LatterDSaint

Can women have a healthy relationship guy bestfriend and their boyfriend at the same time? Based on what happened yesterday, I would conclude NO

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1 hour ago, LatterDSaint said:

At the end of the day, whilst the way she did what she did the other night, I do forgive her and believe that she will make the appropriate amends going forward. We have spoken about everything twice today 

My friend, forgiveness is a gift from God, and you should forgive those you love. But you should not "forgive" them of having done wrong when they haven't. Your girlfriend is not your fiancée, and she did nothing wrong by putting on nicer clothing to go see her (male) friend. Possibly it would have been inappropriate had you been engaged, and I might be convinced it was wrong if you were married. But as it is, she has done nothing for which you need to forgive her. Thinking you do need to forgive her indicates that you really aren't aware (a) of what's going on and (b) of what is and is not appropriate.

We all have to grow up a step at a time. You should feel no shame in that. We also all have to take roles that have shoes too big for us to fill, that we have to grow into. That's what you're trying to do now. But as you start trying to fill this role, you must follow correct underlying principles. If you do that, you will come out fine and achieve a good end. If you do not do that, you will probably encounter a lot of problems and heartache.

I do not think you should necessarily "break up" with your girlfriend. I do, however, think you and she should back off for a while and give yourselves time to adjust, to let the lessons of these last weeks sink in and help you grow up some. There's my advice.

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7 hours ago, Latter-Day Marriage said:

If this is a committed relationship, you have every right to set boundaries on stuff like this, and so does she with you.  If you both can't feel secure in the relationship then what is the point?  What she did was unwise to put it mildly, and my suspicious side would wonder what the change of clothes was for. 

Since they dated before I think it is fair to say he has a level of romantic interest in her, and he doesn't have an obligation to back off from pursuing her if she doesn't push back.  She is beginning to sound like she might be unreliable, first mission/no mission, now this.  Watch if this is a pattern with her of going back on her decisions or not committing to them.  Have a frank discussion about what does and doesn't cross the line.

@LatterDSaint ^^ This is definitely something to watch. Is she making decisions for herself, or is she letting her parents or others dictate decisions. I see nothing wrong with you expressing concerns over her behaviour, but she should not change her behaviour because you say so, but because she wants to as a way of showing her commitment to you.

If she is incapable of seeing decisions through, how is she going to deal with something as permanent as having children? I obviously don't know either of you personally and can only comment on the sense I get from what's posted, which is surely only a snippet, but I agree with @Vort's assessment that you both are exhibiting immature behaviors and attitudes. The fact that both sets of parents have reservations about you getting married "at this college age" speaks volumes to me. Maybe I'm reading too much into that.

Growing up is done by experience, and relationships can grow together through shared hardships and sacrifice. I think you both need to take a step back and think about what your expectations are in a relationship. I, personally, don't think it's wrong to have an expectation that your partner is not going to be spending time with people of the opposite sex without telling you about it first. I don't think that's a wrong expectation, if your girlfriend finds that too restrictive there are plenty of fish in the sea. In my opinion, there is a wide variety of what can be considered a healthy relationship. Certainly, trust is important, and also respect. You may come across as jealous and controlling, but in fairness to you, she also failed to respect you enough to inform you ahead of time. This also shows a potential lack of trust in you being okay with it (which it sounds like you wouldn't have been). I can't speak for @Jane_Doe's situation, but I would presume that she and her husband have already established that they are okay with this type of behaviour in their relationship - and if it works for them, great. I haven't personally witnessed this working so well in relationships, but my main point here is that you need to work together as a couple to establish your own rules of engagement. There is nothing wrong with having and setting expectations. You cross the line when you try to manipulate or exert force on another to meet those expectations.

Another concern I have in this for you is based on this situation is that if she knew you wouldn't approve of this course of action and did it anyway, playing the ask forgiveness card, I can't help but wonder what else she may choose to do knowing you disapprove but she wants to anyway. This situation itself may be small, but the underlying lack of respect for what you want as well is concerning for any future relationship this girl may find herself in if she doesn't reign it in. This could be deciding to make a purchase against your better judgment that causes hardship to making decisions concerning your kids in direct opposition to your expectations when you're not around.

You're obviously quite taken with this young lady and she may also be with you, but you both need to decide what you want and have adult conversations with each other about it. It may end up in you breaking things off and it may be for the best, but if you can get your expectations of each other and corresponding behaviours in sync then you stand a good shot of growing up in the process and making it work.

