Lee

How did you know it was the right time to have your first child?

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Hi, my wife and I have been married for 5 years. We always thought that we would just know when the time is right to have our first chid, we thought we may get some kind of sign or we would both just have a feeling that it is right. My wife thinks that she wants to have a baby but we have prayed about it and neither of us have received a definitive answer that it is the right time to try and have a baby. Practically, speaking we are more than ready to have a child but I know it is a huge responsibility so I want confirmation from the Holy Spirit that it is a good thing. My wife she is more of the opinion that it can't be against god's will for us to have a baby so we should just have one. Which opinion do you think is right ? How did you know when was a good time to have your first child ?

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2 minutes ago, Lee said:

 My wife she is more of the opinion that it can't be against god's will for us to have a baby so we should just have one. 

MArried for 5 years, I'll assume educated and have a career started? Don't overthink it have a baby.

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1 minute ago, omegaseamaster75 said:

MArried for 5 years, I'll assume educated and have a career started? Don't overthink it have a baby.

I am a paralegal and my wife is completing her Ph.D in Clinical Psychology in the next 3 months. We can afford a baby and we are educated.   

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Just now, Lee said:

I am a paralegal and my wife is completing her Ph.D in Clinical Psychology in the next 3 months. We can afford a baby and we are educated.   

So what is it exactly you are waiting for? a booming voice from heaven? a spiritual manifestation?

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17 minutes ago, Lee said:

Hi, my wife and I have been married for 5 years. We always thought that we would just know when the time is right to have our first chid, we thought we may get some kind of sign or we would both just have a feeling that it is right. My wife thinks that she wants to have a baby but we have prayed about it and neither of us have received a definitive answer that it is the right time to try and have a baby. Practically, speaking we are more than ready to have a child but I know it is a huge responsibility so I want confirmation from the Holy Spirit that it is a good thing. My wife she is more of the opinion that it can't be against god's will for us to have a baby so we should just have one. Which opinion do you think is right ? How did you know when was a good time to have your first child ?

I never "felt" ready to have a child, but once I had one I certainly never regretted it!  

I would just take the plunge.  I agree with your wife - it can't be against god's will for you to have a baby, especially when you have been richly blessed (probably so you can raise a child).  You sound more than ready (and frankly, it is pretty easy to adapt to having a child, much easier than they say - I didn't think I was ready either, but I was!)

Also, to be honest, if you don't have a child, you are missing out, big time.  Other than the gospel and my marriage, my daughter is the best thing that has ever happened to me.  It shames me to say I was apprehensive initially about becoming a father, because I have felt love and joy in ways I could not even have imagined only six years ago, thanks to having a child.

Edited by DoctorLemon

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3 minutes ago, omegaseamaster75 said:

So what is it exactly you are waiting for? a booming voice from heaven? a spiritual manifestation?

Haha no I think I just always thought I would have a feeling that it is the right thing to do and then I would be ready to have a child. Just some kind of sign or feeling because I don't want to enter in to something so serious without confirmation. It is similar to when I wanted a confirmation it was right to marry my wife. 

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4 minutes ago, Lee said:

Haha no I think I just always thought I would have a feeling that it is the right thing to do and then I would be ready to have a child. Just some kind of sign or feeling because I don't want to enter in to something so serious without confirmation. It is similar to when I wanted a confirmation it was right to marry my wife. 

Sometimes the Lord kicks you in the butt to to the right thing... Most of the time the Lord expects you to listen the council given (like not procrastinating starting a family) and show that you are willing to do what we have already been told.  So get your stuff together and make it happen.

 

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11 minutes ago, DoctorLemon said:

Also, to be honest, if you don't have a child, you are missing out, big time.  Other than the gospel and my marriage, my daughter is the best thing that has ever happened to me.  It shames me to say I was apprehensive initially about becoming a father, because I have felt love and joy in ways I could not even have imagined only six years ago, thanks to having a child.

