Marriage Compatibility: signed, Confused.

[LePeel]

Let me introduce myself, I am Confused.  Why am I confused? What makes two people compatible is not yet known to me. Let me tell you something, I had a girl tell me we wouldn't work after two months of exclusivity, I agreed, but one of her reasons was, lets say, strange. Her problem was that I liked Beethoven and therefore didn't know the words to any of her favorite songs and therefore wasn't likely to satisfy a fantasy (what I call fantasy, or her idealized relationship) of her husband coming home from work while she's singing in the kitchen doing dishes and being able to join in with her. In short, we didn't like the same music, our differences in musical taste was an incompatibility.

Another area of conflict in this relationship was that she liked and wanted to continue watching movies which I deemed vulgar and wouldn't tolerate in our house in a hypothetical marriage (the movie in question was Red with Bruce Willis.) I thought they were contrary to our covenants and she didn't agree.

So what's the impression I got from this? I have to marry someone who likes Beethoven and hates swearing or else the marriage will crash and burn like the Tower of Babel due to "incompatibility." 

I've gone a few dates since then. After one particular first date, we both determined we wouldn't be compatible, but for different reasons. My reason was she didn't seem to have a problem with swearing because she listened to Rap and watched movies with profanity. But her reasons for our incompatibility was that we didn't have much in common. Problem is she didn't ask me much about what I liked to do. So how is she supposed to know that? Our biggest difference (based on our limited conversation) was that I like Classical and she likes Rap. We also talked about evolution and we don't agree on that. But that shouldn't matter to a grown adult and give her the benefit of the doubt that that wasn't a problem.

So, this is my question. What similarities do there need to be between people? I've tried Googling this but only get secular and non-Mormon sources, I don't care about those. The LDS sources which do talk about this I already understand, but they don't answer my questions about the minutiae of compatibility. What do you think?

 

Signed, Confused.

 

[NeuroTypical]

AM Talk show host Dennis Praeger was talking about this last week.  He figures there are three indicators of compatibility in marriage: Intellectual, spiritual/moral, and sexual.  I only heard part of the show, but I think he claimed that basically any two folks who had all three, could absolutely succeed at long term marriage.

I'd add a fourth: Maturity to know where you stand on those three.  If you know what you believe, want, and are, and you know why you believe it, then you can look for similar things in another.  I figure nobody reaches that level of maturity for at least two decades.  Some people never reach it.

[Just_A_Guy]

I agree with @NeuroTypical. You don’t have to be clones of each other.  You just need to both be willing to work; you need to generally be a good guy; and she needs to fall on the right side of the hot/crazy matrix.  OP sounds like he’s been dating some women who fall on the wrong side of that matrix.

Edited July 22, 2018 by Just_A_Guy

[LePeel]

4 hours ago, Just_A_Guy said:

I agree with @NeuroTypical. You don’t have to be clones of each other.  You just need to both be willing to work; you need to generally be a good guy; and she needs to fall on the right side of the hot/crazy matrix.  OP sounds like he’s been dating some women who fall on the wrong side of that matrix.

After me and the first girl split up, she met someone else two weeks later and got engaged to him two months later. So you're not wrong. 

[Jane_Doe]

6 hours ago, NeuroTypical said:

AM Talk show host Dennis Praeger was talking about this last week.  He figures there are three indicators of compatibility in marriage: Intellectual, spiritual/moral, and sexual.  I only heard part of the show, but I think he claimed that basically any two folks who had all three, could absolutely succeed at long term marriage.

I'd add a fourth: Maturity to know where you stand on those three.  If you know what you believe, want, and are, and you know why you believe it, then you can look for similar things in another.  I figure nobody reaches that level of maturity for at least two decades.  Some people never reach it.

What he^ said.  Though I would add spending / lifestyle philosophy to the list.

Edited July 23, 2018 by Jane_Doe

[anatess2]

19 hours ago, LePeel said:

So, this is my question. What similarities do there need to be between people? I've tried Googling this but only get secular and non-Mormon sources, I don't care about those. The LDS sources which do talk about this I already understand, but they don't answer my questions about the minutiae of compatibility. What do you think?

 

Signed, Confused.

 

This is a simple question in my opinion.

There is only ONE THING you need to be compatible with - both of you require to have this for the marriage to work.  Everything else is just icing.  You both need to be - with all your heart, in all humility, and in all honesty - seeking the will of God in all things.  Now, that of course requires you both believe there is a God.

