Willow

Caught Young Woman Sexting in Church Bathroom

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Hi there! I'm new here, and I need some advice. I am in the YW presidency, and our president just told us Sunday that her husband accidentally walked in on one of our young women in the bathroom video sexting with her skirt down. We have two bathrooms in our building that are for either men or women, so there was no ill intent on the part of our y.w. president's husband. We all encouraged her to talk to the young woman, or at least alert her mother to the situation. She said that she spoke to the mom, but not about anything specific, just asked the mother how the y.w. was doing at home. My concern is that this young woman may eventually, if she hasn't already, be sending videos and photos that can be used to then black mail her into doing things she may not want to do, possibly even ending up in an unwanted pregnancy. I would like to know what anybody else in this situation would feel they need to do? This young woman is also our babysitter, and we really love she and her family. If this were my daughter, though it would be hard to hear, I would want to know so that I could monitor her technology use(or even take it away) and reinforce some values.....am I just a crazy helicopter mom in this new era of readily available explicit technology and pornography? We all only get one life to live, and I certainly don't want this young woman to ruin her life with a naive, stupid mistake. HELP!!! Thank you for your thoughts!

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Not only should her mother be told; but in my biased opinion a referral should be made to DCFS for further investigation.  The person who solicited the picture from her has very probably committed a crime.

Edited by Just_A_Guy

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This is why teenagers are too young for cell phones.  Many, many teenagers can't handle this type of technology and don't yet have the brain development to fully consider the consequences of their actions . . . 

If my daughter wants a cellphone, she is going to get a flip phone with zero internet access and preferably no camera with prepaid limited minutes.

Edited by DoctorLemon

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Getting the story straight:  Sister Willow and Sister Jones are in the YW presidency.  Your building has a those one-stall bathrooms (for whoever needs to go), and YW Mary doesn't even have the sense to lock the door while taking explicit photos.  Bro Jones accidentally walks in on her.  Bro Jones tells Sister Jones, who tells Sis Willow (you).  Now you ask us, "should I tell Mary's mom?"

Yes.  

And then you let Mary's mom be the mom and handle the situation.  What went down above is not ok on many levels.  Tell Mary's mom and then let her be the mom.

Edited by Jane_Doe

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7 minutes ago, DoctorLemon said:

Many, many teenagers can't handle this type of technology and don't yet have the brain development to fully consider the consequences of their actions . . . 

"Brain development" is one way of saying "moral development". Such teens are spiritually immature and foolish. They should be protected from themselves and carefully instructed in growing the heck up.

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For any lurkers following along:

Most local sheriff's offices have a community outreach program that includes Internet safety. My local one has courses for high schoolers, middle schoolers, and parents of these groups.

It wouldn't be inappropriate for youth and ward leaders to invite them to periodically speak to parents in the ward on how to protect their children and behavioral cues that something's amiss.

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Moral issues aside, creating, possessing and or distributing video or pictures depicting a minor for sexual/arousal purposes is not only a felony..it is child porn at least in most states. Although rarely enforced, it will get a record created. BYU will love to see that on a school app in a couple years. Once a parent is aware of its existence, they are basically in possession of said child porn if it is not reported...should be a good time and the whole ward is gonna find out if the rs knows. 

If anyone is surprised at this, standby. The girls are getting to be worse offenders than the boys. Mormon kids included. Anyone who let's their teenager have a smartphone just provided access to the highest quality and diversity of porn in history...quality as far as porn goes.

If she transmitted this video or pics....it's everywhere already.  

 

On edit...That law cited above generally includes the minor creating their own porn....imagine that. You at 16, take a nude selfie and send it. Guilty of child porn. Even if you are the minor.

 

 

 

 

Edited by paracaidista508

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11 hours ago, paracaidista508 said:

Moral issues aside, creating, possessing and or distributing video or pictures depicting a minor for sexual/arousal purposes is not only a felony..it is child porn at least in most states. Although rarely enforced, it will get a record created. BYU will love to see that on a school app in a couple years. Once a parent is aware of its existence, they are basically in possession of said child porn if it is not reported...should be a good time and the whole ward is gonna find out if the rs knows. 

