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Hi, I'm new here and looking forward to meeting you all.

Oh Man. This being separated stuff/ almost divorced stuff is rough. My husband told me about 5 weeks ago he wanted a divorce. We were living back East at the time while he was beginning his phd program. When he told me he didn't love me anymore and wanted to get a divorce, he also said he was quitting his phd program and moving back in with his parents until he figured out what his next step is, but he knew it wasn't going to include me we had only moved back East from Utah about 4 months earlier. It was an interesting situation because we actually kept living together for the next week while we packed up our house and loaded up the moving truck. I was able to talk to him more about the situation than if he just left that evening. I am not sure if it helped or not. He felt like marrying me was a mistake from the beginning, that he didn't feel like the divorce was just righting that wrong, we were married in the temple. He just doesn't have feelings for me anymore, and he hasn't for a while he said. He said that he wants a fresh start to find someone that will make him happy. He doesn't like how he is with me. (We are turning 29 in a few months). We have had some really good times, and of course some hard times as well. I never thought divorce was even on the table from my standpoint, but he has brought it up in past arguments. Our first year of marriage was REALLY hard. Whatever you want to call it, doubt, adjustment, etc. we just had trouble getting along, it is almost like it doomed us from the start as we have talked about why he wants a divorce he says that the first year was so bad and it never really improved enough to make him feel like we could last forever anyway. He wants to end it now and not be here three years from now in the same situation only 3 years older. We don't have any kids. We now live two hours apart, me on my own and him with his family. His family has been very supportive of him ending our 5 year marriage, which is so odd to me. I spend the first two weeks of the separation writing him emails, love notes, and trying to say something to help him reconsider. I have pleaded for him to consider counseling, he won't. He is not interested at all. In his mind things are over over. If he could be divorced tomorrow and never talk to me again he would be fine with that. (We can't be divorced for about two more months as in Utah you have to reside in the filing county for 3 months before). I don't know if I should give up hope on him changing his mind. It seems like with each day I wonder if he will, is there something I can do or say to have him reconsider? So now what? What do people do now? It is so weird going to church in a family ward as a almost divorced 28 year old. It is so weird sitting in an empty house alone. It is sad to cook for one person. It is sad to not have anyone ask about me day. It is so sad to sleep alone. It is hard thinking about the what ifs, the I should have..I could have..thinking about the future we won't have. It is hard to realize in only two months time we will be divorced. We don't have kids so we will just move on in our separate paths. Our five years of marriage will be over, he will just be my ex-husband that I don't see or talk to. It is like your best friend, your husband, your husband's family, etc. is all just gone. And it was not my choice, it was his. I have no say. You can't force him to reconsider or stay. People tell me it is all for the best, trials are for our good...how is breaking up my family good? How is being alone good? How is it fair that I am almost 30 and starting over, what if I don't find anyone...child bearing years are limited. How is it fair that he can marry someone younger and live happily ever after? How is it fair that he can repent of this cowardliness of leaving me and again live happily ever after? His actions affect the rest of my life. Anyone ever have these feelings...or have gone through this terrible and come out the other side? It is lonely. My family lives about 2 hours away.

I am 28 years old and I have been married for almost 5 years. The beginning of the marriage was rough. I told my husband I didn't love him. He struggled understanding why I didn't want to be intimate with him as often as he did - I regret giving him the answer of I didn't love him as that was not true. Time went on, his pornography addiction surfaced. I handled that so poorly, I didn't support him and made him feel like it was his problem, not mine. He went to counseling, he asked me to go and I didn't want to go, I was hurt by the situation and I just wanted him to fix it. Fast forward a year. I realized I was basically a monster in the beginning and begged for his forgiveness. Life went on, but it seemed the damage of the things I did and said in the beginning were always lingering. Every big fight we had ended with him putting divorce on the table. We had some good times and long periods where we got along great. We also struggled communicating and resolving conflict. How I acted in the beginning had hardened his heart, and he didn't love me anymore. I really don't know why I acted the way I did in the beginning. Hard time adjusting to marriage? Unable to answer his questions about intimacy? Didn't understand myself what the deal was? Whatever it was, it was my fault. Fast forward another year. Things still went on, fights were had, divorce was brought up, but I never wanted to divorce and I had always been able to plead my case and he would stay, I loved him and that first year was haunting us. He couldn't let it go, and I couldn't really blame him - it didn't matter how many good times we had or how happy we were for any period, it always came back to that and divorce always seemed to be an answer to our problems for him. About a month ago we had an argument. This time divorce was the answer for him. We were living in West Virginia at the time, and he moved back to Utah in with his parents. I found my own place in Utah. We are now living two hours apart. I miss him terribly. I want so badly for him to be able to see into my heart and understand how I am feeling. To him, the marriage is over. No part of him wants to try again. He feels that we are incompatible and probably should not have been married in the first place. I sit here and realize that it was my fault in the beginning for being terrible - but honestly, is giving up on our marriage at this point the answer? Can't all wounds be healed with the atonement? I have written him emails apologizing for the past and have been very specific with what I should have done differently, I have made promises. If you have been in the situation of a one sided divorce you know that you want to do anything you can to salvage the marriage, you think there is something you could do or say that would change your husband's mind, but it really doesn't seem like anything will. We don't have any children and it seems terrible that once things are final we will move apart in life. Nothing is holding us together. There is no reason our paths would cross. Our five years of marriage will just be a memory and nothing else. Where do you even go from here? This hurt and loneliness seems unbearable.

I kinda curious about people's General advise for the do' s and do nots for having a successful marriage. If your marriage has been successful, what good things have you and your partner done that you feel have contributed to it's success? What troubles have you had to work through? If you have had a failed marriage, why did it fail, what do you think could have changed the result? Despite the problems was there anything that really worked out well? If you remarried, what have you and your partner done differently? What do you feel should be avoided? Were there expectations you brought in that turned out differently? Are there things you looked for in a partner that made a difference? Any other thoughts and comments?