My husband and I have not much in common other than our God.  He's American, I'm Filipino.  He had a GED, I had a master's degree.  He was living a feast-or-famine cash-only lifestyle, I had a good sized stable income and held 9 credit cards.  He was such a football fan that we spent our bachelor/bachelorette parties together watching Monday Night Football at the stadium and almost cancelled the wedding because his team was losing - good thing the other team pulled a last-second fumble that caused his team to win.  I can't spell American football - I don't like it at all - I'm a huge soccer fan.  He listened to Metallica and Keith Sweat and loves rapping to the Beastie Boys.  I like everything except rap, Metallica, and Keith Sweat.  He likes spicy food that we came home one day and his lips were swollen from whatever hot sauce he put on his food, I can't even put the Mild Sauce from Taco Bell on anything.  He was inactive LDS, I was very devout Catholic.  We had to elope because my family was so against our marriage that they didn't speak to us until my son was born 4 years later.  His family on the other hand I had to give an ultimatum to - if you try to convert me to the Mormon Church or talk bad about the Catholic Church, either of 2 things will happen, you either get kicked out if you're in my house, or we leave if we're not in my house.  They're always in our house.  They have this strange fascination over their tall, blue-eyed blonde family getting a short, dark eyed dark haired family member.

We got married on a Tuesday (after Monday Night Football), and by Friday I wasn't speaking to him.  I came home from work on Friday to see my "still making payments on the credit card for it" computer's guts all over the living room floor.  My husband decided to upgrade my PC.  I'm a programmer, I don't want .anybody touching my computer.  So my husband bought me a new computer and promised not to touch my computer ever again.  A few months later I was begging him to upgrade my computer and he refused saying he's not touching my PC ever again.  So, I took his computer.  Hah hah.  And about those credit cards... my husband took all 9 of my cards and cut them all up except 1 which he buried in ice in the freezer.  I was 45K in debt with those cards and he told me before we got married, he's going to do the finances for the first year and I have to give up my cards.  Anyway, I was hurting because I didn't know how to live cash.  He paid off all my cards within a year and handed the finances to me to manage saying, "it's my job".  Hah, we were back in debt a few years later so I handed the whole kit and kaboodle back to him and told him - I don't ever want to worry about finances ever again.  So I want one card that I swipe for everything I need.  I'm going to swipe it until it says declined then I have no more money and I'll have to wait until I have money again before I can buy anything else... so if I don't want the family to starve, I better be careful about swiping that card...

Anyway, why this works for us - my husband and I give each other the freedom to go through life.  With that freedom, we also give each other the freedom to succeed or fail spectacularly and still be loved.  And we have zero problems with "duking it out" arguing and fighting over the direction our family needs to go.   We both believe that Divorce is not an option.  Ever.   In the end, we both go on our knees and ask God with a sincere heart where we need to go... and we both submit to His will.  So, I put up with being ignored all throughout Football Season - he sits infront of the TV and I sit right next to him with my book or my computer or watching hgtv on my hand held with my earphones on... or he begs me to join his fantasy football and so I join and pick players based on how nice their uniform looks or how good they are with their wives - I bet everything on Eli Manning over Tom Brady because Eli married his high school sweetheart while Tom left his 5-month pregnant girlfriend to hook up with a fashion model... and won the Superbowl against my husband.  I teased him all year long about it.  I watched the Superbowl for the commercials.  My husband - and my kids too - can belt out Valjean, at last, we see each other plain... with the Beastie Boys.  And then, there's the road trip from Florida to Ohio where we argued over capital punishment the whole way through...

 

Edited July 23, 2018 by anatess2

[CV75]

22 hours ago, LePeel said:

Signed, Confused.

I think the best compatibility is to make the best of your complementary qualities. Is there "chemistry"? That can settle a lot of differences, at least keep them in perspective.

[Fether]

23 hours ago, LePeel said:

Let me introduce myself, I am Confused.  Why am I confused? What makes two people compatible is not yet known to me. Let me tell you something, I had a girl tell me we wouldn't work after two months of exclusivity, I agreed, but one of her reasons was, lets say, strange. Her problem was that I liked Beethoven and therefore didn't know the words to any of her favorite songs and therefore wasn't likely to satisfy a fantasy (what I call fantasy, or her idealized relationship) of her husband coming home from work while she's singing in the kitchen doing dishes and being able to join in with her. In short, we didn't like the same music, our differences in musical taste was an incompatibility.

