesson on Sunday when the kids were young.

We don’t shop on Sundays! Nor do recreational activities like swimming, fairs, amusement parks, or attend movies or plays. We also did not have friends birthday parties for the kids. We might do birthday cake with family only, but never a friends bash. We also don’t do yard work on Sunday.

[Women and children as witnesses]

34 minutes ago, Anddenex said:

i.e. The myths that are sadly being perpetuated by Third Hour articles and the reasons they give for these changes. I am remembering a particular article regarding home teaching and ministering and how High Priests were given a "smack down" by the prophet.

I agree wholeheartedly. Myths need to stop.

I would be more interested in his exact words pertaining to fast offerings.

I wish I could remember exactly what he said. We were asked not to record, video tape, or take photographs. He talked about how so many in Africa only have one meal a day. The average length of life for men is around 44 years of age. He mentioned AIDS being one of the causes of the young death rate. They live in very small houses, perhaps one room, often caring not only for their own family, but often the children of their brother because he has died. The young men (and women) are needed to help support the family. If they go on missions that financial support is not there. And, as I mentioned earlier, some of these young men and women are the only members.

As to fast offerings, he didn’t say much more than, here they are, poorest of poor, hungry, how they give of their meager earnings—pennies, nickels, and need food and basics to survive, and in Utah some are unwise with their income and now need help in paying their mortgage using fast offering money. I think he was trying to portray the huge difference in needs and wants. It sounded like he said these poor saints are willing to help us in Utah, and it’s usually due to our unwise decisions, yet they need the very basics.

[Women and children as witnesses]

On 10/3/2019 at 9:03 AM, estradling75 said:

Indeed..  We have Culture, or the Unwritten Order of things... Which I think is very similar to what the scripture call 'Traditions of our Fathers'  This is not doctrine or truth...  It might however have been a good idea or helpful or even necessary at some point in our history. And maybe it still is or maybe it is not any more.  It is nice to see those with the proper stewardship going through and removing that which they determine is no longer useful or correct at this time

I was at a German Mission reunion last night for all German speaking missions.  Elder Bednar and his wife spoke to us and he specifically touched on this topic. He asked us to please stop with the myths, etc. that so many of us adhere to. He said the policy changes such as witnesses, ministering, youth program, missionaries able to call home on a weekly basis, etc. are because we are a world wide church. It needs to be simplified, but the eternal truths are there. It needs to be family based. For example, he talked about Africa, and the growth there. Young adults  have the obligation to care for their parents and support the family. Often times, the young person is the only member. If they go on a mission they are unable to to help support the family. If they have no contact with the parents for the two years while serving, the parents become more antagonistic towards the church. The change in policy for missionaries to call home was for them, not us (Utahns, Americans), but we benefit. I wish I could state this the way Elder Bednar did.

He talked about the Saints in Africa who are the poorest in the world. They pay their pennies and other meager change for fast offerings, which goes into the coffers of the church, so someone here in Utah can pay their mortgage because they were unwise with their money, He was blunt.

He talked about revelation and how it is often given, line upon line, precept upon precept. Most of the church policy changes are not abrupt changes. Each particular prophet has been working for years in specific areas of their stewardship. These are not new ideas to them, but it comes line upon line. 

I’m grateful I was able to hear Elder Bednar talk. The Spirit was so strong. His wife’s comments were just as powerful. I truly feel blessed to have been there.

[Goodbye]

On 9/15/2019 at 10:58 AM, The Folk Prophet said:

For those of you who asked for the update, we're having a little boy.

Congratulations!

[Third Hour forum get together]

1 hour ago, beefche said:

I really enjoyed meeting everyone. It's always good to put actual faces to names. One of the funny things, I still call JAG and pam by their screen names instead of their real names. JAG just looks like a JAG. And pam, well, she looks very gingery...

So, here's beefche's stupid moment of her life. I booked my flight separate from my husband. When I booked my flight, I booked it to leave Aug 24. That meant I could attend the dinner. I enjoyed dinner, drove to my friend's house (where I was staying), got up the next morning. Took a nice walk along the mountains, showered, packed, left with my friend to return my rental car. On our way to the SLC airport, I tried to checkin on the app. But it said my flight was completed. Huh? I looked at my email confirmation and sure enough my flight was the 23rd! I completely missed my flight! I was dumbfounded as this is completely not like me. After talking to a very kind Delta customer service rep, she was able to get me a flight out this evening. It's the worst flight ever (leave at midnight get into Indy at 10 am), but she saved me $500+. 

Lesson learned: have my husband check our flights to verify date and time!!!!

I’m glad you misread your itinerary. It was fun meeting you!