 

Edited by SpiritDragon

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4 hours ago, LatterDSaint said:

wow, i think its possible that she did not want to admit that she did dress the way she did for her friend's sake. I mean, who would want to admit that? But if it occurred subconsciously then can I really hold her responsible for that? I guess I ought to if I consider myself a man...

The lie is saying she got home when she in fact never left or only briefly did and discovered the scheduling mistake. It was intentionally deceptive, the honest thing to do would have been to say right off the bat that they had the wrong night for music lessons or it was cancelled so she hung out with "Larry" for a while since he was kind enough to drive her around yada yada. As soon as she started attempting to deceive you by suggesting she had been somewhere she hadn't, a red flag went up. You're having trust issues with her, at least in part, because she isn't acting in a way that elicits trust. A further problem is that by being deceptive about the getting home issue it begs the question if the scheduling was even a mistake or a planned opportunity to spend time with Mr. Attractive Music Jock. In which case, I would really hope she just had the respect for you, him, and herself to say that she's not sure she's ready to be in a committed relationship and would like to meet and get to know other guys for the time being. The potential for sneaking around isn't a good sign. I'm afraid you'll always have a hard time trusting her if this is how she treats you. 

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On 11/9/2018 at 9:52 AM, Carborendum said:

Be aware of the trade off you're making.  Courtships in this situation to last "a few years" will often result in breaking the law of chastity or breaking up entirely -- or both.

I don't know how old you are.  And I don't know what potential you have for income.  But people do get married when they are very poor and are still able to make financial sacrifices to make it work without government or family assistance.

I can't tell you not to do this because it is your decision.  And to be truthful I can't relate.  I've always been an overachiever and workaholic.  So, I was always able to find work and support myself and my family.  Sometimes required more sacrifice and budget trimming than others.  But we always got by.  As students, we probably made more money than anyone else did (who was not on an allowance from mommie and daddy).  I had three jobs.  My wife had one.  We made it work.

Carborendum Hi.

Would you mind letting me in on what form of birth control you and your wife? Was it 100% effective? 

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1 hour ago, LatterDSaint said:

Carborendum Hi.

Would you mind letting me in on what form of birth control you and your wife? Was it 100% effective? 

Yes.

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1 hour ago, LatterDSaint said:

Carborendum Hi.

Would you mind letting me in on what form of birth control you and your wife? Was it 100% effective? 

I know a couple here at work (members of the Church) who decided they were done with kids.  She had her tubes tied.  She got pregnant in the past year.  Last I heard, he was thinking of having a vasectomy.  I'm thinking if God wants to overrule your birth control method, ain't nothin' you can do about it. :D

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So if you are a guy/girl and you just get along better with the opposite gender-you are out of luck? Need to live a life of loneliness with no close friends? 

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On 11/9/2018 at 6:14 AM, LatterDSaint said:

Hi yall. I am here again. Might as well call me a regular I guess since this site is pretty awesome. 

So for context, me and my girlfriend of 6 months broke up at the beginning of this fall as she was contemplating serving a mission and in the end we to part ways and committed to see each other on the other side (post mission). For a month and a few weeks we didnt have any communication like we used to and when we saw each other, we limited it to small talk "hey how are classes etc". Then out of the blue she texted me to talk so we did. During this talk she said that she didnt feel that it was a calling from the Lord to serve a mission and a lot of pressure was placed onto her from her mother. She concluded that she wants to be back in a relationship with me. I accepted as I do love her and so for three weeks now we have been dating and it has been a greatly God centered relationship like it was before, only the spirit appears to be so much more involved (we arent letting things get out of hand). 

During the time of our split she has made many close guy friends, one of which is on her sports team who she described to me when we were broken up as her best friend. At the time we got back together, she mentioned if it was okay that she kept her male friends (all single who flirt with her) around, and I obliged because I believed her when she said that she is choosing me and not them. She never kissed any of them over this period but it was apparent that she developed an emotional attachment between perhaps three different guys, the strongest being the guy that is on her sports team. She disclosed to me on the night we got back together that the guy on her team is an attractive guy (which he is as I met him before I got back together with my girlfriend) and obviously I did not feel as though I had any place to deny her, her friendships, even if I was skeptical that their behavior towards her (flirtatious) was not likely to change. 