Another area of conflict in this relationship was that she liked and wanted to continue watching movies which I deemed vulgar and wouldn't tolerate in our house in a hypothetical marriage (the movie in question was Red with Bruce Willis.) I thought they were contrary to our covenants and she didn't agree.

So what's the impression I got from this? I have to marry someone who likes Beethoven and hates swearing or else the marriage will crash and burn like the Tower of Babel due to "incompatibility." 

I've gone a few dates since then. After one particular first date, we both determined we wouldn't be compatible, but for different reasons. My reason was she didn't seem to have a problem with swearing because she listened to Rap and watched movies with profanity. But her reasons for our incompatibility was that we didn't have much in common. Problem is she didn't ask me much about what I liked to do. So how is she supposed to know that? Our biggest difference (based on our limited conversation) was that I like Classical and she likes Rap. We also talked about evolution and we don't agree on that. But that shouldn't matter to a grown adult and give her the benefit of the doubt that that wasn't a problem.

So, this is my question. What similarities do there need to be between people? I've tried Googling this but only get secular and non-Mormon sources, I don't care about those. The LDS sources which do talk about this I already understand, but they don't answer my questions about the minutiae of compatibility. What do you think?

 

Signed, Confused.

 

You need to be equally yoked in the gospel. I would not marry somewhere that does not want to live the gospel as you do.

[mordorbund]

Is it too early to bring back my signature?

Quote

This is why we need arranged marriages.

 

[Lost Boy]

On 7/22/2018 at 3:10 PM, LePeel said:

Let me introduce myself, I am Confused.  Why am I confused? What makes two people compatible is not yet known to me. Let me tell you something, I had a girl tell me we wouldn't work after two months of exclusivity, I agreed, but one of her reasons was, lets say, strange. Her problem was that I liked Beethoven and therefore didn't know the words to any of her favorite songs and therefore wasn't likely to satisfy a fantasy (what I call fantasy, or her idealized relationship) of her husband coming home from work while she's singing in the kitchen doing dishes and being able to join in with her. In short, we didn't like the same music, our differences in musical taste was an incompatibility.

Another area of conflict in this relationship was that she liked and wanted to continue watching movies which I deemed vulgar and wouldn't tolerate in our house in a hypothetical marriage (the movie in question was Red with Bruce Willis.) I thought they were contrary to our covenants and she didn't agree.

So what's the impression I got from this? I have to marry someone who likes Beethoven and hates swearing or else the marriage will crash and burn like the Tower of Babel due to "incompatibility." 

I've gone a few dates since then. After one particular first date, we both determined we wouldn't be compatible, but for different reasons. My reason was she didn't seem to have a problem with swearing because she listened to Rap and watched movies with profanity. But her reasons for our incompatibility was that we didn't have much in common. Problem is she didn't ask me much about what I liked to do. So how is she supposed to know that? Our biggest difference (based on our limited conversation) was that I like Classical and she likes Rap. We also talked about evolution and we don't agree on that. But that shouldn't matter to a grown adult and give her the benefit of the doubt that that wasn't a problem.

So, this is my question. What similarities do there need to be between people? I've tried Googling this but only get secular and non-Mormon sources, I don't care about those. The LDS sources which do talk about this I already understand, but they don't answer my questions about the minutiae of compatibility. What do you think?

 

Signed, Confused.

 

Compatible....

I've been married 25 years and wonder about that myself sometimes.  We just moved into a new house and yesterday our washer broke.  At 10 pm she decides to go to the old house and do laundry.  I would have procrastinated the laundry until every last bit of dirty underwear had been used at least twice.

She spends hours on make up and what not while I like the raw version of her better.  She likes manga and I like fantasy.

There are many things where we don't have commonality.

But there are many things where we do.  Food...  we are both pretty food adventurous.   Love to try new foods, new restaurants, etc.  Love movies.  We like taking care of the house and improving it.  We love arts and music.  We love to travel.  We love doing things with the kids.  I love to cook and she loves my cooking.

To me love is a bit like a tree.

You start off with a seed and it gets planted (initial dating phase).  You generally have to wait a bit for it to sprout and even when it sprouts, you aren't really sure what you have.  but if you both take care of it, it will start to grow.  At this point you both gain a good interest in it. 

