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In regards to older members....Pam is here.....unless you didn't mean by age. Lol

According to Elder Jeffry R. Holand of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, in a Conference talk that he spoke in October 2013, he has suffered from a mental illness. "Like a Broken Vessel" (October 2013) https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2013/10/like-a-broken-vessel?lang=eng&media=video#watch=video According to Elder Holland, the latter-day prophet George Albert Smith was a kind and gentle man, yet he had a recurring mental illness as well. Also according to Elder Holland, even the prophet Joseph Smith, Jr. may have sufferened from the metal illness that is now called "Major Depressive Disorder (MDD)". In Joseph Smiths own words he described his mood as going into the "abyss". I accept Elder Holland's words as being true, as I accept him as a prophet, seer, and revelator that all of the members of the First Presidency are and that all of the members of the Quorum of the Twelve are. I respect Elder Holland for being open about his mental illness and for asking us all to show compassion for those who have a health problem as serious as mental illness is. I have a mental illness myself. A lot of people do. I believe that attitudes about mental illness would change if more people were open about their own mental illnesses as Elder Holland was in his conference talk. I have more faith in God and in the LDS Church after hearing Elder Holland's talk. I have more faith that I will be permanently healed in heaven and will be judged by an all-knowing God who can take everything into account.

Hi Sali, My two cents hinge on a question. Do you have any personal experience with addictions? If so, my advice is to share your experience with people attending the program. No matter what the addiction or how embarrassing it might be. If not, then let these people teach you, and be open. Either way, love them as much as you possibly can.

It's a lot different in the UK, engagement parties are a big thing. Its kinda like where the engagement is officially announced to the extended family and friends and presents are expected! Plus the wedding isn't usually close to the engagement either, my wife and I were engaged for 4 years before we got married!

If someone is getting in my grill about things like that I will resort to "Well, if you MUST know, due to our conflicting schedules I plan on having marital relations with my wife at that time. I'd be glad to come over when we're done if you like, but I'm not exactly sure what time that will be.Can I call you when we're through?" That usually is enough to get the person to back off.

It's helped me too, Pam. This is one area of service I struggle with, as I am not particularly gifted in practical ways lol. Some brilliant ideas here. :)

I really feel that after we gain more knowledge about eternal progression, we will not want to do the things we want to do now. Kind of like how a pre-school aged child has different priorities than a full grown adult. For example, at one time in my life I'm pretty sure I used to think that crawling on my hands and knees was the best thing ever. As an adult, sometimes I crawl around to play with the kids, or look for something I dropped, but it is certainly something that I don't find all that enjoyable anymore. As for time off- I don't think we will want to have time off. As it was said in conference, the joy of eternal life is families. I would understand that to mean that we will be spending nearly all of our time with them, and it will be joyful time. Keep in mind these are my opinions and not necessarily doctrine.

We saw Captain America Winter Soldier tonight. That. Was. Awesome. 5/5 stars and on my to purchase list.

Not sure what you mean. I can log out from any page that I'm on.

...just downright good. Attend in person if at all possible. What is being said is truth. It is true. I just needed to state the obvious and use bandwidth.

Roseslipper, I love you! Hugs. In some ways I understand how you feel. I am happy with the Gospel. My testimony gives me such strength. But, some of the circumstances I live under can be so depressing. Many days, I feel like I am barely making it through. And I often don't know how I'm going to get through the next little while. Prayers help me, hymns help me, and the scriptures help me. I feel like I put up a happy facade for others to see. I always try to be positive and hide the pain of what's underneath. My husband knows a little of what's going on, but not the whole.

It depends on the situation whether I tell why or not, but I believe in more cases than not I'm not obligated to explain my reasons for not attending. Reasons tend to sound like excuses to the wrong ears. "No" is final.

If nothing else, I've seen some good ideas to use the next time I volunteer to bring meals in.

