Annoying Questions and how to respond to them!

[Blossom76]

So people in my circle of friends are working out that I am learning all things LDS and wanting to convert.

The first thing they ask me about is, drum roll please - polygamy (so unoriginal people!)

Anyway I'm trying to find a 'go to' answer to tell them.  The best I have come up with so far is, it was a revelation from God to the prophet of the LDS church and it was practiced until there was another revelation from God saying to stop the practice.  Which of course leads them to ask 'well the FLDS still do it, are they more holy?'  ARHHHH - seriously!

I try to explain it to them using Martin Luther as an example.

The Pope of the Catholic church and Martin Luther didn't agree on doctrine so they split into two different churches that still hold some similar beliefs.  The Prophet of the LDS Church Wilford Woodruff had a revelation from God to stop polygamy in 1890, some members didn't agree and went and followed 'some other dude' and the church spilt, much in the same way as the protestant and catholic split.

How am I doing? I don't know much about church history, and if anyone knows the actual name of 'some other dude' I'd really appreciate knowing what it is!  Also any other tips on how to answer questions from well meaning friends that are informative but still somewhat 'light' in nature.

[Just_A_Guy]

1 hour ago, Blossom76 said:

So people in my circle of friends are working out that I am learning all things LDS and wanting to convert.

The first thing they ask me about is, drum roll please - polygamy (so unoriginal people!)

Anyway I'm trying to find a 'go to' answer to tell them.  The best I have come up with so far is, it was a revelation from God to the prophet of the LDS church and it was practiced until there was another revelation from God saying to stop the practice.  Which of course leads them to ask 'well the FLDS still do it, are they more holy?'  ARHHHH - seriously!

I try to explain it to them using Martin Luther as an example.

The Pope of the Catholic church and Martin Luther didn't agree on doctrine so they split into two different churches that still hold some similar beliefs.  The Prophet of the LDS Church Wilford Woodruff had a revelation from God to stop polygamy in 1890, some members didn't agree and went and followed 'some other dude' and the church spilt, much in the same way as the protestant and catholic split.

How am I doing? I don't know much about church history, and if anyone knows the actual name of 'some other dude' I'd really appreciate knowing what it is!  Also any other tips on how to answer questions from well meaning friends that are informative but still somewhat 'light' in nature.

Speaking generally:  My experience is that only one out of four or five questioners was really interested in a historically-informed answer; so there’s certainly a pearls-before-swine aspect of not knocking yourself out to provide a thorough answer to someone who’s just trying to get your goat.  

Speaking as an LDS history nerd:  I think it’s too generous to say that the LDS Church “split” over Woodruff’s Manifesto.  There was a ten-year-period after the Manifesto where there was a sort of “how much do we really mean this stuff?” question in the Church; then after 1906 or so things were finally resolved; and then (hostile rumor-mongering aside) things were pretty well resolved until the 1920s when a couple dozen families formed a breakaway organization whose members and their descendants eventually fragmented into the FLDS, the AUB, the LeBarons, and about half a dozen other polygamous sects who were generally content to live apart from the mainstream LDS Church.  Polygamous cranks would occasionally crop up within the Church now and then (there was a big issue with it in the French mission in the 1950s), but I think it’s fair to say that the vast majority of Mormons not only had nothing to do with these offshoot groups; but they were only dimly aware (if they had any inkling at all) that these groups even existed.

As for the rationale I give to sincere inquirers:  I find I’ve had the most success when I compare polygamy to keeping kosher—it’s in our scriptures, it’s something God required once upon a time, He doesn’t require it now, and detailed explanations for both changes . . . are a long story.

Edited December 21, 2017 by Just_A_Guy

[Grunt]

3 hours ago, Blossom76 said:

So people in my circle of friends are working out that I am learning all things LDS and wanting to convert.

The first thing they ask me about is, drum roll please - polygamy (so unoriginal people!)

Anyway I'm trying to find a 'go to' answer to tell them.  The best I have come up with so far is, it was a revelation from God to the prophet of the LDS church and it was practiced until there was another revelation from God saying to stop the practice.  Which of course leads them to ask 'well the FLDS still do it, are they more holy?'  ARHHHH - seriously!

I try to explain it to them using Martin Luther as an example.