Your little plant is growing and changing and getting bigger on a daily basis.  You both tend to its needs as you both are interested and excited in it.  You form a pact with your lover to always take care of it..  (marriage).  And so you form the pack and you watch your tree grow.  And you water it and fertilize it and take care of it.  It makes you happy taking care of it because you can see it grow and change and it is fascinating and fun....

Until the day it isn't.  You eventually come to a point where you no longer see the growth of the tree.  You let other activities take precedence over taking care of this tree.  Perhaps you think it can survive on its own without the attention you have up until now been giving it.  So the frequency of watering it decreases..  and the fertilizer is no longer given..  And the tree seems to do fine.  But in reality, the tree is hurting.  It just doesn't show it well and you are too dumb to recognize the signs.  You enjoy the tree, but maybe not enjoy the taking care of it as much.  

The tree starts to die...  Now you resent the tree..  You are upset that after all these years of taking care of it that it is starting to look bad..  a bit of decay.  dead foliage, etc.  So you out of spite, neglect it more.  And it really speeds up in deterioration.  You eventually decide to chop it down...  (divorce)  the end.

Of course there are plenty of those that do see the signs when the tree becomes a bit sick and they take action.  They love the tree and want to benefit from it.  They realize that they have been neglectful and that only through action will the tree survive...  And so they do.  And even though they might not see it grow on a daily basis, they enjoy its shade and eventually its fruit and wonderful smells and other things it brings.

I really don't know what makes people compatible, but once you find one that you are with.  You have to remember to never take them for granted.   You most likely will take them for granted at some point.  I think most of us do to some extent.  Hopefully you will fix your ways at the time.

Also, remember that life is an adventure.  Finding a mate is part of that adventure.  Keep looking.  There are plenty of people that you can be compatible with.

The other question that you need to ask yourself and honestly answer is   "Am I the person that I would want to marry?"  Are you physically fit?  Are you financially responsible?  Do you have a good career path in front of you?  Do you have a good head on your shoulders?  Are you fun?  Are you spiritual? Are you interesting?  Cool hobbies, etc.  Are you confident?  Will you be a good provider?  No one (except me) is going to be perfect, but do you have enough of these qualities that would make you attractive.  A woman is not going to generally tell you what is not attractive to her..  She may not even know or care.  And all women are different.  You would want the woman you marry to be the best woman she can be.  You should be the best man you can be.  Don't be lazy about this.  And don't fall for the stupid moronic saying about "I want to find someone who loves me the way I am."  This is a sure sign of a lazy person destined to divorce.  It means you are ok with a woman that settles for mediocre.  Is that what you want?

[MarginOfError]

On 7/22/2018 at 3:10 PM, LePeel said:

I've tried Googling this but only get secular and non-Mormon sources, I don't care about those.

To be candid, so long as you maintain this kind of attitude, you're going to struggle with finding compatibility. Secular and non-Mormon are not synonymous with wrong. 

I think you will find the vast majority of potential partners are wary of committing to someone with that extreme a mindset. And those that aren't likely have extreme attitudes of their own that negatively impact compatibility.

[omegaseamaster75]

On 7/22/2018 at 12:10 PM, LePeel said:

Let me introduce myself, I am Confused.  Why am I confused? What makes two people compatible is not yet known to me. Let me tell you something, I had a girl tell me we wouldn't work after two months of exclusivity, I agreed, but one of her reasons was, lets say, strange. Her problem was that I liked Beethoven and therefore didn't know the words to any of her favorite songs and therefore wasn't likely to satisfy a fantasy (what I call fantasy, or her idealized relationship) of her husband coming home from work while she's singing in the kitchen doing dishes and being able to join in with her. In short, we didn't like the same music, our differences in musical taste was an incompatibility.

Another area of conflict in this relationship was that she liked and wanted to continue watching movies which I deemed vulgar and wouldn't tolerate in our house in a hypothetical marriage (the movie in question was Red with Bruce Willis.) I thought they were contrary to our covenants and she didn't agree.

So what's the impression I got from this? I have to marry someone who likes Beethoven and hates swearing or else the marriage will crash and burn like the Tower of Babel due to "incompatibility." 