Good Afternoon LiterateParakeet. I hope you've been well! =) There is a scripture that I have found meaningful and helpful to me as a survivor of physical and sexual abuse. It is found in the Jacob 5 from the Book of Mormon. While working in the vineyard (the world) the servant thought to counsel the Master of the Vineyard (Jesus Christ). While those who struggle with mental illness and emotional health might feel at times that their lot in life has been unfair, God knew the ground in which he planted all of His children. But, look how God said that He has continually nourished the plant that was planted in the poor and even the poorest spot. God has not and will not leave us alone in our struggles. I guess my point in all of this is that despite our individual "little hells" we can be fruitful and grow. In many cases it is precisely the fact that we were planted in the poorest spot that has allowed us to blossom and grow so that we bring forth much fruit. We can have joy in our suffering. God has been and is there. He has always been there and He is not ignorant of the suffering that we suffer. Yet, He asks us to live like the Son lived who did all that was asked of Him even in the midst of the worse suffering of all. The Son has descended all things so that we can overcome all things. EDIT: I just wanted to add that further in to the chapter of Jacob 5 there is this observation... Being planted in the good spot of ground doesn't guarantee that we will bring forth much fruit, even though God nourishes all the same as He does others. -Finrock

Yeah, I don't doubt for a minute that its hard, but you know what? most worthwhile things are. Cravings whether its porn, cigs, booze, etc hit hard for a while, then with time they get to be less and less. I gave up smoking long before joining the Church, man that was rough, but I've been smoke free for 27 years now and let me tell you, I have not had a craving for a long time (at least 25 years) and in fact I can't stand to be near a smoker. Cravings are strong for a few months, may be even a year but then come further and further in between. It'll eventually be the same with your porn issue, just hold to it. As my tagline says: Worship, without sacrifice, is just words. We all have our favorite sins, but we can rise above them, its not always easy but its worth it. I wish you well.

You didn't mention fasting so I suggest you add that to your tool box. I also wonder if taking up a productive hobby will help (use up 'free time' so you always have something to do - day or night). Also, what you focus on gets bigger so direct your attention on the good things that are going on - and only that.

There is, and always will be, an aspect of sheer willpower to obedience. And the more we have allowed ourselves to be chained by sin, the harder it can be when trying to break free. The spirit can and will help you, but it will not turn you into a puppet that just obeys without any will. That is, however, exactly what Satan has been doing with you as you have allowed yourself into his web. When it all comes down to it, you simply have to deny yourself. It is a force of will. Other things will help, and they will help a lot. Particularly long term they will make all the difference in the world. But God will not take away your agency. You must choose. Of this you are capable. You might consider, if you have not, seeking therapeutic, ecclesiastic, and perhaps familial help. Once again, these are helps. But at the end of the day, you have to deny yourself these things. It is up to you.

I got behind in tithing once, about 4-5 months' worth. I was young and irresponsible, and hadn't pulled it out of my paychecks, and just kept forgetting. As I got ready to start submitted my mission papers, I talked with my bishop about it. I had the benefit of this bishop knowing me personally, not just as a bishop -- his wife was my mom's best friend in high school, so he'd known me my whole life. He understood that I wasn't deliberately not paying, and that I was just being neglectful. I asked him if I needed to catch up on back tithing, or just start over. I don't know if he would have said this to everyone he counseled, or not, but he told me that if I felt I needed to take care of the back pay, I could. But repentence was about starting over, and leaving our past behind us. Because of that, he asked me not to miss another payment from that day on. It's been almost 13 years since that interview, and I haven't skipped or delayed another tithing payment since. I think I caught up on 2-3 months' worth of my back tithing, because I felt guilty about it. But I eventually came to a point where I took his words to heart, and instead of stressing over the past (and drawing down my mission savings), I took my bishop's counsel and moved forward.

Back in my previous life, when I was inactive and owned a tavern, I read in the Good Housekeeping magazine about how writing a journal can help you overcome the blues, keep you on track to overcome bad habits, blah, blah, blah. 1st hubby was an alcoholic, abusive, cheating bleh! The regulars at the tavern were really getting on my nerves. Repeating the same stories they told me again, again and again - year after year. I bought a Mead 5-Subject spiral bound notebook and started Journal 1. That progressed to Journal 2, 3, and 4. All were 5-Subject notebooks, and all had to be kept hidden away incase 1st hubby found them. Those journals kept me sane. I wrote in them a lot. At times, three to four times a day. Sometimes not for days or weeks or even months. At one time, my older sister got me a beautiful hard bound journal. I decided that wold be my Good Journal. I would only write good, happy events. Until I left 1st hubby, that pretty journal was mostly blank. I still have those spiral bound notebook journals. I have been separated from him for 15 years, divorced from 1st hubby for 11 years, He has been dead for 4 years. I was going to read through them to see if it is time to burn them. Can't make myself read them. I am not healed enough to go back and read of the hurt he did to me. I don't want to burn them until I am healed enough to read and then toss. Husband #2 isn't even interested in reading them. He saw the suitcase they are in, and inquired as to why I had never *unpacked* it. He has an ammunition box full of letters from his daughter, and an old girlfriend. They were hurtful, hateful letters. I have no desire to read them, and when he is ready to destroy them, I will stand with him as he does it. I purchased a journal that I downloaded to my computer. It is Personal Historian. It is LDS based. I don't write in it as often as I should -