Is it not the most worrying thing being  a parent? I have a feeling I would just constantly be worried for my child's safety and happiness. 

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3 minutes ago, estradling75 said:

Sometimes the Lord kicks you in the butt to to the right thing... Most of the time the Lord expects you to listen the council given (like not procrastinating starting a family) and show that you are willing to do what we have already been told.  So get your stuff together and make it happen.

 

Could you tell me some examples of where that council is given please 

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11 minutes ago, Lee said:

Is it not the most worrying thing being  a parent? I have a feeling I would just constantly be worried for my child's safety and happiness. 

Those feelings wear off quickly once you are a parent.  You'll be a natural within a month of becoming a parent, and from there, you have plenty of time to think out decisions.  I haven't parented teenagers yet (ask me again in seven years), but so far I have found that being a parent is easy, certainly easier than working in a law firm (I am an attorney).

Regarding safety, kids are pretty durable and pretty easy to keep safe.  It will become second nature to you really quickly how to take care of children.

Regarding happiness, babies are happy as long as they are fed and changed and held often, and that is how it is for the first year.  As they slowly grow up, ensuring happiness becomes extremely rewarding as you start to do the things you like with your children.  Are you a video gamer?  Teach your kid how to play and have fun!  Do you like hiking?  Take your kid along!  If you are there for your child and are willing to invest some time into your children, they will be happy.  (And you will still have plenty of time for yourself too - that is what bedtimes are for!)

Remember, if any number of crazed, drugged out celebrities could raise children to adulthood (not to say any names, but you can look at various grunge rock stars from the 90s who have kids who survived to adulthood), you can too!

Edited by DoctorLemon

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The hardest part of being a parent is realizing your child is already almost six years old, and there will come a day your child will be an adult and won't be there to hold and cuddle anymore and will never be a baby again.  That is the real challenge I found in being a parent, and while you love your children so much, there is a little bit of pain that comes with seeing them grow up quicker than you are ready for.  So, if you do have kids, savor the time while it lasts, because it is a gift and doesn't last forever.

 

Edited by DoctorLemon

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4 hours ago, Lee said:

Could you tell me some examples of where that council is given please 

There are many but lets start with most explicit.

The command that he Lord gives to "be fruitful and multiply"   This command was given to Adam and Eve but it is clear that it applies to every married couple.  Once you became married to became subject to this command.  Now some married couples can't for various reasons and they are extended the mercy that God extends to all those who truly can't (not just will not).

Second the Proclamation on the Family... note that it does not say Proclamation for Married Couples it is all about families and it specifically mentions bring kids into the world.  Now the Proclamation does give the Parents discretion on numbers and timing.  Which means it is no ones business but yours and your wife's, but you came here asking opinions and opened yourself up to exactly that.  You have been given the command to "Be fruitful and multiply" now you and wife have the option to seek the Lord approval to delay or postpone fulfilling that command.  And God might have given you approval to do exactly that.  But he should not have to repeat to you personally the command that he had already given and the modern prophets had repeated quite recently.

Lacking good reasons/revelation not, to the default is to have kids.  Based on your description that is where you are.  Chances are no further revelation will come on this matter until you act on the revelations you have already received

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6 hours ago, Lee said:

Hi, my wife and I have been married for 5 years. We always thought that we would just know when the time is right to have our first chid, we thought we may get some kind of sign or we would both just have a feeling that it is right.

When she's been carrying it for 9 months, and you've been putting up with pregnant woman gas for most of that, you'll know it's time to have the baby.

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7 hours ago, Lee said:

How did you know it was the right time to have your first child?

I got a phone call from someone who said, "I know you wanted a baby, but how about a 5 year old?"  The Spirit said 'Yes', so I said yes.  Then two days later I had my first child, and I have been a father ever since!

Quote

we thought we may get some kind of sign or we would both just have a feeling that it is right.

I never got that feeling.  However, we also never got the feeling that it was wrong, so we started trying anyway.