So I need some advice. And I have no idea where to begin. In a nutshell my husband and I are trying to decide if we should divorce. Or HE is deciding. The problem is complicated. Though it has only recently be relayed to me, apparently the entire 4 1/2 years my husband and I have been married he's been struggling with what makes him happy. He wanted to get married, and assures me he still loves me. But two months ago My husband reveled to me he has lost his testimony, has more properly has been faking it and never fully had one. He believes if the LDS church is the closest thing to the truth. But he doesn't believe it as a whole. or agree with its restrictions. He still goes every Sunday and participate fully for the kids and me. Because he believes its good for the kids. Now things since then have gone down hill. A month after that he told me he wasn't sure if he wants to be married anymore. He says it causes him too much stress because its too much work for him. He expresses his frustration with always having to sacrifice his personal time for family time. He feels like he sometimes rather just be alone. Im trying to figure a way we can make this work but he says there's only a 30% chance he stays because he doesn't want to make the effort anymore. He can find just as much happiness in solitude as he can with us. Plus in his eyes he can do what he wants when he wants. See the kids and me when he wants, exercise when he wants, work and friends when he wants. And he wont have the church restrictions I apply so ha can watch what he wants drink what he wants go where he wants exct. I want to make an effort to make this work to make him happier. Because he says he does want me and the kids and our marriage but he wants the solo life too. He just doesn't know which he wants more. I don't know how to deal with this and I'm in a slump, were fighting all the time because I get so emotional and that makes him angry. He says he's not good enough and I should leave him. Built I love him and want to make this work. I just don't know at what point am I supposed to call quits. Can we be one of those stories where "oh she stuck by me and put up with so much and now look were a super happy family" or am I going to stick with it and get more hurt and have us end on worse turns then if we just end it now. I don't know what im supposed to do....

I have been married for nearly 17 years. I adore my husband. He is not perfect, but he has so many good qualities. When things are good, I am happy. It is the inbetween parts that are destroying our marriage...and truthfully me. My husband has had on/off problems with pornography. This was the biggest cause of strife in our marriage until we had been married for 4 years. My husband had an emotional affair with a co-worker. I discovered it and it stopped before things got physical. We moved out of the area and things were great (excluding occasional pornography problems) for the next several years. My husband had a full-on affair with another co-worker (which he fully admitted to). I wanted to work on us, but he wouldn't come home. He refused to meet with me and the Bishop. So after a few weeks, I packed our house up and moved closer to family for support. 2 months later, he woke up and realized what a huge mistake he had made. Truthfully, I was mad. I had already filed for divorce. I felt like he was out playing and "honeymooning" with someone new. I was looking forward to a happy ending of my own someday. However, I prayed and fasted and counseled with my bishop. I couldn't deny the Holy Ghost witnessing to me that I needed to try and fix our marriage. We did it though! Our marriage was really good for another several years.. Then it happened again. This time, my husband hasn't admitted to anything. He calls me "crazy" and tells me she is just a friend. On our cell-phone bill, he talked more to this woman than he did to me. Phone calls ranged from 5-15/day. Plenty of text messages too. I noticed on his smartphone all his apps, he was following her on every app he had. (None of his other coworkers showed up except for on FB). He lied about dumb things..and once again destroyed all trust in our marriage. I was upset and he promised I was the most important thing in his life and he would have no further contact with her. He lied...he did...phone calls decreased, but continued. I found out, he got mad and told me then if I am going to be controlling, he wants a divorce. After several days of brooding and sleeping on the sofa, he apologized and said he would really cut her out of his life this time. So, he deleted all his apps and blocked her phone number. I checked the phone bill and he told the truth...no contact. Something still didn't feel right and I found some very flirty comments online back and forth to each other. It made me sick. The love of my life was saying things I would love to hear from him to another woman. Because these were online, he feels he has honored his promise to break all contact with her... I feel so betrayed again. I feel like the biggest idiot ever! When you add up these incidents that occured over the span of my marriage, it leaves me feeling hopeless. My husband has been sleeping on the couch for a week. He tells me he loves me and I am the only one he wants. On one hand I believe in the atonement, and there is room for everyone to repent and put their life back together, but on the other hand, I feel as if he is making a mockery of our temple marriage. When he says 'I love you", I don't believe him anymore. I know I love him with all my heart, and I could never do anything so heartless and cruel to him. He is trying to save our marriage (which is what I was always the one to do up until this point). I don't know if it is worth saving anymore. I feel so empty and lost. How much does Heavenly Father expect one heart to take? I believe in marriage for eternity...never giving up on each other. But at what point do you stand up for yourself and your badly damaged heart? When is divorce appropriate?

