Intimate Photos with spouse

[anatess2]

15 minutes ago, Vort said:

Nomen est omen.

I know, right?

[Vort]

The Weiner thing must be everyone's favorite vulgar joke these days, but I think there is some real, deep truth to the Latin saying.

[Guest]

14 hours ago, dz2003 said:

Maybe I was not afforded the ability to share what I am thinking correctly,  So there are 2 topics:

1.  How private/bad idea/can people see them/etc.

2.  Is it morally bad to do so?

I am looking at number 2 for right now

I realize you simply want an answer for #2 right now.  But it would be irresponsible to give you the "no" answer (i.e. that there is nothing morally wrong with it) without also warning you about the obvious #1 responses.

[estradling75]

6 minutes ago, Carborendum said:

I realize you simply want an answer for #2 right now.  But it would be irresponsible to give you the "no" answer (i.e. that there is nothing morally wrong with it) without also warning you about the obvious #1 responses.

In addition the answer to #2 is conditional based on what is done with them.  And there isn't a whole lot that could be done with them that doesn't have questionable moral implications.

[omegaseamaster75]

14 hours ago, dz2003 said:

Maybe I was not afforded the ability to share what I am thinking correctly,  So there are 2 topics:

1.  How private/bad idea/can people see them/etc.

2.  Is it morally bad to do so?

I am looking at number 2 for right now

2. Not morally wrong to have nudes of your wife IMO, as others have alluded to it is what you are doing with those pictures that gets touchy...no pun intended.

[NeedleinA]

@dz2003 Before you part ways, have a wonderful intimate time. Perhaps extra fun, extra special, extra long, extra meaningful. Screen capture that moment in your mind instead. When you are away, if needed, close your eyes and focus back on that instead. 

No pictures needed - no pictures lost - no chance of embarrassing yourself/her/family

Decades ago my wife and I took a picture that was risque. Don't ask why, we were young dumb boneheads I suppose. This was back in the day with regular old film cameras. We sent the pictures in to get developed. Of all the pictures that came back guess which one and which film strip did not come back to us? Yep. Crap!!! To this day it bothers me that we did it and it super sucks to think whatever became of it. I would never, ever suggest it to anyone. 

Edited August 31, 2016 by NeedleinA

[Blackmarch]

16 hours ago, dz2003 said:

Interested to know, feeling or thoughts of sending images to your wife or husband, if you live in different areas and can not see each other for more than a couple of times a year.  I am aware of the accidentally someone seeing, sending it to wrong person etc,

 

if it would be inappropriate for the world to see, your best bet is to not do it (the internet and communication is not private). If ya love each other then there are plenty of things that you can photograph/ setup etc.. that would be fine and still endearing.

 

14 hours ago, unixknight said:

Let's be fair.  The first few responses didn't answer his question.  Just reasons not to which didn't address the question of morality, which was the point of the OP.

as of by my post I don't see anything questioning the morality of it at least not directly, rather asking how everyone feels about it. In regards to the morality of such beyond that it's pretty risky I don't know any official stance on it. (and general rule of the thumb if something is risky or close to the line it's probably better to leave it alone).

[yjacket]

Just quickly, I wonder if you are looking at the wrong target. 

 

You will be gone from your wife with minimal interaction for 6 years???? Apologies if I'm too blunt and with all due respect, but are you nuts? And she is on-board with this? Is she nuts?

 

I know you've got to do what you've got to do, but 6 years is a loooooooong time to be gone with minimal interaction. Personally, I'd be rethinking my line of work and my marriage.  I highly doubt your marriage will be able to sustain itself if you are gone for 6 years with minimal interaction. Women need that emotional attachment/bond so I wouldn't be surprised to come home one day and find the milkman left a present for me. If you have a kid now, you will be gone until the kid is 6 years old, miss 6 birthdays, miss them walking, talking, saying "daddy please tickle me", you'll be a stranger in your own house.  All for what? So you can have extra money?  No thank you.

 

I get it, this economy is rough-but there are still plenty of things that an enterprising young or even older man can do to support his family without having to be away for 6 years.

 

If this is a military career path, well from what I've gathered having immediate family members in the military deployments last for max 1 year/18 months then there is a good reprieve 6+ months.  Quite frankly, IMO fighting in a war is a young man's job (and we shouldn't send them unless it is 100% necessary for defense), but once you have a wife part of the responsibility of the husband is to start thinking about the needs of the family rather than themselves first. And IMO the needs of the family far outweigh whatever benefits can be gained from being gone for 6 years with minimal interaction.  God has commanded us that once we are married are responsibility is 1st to our spouse and then to future generations, i.e. we should begin the process of having children.

 

But hey that's my 2 cents and it will buy you absolutely nothing.