[Second marriage and temple garments]

On 7/8/2019 at 5:20 PM, Hello said:

My husband and I will be sealed in the temple soon. My first sealing his second. He has temple garments already but it doesn’t feel right to me that he wear these at our sealing since he wore them at his first. Kind of like a bride wearing the same gown. These are the same temple garments he was endowed in so I explained that I don’t mind him keeping them but I would prefer he buy new to be sealed to me. My husband agreed. Am I reading to much into this? Am I wrong? 

@Hello, I understand where you are coming from. I married a divorced man who had previously been sealed. When we were sealed I requested we get sealed in a different temple than the one he and his ex were sealed in. When I was pregnant with our first child (his 3rd) I chose a birthing technique that would be unique to us. There were many other things that we have done to differentiate “us” as a couple. In fact, when I read about remarriage advice, doing things unique to the new couple can be beneficial to the marriage. It seems to especially be important to women. Things like getting a different bed than the previous couple’s bed is important. If moving into the same house as the previous couple, redecorating can be crucial so it becomes “our” house, etc.

Another, little anecdote from my marriage. My husband brought a beautiful set of china from his first marriage to ours. We would use it occasionally for special occasions. Over the years, whenever I would open the cupboard and see that set of china it would trigger unwelcome thoughts of his ex-wife. One day, about 25 years into our marriage, I happened to find a beautiful set of china at a yard sale and bought it. I was sitting in the car after buying that set of china and the tears just started to flow. I realized how much his old set of china had bothered me. I hadn’t even realized just how much. When I got home, I asked my husband if he would mind if we gave his old set to our daughter, who had recently gotten married. He was fine with it, and in fact, if he had known how I felt about that china all those years he would have long ago given it away. He had no emotional attachment to it. Since then I have acquired a second beautiful set of china, again found at a yard sale. These sets are “safe”, where they do not bring unwelcome thoughts.

. 

[Third Hour forum get together]

Count me in, along with my husband. 

[Questions about Sealing Cancellation & Clearance]

6 hours ago, AmandaF said:

I am a new member who is discussing marriage with my current boyfriend who is a member. He is civilly divorced with 1 child. He is still sealed to his ex wife. 

 

I have some questions and concerns about the fact that he can't unseal from his ex wife. Everything I read online is very conflicting. Some say he can unseal, some say no, some say he needs permission from his ex wife, some say one of them needed to either be abusive or commit adultery for an unsealing. 

I have also read that if he gets a 'clearance'  and we are married in the temple, then I will only be married to him for a time and he will be with his ex wife for eternity. This is bothersome to hear, as I wish to be with him for eternity and for any children we have to be with him as well. I have also read that a lot of people don't understand the feelings of a 2nd wife being concerned about him being sealed to two women and for the 1st wife to keep the blessings when she broke the covenant of remaining married to her husband. It is not natural for any woman to feel comfortable with the thought of their husband being tied (married, sealed, connected) with two women for eternity. Forgive me, but isn't multiple marriages no longer practiced and accepted within the church? 

Also, if the ex wife wishes to be with him for eternity and they are still sealed, but he wants to be with me and not her, who does God say yes to? He can't say yes to both. Everyone says, God will not force you to be with someone but how does that work when she is asking God to be with him? If she asks to be rejoined to her ex husband, am I then cast aside? 

If the ex wife and my boyfriend never get back together, then they are breaking their covenant under God and therefore, how would she receive the highest blessings by remaining sealed to him? 

All of this is very confusing and disheartening. I am still learning and don't fully comprehend scripture on this matter. Any insight and clarification would be appreciated. Especially from any woman who deals with the hard place of 2nd wife. Thank you!

Welcome!

I understand where you are coming from. I married a divorced man who was still sealed to his ex-wife. That was over 30 years ago. At that time it was difficult for men to get a sealing cancellation from an ex-wife unless she was going to be sealed to a new husband. When my husband and I decided to be sealed, my husband requested a sealing cancellation from his ex, but the First Presidency said it wasn’t necessary in order for us to be sealed. I swallowed my pride, and chose to be sealed. I wanted the blessings of the sealing for me and my children. That was far more important than whether my husband “might” still have a priesthood stewardship with his ex that would extend into the eternities. Also, at that time, sealing clearances for men had not been instituted.

A sealing clearance means just as it sounds. The man is “cleared” to be sealed to another woman. The sealing is not cancelled. A sealing cancellation though, means the sealing is cancelled. Any children that are either born in the covenant or are sealed to their parents will not lose the blessing of being sealed to righteousness parents. That remains intact even if the parents are no longer sealed to each other.