I need help! I know this post is daunting; it's a list of everything my husband has done to me so if you want, you can skip to the end. I have been married for almost 5 years and we have two children, a 2 year old boy and a 6 month old girl. My husband has had a history of cheating on me and I have no trust in him, but for some reason I never go through with getting a divorce, even though I know it's what's best. Here's the story: When I was pregnant with our son was when I first found sexual text messages on his phone (summer of 2011). He had been texting a girl the night before asking what a sexy girl like her does for fun, asking if she likes watching porn, etc. He said it was a girl from work (he's a general contractor) and that they've never hung out & that it was the first time they've spoken. There was also a different girl that he had met at work that he would always go running with and sometimes wouldn't even come home until 1 or so in the morning! He made me feel like I was crazy for not letting him have any friends that were girls and we always argued about it. I first found out about her when I saw text message conversations and he would totally flirt and say things like "anything for you". I thought all this would stop after we had our son. I was wrong! Soon after we had him, I kept finding more text messages, one time someone had even sent him a picture of herself topless. He claimed he didn't know who she was or why she sent it to him. Things were going somewhat well a little after that, but than he had to go to AT (training for National Guard) for 5 months (summer of 2012). Soon after he left, my phone stopped working so i had to use his old one. I looked up the internet history on his phone and saw that he had looked up TONS of escorts in our city! They advertised for massages.. I looked up our cellphone history and saw that he had contacted tons of them via text and phone calls. I confronted him and he said he has never done anything with any of them, he usually just dials the number and than hangs up. By this time, I was considering being done with him, but he said he'll change, etc etc. Towards the end of him being in training, I saw a couple of charges for hotels and he said it was because they went swimming... When he came home, I thought everything would be okay, but I noticed him texting someone a lot and he said it was a friend from training. When I read some of the conversation, there was a lot of flirting going on and he once again got mad at me, saying he should be able to have friends that are girls. A couple of days later, I was looking through all his things from training literally hoping I'd find something and I sure did. I found a letter from this girl saying she'll never sleep with a married man again and that he's still a good person, etc. He didn't know I found the letter and when I confronted him, he acted like he didn't know what I was talking about! It wasn't until a couple days later, after I said we should separate, that he admitted to it and begged me to stay, that it wouldn't happen again etc etc. I decided to give him another chance. Soon after, I got pregnant again and was excited because I thought this time he'd for sure change. Beginning of last year (Jan 2013) I saw some weird charges on our account and saw that he had joined a social network who's slogan is "Life is short, have an affair". I saw that he had yahoo chats with a girl on there talking about [moderator edit] etc, really bad stuff. I also downloaded an app on his phone that allows me to see all of his text conversations and internet history on his phone. This is how I found out he was basically dating a girl. He took her to dinner, they would go to the dog park together, etc. After their date to dinner, he text her and said "It was nice getting to know you with your clothes on". He was also still contacting escorts. This time, I was sure I was going to get a divorce. But after I confronted him, he claimed it's because he'd been out of work and had been having a hard time and he once again begged me to give him one last chance. I gave in. We found out we were having a girl and once again, I thought he'd for sure change! Baby girl was born in July 2013 and things were going good until recently. He had been out late one night and said he hung out with his old friend from college, but I was suspicious. I still have that app on his phone that tracks his messages, but he is aware of that. I thought it was weird that I didn't see any conversations with this "college friend" about hanging. What my husband doesn't know, is that this app also tracks where he is. I saw that he had been in a city that's quite far from where we live. A couple of days later, I see some ATM withdrawals for around $100 plus $30 to the movies on our bank account. About a week later, my kids and I stop by our house that my husband is building to visit him and he's not there... I look on the tracker and he's in that same city as before... I call him and he says he has to go to the "Lowes" out there to get something. A couple of days later, there's a $30 charge to iHOP. After all this has been going on, I start wondering if he's gotten a second cell phone so another day, I randomly stop by our house he's building and while he was walking around with our son, I hurry and looked in his truck and guess what I found? A cheap Cricket phone! I hurry and looked and only had time to read one text and it said "I want your sexy body all over me". He was starting to walk towards the truck, so I hurried and put it back and acted like nothing happened, but I was pretty sure he knew i found it. Once again, i had decided i should get a divorce, but when I confronted him in October 2013, he said he's changed and begged me to wait until January 2014 to make my final decision. And here I am again, giving him another chance. I know have a tracker on his computer and I can see that he's still very addicted to porn and looking at models/actresses and he's still contacting escorts every so often. He's even tried getting an escort to come to our house! Not to long ago, I saw a text conversation that went on while he was home alone trying to coordinate a time for the escort to come over, but none of them were available so it didn't work out. To this day, he claims he's only cheated on me the one time with the one girl. He's NEVER come to me about anything. Everything listed above are things I've discovered on my own. I have no trust in him. He went to the Bishop back in sept. 2012 after I found out about him sleeping with the girl in GA, but he hasn't told the Bishop about anything since and he says he's temple worthy. And we did do counseling for awhile. I feel like I've tried everything. I've prayed about it, gone to the temple, talked to our Bishop, etc and I have felt "good" about getting a divorce, but for some reason I never go through with it. All day, every day, I just sit and think about it and I'm miserable. I need help

Hi. After 20 years of abuse (the first 12 tolerable, the last 8 unbearable) I am finally getting a divorce. I have 4 kids and my husband and I were sealed in the temple. I have struggled so much with this. I have tried everything. And the answer I've been getting both inside and outside the temple is that there was nothing I could do to preserve the marriage, my husband had decided that it wasn't worth his while to put in the effort so it didn't matter how much I did. And boy, did I do much. We went to counseling, he got the counselor to support him in the abuse. I've been through any number of attitude adjustments. I sacrificed so much of myself to protect my kids from the worst of the abuse that I literally almost died. Even up until the day I filed I was reading self-help books on how to save abusive marriages. All of them said that the abuser needed to change too and there was little that the abusee could do to make them change if they didn't want to. And the truth is my husband had no reason to change. As long as he could still check that "married" box, he had what he wanted and it didn't matter to him how miserable his wife was, as long as he had me in his possession. I'm having trouble with my bishop, who doesn't seem to think that what my husband did was wrong enough that he ought to have to repent of it. He is also holding me responsible for the gossip others are spreading about the relationship. People are telling me that if I have a problem with my bishop and how he's handling it, it means I'm committing some kind of sin. I know that the bishop is a man with a calling, but he is just a man and is subject to all the same prejudices and blind spots that people in general have. But I still want to know if I'm overlooking something here. I had a blessing yesterday and it said I'm not under condemnation, but I don't want to leave any stone unturned in trying to root out any source of sin or rebellion. I used to be a really good woman. Now I'm what's left over after a good woman has been ground into the dirt. I'm not here to look for a relationship-- I'm so not ready for that right now. I guess I just want to know that the Lord loves me, that He wouldn't condone me being abused for all eternity, and that I'm not so badly damaged that the Lord can't make me into a woman worth taking to the temple, this time by a worthy man.

