Things your not so righteous self wanted to do in church, but you did not

[Guest Scott]

What are some things that your not so righteous self always wanted to do in Church, but your righteous self didn't agree with so you didn't do them?  😈

Here are some of mine:

Have a Chinese fire drill in elders quorum

Play AC/DC on the relief society piano

Yell hallelujah after your wife's talk  

Throw a pillow with anyone who disagrees with you or ask something distracting when you are giving a Sunday school lesson

Use Mormon Rap while ministering to your family

Ask your bald bishop if you can paint CTR on his bald head so you can use it in a primary lesson

Any more?

Of course we're talking about your not-so-righteous self here, not what you would really do.   Well at least not very often.  

[bytebear]

Tell the testimony speaker to stay on topic.

[Sunday21]

6 minutes ago, bytebear said:

Tell the testimony speaker to stay on topic.

[Guest Scott]

17 minutes ago, bytebear said:

Tell the testimony speaker to stay on topic.

My great grandpa actually did that once.  I think he was around 90 years old.    He yelled something like "stay on topic; a testimony meeting isn't a personal history!". 

[SilentOne]

46 minutes ago, Scott said:

What are some things that your not so righteous self always wanted to do in Church, but your righteous self didn't agree with so you didn't do them?  😈

Here are some of mine:

...

Throw a pillow with anyone who disagrees with you or ask something distracting when you are giving a Sunday school lesson

Is this really because your righteous self didn't agree or did you just not have a pillow to hand?

[NightSG]

I have wanted to pick up a well used coffee pot from Goodwill to sneak into the kitchen when no one is looking.  Accessorized with all the basic supplies and a few moderately stained mugs. 

Right up there with putting a bag of popcorn in the microwave and setting the timer to pop it during meetings on Fast Sunday. Or the same with some bread dough in the oven. 

[Ironhold]

Before I started doing newspapers, a family friend had asked me to fill in for his own newspaper route with a different paper. 

Fine. 

...Except the truck that was supposed to bring the papers up from the press broke down, and it took so long to get everything on to another truck that everything was two hours late. Thus, I had no time to sleep before I went to church that day. I didn't even have the luxury of nodding off in sacrament, as I was asked to teach a Sunday school class that very day for someone else, and I needed the time to read the manual. 

I figure I was approaching 36 hours awake - at least - when I got to Priesthood. It took the last little bit of my conscious thought processes to *not* just simply go nuts right then and there. 

[Sunday21]

9 hours ago, NightSG said:

I have wanted to pick up a well used coffee pot from Goodwill to sneak into the kitchen when no one is looking.  Accessorized with all the basic supplies and a few moderately stained mugs. 

Right up there with putting a bag of popcorn in the microwave and setting the timer to pop it during meetings on Fast Sunday. Or the same with some bread dough in the oven. 

Resident Evil 😈 

[anatess2]

Tell speakers to stop starting their talks with a story about how they tried to avoid the bishopric who was about to assign him the talk or how they're so nervous... talk about dumping your own talk down the drain before it starts...

[NeuroTypical]

Is it fair game to give an answer containing something you actually ended up doing?

When you baptize a kid, you arrange the interlude music that plays for the people who show up, while everyone is drying off and changing, yes?  Well, baptizing child #2, I put together a playlist with about a dozen songs from the Children's Hymnbook, and this song too.  After the baptism, I hit shuffle, and left it up to God on whether He wanted the people to hear the song or not. 

[mirkwood]

Say amen loudly two minutes into a seven minute prayer.

[NeuroTypical]

11 hours ago, Scott said:

Play AC/DC on the relief society piano

Actually, this reminds me of something else I actually do routinely.  I set up the projector and sound system when our building plays General Conference or a Stake broadcast or something.  The work includes showing up early and hooking everything up and running sound tests in the empty building, to make sure the primary room/mother's lounge/RS room overflows have good sound.  But my ward building actually has a pretty awesome sound system, and I wake that building up and pour energy into it, to make sure it does justice to whatever actually ends up being broadcast. I assume people won't get it and be uncomfortable, so the first sign of another human, and I switch to MoTab or whatever. 

But until then, I play some pretty eclectic things.  I am playing music in the chapel of the Lord's house, so I've never done AC/DC or anything like it, I will not mock the sacredness inherent in a chapel.  I do orchestral dubstep, some powerful clear vocals singing about nature, a crisp 20's band number that was actually created for the Fallout 4 universe, stuff like that.  I even have a "church" playlist full of not-church songs when I do this. 

Am I horrible?

[mirkwood]

9 hours ago, Ironhold said:

Before I started doing newspapers, a family friend had asked me to fill in for his own newspaper route with a different paper. 

Fine. 

...Except the truck that was supposed to bring the papers up from the press broke down, and it took so long to get everything on to another truck that everything was two hours late. Thus, I had no time to sleep before I went to church that day. I didn't even have the luxury of nodding off in sacrament, as I was asked to teach a Sunday school class that very day for someone else, and I needed the time to read the manual. 

I figure I was approaching 36 hours awake - at least - when I got to Priesthood. It took the last little bit of my conscious thought processes to *not* just simply go nuts right then and there. 