7 hours ago, Lee said:

My wife thinks that she wants to have a baby but we have prayed about it and neither of us have received a definitive answer that it is the right time to try and have a baby.

I never received a definitive answer from the Spirit either.  Turns out the reason was because we were incapable of producing our own children.  Based on the way this sentence is written, it sounds like your wife wants a baby, but you don't actually want one.  Why don't you want one?  Honesty in answering that question will help resolve most of your dilemma.

7 hours ago, Lee said:

Practically speaking, we are more than ready to have a child but I know it is a huge responsibility so I want confirmation from the Holy Spirit that it is a good thing.

Considering that God has commanded us to multiply and replenish the earth, how much additional confirmation do you need?

7 hours ago, Lee said:

My wife, she is more of the opinion that it can't be against God's will for us to have a baby, so we should just have one. Which opinion do you think is right ?

Technically, your wife is wrong from a literal view.  I know this from personal experience.  However, from a position of practicality, she is absolutely right.

Edited by person0

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19 hours ago, Lee said:

Hi, my wife and I have been married for 5 years. We always thought that we would just know when the time is right to have our first chid, we thought we may get some kind of sign or we would both just have a feeling that it is right. My wife thinks that she wants to have a baby but we have prayed about it and neither of us have received a definitive answer that it is the right time to try and have a baby. Practically, speaking we are more than ready to have a child but I know it is a huge responsibility so I want confirmation from the Holy Spirit that it is a good thing. My wife she is more of the opinion that it can't be against god's will for us to have a baby so we should just have one. Which opinion do you think is right ? How did you know when was a good time to have your first child ?

You asked for my opinion so I'm going to give it.  When you start having sex is when you're ready to have a child... so that would be that day you got married.  There's no "practically speaking" about having children.  Children shouldn't be looked at as burdens but as blessings.  God invented mammary glands so that your baby will always have a means to survive regardless of how poor you become.  So, the choice is not about life or death in normal circumstances.  The choice is about comfort and discomfort in the fulfillment of your covenants.

Now, I know certain people here will vehemently disagree with this.  Take it for what you paid for it.

Edited by anatess2

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3 hours ago, anatess2 said:

You asked for my opinion so I'm going to give it.  When you start having sex is when you're ready to have a child... so that would be that day you got married.  There's no "practically speaking" about having children.  Children shouldn't be looked at as burdens but as blessings.  God invented mammary glands so that your baby will always have a means to survive regardless of how poor you become.  So, the choice is not about life or death in normal circumstances.  The choice is about comfort and discomfort in the fulfillment of your covenants.

Now, I know certain people here will vehemently disagree with this.  Take it for what you paid for it.

We decided we wanted to just live together for a few years with no children so we could build a strong bond and learn skills that we need to have kids. Also, my wife had a lot of goals and ambitions she would find too hard to achieve with a child. We weren't ready when we started having sex and I don't think that's a bad thing. 

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16 minutes ago, Lee said:

We decided we wanted to just live together for a few years with no children so we could build a strong bond and learn skills that we need to have kids. Also, my wife had a lot of goals and ambitions she would find too hard to achieve with a child. We weren't ready when we started having sex and I don't think that's a bad thing. 

I don't think it is a bad thing to wait either, marriage is difficult enough.  It takes time to mature as an individual and as a couple. Good for you for not rushing into anything.

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On 4/5/2018 at 4:40 PM, Lee said:

 How did you know when was a good time to have your first child ?

I was over 21 and married.

Edit (my point in saying over 21 was that I was back from my mission, not that I am setting 21 as the minimum age or some such).

Edited by The Folk Prophet

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21 hours ago, anatess2 said:

You asked for my opinion so I'm going to give it.  When you start having sex is when you're ready to have a child... so that would be that day you got married.  There's no "practically speaking" about having children.  Children shouldn't be looked at as burdens but as blessings.  God invented mammary glands so that your baby will always have a means to survive regardless of how poor you become.  So, the choice is not about life or death in normal circumstances.  The choice is about comfort and discomfort in the fulfillment of your covenants.