I've been married for 13 years to a man I met in NZ while on his mission. We have 5 kids, he works and goes to school and we're in the process of finishing immigration, so I can finally have a job/career! (Our youngest started 1st grade this year) Here's my dilhema. I understand that by seeking out a divorce, you're breaking a covenant you have entered into with our Heavenly Father. I understand that divorce is ALWAYS hard, especially when kids are involved and that you should try to do all you can before resorting to something so final. I also realize that everyone has flaws and faults, so our marriage is definitely not one-sided, with me as the victim. We have gone to counselling, I've gone to solo counselling (I had a bad upbringing) I also have no family here in the country, nor are they members. I have attended the marriage class with my husband, on sundays. I've attended regular appointments with our Bishop in 3 different wards over several years. This is the first time, however, that I am truly striving to do the right thing. No matter WHAT! Here's where things get messy. My husband is abusive. Verbally, emotionally, sometimes physically. He degrades us (me & the kids) and then blames his actions ON us, he's constantly turning any situation around, so he is not the responsible one, and no matter how hard it is, I'll (not every time - I'm not perfect. But definitely 8 out of 10 times) respond with how I can change or what I need to improve in the situation, but can he understand that the way he dealt with whoever, screaming and calling them "you are a freaking MORONIC piece of S***. Useless a**hole - you're so pathetic." etc. etc. To be fair, I've lost it before as well, I'm not pointing out his shortcomings, all I'm trying to gain is advice on what do I do from here? He doesn't respect Bishophric authority, he has no recommend, I don't see him pray (to be fair - I think he does now and then) He doesn't read, and our children beg me to fix this. He also works 3 jobs, and attends school fulltime, so if he's not working nightshift, he's actually here maybe 24 hours in a total week? I've read talks, scriptures, prayed on what I can do differently - only now. I'm out of ideas. I feel like I'm not understanding the Spirit (he's told me it's not the Spirit telling me this or that ...???) But I can say, he believes in the Church. He just doesn't quite live it? Please give me any advice on what I could do to try to get him to see. Or should I take my children and break that covenant? Serious answers only, please. And Thanks. :)

Do you think folks get married after earthly life? I really have no desire to marry again, but would like to see heavenly Father.

This is my first time posting on a forum. Please excuse my illiteracy and grammar. I need advice. I have been married 7 years. My marriage has never been great. We fight all the time and have been very selfish. However i have always loved my wife. I believe she has finally had enough. She told me 3 months ago she was done. Sometimes i feel she has every right to be. I have spent the last three months trying to fix everything about me that she was not happy about. I have apologized about the mean things i have done. She constantly tells me that there is no point in talking about it. About a month into her decision i found inappropriate texts to a man that she is working with. I was so distraught that i immediately forgave her. She promised that was all there was and tried to convince me it was not what i saw. Her apology was that she didn't think it was wrong because she told me we where done. for the next to months she slowly manipulated me to the point that i didn't even believe what i had seen. This last conference Sunday i stole her phone. I found that the relationship was still going on. It rocked my world. She tells me again that she is ending it but they are still friends on facebook. She says I shouldn't have to know the details i should just trust her. She tells me I am being controling for telling her that i have to have full knowledge to be able to completely move on. She wont work on the issue and anytime we talk all she wants to do is remind me about how bad of a husband i was. We have a son and im terrified for him. I was raised by my grandperents because my parents split and neither wanted or could afford us. I have made up my mind that i wont be the one to end the marriage. This is a covenant marriage and that goes against what i believe. I don't know what to do. I am a mess. She expects me to be nice and talk to her. When she wants but it will never be about our feelings and she will never let me know hers. She is a closed book and very unforgiving. Ive been going to a counselor. This Saturday will be my 6th visit. I just need some outside perspective.

Hey All, New member here, first post. I was married for 18 years, and I've been divorced almost five now. I'm finding that as more time goes by, I am starting to feel somewhat disconnected to the gospel. I still have a strong testimony and have continued to attend church regularly, but I don't know how else to explain it except I'm feeling disconnected to some degree. I know my eternal salvation is up to me and I alone am responsible for it, but I recognize I'm not as motivated as I was when I was with a spouse and working toward an eternal partnership. I've dated quite a bit and had one relationship that lasted a year, but there is so much pain, fear, and hurt out there that I haven't been able to find someone that is in the same place I am, where the connection is there for both, and they are ready to move forward with a relationship. Yes, I can be alone. Yes, I am happy. But there is nothing to prove about either one of those things. I miss having someone to lift me up when I'm faltering and my wanting to be my better self so I can do the same for them. Someone to laugh with, share my day with, and experience the gospel with. My life experiences with my divorce and after, have just produced a kind of shift that is difficult to even explain. I have three great kids, but my two oldest are off two school now, and that may have much to do with my growing restlessness. It is what it is. I'm generally a glass half full kind of gal, and I'm not one to sit on my pity pot very often, so this is why I'm more concerned about how I'm feeling. For me, it doesn't get easier the longer I'm without a companion, it is seeming to get harder. If any of this makes sense, then fabulous :) I"m not sure I have a question so much as wondering how others have dealt with this kind of situation.

Okay, many of you might think this is a silly question - but how do you embrace a previous marriage rather than just be "OK" with it. Let me explain.. I am getting married in just a few weeks. I am kind of young, only 19. He is 25. My fiance has been married before. However, it was only for a short period of time (8 months) before it got annulled. There are no financial obligations, kids, or any contact whatsoever. It is never mentioned unless it has to be. He never brings it up, and in fact is it as if it never happened. But here's the thing -- every time I think about it, I wish it never happened. But it did. And he has grown so much spiritually and emotionally, and has made him the person he is today. It was an abusive relationship. He went to marriage counselling for months without her showing up before calling it quits. He learned how to be a great husband, and I am so grateful for that. It has made him who he is. It was hard at first to hear about it. To know about it. To take it in. But I know that if he didn't go through what he has gone through, he wouldnt be the man I am marrying. SO - how do I turn those thoughts of appreciation into how I feel whenever it comes up in my head, within conversation, or with anything. How do I not just think of my gratitude but feel that gratitude? I dont just want to feel okay with it, but be embrace it and feel the blessings that have come from it. If anyone has any advice, I would very much appreciate it. I am so excited to be marreid to this wonderful man, I want to be able to embrace everything about him -- even the things that I feel aren't so joyous.