One of my buddies said priesthood was a blast back when I came to church without any sleep.   I worked graveyard shift on Saturday nights and then went to church Sunday morning on the 9 o'clock block.  By the time priesthood came around I was rather loopy and apparently had no filter.  One of the teachers made sure to always ask me a question because, "I would sit there grinning inside just waiting to see what would come out of your mouth.  Sometimes it was even on topic, always it was hilarious."  I have no real memory of what I said in those days, but as I said, several buddies have said priesthood was far more entertaining in those days.

[unixknight]

I kinda want to share my list, but I feel guilty about it...  Oh well, maybe confession will help...

I have SO wanted to...

• Laugh out loud when being asked to take on a calling that "won't take much of your time."
• On Fast Sunday, stand up and point at the clock when the meeting is almost over, two people are waiting to talk, and one person had been droning on for 10 minutes.
• Go around the chapel and physically drag all the parents with unruly kids out of the room so I could hear the talks
• Yell "I don't care" when someone introduces themselves, in detail, complete with life's story, as a way to burn up the clock when giving a talk
• Play games on my tablet (all meetings)
• Watch Formula One races on my tablet (all meetings)
• Read Dungeons & Dragons rulebooks (all meetings)
• Let my kids play games on my tablet so I can pay attention to the talks
• After Sacrament meeting, tell everybody who isn't staying for Sunday School to get out and stop chitchatting and holding up the start of the meeting
• (Borrowing this one from @mirkwood) Say "amen" to cut short a really long prayer
• Slip out after taking the Sacrament

[NeuroTypical]

We're all natural man.  Having the desire is nothing.  Acting on it is where we get in hot water.

[hzdbl5]

14 hours ago, bytebear said:

Tell the testimony speaker to stay on topic.

While I was serving as bishop, one testimony-er was sharing some tender mercies they'd experienced while dealing with a recent medical issue.  No worries there.  It was when they started talking about test results for their urine and stool samples that I got up and whispered in their ear.  The first fast and testimony meeting after I was released, when I could sit back and just listen, was when I realized just how stressful those meetings had been for me.

My not-so-righteous desire was to wear a blue shirt for Sunday services while bishop.  The only reason I could come up with to do so was that it would tweak some people in the congregation.  I didn't figure that was an appropriate reason.

[Anddenex]

3 hours ago, mirkwood said:

Say amen loudly two minutes into a seven minute prayer.

On my mission I sat next to a convert who honestly couldn't let this go. It was so ingrained in him that during the opening prayer I heard him say "A-men!" and "Hallelujah" about five or so times.

[Guest MormonGator]

I wanted to put a charcoal bath bomb in my pocket during my baptism so that the entire water would turn pitch black when I was baptized. Just for the dramatic effect.

[Traveler]

Sleep without snoring or drooling. 

 

The Traveler

[unixknight]

14 minutes ago, MormonGator said:

I wanted to put a charcoal bath bomb in my pocket during my baptism so that the entire water would turn pitch black when I was baptized. Just for the dramatic effect.

That would be LEGENDARY.

[Guest Godless]

46 minutes ago, hzdbl5 said:

My not-so-righteous desire was to wear a blue shirt for Sunday services while bishop.  The only reason I could come up with to do so was that it would tweak some people in the congregation.  I didn't figure that was an appropriate reason.

You could probably get away with that in my parents' ward.

[Midwest LDS]

4 hours ago, mirkwood said:

Say amen loudly two minutes into a seven minute prayer.

Agreed! I still remember the most epically long prayer I've ever sat through in a meeting. Elder Kikuchi had come to visit and speak to the Stake I was serving in as a missionary in Independence Missouri. The man who opened the meeting said a 15 minute prayer. I am not exaggerating, I timed it once I started opening my eyes to figure out what was going on after the first 2 minutes. He just kept going, and going, and going. He prayed for everything you could possibly think of. I was shocked someone didn't ask him to sit down as the first speaker had to cut his talk short because of it.

Edited February 28, 2019 by Midwest LDS

[NeuroTypical]

1 hour ago, hzdbl5 said:

My not-so-righteous desire was to wear a blue shirt for Sunday services while bishop.  

A while ago, our bishopric had a beard growing contest for about a month.  Not quite the same thing, because Bishop Peachfuzz didn't look like he was even playing.

[mirkwood]

Oh that would be me part of the year.  I can wear a beard at work October through January.  Post retirement I will be able to wear it all winter.

[MarginOfError]

My problem with this thread is the not-so-righteous side of me usually wins out over the righteous side.

I had a beard right up until I was required to shave by my employer (for the next few years, I must be prepared to wear a respiratory mask). I only shave on days I go to work, though, so I'm always stubbly on Sunday.  And I don't care.

I've stopped wearing white shirts. period.  The very day I am released from working on the ward council, I will probably start wearing jeans and polo shirts to church. Mostly because I think somebody should be a little dressed down so that those who don't have the tie and slacks don't feel quite so out of place.

We are having a talent and interest night soon.  One of our members signed up to bring smoked meat.  I wrote down on the sheet "Brother Theta: Smoking"

My meeting agendas often have things like "Sister missionaries are now allowed to wear pants. No word yet on when elders may wear skirts."

About my only limit is I will not do something if I think there is even a small chance it will inhibit the ability for someone to have an uplifting experience during their worship. Other than that, anything is fair game.