If anyone is surprised at this, standby. The girls are getting to be worse offenders than the boys. Mormon kids included. Anyone who let's their teenager have a smartphone just provided access to the highest quality and diversity of porn in history...quality as far as porn goes.

If she transmitted this video or pics....it's everywhere already.  

 

On edit...That law cited above generally includes the minor creating their own porn....imagine that. You at 16, take a nude selfie and send it. Guilty of child porn. Even if you are the minor.

This may be true—I’m not familiar with the relevant federal statutes—but FWIW, for the last year as part of my work responsibilities I have been attending monthly meetings of an inter-agency children’s justice coordinating group that includes police, sheriff’s office, county attorneys, DCFS, school district representatives, and a federal agent.  And I have never seen charges come down against a girl who produced and distributed a nude selfie.

This isn’t to say that what the girl did is not a Very Big Deal; but in all likelihood she has nothing to fear (legally) from coming forward—the system will very probably treat her as a victim, not a delinquent.

Edited by Just_A_Guy

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17 hours ago, Willow said:

Hi there! I'm new here, and I need some advice. I am in the YW presidency, and our president just told us Sunday that her husband accidentally walked in on one of our young women in the bathroom video sexting with her skirt down. We have two bathrooms in our building that are for either men or women, so there was no ill intent on the part of our y.w. president's husband. We all encouraged her to talk to the young woman, or at least alert her mother to the situation. She said that she spoke to the mom, but not about anything specific, just asked the mother how the y.w. was doing at home. My concern is that this young woman may eventually, if she hasn't already, be sending videos and photos that can be used to then black mail her into doing things she may not want to do, possibly even ending up in an unwanted pregnancy. I would like to know what anybody else in this situation would feel they need to do? This young woman is also our babysitter, and we really love she and her family. If this were my daughter, though it would be hard to hear, I would want to know so that I could monitor her technology use(or even take it away) and reinforce some values.....am I just a crazy helicopter mom in this new era of readily available explicit technology and pornography? We all only get one life to live, and I certainly don't want this young woman to ruin her life with a naive, stupid mistake. HELP!!! Thank you for your thoughts!

Tell the mom exactly what you told us here and let her decide how to discipline her own child.

P.S. I wouldn't ask her to babysit my children anymore.  I don't want to risk her engaging in this activity with my kids around.  

Edited by anatess2

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4 hours ago, anatess2 said:

Tell the mom exactly what you told us here and let her decide how to discipline her own child.

P.S. I wouldn't ask her to babysit my children anymore.  I don't want to risk her engaging in this activity with my kids around.  

I agree. If she didn't have the common sense to lock the bathroom door in a public location, no telling what lack of common sense she will show in a private home. 

And yes, tell her mother. ..yesterday!

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10 hours ago, Just_A_Guy said:

This may be true—I’m not familiar with the relevant federal statutes—but FWIW, for the last year as part of my work responsibilities I have been attending monthly meetings of an inter-agency children’s justice coordinating group that includes police, sheriff’s office, county attorneys, DCFS, school district representatives, and a federal agent.  And I have never seen charges come down against a girl who produced and distributed a nude selfie.

This isn’t to say that what the girl did is not a Very Big Deal; but in all likelihood she has nothing to fear (legally) from coming forward—the system will very probably treat her as a victim, not a delinquent.

You are probably right. I think part of the deal though should be that anyone who possesses this pic or vid or whatever she did from here on out cannot be charged with any child porn charges related to the pic. I mean fair is fair. One person produces and distributes (the girl) and the  middle aged guy ten years later has it and sells it on the internet. I say he should get a pass if she does. After all her first defense will be that she isn't a victim because she took the pic. Anyway...if she sent it and odds are she did several, it will be everywhere. 

Lawyers who defend child porn traffickers should get a file of all the innocent people given a pass and hang onto it in the event they get a client who gets charged for having said pic.