 

[Just_A_Guy]

1 hour ago, NeedleinA said:

@dz2003 Before you part ways, have a wonderful intimate time. Perhaps extra fun, extra special, extra long, extra meaningful. Screen capture that moment in your mind instead. When you are away, if needed, close your eyes and focus back on that instead. 

No pictures needed - no pictures lost - no chance of embarrassing yourself/her/family

Decades ago my wife and I took a picture that was risque. Don't ask why, we were young dumb boneheads I suppose. This was back in the day with regular old film cameras. We sent the pictures in to get developed. Of all the pictures that came back guess which one and which film strip did not come back to us? Yep. Crap!!! To this day it bothers me that we did it and it super sucks to think whatever became of it. I would never, ever suggest it to anyone. 

Years ago, before the digital camera went mainstream and no one had really even considered the idea that you could you put one in a camera--I happened to befriend a fellow BYU student; a rather attractive young lady who worked in the MTC Bookstore's photo lab.  I still remember her relating how young missionaries would come up to her counter and tentatively ask if the process of developing pictures actually involved looking at those pictures . . . and would then make a hasty retreat when she answered in the affirmative.

Edited August 31, 2016 by Just_A_Guy

[Windseeker]

Here are just a couple things I find wrong with this. 

1. Re-wiring the brain to respond to images rather than direct physical contact and that person to person emotional(spiritual) connection.
2. Objectification of your spouse will change your relationship as you become less responsive to her as a thinking, feeling human being.  
3. Thru habit your focus in the relationship is increasingly governed solely by your needs not your partners. (Becoming selfish, self-focused)

It's the danger inherent with pornography whether or not the images are of your spouse or a stranger.

I do understand how hard it is, I'm currently living separately from my wife for a year and seeing her at least once a month is absolutely worth the $200-$400 we have to sacrifice each month to see each other. 

[Guest]

My brother has worked and lived separate from his wife for 7 years, and all I can say is it has not been a good thing. They've been hanging on a very thin thread for a long time. 

@NeedleinA if it's any comfort, I've never seen any photos of haystacks in compromising situations. 

[NeedleinA]

28 minutes ago, Eowyn said:

 

@NeedleinA if it's any comfort, I've never seen any photos of haystacks in compromising situations. 

This is about as "risque/compromising" as they come now since we learned our lesson.

Edited August 31, 2016 by NeedleinA

[rpframe]

I skimmed some of this.. but I'm going to have to disagree with most of what I read.

What happens consensually with your spouse is no one's darn business. If you both decide and feel good about being intimate in person, over the phone, over text, over webchat, over snapchat, over picture messaging, over maritime signal flags, over smoke signals, or over morse code then I feel like you can do that with a clear conscience.

It could possibly be immoral to use communication methods that are clearly public and/or easily intercepted. But if you use the right technology, then your communication can be encrypted and can protect your privacy in a way that is not significantly worse than the privacy of your own home. *puts on tin foil hat* Even your home is vulnerable to hidden cameras and peeping toms. *takes off tin foil hat*, but that probably shouldn't stop you from being intimate with your eternal companion.

Concerning concerns about talking with your bishop... your bishop is not always a trained relationship expert or a psychologist. Yes he could possibly help you with revelation, but I think that this probably falls under things that you're better off talking to a marriage counselor about if you feel the need. I would feel no need to talk to my bishop about that as long as I wasn't struggling with other things.

Concerning the topic that images can potentially lead to temptation... maybe that applies to you, but it may not be a concern for others. Being a trained surgeon and operating on naked people does not necessarily equate to a moral problem. I feel like being physically attractive to my spouse whether in person or over a distance does not necessarily equate to a moral problem. A slippery slope fallacy maybe. But not necessarily an issue.

Additionally, any part of intimacy could be construed as a selfish act. I could just as easily say that by each trying to please each-other at a distance via images or sound, is just as valid as physical touch. (I don't want to talk much about this though so as to not skirt the line of the forum rules, but I just wanted to make a point.)

 

Anyway... as I mentioned earlier, there is risk involved in digitial communications being intercepted, but as I said, someone can record you in your own home too... As long as you accept the risks (as you do with everything you do), I think its fine.

[Guest MormonGator]

16 minutes ago, NeedleinA said:

This is about as "risque/compromising" as they come now since we learned our lesson.

How dare you share this photo on an LDS site! You pervert! 

[Guest]

27 minutes ago, NeedleinA said:

This is about as "risque/compromising" as they come now since we learned our lesson.

I...can't...believe...you posted that. 

And on a school night too.

Edited August 31, 2016 by Guest

[Guest]

5 minutes ago, Carborendum said:

I...can't...believe...you posted that. 

And on a school night too.

Yeah. Next time at least wait til Friday.

[Guest MormonGator]

7 minutes ago, Carborendum said:

I...can't...believe...you posted that. 

And on a school night too.

His behavior is out of control. We got trouble my friends. Right here in River City! 