The Pope of the Catholic church and Martin Luther didn't agree on doctrine so they split into two different churches that still hold some similar beliefs.  The Prophet of the LDS Church Wilford Woodruff had a revelation from God to stop polygamy in 1890, some members didn't agree and went and followed 'some other dude' and the church spilt, much in the same way as the protestant and catholic split.

How am I doing? I don't know much about church history, and if anyone knows the actual name of 'some other dude' I'd really appreciate knowing what it is!  Also any other tips on how to answer questions from well meaning friends that are informative but still somewhat 'light' in nature.

You're doing better than me.  I used to explain things to the best of my knowledge, then I would read something that shed more light on the subject.  I've since just become really comfortable saying "beats me, BUT the answer to that question is on LDS.org."  

[Jane_Doe]

Generally, I find such questioners aren't really interested in the history lesson, but more caring about whether or not you're going to be in some polygamous marriage (after all, they're your friend: they care about you!).  So the short answer of *laugh* "no, LDS don't practice polygamy today, and if some crazy person wants to get married to more than one person, that's an express ticket to excommunication.".  That answers the question >90% of people have. 

For the rare person who's interested/concern about history "Yes, polygamy was historically practiced for a little while, in the 1800's.  It was banned by revelation from God over a century ago.  It's much like kosher that way".  If on the super-rare person wants to listen more, you can talk more--- and don't be afraid to say "I don't know" and ask on LDS.org, here, etc.  You're still learning after all (as are the rest of us).  

 

Over time, you'll find that people do have a basic FAQ list about the LDS faith, and it only has like 5 questions on it. 

[Guest]

3 hours ago, Grunt said:

You're doing better than me.  I used to explain things to the best of my knowledge, then I would read something that shed more light on the subject.  I've since just become really comfortable saying "beats me, BUT the answer to that question is on LDS.org."  

I think most people, myself included, would benefit from a healthy use of "I don't know."

[anatess2]

3 minutes ago, Carborendum said:

I think most people, myself included, would benefit from a healthy use of "I don't know."

I don't know about that.

 

[estradling75]

7 hours ago, Blossom76 said:

How am I doing? I don't know much about church history, and if anyone knows the actual name of 'some other dude' I'd really appreciate knowing what it is!  Also any other tips on how to answer questions from well meaning friends that are informative but still somewhat 'light' in nature.

You are becoming one of us....  bwahahahahahahaha...

Sorry could not stop myself 

[NeuroTypical]

Here's what I say (and believe).  

There may be good or bad reasons to be Mormon, but the only reason that really matters, is you believe God wants you to be one.  

So you tell your friends you think you may have an inkling about God's will in the matter, and you are looking further to find out what He wants for you. 

[zil]

1 hour ago, Jane_Doe said:

Over time, you'll find that people do have a basic FAQ list about the LDS faith, and it only has like 5 questions on it. 

My favorite is the one about horns.  (Just sayin'.)

[zil]

@Blossom76, at the right point in your reply, you could whip out the Book of Mormon and read this bit:

https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/jacob/2.26-30?lang=eng#p25

...explaining that this clearly teaches that it's only OK when commanded, and if not commanded (or the command is revoked), it's no longer OK.

(Maybe have a paperback copy of the BofM to give them and say, "No, no, you keep it - it might have other answers for you." )

Edited February 10, 2018 by zil

[Jane_Doe]

55 minutes ago, zil said:

My favorite is the one about horns.  (Just sayin'.)

Yep, my favorite too!  (Yes @Blossom76, one of the FAQ's is literally "don't Mormons have horns?"

[Vort]

1 hour ago, zil said:

My favorite is the one about horns.  (Just sayin'.)

You mean "horn", singular. Right, unicorn?

[Vort]

As a rule, every sincere question deserves a sincere answer, even if that answer is "I don't know" or (as in some questions about the temple) "I can't discuss that." The first of those two is a common enough answer, and you will have lots of chances to use it. When you get tired of constantly saying "I don't know", you can use a couple of variations: "I don't know, but I'll look into it and get back to you," and "I don't know, but here is what I have learned that might be of some use."

So, for example, a friend sincerely asks, "What's the deal with Mormons and polygamy, anyway?" One possible response is, "I don't know, but I'll do a bit of digging around and see what I can find out." Another is, "I don't really know, but I do know that the Book of Mormon expressly forbids polygamy unless the Lord has commanded it. I also know that an LDS prophet more than a hundred years ago instructed Church members not to practice polygamy any more."