So last week me and my girlfriend were hanging out and we were talking about the relationships or friendships we formed with other people while we were split. I repeated what I said to her on the night we got back together that I went on a date with one girl and although I scheduled a second date with her, I texted this girl letting her know that it wasnt fair to her that I was still in love with my ex (now girlfriend). My girlfriend asked if I kept any female friends around to which I explained I didnt because I have no reason to while I am in a relationship with her, which led her to feel guilty that she was keeping her male friends close while she was in a relationship with me, but after long discussion about one of her close male friends who she met while hanging out with her bestfriend who is on her team, I said that I trust her to respect our relationship and even though this particular guy has been on dates with her,  I had faith that she would not do anything to jeopardize our relationship. 

Flashforward to yesterday, my girlfriend thought she had practice for an instrument and her sports bestfriend is also in that class so she understandably asked him for a ride and its clearly been routine since they have met. I did offer to give her a ride my self, but it was on a moped and its cold here in Provo so I understood why she was more eager to get a ride in her sports bestfriends' car. She wasnt sure if he was going to come through as he was contemplating whether to go to the volleyball game or not but with 7 mins before her class started he did, and I took the cue to say a quick goodbye to my girlfriend and we both left with the expectation (we established this earlier on in the day) that we would hang out after her two hour instrument practice. So after an hour and thirty so minutes I get a text that "I made it home. Are you still okay to hang out tonight" to which I replied "of course". I got to her place and we met up and I noticed that she was wearing nice jeans that I didnt see previously and I even commented that they were nice. So we sit down together on a couch and she proceeds to tell me what just happened over the past time I thought she was at guitar practice. SHe and her sports bestfriend found out that guitar practice isnt today and was actually on Wednesday like it usually is, which she has been attending since the beginning of the semester. So they take the liberty to head back to her place and all this time they were actually at my girlfriends place because her sports bestfriend hadnt eaten at all and wanted to eat at her place. She didnt protest. So I wanted her to clarify that in the hour and thirty odd minutes that I thought she was at guitar practice (there was no update text), she was actually at her place the whole time with her sports bestfriend, and she confirmed. I couldnt quite believe what I was hearing so I proceeded to leave then I came back and we had a long discussion about how I felt really betrayed that she didnt bother to let me know her instrument practice was actually on Wednesday, and she was at home the whole time with her bestfriend who she hasnt denied she finds attractive. She was extremely apologetic and confessed that she does have feelings for her bestfriend who is on her team but she values our relationship so will act to cut off her ties with these other guys from here on out. After what happened the other day, I agreed to this and we have made up but she believes that she will have to regain my trust in this relationship. 

Im interested in a discussion on this and will clarify things I didnt put in this post. p.s I love her dearly

Based on the OP, it seems you're both pre-mission.  If that's the case, y'all are fairly young.  Here's what I would tell my YW if they were feeling the same way you are about a situation like this: dial it back about fifty years.  Would it have been reasonable for you to expect in the moment updates about her plans?  Not really.  Do you trust her that she didn't do anything awry while you were away?  If you don't, ask yourself why and talk about it.  Hint: you should probably trust her to not get frisky with him.

Now, if this YW you're dating were one of mine and she came to me with your reaction, I'd ask her if she thought it was reasonable of you to expect her to notify you every time her plans change last minute if they don't effect the time that she will be spending with you.  Personally, I don't think it's reasonable.  In fact, it's a yellow flag that you have the capability of being possessive, jealous, and possibly overbearing in the future.  (Yellow flags are not red flags, just reminders to proceed with caution.)  These are not traits that contribute to healthy relationships.

Good news, forgiveness is possible and commanded.  Fix it and forget about it. 

Also, it's entirely possible that she put on those nice jeans for you and not him.

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14 hours ago, mikbone said:

Its an instant classic

I was finally able to get to a computer where I could view that video.  Pretty accurate, I think.  Yes.

As I said before in another thread, I think it's only possible if there were no chance of romantic feelings.  But if there is that potential, it is not going to remain in that zone for long.

I have several female friends.  Three of them are unattractive (to me).  Fourth one is a lesbian (though a very attractive one).  The last two are in committed relationships (one of which is married).  Technically, the lesbian is also in a committed relationship.  But whatever.

So, none of those have any chance of romance.  They are my friends and I give them hugs.  They give me hugs.

All others, I keep an appropriate and polite distance from.

Edited by Guest

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On 11/9/2018 at 8:26 AM, MormonGator said:

It would actually be a bigger loss to her boyfriend and my wife, but thank you! 

