Dealing with a screaming child at church.

[Lost Boy]

The couple behind me had about a18 month old child and this kid screamed all the way through church. Not cry, but a loud shrill absolutely obnoxious scream. I did not feel the spirit, nor could I figure a good solution.  

Most parents will remove their kid from the chapel, but they did not. 

And then the kid bumped her head on the pew several times and cried. 

Definitely the worst I have seen.  

What would you have done? I did nothing and tried to concentrate on the speaker. 

[MarginOfError]

My first inclination, if I know the parents, is to ask if they want to let the child try sitting with my family. Kids that scream like that don't just do it at church. Church my be the one place where they might have any hope of solace. I'll gladly sacrifice an hour of mine so that they can have it before going back to a week of turmoil.

[Jane_Doe]

Is this a one time bad week, or is the kid like this every week?

Coming from a ward with >40 kids under the age of 3, I look at the bright side whenever it's someone else's kid screaming louder than mine.   And sometimes it's my kid takes that burden from everyone.

If this kid has this problem habitually, and you know the family, offer to have the kid come sit with you.  It takes the burden off the parents for a little bit, and kid will quickly learn that behavior isn't ok with you-- it's MUCH easier to be the tough guy for 60 minutes rather than an entire week.

Another easy thing you can do just for you: sit closer to the podium so the kid is far behind you.  

[Guest Scott]

Quote

What would you have done? I did nothing and tried to concentrate on the speaker. 

That's what I would have done.

It's too bad that people would miss part of the talks, but there is more to church than that.   Ask the family if you can help with anything.

If this is a frequent problem, the Bishop or other Church authority will say something to the family.  

[Barrett Maximus]

I bring my almost 2 year old son with me to church, my wife is not a member. he screams, screeches a loud high pitched sound, not only on Sundays but daily, i have been blessed to have some members help me with him, he has good days and bad days, on the bad days we sit in the foyer or walk the halls. i promise you, the parent of the child knows it is distracting, it is for me, but the goal is to teach my son to sit in sacrament meeting and learn reverence and develop the habit of going to church every Sunday.

it isn't easy, at times it definitely makes it hard to feel the spirit but i know i'm doing what the lord wants me to do as a father.

i am so grateful for the angels in my ward who have been so helpful.

[NightSG]

6 hours ago, Lost Boy said:

Definitely the worst I have seen.  

You do know there are services every week, right?  Go to some more and you'll see much worse.

It's usually in full surround sound from all sides.

On the bright side, it'll only be 7-8 more years before they teach that one to sit quietly.

Edited October 1, 2018 by NightSG

[Lost Boy]

12 hours ago, Barrett Maximus said:

I bring my almost 2 year old son with me to church, my wife is not a member. he screams, screeches a loud high pitched sound, not only on Sundays but daily, i have been blessed to have some members help me with him, he has good days and bad days, on the bad days we sit in the foyer or walk the halls. i promise you, the parent of the child knows it is distracting, it is for me, but the goal is to teach my son to sit in sacrament meeting and learn reverence and develop the habit of going to church every Sunday.

it isn't easy, at times it definitely makes it hard to feel the spirit but i know i'm doing what the lord wants me to do as a father.

i am so grateful for the angels in my ward who have been so helpful.

I respect that. This was a couple with only one kid.  I have four kids and I know what it is like to have a noise maker in church. You teach the best you can, but at some point, you have to remove the screamer into the foyer so others can get something out of the service. 

[Lost Boy]

14 hours ago, MarginOfError said:

My first inclination, if I know the parents, is to ask if they want to let the child try sitting with my family. Kids that scream like that don't just do it at church. Church my be the one place where they might have any hope of solace. I'll gladly sacrifice an hour of mine so that they can have it before going back to a week of turmoil.

It was a couple with only the one child. I don't think offering to help would solve anything. If the kid is acting like that, then coming to sit with me isn't going to resolve the situation. 

I didn't mention it, but the couple was sitting with her parents.  So I couldn't see how me trying to intervene would be beneficial. 

[Just_A_Guy]

The person who starts marketing Benedryl-spiked Cheerios to Mormon mommies is going to make a fortune.

[Chilean]

My kids are old now. But when they were little I would take them outside the sacrament room and put them in time out.  I'm one of those moms that does take kids out of sacrament if they are being irreverent. I believe members goes to sacrament to feel the spirit, to renew their commitments, to hear something that will inspire them, and if my kids are disturbing other I will take them out, and have a talk. Mine are pretty good now, they are 11, almost 9, and 4, the 4 yrs old is the one that could give us problem sometimes.