I stumbled across this site well now that I say that I was led here. My husband asked me for a divorce have been preparing to take out my Endowments and during this time it had come to light he is addicted to pornography and has decided I've become to "religious" and he must move on. I already have received blessings from this trial and heartache. It has strengthened my testimony and my desire to attend the Temple has never been so strong.

Hi. I am a life long member of the Church and going on another divorce. I am struggling with two complete polar opposite views here. My husband has cheated on me and has committed, what a therapist says, is spousal rape. I am being urged to stay in the marriage by leaders. I don't know what to do. My life is very bleak right now, in spite of praying and reading scriptures, being on LDS.org and reading whatever I can get my hands on, from the LDS perspective. I am broken hearted. There have been many instances where I have defended him to the public, but have come to find out that he was lying and cheating all along. I have people coming up to me in the market to tell me things about him. The wife is always the last to know. I keep thinking that I am being punished for some reason. Has anyone come back from a similar experience? Come back to a happy place and to the marriage? I would love to hear from someone who has been there, done that. Thank you in advance... SAD

I really appreciate all of your advice on my thread "Can a Man be Happily Married to a Fat Wife?" Every time I've prayed about this, I've felt like I should stay and try to work it out. I do believe that people can change with God's help, and I was going to do everything I could to make it work, keep my family together, etc. And then one day I read this reply on this site: And as I read the words, "let him go," I felt the spirit. I was taken a little off guard by that because I've been in the making-it-work mode for so long. But as I've prayed and gone to the temple since then, I've felt several more witnesses that this is the right thing. So now, I have to face the fact that this is super scary and intimidating and I have no idea what to do. We have just started a new round of marriage therapy, and I don't really know what to say when I go the next time. I haven't given my husband any ideas that I'm thinking about this, and I don't know when I should do that. Should I seek legal advice first? Should I just tell him I want to separate and then serve him divorce papers after he's moved out? I don't really want to do this, but I don't want to stay with him the way things are, either. I just know that I've learned what happens when I don't follow the spirit and I don't want to do that again. (I don't know if I ever said this on here, but the spirit told me not to marry him in the first place, but I gave in to the pressure he put on me to do it anyway.) I'm afraid that I'm going to get a lot of pressure to stay with him from people - the bishop, friends, our counselor, maybe even him - and I don't know if I'm strong enough to stand up to everyone about this. I don't want to make basically the same mistake I made the first time. I don't know - thoughts? Advice?

Hello! Please read my story, I really need advice. Well my situation is very tough.. for me anyways. You see, I dated a non-member for a couple of years and got married at 18. I was in love with him and even though our relationship was rocky, I married him. I guess my testimony was not as strong back then, because as the time passed by, I realized how much I needed the COMPLETE Gospel. I couldn't hang a picture up of the temple, or felt uncomfortable practicing my own beliefs around him (because it would bother him) After a while, things got bad. Our fights got physical and he would kick me out of the house and left me out in the street sometimes in the middle of the night. I began to fear my spouse and relationship. We have no children. One day, I decided to just get separated. I asked my mom if I could move in for a little. So I took my things and left. My husband was very hurt and would not leave me alone. He would call me nonstop all day. One day, he talked to the missionaries on his own. He got the talks and got baptized a month later. He begged for me to come back and I did because I felt that was what I HAD to do. I did not WANT to but I was willing to go back and see how things were. We took some marriage courses in the church. It has been for months since we got back together and since he got baptized. I do not like who I am in this relationship and I feel like I still cannot have the full experience of the gospel in my home. I know he does not agree with a lot of things of the Gospel, I constantly have to be babysitting him with attending church, or things like that. Every day, I have thought of leaving and finding someone truly worthy. I CRAVE that. I feel like I deserve a more respected relationship. I am a person that is fun and laughs a lot with EVERYTHING and I feel like I cannot do that around him because I "annoy" him. He will get very angry at me and cuss at me. I hate that I really wish I could end this marriage and find someone that will make me truly happy. My fear is that nobody will love or accept me because of me having a divorce. I will be 21 in November and I feel like it is too late to give up. I love the gospel and I feel like my testimony has grown soooooooooooooooo much in the last year. Please advise me. Thank you for taking the time to read my story

SO here is my story and im really seeking advice.. HELP So I have been married for 1 yr not in the temple.. my wife and I have had problems and have been extremely close to divorce.. We go to church we met with our bishop and he wants to get us in temple prep classes and I am ok with that. BUT I am very very confused with the marriage.. I dont feel that my heart is 100% in it anymore.. I do love my wife and I would never want to hurt her and thats why I am soo confused on what to do.. What i dont want to happen is for us to get sealed and my heart not be 100% there still.. SOMEONE HELP ME OUT WITH SOME EDUCATED ADVICE I WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE IT adding info- I realize there is alot of missing info here. kind of hard to post our whole relationship here.. BUT- our relationship problems have seemed to decrease. we still argue and bicker and each other almost everyday.. We dont hold good conversations anymore.. we want different things in life career wise now. I had to get a diff job and we have to move from st george to salt lake. we have alot of things that have not been taken care of... it really just seems like an interest thing.. i feel ive lost interest and attraction on some level. But i love her family i couldnt wish for better inlaws. idk what else to say feel free to ask me other questions!

