Once Upon a Time

[pam]

I'm going to start a story and you can add to it.  Just add a couple of lines.  Try to use a site member's name in the story as we go along.

 

 

Once upon a time in a land far far away, there lived a beautiful princess by the name of @LadyGator.  Now LadyGator lived in a big castle that was surrounded by moats.  In those moats were the very dangerous @MormonGators.   Because of this, her father King @Vort never let her leave the castle compound.  

This thoroughly frustrated LadyGator as she wanted nothing more than to become a @Traveler.  "I must get out of the castle," she said.

 

 

[zil]

One evening as she watched the old court jester (@askandanswer - so called because he answered his own inane questions) tripping over his own shoes, she pondered who of all the palace staff might help her escape.

[Guest MormonGator]

Because of the moat and King @Vort, she had to send messages via carrier pigeons and @LiterateParakeets. Aside from the @MormonGators swimming in the moat, the castle was also guarded by a @unixknight. 

[unixknight]

One night, @LadyGator stayed up into the wee hours of the night, hatching a plan.  She would use her magical pendant made from pure @Carborendum, which would turn her invisible.  She could sneak out past the gate and take the @Backroads through the @mirkwood and escape on a riverboat.  There was just one problem... The Captain of the Guard, Lord @Blackmarch, watched her like a hawk, as he had his eye on her hand in marriage... 

[pam]

"I can't let anyone know of my plan" she thought to herself.  "I must be quite the @SilentOne.  If my father King @Vort finds out I will never have any freedom."

[askandanswer]

I know what I will do, she thought to herself, I will do as Moroni did when fighting the Lamanites, and seek counsel from the Lord's anointed. So she called for thefolkprophet, and after making him the appropriate offerings, she asked him what she should do. He counselled her to ditch the boat plan and to make a speedy escape using his friends JAGuar. By way of parting counsel, just before he left, the folk prophet reminded her one more time - if I've told you once, I've told you a ZILlion times, the way to distract the unixknight guarding the moat is to get your maid to offer him a juicy, barbecued piece of Beefche. He's bound to be distracted by one or the other. And once you get in the JAG, don't worry about using the GPS, just follow the PAM, I mean map, hidden under the front seat.  

So with her plan firmly in place, LadyGator set as her escape date Sunday21 of the following month. 

Edited November 21, 2016 by askandanswer
How could I possibly forget to leave out Sunday21?

[Backroads]

However, @askandanswer for information on @LadyGator did Lord @Blackmarch. Ironically, most of the good info came from the jester @askandanswer. Soon, he knew of her plans to escape. He went to the castle lair of the mysterious plant creature @anatess2 (a sister to Audrey 2) and loosened the hinges of its cage door with a spray can of @pam.

[askandanswer]

 

So after trying, and failing in the plan suggested by the folk prophet, the slightly attractive second kitchen assistant, Mrs Gator, realised that that’s all he was – just a folk prophet, and not the real deal. So she decided to do what she should have done in the first plan and turn to the scriptures. After reading Joshua chapter 6, she decided that marching around the castle blowing trumpets was a very ZILly idea because she was trying to escape from the castle, not break into it, and besides, there was a severe shortage of trumpets in the castle at the time. So then she turned to the real, correctly translated, truer Book of Mormon and read Mosiah 22 and found out that the tried and tested way to escape from or into a place of captivity is to make some wine, give it to the guards, get them drunk and then get through or over the back pass, through the back wall, on the back side of the city. (See Mosiah 22:6 and Alma 55: 8 – 16) She decided to follow the example taught in the scriptures and to try this out.

Realising that the best home made brew was made with jojoba nuts (yes, there is such a kind of nut https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jojoba) she took her jojobags out of the cupboard and headed off for the secret garden. When she got near the garden, she realised that there were two ways in – through the gator over the fence. She climbed over the fence and headed for the jojoba nut shrubs. Along the way she passed by the tree of knowledge of good and evil. Having read in a poorly translated book that it’s fruit had the power to induce hallucinogenic visions that led the eater to believe they knew the difference between good and evil, she hacked off a few pieces of fruit. After gathering up three bags full of jojoba nuts, she stopped and thought maybe I (V)ort to get a few more, so she scrunched up and squashed down what she had already put into her bags so that she could put Maureen. Having got what she needed, she made her way back to the kitchen. After slicing the fruit and nuts, she began to sauté them in her frying pam.

