No longer giving a darn


Backroads
 Share

Recommended Posts

Most of my life I had heard older people talking reaching an age where they no longer care what people think of them. I marvelled at it. Aren't we supposed to work to make others happy? Aren't we supposed to be Christ-like?

I think I reached it in the past couple of years and it's not nearly as awful as I imagined. In fact, it's quite freeing. I feel I can serve others without any expectations, persue faith on my own terms, and give attention and care where I think it's most needed. 

Here's to getting old. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Welcome to the club!  Your complimentary mug should arrive in 2-4 weeks. 

Remember our motto: "You can Let-your-light-so-shine-before-men-that-they-may-see-your-good-works-and-glorify-your-Father-which-is-in-heaven, but you can't make 'em drink."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Got love for you @Backroads, but that phrase “I don’t care what others think of me” is something I’ll never understand. After all, if someone doesn’t care what I think of them, then why should I care what they think of me? Doesn’t that make conversation and future interactions sort of meaningless? Why are any of us here if none of us care?
 

Maybe I’ll get there someday, who knows? 

Edited by LDSGator
Link to comment
Share on other sites

9 minutes ago, LDSGator said:

Got love for you @Backroads, but that phrase “I don’t care what others think of me” is something I’ll never understand.

The phrase tends to have a lot of meaning to folks who have come to a healthy understanding of such things, from other places.  Former people pleasers, who base their sense of self on what others think of them, grow out of their pasts into such phrases.  A better phrase is something like "It's ok if you don't agree or don't like me, Imma do what I think is right anyway."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 minute ago, NeuroTypical said:

The phrase tends to have a lot of meaning to folks who have come to a healthy understanding of such things, from other places.  Former people pleasers, who base their sense of self on what others think of them, grow out of their pasts into such phrases.  A better phrase is something like "It's ok if you don't agree or don't like me, Imma do what I think is right anyway."

Oh okay. If I misunderstood I apologize @Backroads

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, Backroads said:

Most of my life I had heard older people talking reaching an age where they no longer care what people think of them. I marvelled at it. Aren't we supposed to work to make others happy? Aren't we supposed to be Christ-like?

I think I reached it in the past couple of years and it's not nearly as awful as I imagined. In fact, it's quite freeing. I feel I can serve others without any expectations, persue faith on my own terms, and give attention and care where I think it's most needed. 

Here's to getting old. 

The younger and more impressionable someone is, the more likely they are to seek the approval of a given social circle - friends, parents, society, et cetra - and thus act based on what this circle stipulates. 

They don't understand that past a certain point, they need to put themselves first and not care about what others say if they wish to get ahead. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, LDSGator said:

Got love for you @Backroads, but that phrase “I don’t care what others think of me” is something I’ll never understand. After all, if someone doesn’t care what I think of them, then why should I care what they think of me? Doesn’t that make conversation and future interactions sort of meaningless? Why are any of us here if none of us care?
 

Maybe I’ll get there someday, who knows? 

 

48 minutes ago, NeuroTypical said:

The phrase tends to have a lot of meaning to folks who have come to a healthy understanding of such things, from other places.  Former people pleasers, who base their sense of self on what others think of them, grow out of their pasts into such phrases.  A better phrase is something like "It's ok if you don't agree or don't like me, Imma do what I think is right anyway."

I don’t think the phrase really qualifies well what is intended to be communicated.

A more careful phrase would be “Other’s opinions of me do not affect my happiness or how I view myself”.

 

Edited by Fether
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, LDSGator said:

Got love for you @Backroads, but that phrase “I don’t care what others think of me” is something I’ll never understand. After all, if someone doesn’t care what I think of them, then why should I care what they think of me? Doesn’t that make conversation and future interactions sort of meaningless? Why are any of us here if none of us care?
 

Maybe I’ll get there someday, who knows? 

Neuro explained it well, but while I like to make a good impression and not be too socially terrifying, I think I dropped my people-pleasing a couple of years ago. My priorities have shifted to focusing on what my family and I need, doing what I think is right. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

6 minutes ago, Backroads said:

Neuro explained it well, but while I like to make a good impression and not be too socially terrifying, I think I dropped my people-pleasing a couple of years ago. My priorities have shifted to focusing on what my family and I need, doing what I think is right. 

Understand fully. Sorry for any confusion. 

 

16 minutes ago, Fether said:

don’t think the phrase really qualifies well what is intended to be communicated.

A more careful phrase would be “Other’s opinions of me do not affect my happiness or how I view myself”.

Well said. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It makes more and more sense to me (thanks @Fether, @Backroads and @NeuroTypical)  now.
 