Ironically, I've posted quite a few replies to other threads telling others to stick it out and work through it. But my main reason for joining this forum was to get advice from LDS church members about my marriage, especially what to do about it. (I know I'm not perfect, and that I have a temper. I have hit him with my wimpy lack of upper body strength, because he tends to ignore me when I bring up any issues in our relationship. And maybe we just don't work together in a marriage.) I dated my husband for about a year before marrying him. I knew that he was spoiled and irresponsible, but darn it if he didn't love me unconditionally and treat me like absolute gold! This was such a change from my previous (and only other) boyfriend, who had treated my like dirt enough for me to feel comfortable calling him an emotional abuser. I feel for my husband because he was so completely different from what I had experienced from my ex (and my father). I though that men just weren't like that. I did break off our first engagement because I felt he wasn't mature enough to handle supporting a family. We got back together, and I decided to marry him after one prayer. I knew I loved him, but had such reservations about marrying a man who hadn't gone on a mission and who was just plain irresponsible. To make a long story short, I got the answer to my prayer two days later when I got an email telling me that my deposit on single student housing was being refunded because the house was being remodeled; and this was about a month before the semester started. I still had reservations, but I trusted that the Lord knew what he was doing. My hesitance was not bolstered when I told my friends. One was actually excited when I told them. Most of them had been trying to get me to go out to school and find someone else. Fast forward seven months. We're married, and I've survived two semester of school while married. My grades have been in the tank. I told him that school would be my full time job, and that he would need to support the family financially since he wasn't admitted as a student yet. He has been working. I think he has maxed out at about 16 hours a week. Right now he could be working 35 hours a week, but chooses not to because it's "too stressful". He wakes up, goes straight to the living room, and turns on the PS3. He comes home from work and turns on the PS3. I try to get him to help around the house, to call people for errands or to apply for food stamps, . . . he just tells me that he works and I don't. Even when I was in school, he only cared that I didn't have a job. When I did get a job, he only cared that he still made more money (by about $20). I found us another apartment that was cheaper, and he complains that it doesn't have a dishwasher so he won't do the dishes. I am looking for a job. We're borrowing money from my parents every few months just to cover rent and utilities, even now that our rent is $200 lower. I do all the budgeting, and he is always asking to spend (or not asking to and just spending) money on his games. Our expenses can't get any lower. I feel like he needs to grow up and take responsibility for this family. He seems to only care about his half. I am tempted to move out as soon as I secure an income of my own. I have even been tempted to ask my parents for a plane ticket home so that I can go back to my summer job there. I am really quite sick of his selfishness. It doesn't help that I recently went off Effexor (for depression and anxiety); I am wondering of the Effexor just made me patient enough to deal with all his crap. I am literally screaming at him two or three times a week. I just feel exhausted, like I am done hauling him out of bed for church, done telling him to stop playing video games on Sundays, done telling him to work more hours to support us, done defending the amount of work I do around the house while he's sitting on his butt. He claimes to be sick about three days every week, which usually leads to skipping church and missing at least one day of work each week (mind you, working every day means he's only working about 16 hours a week right now). I don't know that I want to divorce him. If he could just grow up and stop expecting me to be his mom, then I would love him again. As it is, I have no interest in having children with him. I do not want my children to grow up and be like him; not to mention that I don't want to have to take care of a child in addition to taking care of him! We've been to counseling (where I felt bad, b/c the counselor was always telling my husband that he needed to shape up), and the only time my husband actually shapes up is after I tell him that I am going to leave. Then he shapes up for a couple week, just long enough for me to change my mind. Sorry about the novel. I just don't know what to do. I don't feel like I can go to my friends or family about this because I spent so long defending my choice to marry him, and if I decide to stay with him then I don't want them to see my marriage that way. We're meeting with our new bishop tonight about his past addiction and our current goal to be sealed in the temple is August (which I am secretly not so sure I want to do), and I might bring up this problem with him. I am just so afraid that my husband will change long enough to change my mind. I don't want that sort of cycle to continue for the rest of my life. I love him, on some level I know I do, I just don't think that I want to spend the rest of my life with a man that is acting to selfish and lazy. I don't think he can change (my father never did) and I won't be sealed to or have children with who he is now. Does anyone have some sort of experience that can help me here? I feel so alone in this decision, but I also know that I can't be objective.

Hi, there. I have not posted to this site to date but have found information that others have shared and advice given very helpful to my own situations and those situations of people I know and love. I will keep this straight forward and hope that people will share their feelings and advice freely (but not too freely...lol). I have been married 7 years to my current husband (this is my second marriage). It has been unfortunate that we haven't been able to find peace in either our relationship or the relationships between my husband and the children from my previous marriage. We have experienced a great deal of adversity and trials and have found the cracks in our already unstable marriage to seem insurmountable at times. However, because we believe in giving the marriage everything, we have continuously tried to overcome. My husband and 10 year old son have been at odds for our entire relationship. My husband was emotionally abusive and chose to resort to corporal punishment (something I do not believe in as a normal way of punishing) when dealing with him. He was open about the how he felt about him ..... cause of all of our problems, better when he wasnt there, etc. My son began acting out and got progressively worse over the years which caused my husband to come down even harder on him, etc etc...the cycle got worse and worse. I forgave my husband over and over again when he would do things that I felt in my heart were abusive because I received counsel from my bishop that that was the best thing for me to do. Everything came to a head a few weeks back when he physically restrained my son by twisting his arm behind his back (my son has a promising hockey career ahead of him and he could have broken his wrist or arm). I warned him not to do it because I could see where he was headed. We almost separated last year over his relationship with my son and the one thing that kept us together was the promise on his behalf that he would never put his hands on him again and that he would really try to have a better relationship. That lasted about 3 months and things went back to the way they were. Because of what happened, my son's father filed a protective order against my husband preventing ANY contact with my son....no physical, verbal, etc. This means that in order to see my son, I have to leave my house and meet my son at my mom's house, which has resulted in my parental time being drastically reduced . I am so angry at my husband that I can't see straight and I feel TORN. My bishop is one who believes that the covenant is everything and that as long as we are living up to the covenant, then things will be ok. I used to believe that but I also feel this need to protect my child. I have been thinking about leaving but we have two children together and am devastated over the thought of them being without their dad. <Sigh>.....really struggling with this one..... I have not one doubt that my son and husband have to be separated. It came as an answer to fervent prayer. Just not sure what to do now?

