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Found 59 results

  1. Hello everyone, Short Back story This past week my little sister (LS) and brother in law (BIL) came over to visit with my wife and myself. In our visit, my BIL and LS disclosed to my wife and I many troubling things that give me trouble sleeping at night. After their message, they left our house and gave my wife and I hugs goodbye, but I was still processing all that they had shared with me. I was shocked. They all have to do with the life, trauma and disfunction of my BIL, and the awful situation I find myself in. Here is a list of what I learned about my BIL during his "Pre-missionary" life He was extremely sexually abused for many years, perhaps 10 years, perhaps more, when he was a child to young man, by this Step Father (SF), were are talking about multiple times being raped by his SF, and again this is my BIL we're talking about. Think about the worst case scenario, and that would be my BIL. Think Kevin Spacey. He has had past suicide attempts during his teenage years, which many scars from cuts on his arms from self mutilation. Again, think worst case scenario. He was extremely promiscuous as a teenager, pornography as well. When asked by my LS how many people BIL had slept with he could not give a number. My guess say it would be between 50 to 100. He had a DUI at 17, was addicted to drugs, tobacco and drinking. Overall, his childhood was awful and he or someone he knew thought it would be a good idea to go on a mission. OMGosh!!!! His Mission He obviously lied to get on a mission. Was sent state side to a state in the east. While on his mission he had sex multiple times with a girl who was I'm not sure was, or was not a member. Apparently, he planned on marrying her after the mission, but that didn't happen because my lucky sister was duped instead (more on that later.) He finished his mission and came home "with honor", never disclosing what he had done. After his Mission Moved out of his parents house, and left his home state and moved to the the community and singles ward that my sister lived in after his mission. Continued to be promiscuous after his mission, meeting girls at bars, smoking, drinking. Him and my LS then start dating, and she thinks he is the greatest guy, in the meantime he is cheating on her. He volunteered to be a temple worker during this time, at the same time having sex with women on the side. Wow... All of these facts were hid from my LS, my siblings, myself and my parents. My mother very much liked him and he comes across as a very "nice" person. Well mannered, agreeable, charming, etc. Married my Sister He married my LS in July 2017. Obviously, he had not repented from any of this, and enter the temple unworthily and that wedding should have never happened. After about 3 months of marriage the "guilt" was too much for him, and he confessed what he had done as listed above to my LS. My sister decided to stay with him. I wish she would have divorced him on the spot. But she has her own problems (low self esteem, fear of unknown, etc.) His Disfellowshipment After disclosing this to my sister, he meet with his Bishop, and something his Bishop told him was "In the five years that I have been doing this, you are the most wicked man that has ever sat in that chair." Amen. At his disciplinary council, the Stake President said "BIL the only reason you are not being excommunicated is because you wife (my LS) stood before them and asked them not to excommunicate him because she wanted to "preserve my sealing." Which ironically didn't matter anyway, because he went to the temple in the condition he did. The sealing was of no effect. But I digress... We was disfellowshipped for a total of 11 months. 3 months after my LS first found out about all the sins my BIL had done, they decided to get pregnant. They now have a 1 year old baby. On a personal note, I had been through a disfellowshipment of my own after my mission, only I was disfellowship for a long 2 years and what I did was NOTHING compared to what he did. I am shocked about how lenient they were with him! He was reinstated and blessed his child. And as far as I know is in full fellowship. Please help me answer these question. 1. Do you believe that he is a sociopath? (Hint: I do.) 2. Given you know about his childhood, sexual abuse, addictions, do you really believe that someone like that, who was so awful could change in a year after 11 months of disfellowshipment. (Hint: I don't) I do believe people can change, repent, and be forgiven, but I don't believe BIL had enough time to do that. I mean 11 months of disfellowshipment is nothing. I know of people who have been excommunicated for way less with at least a waiting period of 5 to 10 years before they would be reconsidered for re-baptism. 3. My parents do not know about any of this. I want to tell them so bad. If this was happening to my daughter I would be irate. Should I tell my parents about this? 4. I want to talk to my sister in a clam and diplomatic way to help her understand that she still might be getting duped by him. I don't believe someone with years of this behaving suddenly changes course after 1 year. When I asked BIL about had he had the intense therapy that is needed for his situation my LS responded "I am this therapist." AHH!!! 5. Follow up on #4. My sister has a very rigid and high expectation of pornography use. At our meeting, she said "BIL knows if he uses pornography even once that I am leaving him." She seemed very serious about that. So, my concern is that most people like BIL that have 10+ years of hard pornography use relapse all the time in following years. My concern is now that he knows where the goal posts are he will hide the times he does relapse. Thus building the guilt building up, which guilt will case him to re-enter the addiction cycles he "once" was in. I want to tell my sister that she might as well pack her bags. 6. I want to contact his old bishop (they have since moved wards) and stake president and ask them what the hell they were thinking to not tell her parents, and to not counsel her to leave him. So, should I contact their old bishop? Thank you all for forthcoming comments. I will read them and consider them. I will check back in every 48 hours or so to answer any follow up questions. I am scared for my sister and I'm afraid she married a complete sociopath. Thank you.
  2. I grew up in the church, fell away for 15 or so years and started coming back a few months ago. I've read the book of Mormon for the first time willingly and by myself. Things are growing spiritually. I live with my girlfriend and we have been "living in sin." We've decided to get a marriage license and get married very soon. However I don't see us stopping sleeping together and I feel conflicted. Has anyone had this situation or know anything? Also I have not been chaste at all in those years. Never been married and I never went through the temple but did receive aaronic priesthood. My girlfriend and I are very faithful to each other and already consider ourselves married. I know that sounds dumb.
  3. LumosLDS