Now, fast forward about 25 years. My husband talked to our bishop about having his sealing cancelled to his ex-wife. Our bishop was very understanding and in fact asked my husband why he hadn’t tried to have the sealing cancelled earlier. My husband told him,  he had, but, “I didn’t think it was possible.”  Our bishop told him it is much easier for men to request a sealing cancellation from their ex-wife, even if she has never remarried, or has married a nonmember. So, our bishop started the paper work for the sealing cancellation. After the Stake President approved the paper work and sent it into church headquarters, my husband had his answer back within three weeks and the sealing cancellation was approved. (Sigh! That was such a huge burden taken from his shoulders and mine.)

The Bishop will ask the ex-wife to write a letter telling her point-of-view of the divorce. It is not a letter “giving permission.” My husband also needed to write a letter stating his point-of-view about the divorce. Any child support or maintenance payments will need to be current.

(Edit: some ex-spouses refuse to write a letter stating their views of the divorce. They are given about three weeks to reply. If they don’t reply the process goes on without the letter. Some ex-spouses may be vitriolic in their letter. From what I understand, unless there is proof of unrepentant misconduct it won’t have much bearing on the outcome.)

Our Father in Heaven understands our feelings. He will never force anyone to be together eternally if they don’t want to. Your future husband and his ex most likely have already broken the sealing covenant by their divorce. But, it is nice to know that the sealing can actually be cancelled. Some bishops and stake presidents may not know that men may be allowed to request a sealing cancellation. It isn’t very clearly written in the handbook unless it’s been clarified since my husband requested his sealing cancellation.

Even though it is hard to understand polygamy, especially from a woman’s point of view, and our current culture, it obviously was ordained of God at different points in time to help raise up a righteous generation. My family goes back at least five generations within the church, and I wouldn’t be here if polygamy wasn’t practiced. I’m very grateful to my ancestors for their sacrifice and dedication.

Good luck! I hope this helps.

[You no longer have to wait a year between civil marriage and temple marriage in the US]

3 hours ago, The Folk Prophet said:

Hmm.

I don't disagree with you. But just for thought: What if something was said along the lines of "We the Etc...solemnly proclaim that baptism is ordained of God..." Would that make all baptism ordained of God?

Like I said...I think I tend to agree with you that marriage between men and women, as a general institution, is ordained of God. But not "all" civil marriages -- just considering how broad that idea is.

I agree with you. “All” is a rather broad idea.

[You no longer have to wait a year between civil marriage and temple marriage in the US]

As I’ve been reading all the posts I am reminded of the wording in The Proclamation on the Family: “We the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve...solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God...”. Note, that the wording does not say that only eternal sealings are ordained of God, but that marriage is ordained of God. I take that to mean all civil marriages between a man and woman are ordained of God, which means they have merit. Most societies/cultures have some form of marriage. I believe it is a fundamental institution that comes from God. Perhaps it is wired into our DNA? I don’t know the answer to that, but it is interesting to me that marriage is a recognized institution across almost all cultures. I believe that our Father in Heaven has planned it this way.

[So um... I have an announcement.]

Wonderful news! It is such a blessing to be sealed as a couple and family. It is my greatest comfort. As a child I found comfort in knowing we were an eternal family after my father died in a tragic accident. As a mother I find comfort in knowing our daughter is sealed to us, and we are an eternal family. She died in an accident at the age of 19. IMO, there is no greater blessing.

[Van Halen Poll]

Last year I volunteered to help watch (guard) my son’s father-in-law’s guitar collection that was on display in the St. George Parade of Homes. He has an extensive guitar collection and Van Halen’s signature is on one of them. Kind of cool. The guitar I really kept my eye on was a Fender Strat, Serial Number 0003. If you know anything about guitars you can make an educated guess on it’s worth.

[DNA testing]

My husband and I both used Ancestry for our DNA analysis. It’s so interesting. My youngest sister also did hers through Ancestry and it’s fascinating to see how different we are, yet Ancestry was able to connect us as siblings.

[What if your spouse had a sexual partner before marriage?]

Shiva, you are heartbroken over your boyfriends past sexual history. It is true, as you say, that if you two married that the two of you would never share some milestone first time experiences together. You would be unevenly yoked in the physical intimacy department. He can be forgiven, but there are consequences to his past actions. He has a history that cannot be erased. No matter how much he (or you) wishes It never happened, it did. He will have those memories and comparisons of his past girlfriends. Even if he tries his hardest not to compare, it is part of human nature.

In order to be happily married when one partner has more experience in the physical intimacy area, some things that are needed would be : trust, transparency, reassurance from the more experienced spouse, absolute knowledge that you are number one and adored, and healthy self-esteem. If your self-esteem is lacking you might start comparing yourself to his exes, and that is never healthy. It can destroy a good marriage.

If his past bothers you this much, don’t expect marriage to erase it. Resolve it in your heart before you get any more serious.