I've gone a few dates since then. After one particular first date, we both determined we wouldn't be compatible, but for different reasons. My reason was she didn't seem to have a problem with swearing because she listened to Rap and watched movies with profanity. But her reasons for our incompatibility was that we didn't have much in common. Problem is she didn't ask me much about what I liked to do. So how is she supposed to know that? Our biggest difference (based on our limited conversation) was that I like Classical and she likes Rap. We also talked about evolution and we don't agree on that. But that shouldn't matter to a grown adult and give her the benefit of the doubt that that wasn't a problem.

So, this is my question. What similarities do there need to be between people? I've tried Googling this but only get secular and non-Mormon sources, I don't care about those. The LDS sources which do talk about this I already understand, but they don't answer my questions about the minutiae of compatibility. What do you think?

 

Signed, Confused.

 

Honestly, you seem to be wound up pretty tight. Try relaxing a little.

[LePeel]

5 minutes ago, omegaseamaster75 said:

Honestly, you seem to be wound up pretty tight.

How so?

Edited July 25, 2018 by LePeel

[omegaseamaster75]

17 minutes ago, LePeel said:

How so?

Well this

On 7/22/2018 at 12:10 PM, LePeel said:

nother area of conflict in this relationship was that she liked and wanted to continue watching movies which I deemed vulgar and wouldn't tolerate in our house in a hypothetical marriage (the movie in question was Red with Bruce Willis.) I thought they were contrary to our covenants and she didn't agree.

While I disagree with you about a rated R movie being contrary to your covenants, if you expressed that opinion to her it may/would cause a negative reaction.  Lets not even talk about your hangups with sex in general which can be noted in another thread.

[Chilean]

My husband is a red neck from the dirt roads of a southern state. I'm from a city with 7 millions of people. I'm Latina, and he's a gringo (no offense). He was inactive from the church for 17 years before we met. I've always been active. He likes country music, I hate it. And we have sooooo many things that are not in common, but we love each other. After one date we knew we wanted to keep getting to know each other. After about 9 months we got married. and we joined our families into a most of the time Happy Family.

When it's the right person, you know it. And for those girls you just weren't there right man. and I would respect them for being honest and not keep wasting your time dating you knowing they didn't like you enough to marry you.

Two people can be so different from each other, but when there is interest, and love and whatever other 3 things someone earlier wrote, a marriage can succeed (or any other relationship).

Just keep waiting, don't get desperate.

 

Edited July 25, 2018 by Chilean

[LePeel]

3 hours ago, omegaseamaster75 said:

Well this

While I disagree with you about a rated R movie being contrary to your covenants, if you expressed that opinion to her it may/would cause a negative reaction.  Lets not even talk about your hangups with sex in general which can be noted in another thread.

Profanity and vulgarity are against our Covenants and there's no room for argument about that. If I have a hang-up with sexual deviancy, that does not mean I have a hang-up with sex, because they are not the same thing.

 

 

[Still_Small_Voice]

LePeel, whenever you think you have found the right woman to marry make sure you fast and pray about it.  I would then go through pre-marriage counseling (preferably with a Latter-Day Saint counseler or one that understands our standards and lifestyle).  I think it is wise to discuss what you both expect sexually in marriage since this is the only woman you will be sexual with.

As for now, I would not look at this woman as the one who got away.  There are many different Latter-Day Saint women you could be happy with.  Keep praying and looking for the right woman but do not let this be your sole focus.  Develop talents, have fun, serve others and keep your Heavenly Father close to you in your life.

[omegaseamaster75]

1 hour ago, LePeel said:

Profanity and vulgarity are against our Covenants and there's no room for argument about that. If I have a hang-up with sexual deviancy, that does not mean I have a hang-up with sex, because they are not the same thing.

 

 

When you say profanity I am assuming you mean swearing, which covenant am I breaking if I drop an F- bomb now and then? Please be very specific? 

How exactly do you define vulgarity? like potty talk etc? again please be very specific which covenant covers this.

Don't go quoting a bunch of old conference talks about how we shouldn't swear, use profanity or be vulgar. I can in general agree that we should not do these things. I want to know which covenant is being broken when I stub my toe and say the S word. 

Edited July 25, 2018 by omegaseamaster75

[person0]

I would recommend reading this book together, if you are willing to deal with one another's answers, and are willing to do so recognizing it's possible neither of you will ever change from those, then you probably have a very high likelihood for success.  My wife and I read it before getting married, it was both an entertaining and enlightening activity, as well as excellent preparation.  Of course, this type of activity is usually reserved for after you can both imagine one another as a future spouse.