    Geographical Confession Issue

    Alright, so, basically I need some advice. I'm staying in another country for 3 months, just got here a couple of weeks ago. (Originally from the US). I used to struggle with pornography a little bit and repented of it all a while ago. Earlier today, I had a relapse and looked at some. I have been 100% clean ever since I first confessed, well over a year ago. I want to confess and do so without delay! I was thinking I would just go to church in the country I'm in this Sunday (they have both branches and wards close to me, or at least that I can manage to get to). I was feeling so good and hopeful... But then realized that my records weren't moved over here... So does that mean I couldn't confess to a bishop here because I'm not under that "jurisdiction" or whatever word would go there? I want to repent as soon as possible and not have this hanging over me. There is also a temple here I wanted to go to and now I'm not sure if I should before confessing. But if I can't confess while I'm here what am I supposed to do? I'm only home for a short time when I return from this country before I go to one of the BYU schools, less than a week. I'm afraid of confessing right when I get there because I'm afraid of the academic consequences I would face, especially seeing as it would be my first semester there transferring in from another university. While I recognize fully the severity of this type of sin I don't want to be kicked out and don't think I should be since this was a slip-up for me and I'm trying to be better. I just want to confess and feel better and more fortified. I'm also afraid if I wait I'll lose the courage to do so. Can I confess to a bishop here in the country I'm in! Clearly, I'm freaking out and spiraling, please help.
  4. Hello everyone, i decided to join this forum because i feel like i definetely need to talk about this with someone. First of all, please do not judge me. I'm here in order to seek help and advice. I'm 21, i'm latina. one day two months ago i was walking in the streets of my neighborhood and there were two missionarys, my life right now is so negativa, i dont have a job, I'm not studying, my parents are separated, i feel lonely without not motivation. So i decided to awkardly say hi... they looked very kind. I told them i wanted to know more about the church and stuff and... There was this american Elder...the first thing i tought was, he looked so handsome and nice. They invited to the church one coming Sunday. I accepted. To be honest i couldnt think about nothing but him since that day. When i came to the church i felt so good... People were so welcome with me. Some of them were surpissed in a good plan that i decided to go to the church by my own with any member of my family. To continúe, the elders invited me to come to familys home in order to teach me more about the gospel. I have to say that i have been feeling so happy being with positive people around... It feels like I'm part of a family... But at the same time, my feelings for this guy were increasing more and more so that, i would get so so nervous everytime i see/talk to him. I got baptized by him, it was beautiful. Now, in the last meeting we had with a family, i couldnt help myself feeling a very strong atraction to him that even distracted me a lot in order to listen to the gospel. Its somehow noticiable that i feel somethimg for him .. And thats so embarrasing! When it was time to say goodbye, we all always say goodbye with a handshake, so i took the chance in that two seconds of brush my hand against his hand slowly... And it felt like he also was preparing to do the same. I dont know how to explain. I love when he is the only one who rings my phone in order to schdule a meeting to listen to the gospel... The other Elder barely calles me. He will leave the ward in 6 weeks! I need to find some say to ask for any contact. I want to hug him i feel like i really enjoy be with him... I just cant help myself with this. I'm totally aware they are not allowed to be in a realtionship. I feel so in love right now.. The only thing i want to know is if he kinda feel the same for me...I want this storie carry on. Please what do you think??? Thanks in advanced to take the time reading me. 
  5. Hi all, So some context then the question. I have been inspired that I need to write a book about my life which is intended to be faith prompting. My life experience is one that everyone says "you should write a book about your life." So, I felt like I should. Although I'm in my early thirties this book would be intended to help younger LDS youth and adults understand that there is always hope and a choice to be made when it comes to having and nurturing a testimony. Just because you get sent home from your mission and then disfellowshipped doesn't give you license to go inactive or give up. You know, a tale of that sorts. Because in my book I would be discussing my own life and some of the sinful aspect of my past, I was wondering how I should deal with this issue. For example, when I saw 17 years old myself and my LDS girlfriend had LoC challenges. Since I would not be anonymous in my book many people could figure out who she was. To be clear, my aim in this text is not to "get even" or "out" anyone, only to discuss how you can turn your life completely around and achieve all levels of success even after being a "sinner." It is a uplifting book but I don't want to shy away from how far of the path I went. Any insight into these matters would be appreciated.