Uplifting and edifying

I'm not sure if it'll shrink down or crop nicely, but there is this image:

My favorite response to an invitation is from Phoebe on Friends, "I wish I could, but I don't want to."

I wouldn't respond. Sometimes I give a "why" and sometimes I don't. If someone demanded a reason I would probably not give one and ignore the FB post. I definitely wouldn't say why on facebook.

One of the favorites that I received and was kid friendly was a package of fritos, with chili to go over it, grated cheese, diced fresh tomatoes, and shredded lettuce. That was a hit with my kids. A loaf of french bread would go great with it.

To be blunt, I understood what Traveler was saying and found it a bit condescending. Perhaps not all will desire exaltation, but as I stated in my response, it's the reason we all chose to come down here in the first place. On top of that it's something our Father in Heaven wants for each of his children. Remember he looked on our spirits and declared them Good. I find this way of thinking antithesis to the 'Good News' and totally pointless. We don't send missionaries out to warn people that they might not want to return to their Heavenly Father because we might not like living with him. It also ignores the principle that desire leads to faith. It's a little odd to question someone's desire after they have worked that desire to point of faith in G-d. Aren't we glad that Aaron didn't say.."are you sure you really know what you desire, because living with him might be hard work?" Why do I think we naturally want to return and become like him? It's simply because his joy is fuller and greater then ours and he wants us to share in that joy.

If I have a legitimate and specific reason for not attending (previous plans, out of town, spouse has plans/no babysitter, etc.), I will sometimes give it. If it's a last minute girls' night and I just don't feel like going, I'll sometimes offer a simple, "I think I'll just stay home tonight, thanks!" But if I just don't want to go because I don't like the person, don't like their general attitude, don't want the sales pitch, can't afford to, don't want to spend money on something (even if I could afford it), etc., I generally don't give a reason. This is all in the context of a Facebook invitation or an Evite, which is what I typically get these days. For a wedding-type event, I assume the RSVP is a mail-back card. Usually those don't even have an option of including an explanation, and if they did, I probably wouldn't fill it in anyway. The purpose of an RSVP is to give the host/ess the courtesy of knowing how many people to plan for, with regard to food, space, party favors, and any other event-related quantities. It is not to facilitate a popularity contest or cause invitees to kowtow to every demand of the bride. That's what a wedding party is for. (Just kidding.) At this point, I'd go with what Eowyn said, and not even respond. Let it go, let it go!

I agree. You're not under any obligation to give a reason. Just ignore it. It will pass and be a non-issue.

This is a strange thing to have said. It implies that our desires for things beyond this life are or should be based in things we understand. That's clearly not the case. Our desires should be based in what God wants for us. He knows us better than we know ourselves. I mean, it's not even a close competition. We do not understand ourselves at all. We don't even understand our mortal existence. We certainly don't understand our eternal one. God does. God knows who we really are and what will truly make us happy. It comes down to simply trust.

is that worth a lamb dance now or later?

Happiness is like a buitterfly. If you chase it, it will elude you But turn your thoughts to other things And . . . it will come and sit softly on your shoulder. --Unknown