Yesterday I went to church only to sacrament with the 3 of them by myself, as my husband was at the hospital with his dad whos at the ICU. I knew from the start that it was gonna be tiresome to go with them to church without my husband, as the 4 yrs old just whines a lot, but I brought help and actually he was super good the whole time... I was so proud of him...

[anatess2]

17 hours ago, Lost Boy said:

What would you have done? I did nothing and tried to concentrate on the speaker. 

You did the right thing.  I went to a branch in the Philippines where sacrament prayer has to compete with roosters crowing, dogs barking, vehicles honking, neighbors yelling to each other over the fence, and neighborhood children playing loudly 10 feet away from the church windows.  You can't close doors and windows or else everyone will suffocate in the tropical heat.  There's no A/C in the building.  The members are so used to it they have no problem focusing on the sacrament prayer and bringing the Spirit into the meeting.  It was difficult for me at first but by 2nd Sunday, I was fine with the rest of them.

[Fether]

Just scream back

[LadyGunnar]

I spend 90% if my church time in the halls with my little ones. I dread church because I know it will be spent trying to keep them quiet. I don't want to ruin someone else's Sunday with my kids noise.  I always remove my kids from the chapel of they are being loud.

[JohnsonJones]

One thing I did when I was younger with my children was to take them out of the Sacrament meeting and put them on a hard folding chair.  I would tell them that they had to sit there with their arms folded and legs properly with no deviation.  They had less freedom in that chair than they would in the Sacrament.  Some learned in less time than others, but normally they eventually learned that they would be more free to color in books or draw (I suppose I was bad in that way, I did offer them distractions when they were little) if they were actually in the Sacrament meeting than if they were sitting outside the meeting.

I probably had good kids on this though, as they took to it eventually and normally were good in Sacrament meeting.  I would never try to impose that on someone else's kids though.

[MarginOfError]

10 hours ago, LadyGunnar said:

I spend 90% if my church time in the halls with my little ones. I dread church because I know it will be spent trying to keep them quiet. I don't want to ruin someone else's Sunday with my kids noise.  I always remove my kids from the chapel of they are being loud.

One of the unspoken truisms that I think we should be more open about is that parents with children under the age of six get next to nothing out of Sacrament meeting (and parents with children under the age of three barely get anything out of church). The only real value in going to Church at all with children those ages (in my arrogant opinion) is setting the pattern of worship as an expectation (in other words, brainwashing ). 

What we need to understand is that some parents can survive that ordeal of constantly managing kids and still get the spiritual nourishment they need.  Some cannot, and will let their kids be disruptive so that they can get whatever sliver of nourishment they need.  And yes, some are just bad parents. Heck, some of them take their disruptive kids out and are still bad parents (I submit myself as exhibit A in this category). 

If I ever eventually get to my point, it will be that parents with young children get far less out of being at church than those with older children or no children to tend to. Sacrament meeting is enough of a struggle for them without their neighbors in the pews around them lamenting the presence of those children.

As I've thought about it more, I've concluded that if the child behind me is being so disruptive that I can't give the attention I want to the speaker, I myself an perfectly capable of removing myself to the foyer or Relief Society room or Cultural Hall and turning on the sound system there.

[anatess2]

1 hour ago, MarginOfError said:

One of the unspoken truisms that I think we should be more open about is that parents with children under the age of six get next to nothing out of Sacrament meeting (and parents with children under the age of three barely get anything out of church).

Nursery is 18 months.  And if your 6 year old can't sit still for an hour, then he must have failed kindergarten and will fail 1st grade.

In any case this is not true.  Whether their children are screaming or not does not take away the baptismal renewal of the sacrament and the fellowship of the saints.

[Emmanuel Goldstein]

On 10/1/2018 at 7:53 AM, Chilean said:

My kids are old now. But when they were little I would take them outside the sacrament room and put them in time out.  I'm one of those moms that does take kids out of sacrament if they are being irreverent. I believe members goes to sacrament to feel the spirit, to renew their commitments, to hear something that will inspire them, and if my kids are disturbing other I will take them out, and have a talk. Mine are pretty good now, they are 11, almost 9, and 4, the 4 yrs old is the one that could give us problem sometimes.

Yesterday I went to church only to sacrament with the 3 of them by myself, as my husband was at the hospital with his dad whos at the ICU. I knew from the start that it was gonna be tiresome to go with them to church without my husband, as the 4 yrs old just whines a lot, but I brought help and actually he was super good the whole time... I was so proud of him...

Are you implying that you beat your child with a wooden spoon? That is never justified.