  6. Last night my husband and I were up talking late. He suddenly confessed to me that he has been hurting my 5 month old daughter. He said it has happened maybe 10 or 11 times over the past five months, and that it was things like pinching, smacking/slapping, etc. Nothing sexual or shaking or anything. He said the last time he did it was a 3 or so weeks ago. He told me he was telling me now because he couldn’t live with himself anymore and was dying because of the guilt and shame. He told me he mostly does it to get a rise out of her because he likes to bring her down from her crying. I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO THINK OR DO. We have been married for almost two years (in the temple). He has never once been violent towards me in any way shape or form. I just feel sick over this. I don’t know what to do, don’t know who to talk to about it. The thought that he could have even laid a finger on my daughter makes me so upset I feel like the room is spinning. I told him he needed to go see the bishop and that we needed to look into counseling for him. I told him I love him and want to forgive but I don’t even know where to start. And I’m not even the victim! I love him so much, but I don’t know how to get over this. Please help me. Do I work towards forgiveness? Am I crazy to try and save this? Or do I end everything? I’m so scared and feel so alone. I don’t know the next step.
  7. I'm an eighteen year old young woman and in the past got into a habit of masturbation, I've since stopped as I want to be worthy to serve a mission. I know that sins regarding the law of chastity should be taken to the bishop and it's not enough to simply stop committing the sin and pray to be forgiven of it, so I fully intend to go to my bishop about this matter not matter how long ago it occurred. However, as a young woman I feel extremely uncomfortable with the idea of blatantly telling my bishop that I've masturbated, no matter how much I trust him. Plus I feel, although I don't think this is rational, that people are more understanding of young men committing sexual sins and as a woman that it is much worse to have committed this sin. Do I have to explicitly have to tell my bishop that my sin is masturbation, or is it enough to tell him that I broke the law of chastity, but specify that I haven't had sex with anyone? Honestly the only thing that is keeping me from having this conversation with my bishop is the dread of having to explain to him that I masturbated.
  8. A little background about me: I was born into the church to a single mom. We were inactive until I was about 7, and by this time my mom had married my stepdad. I got baptized at 8. We moved out of state when I was 16 and my parents became inactive, which made my young siblings become inactive. I quickly fell to inactivity as well. My marriage story: Six years ago at 17 I met my now husband, who was not a member. I broke the law of chastity with him while we dated. We got married when I was 18, and he is 7 years older- we had dated for a year. Although I did love him, I also felt like I HAD ago marry him since I'd slept with him, feeling guilty due to my upbringing in the church. I honestly was not totally ready for marriage but I convinced myself I was. Plus my parents were about to move out of state again and I would not "shack up" with a boyfriend so I rushed the marriage even more. I wasn't sure he was totally ready either, but it later seemed he just acted like he was to not disappoint me. Our first year married was tumultuous. He was from another country and a much more traditional culture: women were responsible for all housework, cooking, and child rearing. I was 18, so I was taking college classes and I worked full time but was still expected to take on the home responsibilities. This caused a lot of tension and fighting, as I felt I was being treated unfairly. He made much more money than I did and often felt justified by that and his upbringing. I am impatient and can be sassy but he would be pretty cruel in his words. He often drank. It wasn't unusual for him to get drunk, although he knew I hated it- this also caused fights. He often accused me of cheating while not at home- more fighting. Three holes had to patched up in doors/walls at our first apartment. He was a good man despite these issues and never physically hurt me but our tempers and stubbornness did a lot of emotional/verbal damage to each other and it was clear we had not prepared for marriage properly as far as actually doing it for the right reasons and having certain important discussions before rushing into it. He seemed ready for divorce in the first year, and I was miserable too, but I didn't want divorce and always tried to end problems quickly, but he just wanted things done on his own terms. A year after marriage I got pregnant. At 20 I had our child. I thought this would mostly fix our issues. In some ways it did, but bad things continued as stress increased and sleep decreased. I developed a mild-moderate post partum depression and felt numb to most things, and had no motivation for anything besides my child's well being. Our