Hi Gator. I am curious looking back on this thread. If this bestfriend of yours wasnt in a relationship of her own, is it likely that your wife would have a different attitude towards your relationship with her?

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1 minute ago, LatterDSaint said:

Hi Gator. I am curious looking back on this thread. If this bestfriend of yours wasnt in a relationship of her own, is it likely that your wife would have a different attitude towards your relationship with her?

Great question, and the answer is no. She has been single before for a long period of time during our friendship. LG has known this and not cared. 

It's about trust, open communication, and common sense. LG has seen the messages before between my friend and I-so much so that she no longer cares to read them. Once you are open with what you are doing and have nothing to hide, you'll see that relationships become a lot clearer and less threatening. 

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Just now, LatterDSaint said:

I see. Thanks for your response MormonGator 👍

Very welcome my friend. 

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3 minutes ago, zil said:

Given that you married your cell phone:

lg-K8-Gold-350.jpg

How could she not see your messages?

lol. 

Someone here asked me once, "Does LG know about your polygamy jokes?" 
I said, "You should see us on Facebook." 
 

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1 minute ago, MormonGator said:

Someone here asked me once, "Does LG know about your polygamy jokes?" 
I said, "You should see us on Facebook." 

Hmm.  You know, I made "The Corner Cubicle" (a page on facebook) so that I could name it as my employer (I wasn't about to put true things on facebook).  Mr. Hippo (the stuffed hippo) makes all the posts there, with occasional help from Mr. Grinch.  So we could make a page called "The Compound" or "Gator's Compound" or whatever, and have all kinds of fun with it.

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Just now, zil said:

  So we could make a page called "The Compound" or "Gator's Compound" or whatever, and have all kinds of fun with it.

LOL! Great idea! Be sure to send a mass email to the 33 other wives. Like I said, open communication. 

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On 11/9/2018 at 5:16 PM, LatterDSaint said:

she is the first girl I have ever been in a relationship with

Wow.  I didn't catch this before.  

Edited by Guest

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Marriage is hard enough when it’s between two relatively well-adjusted adults with common backgrounds and values.  

It’s even harder when one of them is cray-cray.  

And even more dangerous, is the fact that in my experience cray-cray tends to seek its own level.  

Stay away from the cray-cray.

Edited by Just_A_Guy

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On 11/9/2018 at 3:16 PM, LatterDSaint said:

she is the first girl I have ever been in a relationship with so it wouldnt be this but I understand your advice here that if I cant trust her, then in no way can I marry her.

Um.....See my previous posts.

Get out a little.  You do not need this.  Leave her and find someone better.  Believe me they are out there.  Plenty of attractive girls who would love to be with you.  

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20 minutes ago, mdfxdb said:

Um.....See my previous posts.

Get out a little.  You do not need this.  Leave her and find someone better.  Believe me they are out there.  Plenty of attractive girls who would love to be with you.  

He needs to be more mature first.  My impression from his posts is he's really not ready to be in serious relationships yet.

 

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*sigh* I can see this discussion is probably over but these two pennies in my skull are gonna rattle around mercilessly until I shake them out via this post.

The girlfriend was in the wrong.  Solidly.

Consider the following red flags:

  • She met the 'best friend' at a time when she was technically single.  That means he saw her that way too.  The chances that a young, healthy male was looking for a platonic best friend in a single female are... not very good.  
  • She finds him attractive.
  • She got new clothes for the purpose of wearing while spending time with him.  Don't believe that?  She was with the boyfriend right up until 7 minutes before the 'best friend' picked her up.   That means she rushed to change into those pants rather than just stay with what she was already wearing… or she put them on after they got back to her place.  
  • They went off to a private location to spend time alone together, rather than say "oops, practice isn't tonight after all" and call it off.  They could have gone anywhere... A café, a library, for a walk around campus.  They went to her home.  
  • She did not invite the boyfriend to join them, and appears to have contacted him only after 'best friend' was gone.
  • She admits she has feelings for this 'best friend'  In light of this fact ALONE I would be terribly concerned about her motives in all this, even if she isn't necessarily fully conscious of them.  

So you have here a girl who had feelings for another boy whom she met while single, finds attractive, had admitted having feelings for, is reluctant to distance herself from, and arguably met with him under false pretenses.  (They went to her house because the guy was hungry?  That's the flimsiest excuse I ever heard.  Go to McDonald's.)

Bonus question:  Could this boy have been a factor in her deciding against a mission after all?  Had they met before or after she changed her mind?