I'm in my late 20's and I've been married for 8 yrs and have 4 children. My husband and I are sealed in the temple. We have been together since i was 17. I have done everything right I could the last 8 years and been completely active in church. Because of that the news of my husbands affairs have been extremely hard to bear. About a month ago I found out my husband has been cheating on me for 3 yrs. I am completely devastated and was totally blindsided by it. For the time being we have decided not to talk to anyone about it. I desperately need some support and I guess that's why I joined the site. I have never done the whole forum thing before. I found out something was wrong because he left his email up and there were pictures of women. When I confronted him he came clean. There have been multiple offenses, emotional and physical (including having sex more than once). And he said he wanted to tell me before but didn't know how and didn't want me to leave him. The last affair was just emotional and someone he met on the ps3. It had been going on for a few months though and only ended after i confronted him. I took him back because I still love him and think that divorce is the worst possible thing I could ever do to my kids. (This is my opinion) We are trying to make it work and even though he has destroyed my life and broken my heart he is a good father. What is the likelihood for excommunication in this situation?? This is a huge question for us. Especially considering the fact that his testimony is shaky at this point. We haven't told anyone anything about what is going on. Our eldest daughter is supposed to get baptized in a few months and I suppose that's when everything will come out. I don't know how things will go down though. What would happen if he did decide to go through with baptizing her even though he is unworthy?? I don't feel it's my place to go to the bishop for him but if I don't and he does perform her baptism am I committing a sin?? Things may come out before then, i don't now and I don't think I would let him do that, our daughter deserves better, but it's just a question I have. Right now I can only take it a day at a time. I can't look to the future anymore cause I don't know what even the next day holds. I guess I'm searching for some answers to my questions but also any words of encouragement I could find as well. If I didn't have to think of my kids I would prolly leave but that fact that he is the love of my life makes it easier to stay. We haven't gone to the bishop yet and I guess it's just cause we don't want people to know. It's no one's business and our families will found out if we go to the bishop because he won't be able to perform any priesthood ordinances or go to the temple. I wish there was a way we could go through the whole process without everyone finding out. I don't want my family to hate him but I know what I used to think of cheaters and it isn't kindly. I'm already a fragile, broken mess so please don't respond if you can't be kind. You may not agree with what I have decided or the questions I have but there is no need to be unkind. My whole world has been turned upside down in an instant! That's being said, please help!

Doctrinal question from something that came up in a discussion I was in the middle of: In talking about who can be a Bishop it was brought up that a divorced fellow can’t be a Bishop. I didn’t know this or I had forgotten. I looked in the church handbook (Callings in the Church and it doesn’t specifically address this but it references a scripture passage in 1 Timothy (1 Timothy 3 ) and it says one of the qualifications is “the husband of one wife”. Is this portion of the scripture interpreted to mean not divorced? I guess that to me could mean several things, but the Lord’s interpretation is all that matters. Anyway, then someone asked if this included a man who had a marriage annulled? Is an annulment considered the same as a divorce in the eyes of the Lord and/or the Church?