fights were still ongoing. We faced crippling financial issues which seemed to fuel many fights, along with housework and cooking not being done due to being an exhausted and depressed first-time mom. I started to think he may be cheating, too. In some fights he even said he was only here for the baby. A friend invited me back to church soon after I had my child, so I went. I started going regularly and had my child blessed. My husband was never against the church, but worked every Sunday and did not care to go out of his way to attend. I was a stay-at-home mom for two years and continued to attend church, sometimes missing a week, but not enough to be inactive again. The same relationship issues were happening. I sought help from the bishop's first counselor, who referred us to a marriage counselor from LDS Family Services- the ward funds paid for part of it and we set up monthly payments for the rest. Our counselor helped us be very honest and open about our feelings. At this point I was burned out by the marriage and did not have much desire to continue it. Things would temporarily improve in specific areas that the counselor had us work on, but old habits would come back quickly and ruin what we'd seemingly patched. I honestly felt more of a best friend type of love than a romantic type of love towards him- for some reason I also didn't feel very attracted to him anymore (he didn't physically change or anything like that) but I didn't share any of this. I spoke about how I wanted a sealed, active family and that I felt I'd never have it with him. He offered to start coming to church, and he did, but I could tell he didn't understand just how important this was to me. He's the type that goes on Sundays but doesn't make it his lifestyle. I wanted an LDS-lifestyle in my marriage and I needed a companion who could help keep me in check, and we could keep each other motivated & accountable. It seemed clear that this wouldn't happen, even though he enjoyed going on Sundays and attending ward functions. Towards the end of our sessions it seemed I grew less and less motivated to continue the marriage and my husband became more motivated. In one of the last sessions, the counselor asked us to decide if we still had hope and would continue working on it, or if we'd lost all hope and would divorce. I knew what I wanted but didn't feel "justified" since there hadn't been physical abuse, abandonment, or known affairs. I had love for my husband but would feel awful. I was honest and said I was unhappy and felt hopeless. I didn't want to wait years on end to feel happiness from the marriage, or possibly never reach that point throughout my life in the marriage. My husband was shocked, since I'd not shared these feelings during the sessions- I had been hoping I'd suddenly have a revelation that would shut down my fears and figured I shouldn't hurt anyone's feelings, if mine were going to change anyways. I also thought about my son, who'd live in broken home if divorce happened. I went home with every intention of it being over. My husband was angry and hurt, and I felt bad, but I also felt free after declaring my decision. He very rarely cries but he did. I told him that I still loved/cared for him and thought he was a wonderful father and that I wanted him to remain active in our child's life and to be a good role model. I was worried he may resort to drinking again. He said he couldn't promise that he wouldn't resort to his old ways. This worried me greatly. I didn't want that for him or for my child. Something in him switched and the very next day he was cleaning the house, cooking, etc. It was obvious he was trying to win me over. I appreciated it, but in my mind it didn't change everything I felt, or the lack thereof. This continued for a couple weeks. We awkwardly avoided the divorce conversation but it became an unspoken decision that I wouldn't pursue divorce any longer, although I can't say that anything really changed in me. He took missionary discussions that summer (two years ago) and got baptized. This was great, of course, but I still longed for the LDS-lifestyle with my husband that I truly wanted since I was a youth. I thought about the missionaries (who were my age) and how spiritually mature they were and how much it appealed to me in a man. I had big doubts about whether my husband could/would ever get there. He had to work many Sundays so he was just partially active with attendance. However he'd quit coffee, hadn't had alcohol even for awhile before missionary discussions, and tried to read the scriptures. The scripture reading and daily praying didn't last long, which didn't surprise me. His consistency isn't the best. This only made me more discouraged about having the marriage/family that I wanted and felt I really needed. Later that fall I started my first job since motherhood; it was full-time and I found a lot of fulfillment there. For over a year everything at home stayed the same. We didn't really fight anymore. If we had a disagreement he often just backed down and diffused it right away but nothing was ever really resolved either. It was just an at-least-we're-not-fighting-anymore numbness. I continued to have a lack of romantic love for him but no heart or courage to say anything or to just end it. I didn't want to hurt him or our nearly 3 year old. We