Polygamy is a strange doctrine in that it's one we don't practice and in fact we preach against, yet it is very much a part of our history and even doctrine. Orthodox Mormons such as myself will staunchly maintain that Joseph Smith, Brigham Young, and the other early Saints who practiced plural marriage (both men and women) were inspired of God, following divine will, and are being blessed in the eternities because of their faithfulness and desires to do what God commanded of them -- even as we simultaneously staunchly maintain that anyone who follows polygamous practices today is out of harmony with God's will and, if they are LDS, will be excommunicated and never readmitted until they repent.

If you find this is a sensitive subject for you personally, I would urge you to put it on a shelf for the moment, keep an open mind, but don't worry about it, and go on to other gospel elements that will yield fruit in your life. We should concentrate on learning to heed the whisperings of the Spirit and strengthening the foundations of our own testimony through revelatory experiences such as you have had regarding the Book of Mormon. Then, if and when the time comes that plural marriage actually touches our lives in a personal way, we will have the Spirit strongly with us to guide us through. And if that time never comes -- great. We've built a solid foundation for the eternities, in any case.

[zil]

52 minutes ago, Vort said:

You mean "horn", singular. Right, unicorn?

I'm something of a minimalist.

No?

Just trying to be modest.

No?

I am the one!  The rest of you are two (or more)?

Ah, well, I tried.

[mordorbund]

9 minutes ago, zil said:

I am the one!  The rest of you are two (or more)

 

[Vort]

55 minutes ago, zil said:

I am the one!  The rest of you are two (or more)?

We are number one. All others are number two or lower.

[Vort]

And as long as we're quoting movies:

The four elements, like man alone, are weak. But together, they form the strong fifth element: Boron.

[zil]

6 minutes ago, Vort said:

Boron

Yaaaaawwwwnn.

[askandanswer]

Annoying question: Do you like my fountain pen?

Correct response: Pen, meet sledge hammer. 

(After a moment of vigorous pounding)

Yes, I quite like your fountain pen now.

[Blossom76]

14 hours ago, Just_A_Guy said:

As for the rationale I give to sincere inquirers:  I find I’ve had the most success when I compare polygamy to keeping kosher—it’s in our scriptures, it’s something God required once upon a time, He doesn’t require it now, and detailed explanations for both changes . . . are a long story.

This is awesome, thank you, I'll definitely be using this analogy

[Blossom76]

6 hours ago, Vort said:

So, for example, a friend sincerely asks, "What's the deal with Mormons and polygamy, anyway?" One possible response is, "I don't know, but I'll do a bit of digging around and see what I can find out." Another is, "I don't really know, but I do know that the Book of Mormon expressly forbids polygamy unless the Lord has commanded it. I also know that an LDS prophet more than a hundred years ago instructed Church members not to practice polygamy any more."

Also brilliant, thank you

[bytebear]

Great analogies.  And imagine if you were constantly asked if you sacrificed animals in your church?  Uh, no.  not for a while now.

[zil]

8 hours ago, bytebear said:

Great analogies.  And imagine if you were constantly asked if you sacrificed animals in your church?  Uh, no.  not for a while now.

This is an excellent point. Most would consider the OT, NT, and modern Church at least 3 different religions. But to us, God has had only one from the beginning.

[bytebear]

18 hours ago, bytebear said:

Great analogies.  And imagine if you were constantly asked if you sacrificed animals in your church?  Uh, no.  not for a while now.

 

9 hours ago, zil said:

This is an excellent point. Most would consider the OT, NT, and modern Church at least 3 different religions. But to us, God has had only one from the beginning.

I use it because it does illustrate the next question you get asked, which is usually, "Well it's still doctrine, technically, isn't it?  I mean, you do believe in polygamy!"  Well, I suppose so.   But I also believe that animal sacrifice is doctrine.  I mean it was ordered by God, so it's a true doctrine, right? 

[Suzie]

As JAG said, in my experience very few people are truly interested in a historically-informed answer therefore most of the time, I give a very casual and yet, honest answer. This is how it goes for me:

Person: Suzie, my goodness...What's the deal with Polygamy and your Church??

Me: I know right? I find the idea crazy. And yet, it happened hundreds of years ago... God asked people to do some things we just don't understand.  If not, check the Old Testament....

Person: *thinking and giving an affirmative head nod*. You are right....(when they think about the Old Testament)....

Me: It seems like we will have to wait to find out more...