Btw...I'm not for charging her. Personally adults who engage in child porn should be given a fair trial and executed but that is just me.

They generally don't charge them here either. 

 

 

 

Edited by paracaidista508

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On 3/8/2018 at 12:55 PM, Willow said:

Thank you for your thoughts!

So once she is safe, and if the situation is such that it can be done in a non-meddling and semi-organic manner, perhaps something like "I am seeing you at chapter 13 in your life - tell me what you want about chapters 1-12" - and then just listening with no judgment, and not many words.

Though perhaps it can't be done without meddling or creating ill-will with the family.  Others here have infinitely more experience than i do in this regard - and i'd take their advice over my own.

Anyways, thank-you for caring.

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37 minutes ago, lostinwater said:

So once she is safe, and if the situation is such that it can be done in a non-meddling and semi-organic manner, perhaps something like "I am seeing you at chapter 13 in your life - tell me what you want about chapters 1-12" - and then just listening with no judgment, and not many words.

Though perhaps it can't be done without meddling or creating ill-will with the family.  Others here have infinitely more experience than i do in this regard - and i'd take their advice over my own.

Anyways, thank-you for caring.

Once she is safe??? Did I miss something about her being in danger? Though she was just taking nude porn selfie shots in the bathroom is all.

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2 minutes ago, paracaidista508 said:

Once she is safe??? Did I miss something about her being in danger? Though she was just taking nude porn selfie shots in the bathroom is all.

Could/should have clarified.  Apologies.

i guess i mean once the immediates of ensuring that she is no longer contacting or being contacted by whoever it is on the other end of things.

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21 hours ago, lostinwater said:

Could/should have clarified.  Apologies.

i guess i mean once the immediates of ensuring that she is no longer contacting or being contacted by whoever it is on the other end of things.

Fairly likely she is not having her arm twisted. Very slight possibility but I can tell you these days...the pervy  activity is just as much the girls idea as it is the boys...well it is close at least. 

Interesting reading

https://www.guardchild.com/teenage-sexting-statistics/

 

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Hello Willow,

It is very strange that this young woman was doing such an act in the meeting house.  You would think her conscience would be intact enough to  abhor the thought of doing so in the Lord's house. However her being a child maybe her brain didn't get that far or she perhaps simply didn't care.

It would definitely be wise to tell the Mother of her actions. I also would reconsider letting her babysit at your house, mainly because phones come with gps and if she doesn't have her location turned off you could get an unwanted visitor one day.  However beyond that it really is a sad thing that happened. The Christian youth are being bombarded by the madness of the wicked.

Best wishes to you

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On 3/8/2018 at 1:55 PM, Willow said:

My concern is that this young woman may eventually, if she hasn't already, be sending videos and photos that can be used to then black mail her into doing things she may not want to do, possibly even ending up in an unwanted pregnancy.

1

1. Tell her mom. Even better, contact the police. When I was 13 I got into a scary situation that started with the exact behavior (minus the location) that you described. The police did not blame me or charge me, or anything of the sort. Like Just_A_Guy said, when a child or teen gets involved in child pornography (and this is exactly that), cops don't want to ruin the child's life. They don't want to charge them, they want to find who is getting the photos and charge THEM. 

2. I'm kind of concerned that you think the worst that could happen is an unwanted pregnancy. These pictures could spread and prevent her from getting jobs. These pictures could spread and lead to predators finding her in real life. She could be molested, raped, trafficked, sold, or killed. But all you think about is pregnancy? That's concerning. 

My half-sister, E, was sex trafficked two years ago. E also had two unwanted pregnancies when she was a young teen. Anyone with a brain can see that her teen pregnancies were not the worst thing that happened to her. Not by a long shot. 

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On 3/8/2018 at 9:06 PM, Just_A_Guy said:

Not only should her mother be told; but in my biased opinion a referral should be made to DCFS for further investigation.  The person who solicited the picture from her has very probably committed a crime.

JAG is right. Whoever received that photo is in possession of child pornography. If they solicited it, they have committed another crime. The police should be involved and someone should, and will probably, be arrested.

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