didn't tell each other we loved each other. We've continued to have sex (although not as often as when we were dating or as newlyweds) but I often hid that I really didn't want to do it. (He would never force me, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings with constant rejection.) He would kiss me on the cheek or forehead sometimes but I wouldn't kiss him. I didn't want to hold his hand, hug, or cuddle. I truly felt like he was just a close friend and actually felt awkward being physically intimate in any way with him. I interpreted this as not being in love with him anymore, if we ever truly were. This last fall we got into an argument before I went to see a girlfriend of mine. It seemed to be okay by the time I left. I got back home and he took off to hang out with friends. He came home nearly at 3am and was very drunk. I was shocked and disgusted. I told him to sleep on the couch. It brought back so many terrible memories from the past and I immediately felt like I wanted this marriage to end and prayed to know what to do. Worried he'd lost all his cash or may damage his car/himself, I searched his pant pockets to hold onto his wallet and keys in case he tried to leave again. In one pocket I found a small 3-count box of condoms- but there were only two inside. It was as if this was an immediate answer to my prayer. I was devastated by the betrayal. Even through my feelings I had, I would never cheat. He was passed out so I texted him that it was over. I was so distraught that I called off work the next day- how long had he been doing this? The next day he came to me and swore the condoms were from a moving box that was still in his truck (we'd just moved in with my grandma) and that he'd taken them out to bring inside. I honestly didn't know what to believe. He's a very loyal person, I thought, but I also thought back on a couple of fishy situations involving other women that happened before we got married and felt increasingly doubtful he was being truthful now. For a couple weeks I lived in total discomfort. I felt filthy sleeping next to him. I only really spoke with him when it came to childcare arrangements. He kept saying we needed to talk but I was too angry and upset. Finally he cornered me in the living room and begged me to talk. He wanted to know what was going to happen from here. He'd already made an appointment with a lawyer for himself. He said he was going to move out right away. I said this was a bad idea since we were tight on money and that he should stay in the spare room while we figure things out. He just wanted to leave, feeling weird that we'd be separated and still living together at my grandma's house. He then brought up our child. He was afraid I'd take our nearly 3 year old away from him. I assured him I would never do that, not having had a close relationship with my own biological father due to distance. I shared my concerns about our child being in an less-than-ideal environment if my husband became inactive in church, took up drinking again, had women over, etc. He made it seem as though that was "just too bad" because divorce was what I wanted. By the end of the talk, he begged me for another chance. I explained what I'd said before: I don't want to wait indefinitely for happiness. It was clear to me that we were not even in love with each other anymore. He said that we could fix it and that if it wasn't better by the end of the year we could get divorced if I wanted to. I told him I didn't want to try anymore but if he really felt this strongly about maybe changing my mind about this marriage, I'd let him try. It's now been 9 months since then. My grandma passed away two months ago and that took a big toll on me, and still does. We attend the ward I was born into and the ward my grandma had been in for nearly 50 years. That part feels right. I've been promoted at work and things are going great there. In the marriage we're back to where we were nearly two years ago. Comfortable and not really fighting, but still I have a lack of romantic feelings. I'm not "miserable" or necessarily "unhappy" because other big things in my life are going fine, but my marriage doesn't bring me happiness. I still don't hold his hand, hug or cuddle with him. I still don't kiss him. I still don't really want to have sex with him, although I do in order to spare his feelings. Physical intimacy in any form feels so awkward, probably because I feel we aren't in love or are even heading down that path. I don't see an eternal companion with my husband. He attends church as often as possible but again I don't see the priesthood leader that I want and need in a husband. He's been a member for two years and it seems he still doesn't have a strong testimony or a strong grasp of the gospel. Spiritual maturity is just not there. I'm only 23 now but I feel time is escaping me so quickly. He is a great man and has truly made great changes but I can't help but feel he is just not the one for me. I feel like we've just crammed a square into a circle but that it will eventually pop out, and I don't want to wait until this happens in order to move on. We haven't been sealed yet, either, and I'm definitely not pushing for it while being so unsure of this marriage. I think of how life would continue after a divorce: when I remarry, will my "ex" allow our child to be