Now, I know certain people here will vehemently disagree with this.  Take it for what you paid for it.

When @anatess2 nails it, she nails it.

Spot on.

Especially: "Children shouldn't be looked at as burdens but as blessings"

If someone is mature enough to get married they are mature enough to have children. If they AREN'T mature enough to have children, they're not mature enough to get married.

 

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Yeah, there’s a pretty direct injunction given in the temple; and at that point I think the presumption re kids isn’t “don’t do it until God says ‘yes’”; the presumption is “do it unless God says ‘no’”.  

Babies are a lot of physical work, to be sure (our newest, and 6th, is two weeks old yesterday).  But otherwise—as your baby’s physical and spiritual and emotional and intellectual needs grow, so will your own abilities to fulfill those needs.  So, don’t make yourself neurotic over the prospect of parenthood, and don’t sell your abilities short.  

Unless you have a reasonable, articulable cause to anticipate a real financial or medical or marital crisis in the near future; or unless the Spirit is giving you a clear and resounding “NO!”,  my suggestion would be to go ahead and have a baby. 

Edited by Just_A_Guy

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1 hour ago, The Folk Prophet said:

If someone is mature enough to get married they are mature enough to have children. If they AREN'T mature enough to have children, they're not mature enough to get married.

 

Being married and having children are 2 different things. I care for my wife but that is very different to having a child, if necessary marriage is reversible. You cant reverse having a child to my knowledge. 

 

1 hour ago, The Folk Prophet said:

Especially: "Children shouldn't be looked at as burdens but as blessings"

 

I view children as a blessing but it is a huge responsibility, when we first got married we couldn't of handled a baby it would have been a disaster. 

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1 minute ago, Lee said:

Being married and having children are 2 different things. 

True. But not relevant to my point.

1 minute ago, Lee said:

I care for my wife but that is very different to having a child, if necessary marriage is reversible. 

Sad but true.

Also not relevant to my point though.

2 minutes ago, Lee said:

You cant reverse having a child to my knowledge.  

Of course you can. People abandon their children all the time.

In my, what is sure to be a highly unpopular, opinion, those who abandon spouses are on about the same level as these people.

5 minutes ago, Lee said:

I view children as a blessing but it is a huge responsibility, when we first got married we couldn't of handled a baby it would have been a disaster. 

A. I don't believe you couldn't have handled it. If that is literally true then you shouldn't have gotten married. B. Having a baby is always a disaster. C. Review the meaning of the word "blessing" please.

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1 hour ago, Lee said:

I view children as a blessing but it is a huge responsibility, when we first got married we couldn't of handled a baby it would have been a disaster. 

Take everything you read on here and give it a 50% discount.

If you weren't ready then you weren't ready. Having kids is HUGE responsibility and a HUGE blessing in your life. Good for you for being thoughtful about it and not throwing caution to the wind and willy nilly popping out kids you were not ready for. 

Again, having children is a wonderful blessing being present and witnessing the birth of my children were the best and most spiritual moments of my life. 

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3 hours ago, The Folk Prophet said:

Of course you can. People abandon their children all the time.

 

But I wouldn't and if I "abandoned" (which even if we divorced I wouldn't do) my wife when we had no children how is that as bad as abandoning a child? My wife could care for herself and move on to find another man. My child would never get over the rejection of a parent. You're just using hyperbole I don't believe for one second you actually think abandoning a child is the same as divorcing your wife. 

 

Also, what is with marriage and having children being so intertwined? 

 

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2 hours ago, omegaseamaster75 said:

If you weren't ready then you weren't ready. Having kids is HUGE responsibility and a HUGE blessing in your life. Good for you for being thoughtful about it and not throwing caution to the wind and willy nilly popping out kids you were not ready for. 

 

Thanks bro I don't get why it is such a debacle not to want kids straight away. 

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