[ldsister]

I could be wrong here, but it's clear that you desperately want the answer to this question to be "Yes, go for it." And I'm guessing your desire for that isn't because you're just dying to send your wife nudes of yourself. More likely,  you're wanting her to give you nudes of herself. 

So the obvious question is, how does SHE feel about it? How does YOUR WIFE feel about producing permanent images of her naked body that will, at best, be used for you to bring yourself sexual stimulation without her actually being there and will, at worst, be lost, stolen, or otherwise disseminated? Because if she's uncomfortable with it (and my guess is that she is, or you wouldn't be on here trying to get a bunch of strangers to say that it's okay), then it doesn't matter if it's "moral," or not. You shouldn't be asking her to do it.  

But you want an opinion, so I'll give it. Yes, it's immoral. It objectifies your wife, reduces your marital intimacy to flesh without soul, is likely to induce you into sexual activities not condone by the church, and is going to wire your brain to connect sexuality with glossy photos. None of that is good. Don't go there. And as others have suggested, if your occupation has already put your marriage in a situation where you're asking your wife to produce porn for you, you may want to reconsider your job. 

Edited August 31, 2016 by ldsister

[Latter-Day Marriage]

7 hours ago, anatess2 said:

@dz2003, on the morality issue:

Taking a nude photo is not immoral in and of itself.  What may be immoral is the WHY the picture was taken and the HOW the picture is used.

Under the marriage covenant, sex is set apart as the ultimate expression of love for one's spouse.  Being apart from each other for 6 years means this form of expression of love is not possible.  Taking naked pictures of your spouse so you can use it to self-love is not a moral expression of your love for your spouse.  It cheapens your spouse into an object for your self aggrandizement and sex becomes a selfish act and not an expression of love.

Now, how can you express your love for your spouse from miles away?  There are many ways... send her her favorite chocolates, write her a poem, call her on the phone and provide a listening ear while she whines about her bad day... etc. etc. etc.

So, you might ask, "you really expect me to be celibate for 6 years????".  Yes.  Think of it this way - you only get to do it for 6 years.  Gay people may have to do it for their entire lifetimes.  You are one lucky dude.

 

You can enjoy a lovely erotic picture of a spouse without descending into self abuse.  If I was going to be apart from my wife for 6 years, I'd take some with me, but I wouldn't want them sent electronically to me.  I'd also have pictures I can display publicly out where I can see them frequently.

In the early days of the church married men were called to leave their wife and kids and go away on a mission for years and years, and some more than once. 

[omegaseamaster75]

20 minutes ago, ldsister said:

Don't go there. And as others have suggested, if your occupation has already put your marriage in a situation where you're asking your wife to produce porn for you, you may want to reconsider your job. 

Wow you used the P word. I do not think that the OP is asking his wife to produce porn for him, that's beyond the scope of what's being asked.

[ldsister]

5 minutes ago, omegaseamaster75 said:

Wow you used the P word. I do not think that the OP is asking his wife to produce porn for him, that's beyond the scope of what's being asked.

You don't see it that way, but I would, and there's a very real possibility that his wife does too. He needs to be well aware (and fully respectful) of that perspective.

[rpframe]

25 minutes ago, ldsister said:

So the obvious question is, how does SHE feel about it? How does YOUR WIFE feel about producing permanent images of her naked body that will, at best, be used for you to bring yourself sexual stimulation without her actually being there and will, at worst, be lost, stolen, or otherwise disseminated? Because if she's uncomfortable with it (and my guess is that she is, or you wouldn't be on here trying to get a bunch of strangers to say that it's okay), then it doesn't matter if it's "moral," or not. You shouldn't be asking her to do it.  

For all we know his wife may have suggested it and he's just wondering how other people think about it.

But you're right that she needs to be fully on board or its not a good idea.

[Guest MormonGator]

10 minutes ago, omegaseamaster75 said:

Wow you used the P word. I do not think that the OP is asking his wife to produce porn for him, that's beyond the scope of what's being asked.

I totally agree. I still don't think it's a good idea-strictly because someone else might find them. Not because I think it's immoral. If it's between two married consenting adults, it's just their bad idea. 

[Guest MormonGator]

13 minutes ago, omegaseamaster75 said:

Wow you used the P word. I do not think that the OP is asking his wife to produce porn for him, that's beyond the scope of what's being asked.

I totally agree. I still don't think it's a good idea-strictly because someone else might find them. Not because I think it's immoral. If it's between two married consenting adults, it's just their bad idea. 

Seriously, what if your kids find your phone and start looking through the pictures? You better pray it's not their first memory. 
 

Edited August 31, 2016 by MormonGator

[ldsister]

Having never looked at porn, I'm not qualified to argue whether what the OP is asking falls into that camp or not. It sounds like it to me, and I'd certainly feel like I was being asked to produce porn if my husband asked me to send him intimate (which I'm assuming means at least top frontal nudity) photos of myself, but I won't die on that terminology.