sealed to me and my new spouse? Will my "ex" even stay active in the church? Will my child become inactive if my "ex" does and doesn't have support & encouragement from both parents? Will we still attend the same sacrament meetings together for awhile? I'm so overwhelmed by this and want a clear answer. I have prayed many times about it over the last 3 years but don't feel I've ever received a clear answer, or maybe I'm just not in tune with the spirit the way I need to be. I'm consumed with guilt over my feelings and haven't told my husband or anyone else. I'm at a loss and just don't know what to do. I will continue to pray about it but I've never been great at finding answers to my prayers and am not really sure how to do so. I'm willing to wait til the end of the year to have a sure answer, but until then, this is so hard on me and I'm really not sure what to do. Any constructive advice or related experiences are welcome.
  9. I'm looking for some ideas about a challenge that I have with my visiting teaching partner. My partner and I have been visiting teaching together for about 5 months. We have 3 ladies that we visit. None of the ladies that we visit have small children. Their children are either young adults that live with them or grown and out of the house. My partner and I both have kids living at home. I have a tween and a toddler. She has 3 kids ranging from 10-1. When we go visiting teaching she almost always brings all 3 of her kids with us. Her kids are cute, and good kids, but they're pretty rambunctious and don't have a lot of boundaries when it comes to other people's homes. They won't sit quietly or read a book and wait. They like to wonder all over the person's home, ask for things, climb and jump around on the furniture, interrupt while you are trying to visit, touch things, knock things over, play fetch with the person's dog etc... It's very hard to 'minister to' our ladies while all of this is going on. Our ladies are always very sweet with her kids, but I can tell, it's a bit stressful for them, and I don't think they enjoy having us visit them. Often, the woman whose home we are in has to ask my partner to please not allow her kids to go upstairs, or has to ask my partner's kids to please not touch things over and over. I've tried a few things to creatively address this issue. At first, I volunteered to have her kids play at my house while we go and have my husband watch them. We did this and it was great for us, but pretty stressful for my husband. He was a good sport, but I could tell it was stressful for him. I could volunteer to have them at my house again, I'm just not sure I want to stick my husband with her kids every time. I'm hoping I can find a better solution. This last month, I tried having her set up the appointments, thinking that maybe it's a scheduling issue and that if she set up the appointments, she would set them up when her husband is home to watch the kids. That didn't work. She scheduled them, and then brought all 3 of her kids. I have also suggested that we just send a text/email to our ladies, but my partner felt that a face-to-face visit in the person's home was necessary. With the new changes to visiting teaching in 2018, I'm hoping I can find some ideas on how we can meet the needs of our ladies that may not require a traditional sit-down visit, as maybe a possible solution so, today I sent my partner a text asking her to read with me the "Learning to Minister" article on LDS.org and asked her if we could get together to go over the changes together and brainstorm ways we can implement them with our ladies. I asked her when she would like to meet. She told me a day and time later this week. After we set it up she texted back and said "I'll have to bring my kids." :). (It's fine. I'm happy to have them play with mine, I guess. I was just hoping we could have a productive discussion without a lot of distraction.) So, I told her "Ok. They can play with my kids while we meet up." I know her husband and her have awkward schedules. It's not your typical 9-5 M-F, but he has 1-2 nights a week when he's home. My husband and I both work M-F 9-5. I want to handle this situation the right way. I don't want to hurt her feelings, or make her feel weird. Do you guys have any advice or good ideas? What would you do if you were me? Thanks in advance.
  10. My wife and I have been caring for our 8 year old nephew, whilst his mom is undergoing treatment for breast cancer. My brother is our nephew's father but he passed away 8 years ago, although we attend the same church as my sister in law and nephew so we are quite close. He has been excluded for hurting his classmates and before that we had to go to a meeting because he spat at his teacher and was walking out of class and running around the school. He also misbehaves at our house. We tried speaking with him but we didn't want to be too harsh because we understand he is having a hard time. Surprisingly, he is well behaved at church and enjoys going. We are young (25) and we don't have kids of our own so we are struggling to care for him. We have never had problems with raising children before, have you ever asked for parenting advice from someone at church? If so how? We are quite private people so this is unnatural for us. Also, do you think we should tell his mom?
  11. TilKingdomCome