When my wife and I met she was in the "you can totally have a best friend of the opposite sex platonically" camp.  I disagreed.  She found that very troubling until an incident where one of her friends cheated on a boyfriend with a guy she was supposedly "best friends" with.  For me, that's a deal breaker.  Hard stop.  

My wife has male friends and I have female friends.  However:

  • I am absolutely never alone with any female who isn't family
  • She is absolutely never alone with any male who isn't family

These rules not only severely limit opportunities to stray, they also nicely prevent any ugly rumors from getting started.  That rule has only been broken once in our 11+ year marriage, and that was when one of my female friends gave me a lift to pick my car up from the shop.  It was a last resort and nothing happened of course, but I still felt like it was a betrayal of my philosophy on this.

Maybe it's possible to have a best friend of the opposite sex, and a few people out there even pull it off.  A couple folks in this thread say they have that successfully and I won't doubt their word.  As a general rule though?  Nope.  Especially not when there's an attraction or *any* amount of romantic feelings on the table, even if they haven't yet been acted upon.  

"Sweetheart, I care about you, I trust you, I respect you... but I just can't make myself comfortable with this best friend.  I appreciate that you've admitted having had some feelings for him and that you find him attractive, and I am also glad that you chose me...  But I'm just not comfortable on this one.  I am not looking to control you, or dictate who your friends are, but I hope you can understand why this case is unusual.  Remember that girl I dated once while we were broken up?  How would you feel if I wanted to keep her around as a best friend, spent time alone with her and admitted having romantic feelings for her?  I'm sure that would weigh on your mind.  That's why I've been careful not to hang on to any such relationships.  So as much as I hate to ask this of you, please let him know that you value his friendship but that it's better to put a little distance between you."

Her reaction to that will tell you everything you need to know.

Now, it seems she's already decided to put aside these male friends, but if they start working their way back into the picture in any significant way... I'd be done.  I think it is fair for her to have to regain his trust.  Entirely fair.  

Edited by unixknight

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On 12/5/2018 at 11:09 AM, unixknight said:

*sigh* I can see this discussion is probably over but these two pennies in my skull are gonna rattle around mercilessly until I shake them out via this post.

The girlfriend was in the wrong.  Solidly.

Consider the following red flags:

  • She met the 'best friend' at a time when she was technically single.  That means he saw her that way too.  The chances that a young, healthy male was looking for a platonic best friend in a single female are... not very good.  
  • She finds him attractive.
  • She got new clothes for the purpose of wearing while spending time with him.  Don't believe that?  She was with the boyfriend right up until 7 minutes before the 'best friend' picked her up.   That means she rushed to change into those pants rather than just stay with what she was already wearing… or she put them on after they got back to her place.  
  • They went off to a private location to spend time alone together, rather than say "oops, practice isn't tonight after all" and call it off.  They could have gone anywhere... A café, a library, for a walk around campus.  They went to her home.  
  • She did not invite the boyfriend to join them, and appears to have contacted him only after 'best friend' was gone.
  • She admits she has feelings for this 'best friend'  In light of this fact ALONE I would be terribly concerned about her motives in all this, even if she isn't necessarily fully conscious of them.  

So you have here a girl who had feelings for another boy whom she met while single, finds attractive, had admitted having feelings for, is reluctant to distance herself from, and arguably met with him under false pretenses.  (They went to her house because the guy was hungry?  That's the flimsiest excuse I ever heard.  Go to McDonald's.)

Bonus question:  Could this boy have been a factor in her deciding against a mission after all?  Had they met before or after she changed her mind?

When my wife and I met she was in the "you can totally have a best friend of the opposite sex platonically" camp.  I disagreed.  She found that very troubling until an incident where one of her friends cheated on a boyfriend with a guy she was supposedly "best friends" with.  For me, that's a deal breaker.  Hard stop.  

My wife has male friends and I have female friends.  However:

  • I am absolutely never alone with any female who isn't family
  • She is absolutely never alone with any male who isn't family

These rules not only severely limit opportunities to stray, they also nicely prevent any ugly rumors from getting started.  That rule has only been broken once in our 11+ year marriage, and that was when one of my female friends gave me a lift to pick my car up from the shop.  It was a last resort and nothing happened of course, but I still felt like it was a betrayal of my philosophy on this.