Happy as in the emotion? At the moment, absolutely. Happy as in the overall state of being? Pshaw. Nowhere near. My life is, how shall we put it politely? Completely sideways right now. In every way you can think of. If I were to write a list it would start with death, and work it\\\'s way upward to misery & despair with the occasional sprinkling of murderous rage. Whee. Could my life be worse? Yep. Absolutely. In fact, I\\\'m sure it will be from time to time. It\\\'s certainly BEEN worse than it is right now. It\\\'s also been about a gazillion times better. Which is where the happy v not happy comes into play. I had an unfortunate realization this Christmas: People don\\\'t kill themselves at Christmas because they\\\'re unhappy They kill themselves because they can still remember what it was like to be happy. Why am I happy right now? My kids are safe upstairs tonight. I\\\'ve eaten today. I\\\'ve slept within the past 48 hours. I\\\'m warm, and in a clean dry house. I\\\'m flexing my brain amongst friends and frenemies and interesting strangers on one of my favorite forums. No one I love has died recently. (Recently = this month). The people I love who are in pain have narcotic pain killers. My standards for happiness right now are very low. I would loooooooove to be able to raise the bar to include: - My children are safe, period. (Abusive ex has partial custody). - Job satisfaction - Stable Home - Mental & Emotional fulfillment But right now, and for the past several years (since my divorce) I\\\'m still just trying to survive. Basic necessities like food, shelter, security are often up in the air. So I can (and usually am) happy as in the emotion. But I haven\'t been happy as in the state of building and achieving in life to my own satisfaction for a very long time, and probably won\'t be for a considerable time to come. If ever. Surviving only leaves time for moments of happiness. Not the overall state of being happy. Q

Yes, I'm happy... happy in all its nuances. I have struggles but they don't affect my happiness. I know that my faith is what helps me stay happy. Without my faith my struggles would get the best of me and did for awhile to the point that I questioned my faith and beliefs. But I got over it. When we have faith and act on that faith its really easy to be happy. Laying my burdens at the feet of my Savior makes life so much easier.

I hope it lasts a while too. But, I'm a realist and I know that life is such that happiness can be fleeting. So, like we are taught to store food, store feelings, testimony, strength, etc. I'm convinced that as you strive to live the Gospel to the best of your understanding and ability, that you and your family are blessed. There might be times that you don't feel it, but they are there. Have trust in Him that is worthy of your trust.

I am very happy. I have two energetic daughters, a spouse that is finding more excitement in the world than ever before. I have one of the greatest jobs in the world working with highly engaged collaborators with incredible opportunities. I get to work alongside brilliant and committed scout leaders doing activities I live and watching young men transform into teachers and leaders. And I am in a calling right now that is allowing me to be myself and have the support and validation from leaders that find value in my unorthodox methods and beliefs (finally). I'm under an awful lot of stress right now from various sources, but I love where I am in life and the things I am accomplishing. There's very little I would change.

I suffer from depression. In the last two years or so, it's been clinically classified as "major depressive disorder." I actually found that reading that diagnosis came as a relief, because I had initially (12 years ago?) been diagnosed with "mild depression," but I had been struggling a lot more than "mildly." I've been taking an anti-depressant that has helped temper my stress and mood swings, but hasn't done much more than that. In the last two months, I've added a stimulant to help with my ADHD, and in the last month I've noticed a change. I've shared with more than one person on this board already, but I feel like I've come up for air from being underwater for so long. At first I was gasping for breath because I needed it to stay alive. But soon I found myself gulping down breaths just because it felt so good to breath again! I feel happy! I can't pinpoint when the change happened, or what specifically may have been a turning point for me, but I feel happy! It's no longer putting on a good face so people don't know. It's no longer suffering in silence. It's no longer commiserating with other friends who are also struggling (though I still do that, but more empathizing than commiserating). It's no more fooling myself into thinking I'm happy. It's no more one or two good days a week. I FEEL HAPPY!!! I feel it inside, and it's the best thing I have felt in a very, very long time. I had forgotten what it felt like to be happy. It feels so good! I'm happy that I'm able to feel happy again. And I'm so excited to share it with people! I feel like I'm in a good position lately to help others who are still under their own waters, because I've seen the surface, and I know it's there. A small part of me is scared though, worried that this won't last long. I pray that it will.

Remembering that two perfectly good and rational people can often disagree with each other.

Simply awesome!

I am quite happy and content. This doesn't mean my life is perfect. It just means I feel truly blessed by all God has done for me and given me. We aren't rich. Our home is small. Our cars are old. I am frequently sick, thanks to lupus. But, I have a husband who loves me, wonderful children (two grown, one almost grown) a darling doggy, good friends, peace in our home and most of all the complete assurance of God's love for me as an individual.

I'm feeling a bit ill at the moment. *cough* *cough* :)

If its a meal for someone sick I usually make homemade chicken noodle soup (with homemade noodles). And homemade bread.