[Guest MormonGator]

On 7/22/2018 at 3:10 PM, LePeel said:

What similarities do there need to be between people? 

A sense of humor. If one person has a dry and sarcastic sense of humor while the other "just doesn't get it" that's a major problem. Same with someone who likes immature blue humor and another person finds that stuff dirty. 

Common interests. If you love movies and she hates thinks all movies are boring, red flag. Find some common interests. 
 

Willingness to adapt (this one is crucial). You are not the same person at 23 that you are at 35. If you are, you are wasting your life. So find someone who can adapt. 

[Traveler]

1 hour ago, omegaseamaster75 said:

When you say profanity I am assuming you mean swearing, which covenant am I breaking if I drop an F- bomb now and then? Please be very specific? 

How exactly do you define vulgarity? like potty talk etc? again please be very specific which covenant covers this.

Don't go quoting a bunch of old conference talks about how we shouldn't swear, use profanity or be vulgar. I can in general agree that we should not do these things. I want to know which covenant is being broken when I stub my toe and say the S word. 

 

Perhaps I can help a bit concerning covenants.  Mostly covenants are vague and the exact definitions and meanings are left to individuals.   I also believe covenants are vague by divine design so that we can grow and progress in our understanding and application.  One covenant we make is to take upon ourselves the name of Christ.  I understand this to mean that we will behave and act as Christ would.  I personally do not think that dropping a few F-bombs is applicable to being Christ Like.  But this is reflective of my personal understand – that could be different the other Saints of G-d.

As per finding a spouse – I deliberately chose a lady with high standards – many higher than my own.  I did not intend to marry someone like myself because I wanted to marry someone the complete me and encourage me to new heights.  But because I married up – means my wife married down.  My church standards were high and that was most important to her – plus I was very smart in school.  What she did not realize was that outside of school – I was not so smart.

For my wife and I – we are complementary.  Because we are not very much alike – we had to learn to be complementary to make our marriage work.  Beyond our children and the gospel – I cannot think of a single thing we both enjoy.  Now that we are empty nesters it is most difficult to find things to do together.  She does not cycle or ski with me – and I strongly dislike shopping with her.  We cannot even agree on a car we both like – so we have two.  Sometimes we do not even vacation or travel together.  I prefer nature and she prefers big cities so I will drag her to camping out and white water rafting and she will drag me to New York City – I really do not know who is the most unhappy with this compromise but we both make it work.

 

The Traveler

[LePeel]

2 hours ago, omegaseamaster75 said:

When you say profanity I am assuming you mean swearing, which covenant am I breaking if I drop an F- bomb now and then? Please be very specific? 

How exactly do you define vulgarity? like potty talk etc? again please be very specific which covenant covers this.

Don't go quoting a bunch of old conference talks about how we shouldn't swear, use profanity or be vulgar. I can in general agree that we should not do these things. I want to know which covenant is being broken when I stub my toe and say the S word. 

Seeking out media which swears and is vulgar is against our covenants, I didn't say they broke the covenant. It wasn't a lifestyle I could maintain in good conscience.

Edited July 26, 2018 by LePeel

[LePeel]

2 hours ago, person0 said:

I would recommend reading this book together, if you are willing to deal with one another's answers, and are willing to do so recognizing it's possible neither of you will ever change from those, then you probably have a very high likelihood for success.  My wife and I read it before getting married, it was both an entertaining and enlightening activity, as well as excellent preparation.  Of course, this type of activity is usually reserved for after you can both imagine one another as a future spouse.

May I ask which questions generated the biggest differences? 

[person0]

3 hours ago, LePeel said:

May I ask which questions generated the biggest differences? 

It has been so long; I don't even have the book anymore.  Honestly, I can't remember.  There are questions for every topic.  Interestingly, aside from our hobbies, my wife and I had very similar answers.

[omegaseamaster75]

14 hours ago, LePeel said:

Seeking out media which swears and is vulgar is against our covenants, I didn't say they broke the covenant. It wasn't a lifestyle I could maintain in good conscience.

I got a better answer from @Traveler 

Look, you don't want to marry anyone who watches R rated movies, or swears, what other criteria do you have?