    Paying for my mission

    Hey y'all. Some of you may remember me from the start of the year, when I first started investigating the church and had a lot of questions and struggles, which have since been answered. The church has completely helped change my life for the better, I'm no longer struggling with the stuff I used struggle with and I'm grateful for it everyday. I talked with my bishop this week and, if all goes well, I'm due to start my mission in summer of next year. I have done a lot of preparation for it: helping teach with the missionaries every day (I've been called as one of the two ward missionaries), learning my scripture and adhering to the commandments. However, the one problem: money. I make 180 a week. The cost of a mission is around 8500. If I save every bit of money I have between now and then, I'll have at most 6000. The bishop says that the church pays for some of it, but currently there's only 2000 in the church funds and there are two other missionaries hoping to serve around the same time as me, and one other person who said he might be serving but seems to be having a change-of-heart atm. They've been in the church a lot longer than I have, and their families are members of the church, so it's likely that the funds will be used to help finance them instead, if there isn't enough to cover all of us. One thing: My family are okay with me going on a mission. However, they don't want to pay anything towards it because my mum's afraid that, in a few months, i'll change my mind and decide not to go. However, are we able to serve without paying the full price? As in, as long as we have it all paid before the end of our mission, is that okay? If I do go on my mission, then she'll know that I haven't changed my mind and I might be able to ask her to pay for the remainder of it over the two years, for my birthday and Christmas presents of those years, and I'll repay her when I get back. Basically, does anyone have any advice on how to save for a mission and the best way of financing it, and the best way of asking my family to help? I hate asking anyone to help but, if I want to serve a mission as soon as this summer, I might need her input! Also, I've got some job interviews lined up, obviously if I get a job that will help with the costs!
  12. Hey everyone quick Q. My fiance and I are in a long distance relationship (shes in Italy). We both apologized and everything but I still want to do something to kind of make it up. Sending anything through mail will take too long so any ideas would be much appreciated! Thanks
  13. Hey everyone! Currently my fiance and I are separated thousands of miles so we cannot really visit each other often. We met at school and got engaged some months later but she has to go away for work for the time being. Anyways we knew it would be hard but it is a lot harder than we had imagined and it has put stress on both of us. Anyways just looking for some things we can do to keep the fire burning and the relationship thriving unitl we can be married in August. For the record we are both are keeping our goals in mind and are always told "just hold out it will be worth it". So we know that just looking for some ideas to keep it going and keep the romantic side of things up so its not like were just reporting our day to each other when we talk but like we are in a romantic relationship. Thanks!
  14. So I'm 25 and joined the Church just over a year ago. I'm the first of my family, so a lot of my personal battles are getting these two worlds to mesh. 6 weeks ago I started dating another member and we've really struck it off. We're already talking about getting married to each other. Once upon a time, I would have run screaming from such a relationship, but now I'm not scared. Now it feels right. I know it's relatively common in the church for people to meet, date, and propose in 6 months or less (which I swore wasn't going to be me but well here we are...) but it's not common outside the Church. I'm already having nonmembers express their concern for me. What have you done in similar situations? What can I say to assuage their concerns?
  15. Nick0123

    Tanning

    I have been dating this girl for awhile now. I have bought a ring and everything and we are deeply in love. There is one thing that has come up a couple of times that has been a source of contention. We always get over it but I just want some advice about what I should do. Okay so we will call her Susie. Susie loves to go tanning. I know it seems harmless to her. However I have read the statistics and just how dangerous indoor tanning actually is. Increased chance of melanoma by 75%. I expressed this concern in the nicest way I knew how but she did not like what I said. She reassures me that she will not get skin cancer but I dont know how she could know this. I just want her to be around when we have kids and not laid up in the hospital or recovering from skin cancer. Anways any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks!!
  16. Hi guys! So my brother is returning from his mission to South America in a few weeks and I was wondering what I could get him that would be meaningful. I don’t want to ask him during emailing time because he will just say “anything is fine”. I was thinking doing something home-made and something around $15 dollars. Any suggestions?
  17. I'm a medical marijuana patient and LDS. I have a close friend who recently return from his mission staying with me for 2 weeks. I grow my own medicine to avoid using channels that could have illegal activity. Please keep in mind its legal in my state. Well my dilemma is, I need to be able to tend to my plants (water-heat-light adjustment-nutrients) at least once a day. I have a whole room dedicated to my indoor vegetable garden and cannabis plants. The scent of a cannabis plant is strong and noticeable so if I were to enter the room the house would smell of it for around 10 min. should I just sit down with him and explain the situation? I'm worried he might be offended or disturbed by the idea. Please send me some opinions quickly. Its day 2 of him being here and its becoming very difficult. thanks.
  18. MormonMike

    Do I Confess Again?

    I had a problem with pornography which I confessed and talked about with my bishop but now I've fallen back into that again. He said that If I did do it again that I should just start over and not give up but, does that mean that I confess to him again. Thank you, any thoughts or suggestions would be appreciated.
  19. siw5385

    Garment questions

    Hi! I received my endowments almost exactly a year ago, and just got married 7 months ago. The thing is, I'm still trying to find the perfect garment size/type. Does anyone else have the problem of the garment bottom sliding down all the time? I thought a size up would help, but nope. I tried this with natural waist length and a cotton top to help with the carinessa bottoms. Only helps a little until the top starts bunching up. I also prefer the slick tops, but those ride up and make the bottoms slide down worse. This isn't as bad when I'm wearing pants, but with dresses and skirts its a nightmare. Especially when I'm doing temple work and really can't fix anything for awhile haha. I wear carinessa large bottoms, drislique 46 bottoms, carinessa medium tops, and 38C tops in cotton and silk. Any recommendations to help with the sliding and bunching up?
  20. Indeed98