Maybe it's possible to have a best friend of the opposite sex, and a few people out there even pull it off.  A couple folks in this thread say they have that successfully and I won't doubt their word.  As a general rule though?  Nope.  Especially not when there's an attraction or *any* amount of romantic feelings on the table, even if they haven't yet been acted upon.  

"Sweetheart, I care about you, I trust you, I respect you... but I just can't make myself comfortable with this best friend.  I appreciate that you've admitted having had some feelings for him and that you find him attractive, and I am also glad that you chose me...  But I'm just not comfortable on this one.  I am not looking to control you, or dictate who your friends are, but I hope you can understand why this case is unusual.  Remember that girl I dated once while we were broken up?  How would you feel if I wanted to keep her around as a best friend, spent time alone with her and admitted having romantic feelings for her?  I'm sure that would weigh on your mind.  That's why I've been careful not to hang on to any such relationships.  So as much as I hate to ask this of you, please let him know that you value his friendship but that it's better to put a little distance between you."

Her reaction to that will tell you everything you need to know.

Now, it seems she's already decided to put aside these male friends, but if they start working their way back into the picture in any significant way... I'd be done.  I think it is fair for her to have to regain his trust.  Entirely fair.  

This is an amazing analysis of the situation. The detail and analysis based on how I described it blows my mind. I did log on just now cause I havent been here for a while and was curious if any new comments on this thread came up, but mind you  I have tried to close/ delete this thread a while back because rehashing it all again could make me resent my girlfriend somewhat because of what happened. 

I really do like this site so I will share a bit more details on what has happened since. 

To start off, my girlfriend has absolutely gained back my trust. I trust her more than anyone else second to our Savior Jesus Christ. 

The fact of the matter is that her "best friend" who I had a conversation with now appears to be her "friend" nowadays perhaps due to his acknowledgement of what my girlfriend means to me after our civil conversation and also perhaps due to a situation that happened recently. 

Obviously after what had happened things were a little rocky but she recognized the mistake she made that night and I believe my girlfriend when she promised that she wont put me in a position that made me feel the way I did again. 

Now onto what happened recently. Me and my girlfriend often have dinner together and the girl I went out with once while we were split works near where we eat. My girlfriend and I both passed her and me and this girl waved to each other. Following this, me and my girlfriend were about to head into the dinning hall to eat but I doubled back and firmly asked my girlfriend "Can we say hi to (girl I went out with once)?" and my girlfriend gave a slight nod of approval. Unbeknownst to me, it was extremely awkward for my girlfriend even as my arm was around her while I was talking to (girl I went out with once). After a minute of talking I said bye to this girl and me and my girlfriend sat down to eat. My girlfriend mentioned that she did feel uncomfortable but said that "I can be friends with her" since friendships are valuable to her for reasons I wont discuss here.

Later on that day, me and my girlfriend were hanging out and I mentioned how her "bestfriend" reminds me of a guy I am familiar with but not friends with. I mentioned this guy I am familiar with before to my girlfriend and mentioned how I wouldnt want her hanging around that type of person because he is a flirt and doesnt seem interested in a serious relationship which is similar to my girlfriend's friend (who is on her team btw) from my perspective. After my comment, my girlfriend opened up about how what happened earlier had been weighing on her mind, and through discussion between her and I, which led to emotions, I recognized how what I did made her uncomfortable. At the time, I hadn't contacted this girl since I got back together with my girlfriend (about three weeks before), apart from accepting her friend request (at the approval of my gf) and I also want my girlfriend to meet her and I also felt that a wave to this girl wasnt the most respectful act I could have shown hence why I wanted to say hi, but I fully recognize how this was not appropriate with or without my girlfriend being there. I too was very apologetic because my girlfriend helped me understand that I took away from our time to have dinner, to "touch base" with this girl who I was obviously interested in the period before me and my gf got back together. Even through this, my girlfriend made a point where she recognized how her friendship with this guy on her team will always make me slightly uncomfortable and how she experienced a similar type of "betrayal" I must have felt back then, so whilst it was not a premeditated act of revenge by me, I think my girlfriend fully understands the reality of making each other uncomfortable especially when it comes to how we behave around people of the opposite sex where there is some historic connection no matter how innocent or platonic it may appear.

Perhaps she and I should make a pact that anytime either of us say the line "he/she is just a friend (who is single)" we should end that friendship immediately lol. Her guy friend is on her team so I am well aware that a friendly relationship between them is inevitable given their emotional (non physical) history, so its something I have gotten used to. I know she loves me and respects our relationship, hence why I love her and trust her. 

 

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