I think that saying reeks of sadness and ego. Most people who have said that in my life are incredibly abrasive and use it as a defense mechanism when they’ve alienated everyone around them. I can't imagine you @Backroads being someone like that! 

Edited by LDSGator
Link to comment
Share on other sites

12 minutes ago, LDSGator said:

It makes more and more sense to me (thanks @Fether, @Backroads and @NeuroTypical)  now.
 

I think that saying reeks of sadness and ego. Most people who have said that in my life are incredibly abrasive and use it as a defense mechanism when they’ve alienated everyone around them. I can't imagine you @Backroads being someone like that! 

Whatever.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

22 minutes ago, LDSGator said:

It makes more and more sense to me (thanks @Fether, @Backroads and @NeuroTypical)  now.
 

I think that saying reeks of sadness and ego. Most people who have said that in my life are incredibly abrasive and use it as a defense mechanism when they’ve alienated everyone around them. I can't imagine you @Backroads being someone like that! 

Oh, most people think I'm a total sweetheart, not to brag.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I care a great deal what my wife thinks of me. I also care what my children think of me. To a slightly lesser extent, I care what my siblings and close cousins think of me. I care what my bishop thinks of me, and my fellow quorum and ward members. I do care what close friends think of me. In a different sense, I care what my boss thinks of me, and what my landlord/landlady think of me (us). I don't really much care what Seattle leftists think of me, though I prefer to fly under their hateful, intolerant radar. In general, I don't care very much what society at large thinks of me, so long as I don't get beat up in the halls or prevented from worshipping God and rearing my family as I see fit.

But mostly, I care what God thinks of me. Except he never tells me.

I believe the "I no longer give a darn what others think" refers primarily to the last sentence in my first paragraph. Most of humanity lives under a sort of common set of social expectations. Today, those social expectations include supporting a woman's "right" to terminate her fetus' life and the obvious beauty and necessity of "protecting" (read: promoting) the homosexual lifestyle. Since I support neither of these things (and violate many other terms of the unwritten social expectations list), I am on the outside. I'm not in the Cool Kids' Club. And I'm okay with that. I Don't Care. I don't give a darn what they think of me, so long as they leave me my essential liberties.

I also think the "I no longer give a darn what others think" refers in a deep, foundational way to the first sentence of my second paragraph. I want to please my Father and my Savior. If I could know their will perfectly, I would strive to live it, consequences be damned. I will choose them before friends and family, even before my children and my wife (though reluctantly—I guess I would secretly still give a darn what they thought).

In any case, I don't think "I no longer give a darn what others think" is flipping the bird to the rest of the world at large. I think it is a statement of priority.

Edited by Vort
Link to comment
Share on other sites

56 minutes ago, LDSGator said:

It makes more and more sense to me (thanks @Fether, @Backroads and @NeuroTypical)  now.
 

I think that saying reeks of sadness and ego. Most people who have said that in my life are incredibly abrasive and use it as a defense mechanism when they’ve alienated everyone around them. I can't imagine you @Backroads being someone like that! 

The people who declare “I don’t care what other people think” tend to be the people that care the most and are just trying to make themselves look good. The statement itself is defensive so they obviously feel some sort of an attack. The fact that they find themselves in a situation where they must declare such a statement is a sign that they do care… and care quite a bit.

Example:

Person A: I think you are a bad father!

Person B: You are probably right, where can I improve? 

vs 

Person A: I think you are a bad father!

Person B: Well I don’t care what you think! (Defensive)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

14 minutes ago, Fether said:

The people who declare “I don’t care what other people think” tend to be the people that care the most and are just trying to make themselves look good. The statement itself is defensive so they obviously feel some sort of an attack. The fact that they find themselves in a situation where they must declare such a statement is a sign that they do care… and care quite a bit.

Understand.

Like I said before, I usually see people say that because they’ve pushed away so many people with their awful attitude.  I’ve never seen a happy, content person say it. It’s always those stewing in anger and loneliness. 

It’s also naturally flawed. By saying it, you are telling the world that you actually do care about it. Think of it this way-the things you don’t care about,   you don’t mention. Japanese inheritance laws are probably of no interest to you.  So you don’t walk around telling people that you don’t care about them. Because that would automatically mean you do. 

Edited by LDSGator
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Gator can have a complimentary mug too.

And I want to make it clear, I wasn't calling @Backroads a people pleaser, I was speaking purely from personal experience, and everything I hear from the @peopledispleaser account on TikTok who does a series on "the real cost of people pleasing".  :)

Edited by NeuroTypical
Link to comment
Share on other sites

13 hours ago, NeuroTypical said:

 

And I want to make it clear, I wasn't calling @Backroads a people pleaser,

Ah, but I am a recovering people pleaser. Big part of the reason to find myself in this stage of life development where I'm "whatever, I'm a nice helpful person but I can't move mountains for you and I'm not going to feel bad about that."