    My Search

    Hi, I am new to the site, just wanted to ask anyone who might be able to help. I am having a hard time finding any young lady who is a member to date. I live in an area with few mormons and because of current circumstances, I am not able to move. I am 19, red headed, going to school for accounting. I have a strong testimony, and I want anyone I date seriously to have the same, or atleast an understanding of the gospel. I am open minded to nonmembers, I just dont want to lower my standards and lose any chance of the spirit being involved. Anyway, if anyone knows any single lady that has similar issues, let me know. I dont want to seem awkward or desperate, just frustrated. Thanks
  21. Does not wanting to be apart from someone you're dating always mean that you want to be with them forever? I dated this guy for a year and it was a bad relationship because we were both in rough spots. We took a three month break because he went to school in another state and I stayed home. I didn't talk to him pretty much all that time and dated someone else, but I couldn't stop thinking about him. Now I'm in school with him and we're talking again, and we're both doing much better. My problem is that I don't want to be apart from him and I'm not sure why. I feel like there might be other people better suited for me, but I almost don't care because I don't want this guy not apart of my life. Could it be familiarity? What do you guys think?
  22. ALostSoul

    Coping with Depression

    I am an 18 year old member of the church who has struggled with depression for some time. Even though I have had small bouts and shown slight signs of depression in the past, may biggest issues started last year around October when stress from deciding what I would do after high school triggered something that brought major episodes of depression. Since then, it has been a roller coaster with trying to deal with what I am facing. I told my parents and eventually sought a therapist. I recently made an appointment with a psychiatrist and starting in late January, I will be on antidepressants. Throughout all of this, i am going to school and trying to live life as normally as I can. I originally planned to go on a mission, but I decided I would not be able to until I got this under control and now, I honestly don't even want to go on a mission anymore. This whole experience has left me seriously pessimistic and hopeless about the future. I know that the church is true and everything that I have been going through has been a trial I am meant to bare in order to test my faith, but I find the idea of going on like this immensely bleak. I honestly can find no reason for going on in my life and find nothing to bring me joy any more. I even try to date and find things that keep my mind off of my doubts, but nothing has worked. Dating is hard, especially since there are not a lot of Mormon girls in my area. I have run out of ideas and I find myself with so little will to live, I fear that eventually I will wish to take my own life. Up until this point, I have rejected all thoughts about taking my life because I know the pain I would bring my family, but I am afraid that eventually all thought and feeling will give way to the temptation so heavily put upon my head. If anyone can give a word of advice or help me in the direction to finding a purpose, I would be very grateful.
  23. So, as I have been living this past year as a college student and trying to discover what to do in the upcoming future, I have come to realize that I don't have as a fulfilling of a life as i once thought. I have thought about things to do, but honestly I find my options very bleak. I currently am unable to go on a mission because of mental health. I live in a state where the church is very small, so very few people my age that are members and an even smaller dating pool. I have a hard time coping with new environments and don't really think I could handle moving to a new place permanently. I am not very satisfied with my current situation, yet the few things I know and love are where I am at. I don't want to sound ungrateful: I know that I have been blessed with so much, but I find even being active in the church and trying to find joy in others doesn't help me. Even when I get strong confirmation from the spirit to take comfort, I feel very empty. I think much of this has to do with a few mental issues I struggle with, but at the same time I have found it very frustrating and am losing patience in my self and quite frankly, in Heavenly Father. I know I am probably making things harder for myself, but I honestly can't help but feel this way. It is almost as if I lack the same love, compassion, and hope that I once had. So i guess I am asking, what do you do when you feel that the gospel isn't enough?
  24. ALostSoul

    Dating?

    I've been wanting to date and have been looking around my area for people to date, but haven't had a lot of luck. The church is kind of small where I live, so the few YSA wards are too far away and I go to community college, which does not have as many options as I thought. Any suggestions?
  25. I have a friend whose going through a rough spot in her marriage, one that might end in divorce. I wrote this for her, but felt that I should also share it on here for whomever might also need to hear it--- When you're going through a rough spot in a relationship, there are some good things to do, regardless of how the relationship turns out: Be Honest. Be honest with yourself-- did you do you hardest at the little things and the big things. When you make a mistake, own it. When something is not your fault, don't lie to yourself and say it is, or let other people tell you that. Be loving. Be loving with yourself and with all those around you, even if that love requires you to set boundaries. Be respectful. Respect is the child of honesty and love. Respect yourself, respect those that help you, and respect those that hurt you (even if there needs to be boundaries). Stand. Stand on your own two feet in a place of truth, love, and respect. If those you love choose to stand with you, celebrate and stand with them. If those you love choose a different path... we will miss them and cry together, but we still must stand in Truth.