[LadyGunnar]

2 hours ago, MarginOfError said:

One of the unspoken truisms that I think we should be more open about is that parents with children under the age of six get next to nothing out of Sacrament meeting (and parents with children under the age of three barely get anything out of church). The only real value in going to Church at all with children those ages (in my arrogant opinion) is setting the pattern of worship as an expectation (in other words, brainwashing ). 

What we need to understand is that some parents can survive that ordeal of constantly managing kids and still get the spiritual nourishment they need.  Some cannot, and will let their kids be disruptive so that they can get whatever sliver of nourishment they need.  And yes, some are just bad parents. Heck, some of them take their disruptive kids out and are still bad parents (I submit myself as exhibit A in this category). 

If I ever eventually get to my point, it will be that parents with young children get far less out of being at church than those with older children or no children to tend to. Sacrament meeting is enough of a struggle for them without their neighbors in the pews around them lamenting the presence of those children.

As I've thought about it more, I've concluded that if the child behind me is being so disruptive that I can't give the attention I want to the speaker, I myself an perfectly capable of removing myself to the foyer or Relief Society room or Cultural Hall and turning on the sound system there.

I think people should be able to enjoy the meetings without hearing little kids screaming. I will always take my kids out.  I go to church to set an example for my older kids. I can only pray that it helps them to see me going no matter what.  

I have a 1 year old and a 2 year old. It makes for a difficult church time. My husband has a calling that makes it near impossible to help with them. 

[Vort]

41 minutes ago, Emmanuel Goldstein said:

Are you implying that you beat your child with a wooden spoon? That is never justified.

What a horrible accusation to make. That's clearly a slotted spatula, not a spoon.

[Emmanuel Goldstein]

10 minutes ago, Vort said:

What a horrible accusation to make. That's clearly a slotted spatula, not a spoon.

You're right. That kind of mistake is inexcusable. Sorry about that. lol

[CV75]

On 9/30/2018 at 4:48 PM, Lost Boy said:

The couple behind me had about a18 month old child and this kid screamed all the way through church. Not cry, but a loud shrill absolutely obnoxious scream. I did not feel the spirit, nor could I figure a good solution.  

Most parents will remove their kid from the chapel, but they did not. 

And then the kid bumped her head on the pew several times and cried. 

Definitely the worst I have seen.  

What would you have done? I did nothing and tried to concentrate on the speaker. 

I would ask, "May I do something to help?" Maybe that would begin a productive conversation to resolve the problem.

[Lost Boy]

3 hours ago, CV75 said:

I would ask, "May I do something to help?" Maybe that would begin a productive conversation to resolve the problem.

I thought about doing that, and then I thought... there are 4 adults behind me related to this child.  If I make any suggestion that I can do better would be counterproductive and rude.  Basically me saying you guys kind of don't know what you are doing and rude not taking this child out of the chapel. 

My other thought was..  If they actually gave me the kid, I would now have the screamer in front of me instead of behind me and I would even have less opportunity to listen to what is being said.

[mordorbund]

4 hours ago, Emmanuel Goldstein said:

Are you implying that you beat your child with a wooden spoon? That is never justified.

Definitely not justified in Chile and other similar cultures, but here in America where casual shoes are frowned upon church mothers have to get more creative with the chancla.

[CV75]

18 hours ago, Lost Boy said:

I thought about doing that, and then I thought... there are 4 adults behind me related to this child.  If I make any suggestion that I can do better would be counterproductive and rude.  Basically me saying you guys kind of don't know what you are doing and rude not taking this child out of the chapel. 

My other thought was..  If they actually gave me the kid, I would now have the screamer in front of me instead of behind me and I would even have less opportunity to listen to what is being said.

Asking to help isn't the same as saying you can do better... It really does depend on how/what you say and come across. It has to be charitably. At any rate, if it's just one incident and you're uncomfortable engaging them, I'd say just grin an bear it and let it go. If it's a pattern and you're uncomfortable engaging them, I'd say find a quieter spot.

[Lost Boy]

29 minutes ago, CV75 said:

Asking to help isn't the same as saying you can do better... It really does depend on how/what you say and come across. It has to be charitably. At any rate, if it's just one incident and you're uncomfortable engaging them, I'd say just grin an bear it and let it go. If it's a pattern and you're uncomfortable engaging them, I'd say find a quieter spot.

If it is a single mom with several out of control kids, definitely I would ask.  In this case it was 4 adults and one child.  Asking just didn't seem like the right thing to do.

I think grinning and bearing was probably the best choice.  But instead of good better best, it was more bad worse worst.