I had an incident about this last weekend at work. Parent wanted her kid removed from my class because, paraphrased, I'm not doing enough to meet the exact beliefs and values of their family. (I'm still unsure about what that means. Think of Horseshoe Theory. I know this family is extreme in beliefs, but for the life of me I can't tell if it's far left or far right). I figure, I do my job, I don't write the curriculum, I hold your student accountable. By all means, go write crazy emails to the other teacher. 

Some years ago I would have cried into the night about how I failed a student and their family. 

Edited by Backroads
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...
On 2/1/2022 at 11:06 AM, Vort said:

I care a great deal what my wife thinks of me. I also care what my children think of me. To a slightly lesser extent, I care what my siblings and close cousins think of me. I care what my bishop thinks of me, and my fellow quorum and ward members. I do care what close friends think of me. In a different sense, I care what my boss thinks of me, and what my landlord/landlady think of me (us). I don't really much care what Seattle leftists think of me, though I prefer to fly under their hateful, intolerant radar. In general, I don't care very much what society at large thinks of me, so long as I don't get beat up in the halls or prevented from worshipping God and rearing my family as I see fit.

But mostly, I care what God thinks of me. Except he never tells me.

I believe the "I no longer give a darn what others think" refers primarily to the last sentence in my first paragraph. Most of humanity lives under a sort of common set of social expectations. Today, those social expectations include supporting a woman's "right" to terminate her fetus' life and the obvious beauty and necessity of "protecting" (read: promoting) the homosexual lifestyle. Since I support neither of these things (and violate many other terms of the unwritten social expectations list), I am on the outside. I'm not in the Cool Kids' Club. And I'm okay with that. I Don't Care. I don't give a darn what they think of me, so long as they leave me my essential liberties.

I also think the "I no longer give a darn what others think" refers in a deep, foundational way to the first sentence of my second paragraph. I want to please my Father and my Savior. If I could know their will perfectly, I would strive to live it, consequences be damned. I will choose them before friends and family, even before my children and my wife (though reluctantly—I guess I would secretly still give a darn what they thought).

In any case, I don't think "I no longer give a darn what others think" is flipping the bird to the rest of the world at large. I think it is a statement of priority.

Ditto

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's easier to not care what people think of you when you don't interact with them. One of the reasons I'm less active on the forum now is because it was often difficult to be told day-in and day-out that I was a terrible person that was everything that was wrong with the Church.

It's much easier, not interacting as much now, and therefore not being constantly told such things, and to look at such comments as "I don't care what they think". But that's mostly because I'm not thinking about it. If I ponder on the matter again, I start wondering about the merit of some of the commentary.

That's a good and a bad thing I suppose. It's good for me to work on drawing nearer to Christ personally. But...if I'm blind to a flaw because I'm burying my head in the sand because it's difficult to face, then I'm not working on improving that flaw. Of course thrown into the mix is the question of whether anything anyone else thinks of me is, indeed, a flaw with me or a flaw with them. Christ himself was hated and persecuted. Being hated and treated like you're everything wrong with the church doesn't make it true. But by golly it's sure hard to not wonder sometimes if there is truth in it. And that can be very hard on a person.

That being said, my retreat wasn't cowardly. For those who recall, I left the forum on principle because of some of the, what I considered to be, offensive articles being published. It was an act of principle. I'm moderately more involved now because the articles stopped doing that (which I understand is a budgetary issue (regardless..good riddance says I)), but I'm still not getting involved again like I was because I really don't relish going back to that 2 or 3 times a week feeling terrible about myself because of commentary on the forum here. So my interactions are light.

In that regard, I can certainly understand how getting to a point where not caring what others thought of me would be freeing.

Edited by The Folk Prophet
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 2/1/2022 at 8:25 AM, Backroads said:

Most of my life I had heard older people talking reaching an age where they no longer care what people think of them. I marvelled at it. Aren't we supposed to work to make others happy? Aren't we supposed to be Christ-like?

I think I reached it in the past couple of years and it's not nearly as awful as I imagined. In fact, it's quite freeing. I feel I can serve others without any expectations, persue faith on my own terms, and give attention and care where I think it's most needed. 

Here's to getting old. 

I believe I'm older than you.  I've reached that point in my professional life.  But I haven't quite reached that point in my social life.  

I guess, the real reason is just how confident we are.  Professionally, I'm highly confident.  It would take a lot to discourage me in my profession. But socially, I'm a the equivalent of a mentally handicapped person.

So, I guess you are very socially confident.  I'm happy that you've reached that stage in your life.  May your light continue to shine.

Edited by Carborendum
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share