Female GIs struggle with higher rate of divorce AP – Staff Sgt. Robin Duncan-Chisolm gets a hug from her son Seth in Upper Marlboro, Md., on Monday, March … .By KIMBERLY HEFLING, Associated Press Kimberly Hefling, WASHINGTON – Two failed marriages were the cost of war for Sgt. Jennifer Schobey. The breaking point in her first marriage came when her husband deployed to Afghanistan, the last in a long line of separations they had endured as they juggled two military careers. Schobey married another combat veteran, but eventually that union failed under the weight of two cases of post-traumatic stress disorder — his and hers. They are now getting divorced. Separations. Injuries. Mental health issues. All are added weights to the normal strains of marriage. For women in the military, there's a cold, hard reality: Their marriages are more than twice as likely to end in divorce as those of their male comrades — and up to three times as likely for enlisted women. And military women get divorced at higher rates than their peers outside the military, while military men divorce at lower rates than their civilian peers. About 220,000 women have served in Afghanistan and Iraq in roles ranging from helicopter pilots to police officers. Last year, 7.8 percent of women in the military got a divorce, compared with 3 percent of military men, according to Pentagon statistics. Among the military's enlisted corps, nearly 9 percent of women saw their marriages end, compared with a little more than 3 percent of the men. Like all divorces, the results can be a sense of loss and a financial blow. But for military women, a divorce can be a breaking point — even putting them at greater risk for homelessness down the road. It has an effect, too, on military kids. The military has more single moms than dads, and an estimated 30,000 of them have deployed in support of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Why military women are more burdened by divorce is unclear, although societal pressure is likely a factor. "It's a strange situation, where there's a fair amount of equality in terms of their military roles, but as the military increasingly treats women the same as it treats men in terms of their work expectations, however, society still expects them to fulfill their family roles. And that's not equally balanced between men and women," said David Segal, director of the Center for Research on Military Organization at the University of Maryland. One speculation is that while more traditional men join the military, women who are attracted to military life are less conventional — and perhaps less willing to stay in a bad marriage. About half of all married women in the military are married to a fellow service member, compared with less than 10 percent of military men. While it can be an advantage to be married to someone who understands military life, balancing two military careers poses challenges. Former Army Sgt. Daniela Gibson, an Afghan war veteran, knows that first-hand. Gibson, 24, spent more than four years apart from her military husband and thousands of dollars on long-distance phone calls as they each did war deployments, training and moves. She said it's tough to not feel insecure about your own marriage as you watch others falling apart around you and see fellow service members cheating on their spouses, which she says is all too frequent during deployments. "Even just rumors of cheating can really affect you," Gibson said. Gibson left the military after she got pregnant. She's now raising their 1-year-old in Mannheim, Germany, while her husband continues his military career. Fortunately, she said, they were able to make their marriage work. "It was really hard. . We've gone through a lot of difficult points in the relationship and sometimes we weren't even sure how it was going to end up. But at the end I think it made us closer because it kind of made us prove to ourselves how much we wanted it," Gibson said. "We weren't about to just give up." Female service members married to civilians face their own challenges. The rate of divorce among military women is higher for those married to civilians, said Benjamin Karney, a psychology professor at UCLA who studied the issue for the Rand Corp. Research has found that the husbands of female service members were less likely to be employed than military wives. "You've got to look at the realities of what military life is like on the family, and it really is kind of set up around a traditional married model of a husband and a wife that runs the house, if you will," said Kimberly Olson, a retired Air Force colonel who is executive director of Grace After Fire, a support organization for female veterans. Olson said many female warriors don't get the support and space they need after war service to transition back to their roles as wives and mothers. "The expectation that you can just turn that emotion back on like a light switch just because you walk off the airplane and they got signs and balloons and your baby runs to you, it is not very realistic," Olson said. "It takes a while to get back into that tender, loving woman that's a mother. And if you're married, that tender loving woman that's the wife. And of course, a lot of people demand a lot of things from women, because we kind of have a bad habit of taking care of everybody else first and ourselves last," she said. When divorce does happen, it only adds to the stress faced by an already stressed-out population. Staff Sgt. Robin D. Duncan-Chisolm, 47, of Landover, Md., was deployed to Iraq last year with the District of Columbia National Guard while she was getting a divorce. She said she worried the entire time that she'd lose custody of her teenage son or lose the house that she and her husband had shared. "I was able to smile ... but inside I had a lot of turmoil I needed to have resolved, things I needed to bring closure to," Duncan-Chisolm said. She credits her friendships and support in the Guard with helping her get through the divorce. She and her son were able to take advantage of support programs offered through the Guard's "Yellow Ribbon Reintegration Program" to help with her transition home. "If you don't have anybody to talk to and anybody to turn to, sometimes it gets a little difficult, and I'm glad I had that system in place," Duncan-Chisolm said. Former Army Sgt. 1st Class Tashawnya McCullough, 38, said she didn't have that support when she returned from Iraq in 2004 to where she was stationed in Germany. Divorced at the time from a service member she says cheated on her, lonely and struggling with her combat experience, she turned to alcohol. It took two months for her to get her girls, then ages 4 and 11, from the United States, where one lived with her ex-husband and the other with friends. "My home was so quiet it drove me nuts, and I was by myself. It really affected me horribly. I was not doing well," McCullough said. "I was just trying to not feel or think about anything. I had a really hard time with drinking." McCullough eventually got help for her drinking, remarried and found work in Texas with Grace After Fire helping other female veterans. Each of the military services today offers a variety of programs focused on strengthening or enriching marriage. The Army, for example, offers a program called "Strong Bonds," which provides relationship help to married couples as well as single soldiers and "resiliency" classes for spouses of both sexes. Despite these efforts, Christina Roof, national acting legislative director of AMVETS, said there are not enough programs specifically targeting divorce among female service members. She said some husbands just don't feel comfortable being surrounded by wives as part of military family support programs, but they need to be educated about issues their wives may face when they return from war. "I think that stress of a woman coming home ... and the man having no real training of someone sitting down and saying this is what it might be like when your wife gets back, that's just a recipe for disaster," Roof said. Genevieve Chase, a staff sergeant in the Army Reserves who founded American Women Veterans, said she hears complaints from female service members who say how hard it is for their civilian husbands to understand what they do and feel accepted. If the husband has served and leaves the military to support the woman's military career, she said he endures constant remarks from others. "Unfortunately, male military spouses don't get any credit or recognition," Chase said. Schobey said she's proud to serve in the military but it's not always easy on the service member — or the service member's spouse. "I think a big issue, or something a lot of couples have to work through is the fact that at any time we can get that phone call ... you're deploying again, or for me, here's some orders, you're moving to another state," Schobey said. "Then, you're uprooting your entire family and you're moving. Your spouse is expected to be supporting you, but that's not always the case, obviously. For two times now, that's not the case for me." _____ Online: American Women Veterans: American Women Veterans - Advancing and preserving the legacy of women in service to our nation Grace After Fire: Grace After Fire Army Strong Bonds: Welcome to Strong Bonds :: Building Ready Families Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America: Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America AMVETS: Welcome to AMVETS - The Official Web site of AMVETS National Headquarters

More divorced couples say Facebook hurt their marriage Facebook may be a fan favorite, but a new report claims it could be bad for your marriage. According to Loyola University Health Systems, more than 80 percent of divorce lawyers report they've seen a jump in divorce cases involving social networking. Facebook seems to be the number one offender with one in five divorced couples claiming the popular site led to the end of their marriage. Many of those cases involved flirty messages and photographs, as well as reuniting with old flames and past hook-ups. So what do you think? Do Facebook and other social networking sites hurt marriages? Weigh in with your comments below.

my husband and i have been married almost a year now. he was sealed to his first wife but i wasnt sealed to my first husband. his ex is completely crazy, involved in drug use and distribution, is sexually active with multiple people she wasnt married to, drinks & smokes, has been convicted of child abuse and neglect and, no big surprise, became completely inactive. but before she dove into the crazy pool, she had 3 wonderful kiddos with my husband. (all of which i am raising full time since we have full custody and she only gets limited and supervised visitation) my husband is seaking a cancellation at my request because i cringe at the idea of being with her in eternity. i am a convert of 2 years now and i know i dont have all the answers, so if this is wrong, please educate me! is it wrong of me to not want to be sealed to him while he is sealed to her? and what are the chances they wont grant the cancellation? his ex is also severly ill. (lupus that has lead to kidney and heart failure and diabetes apparently) i feel so torn on the issue! i desperately want to be sealed to my husband, but the questions about his ex are overwhelming me. what if she gets her act together and we are both sealed to him? is there some way she could work out her salvation after death? as in...if she dies living the way she is now and still sealed to my husband, could she somehow work out her awful choices on earth and become worthy to enter the celestial kingdom? therefore ending up with us in eternity? i am kinda banking on, if we are only granted a clearance and they wont grant a cancellation of his sealing to her, her not living worthily to enter the celestial kingdom. nut can she reverse that after she dies? i am soooo confused! and all my bishop and husband can say is "have faith. there is order in heaven and Heavenly Father is just." but i know the verses about that which is bound on earth shall be bound in heaven. how do i take the words of men over the scriptures?