Edited November 23, 2016 by askandanswer

[anatess2]

I got nuthin...

[Palerider]

8 hours ago, anatess2 said:

I got nuthin...

Ditto

[Guest]

@anatess2 was unable to move beyond the castle grounds to carry @LadyGator to safety.  So, she asked the @prisonchaplain to summon the @Jedi_Nephite to carry her to safety.  King @Vort knew of only one of his dark knights who could stand up to him.  So, he sent the @Godless  @Palerider to bring them  @HomeAgain.  But finding them would be like looking for a @NeedleinA haystack (you knew that one was coming).  So,  @Palerider looked through the lost books and found @james12 showed how to find them.

As he found her, she thought he was @Just_A_Guy.  But then a @Still_Small_Voice told her that he was an  @evil_dude and to run as fast as she could.  She had to ride once more, so she started @estradling75 her horse again.  She rode until she was so tired she just wanted to cry "@letmeoff!" Then an  @AngelMarvel came and carried her to final safety in the land of @Zarahemla.

 

Edited November 24, 2016 by Guest

[NeedleinA]

*Though @LadyGator had made it to safety, she was surprised at what she saw in the land of @Zarahemla. Apparently their Princess @Eowyn had ordered a @An Investigator to figure out why so much @pam, had been used in the royal court's funeral potatoes the previous @Sunday21. With some effort @An Investigator was able to conclude that the royal chief's @omegaseamaster75 had broken making him late that night. To top it off he claimed to have been attacked by a swarm of @yjackets. Honestly @pam was the only logical choice, so he justified in his @NeuroTypical mind. So it was, greasy @Carborendum filled potatoes and @spamlds were served to all the court that night. Upon learning of these findings @Eowyn promptly fired the famous chief casting him @mordorbund. She instead hired an unknown @Jane_Doe with the hopes of more ex@zilarating meals to come.

*lame sauce, I know already
P.S. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Edited November 24, 2016 by NeedleinA

[prisonchaplain]

BRIEF INTERMISSION: On this sacred day of Thanksgiving we express our gratitude to Heavenly Father, Creator of Heaven and Earth, for endowing us with such wondrous creativity, as demonstrated by the many talented posters on this string. In Jesus' name, amen.

[Guest]

@NeedleinA, that was awesome.

[NeuroTypical]

Yay!  I've been used in a sentence!  In a grammatically correct way no less!

[An Investigator]

Happy thanksgiving guys!!! it's just a normal evening over here in the freezing, dark and wet UK! 

[prisonchaplain]

@An Investigator I heard that the UK celebrates Thanksgiving Day too--mainly in recognition of having disposed of that pesky little disturbance in the colonies a couple centuries back. 

[An Investigator]

@prisonchaplain your brave!! runs away and hides behind the sofa. 

[pam]

Okay now can we keep this on the story?  Start your own threads.  And the rule is to add a couple of lines.  Not a couple of paragraphs.

[prisonchaplain]

Princess @anatess2 discovered that Chef @Jane_Doe never used @pam in her cooking. Enraged, she banished @Jane_Doe to the outer @FloridaClay, where she would wallow for all eternity in deep @mirkwood.

[Jane_Doe]

When Princess @anatess2 returned home, she discovered that Chef @Jane_Doe hadn't done ANY cooking at all!  Starving, she went out hunting, and quickly ran into a @MormonGator and @LadyGator...

[zil]

[Um, we need an errata for this story: anatess2 is a mysterious plant creature, and LadyGator is the princess...]

[prisonchaplain]

@anatess2 got kissed by a goat prince, which transformed her. @LadyGator was an imposter--in truth, a mysterious swamp creature.  

[askandanswer]

An impostor, yes, but not a mysterious swamp creature. As noted in my earlier post, in reality, she was the the slightly attractive second kitchen assistant, Mrs Gator

[NeedleinA]

When it came to matters of dealing with slightly attractive swamp creatures, no one was more up to the task than the powerful wizard @Windseeker and his trusty dog @Edspringer Spaniel. As an extra precaution they brought along @DoctorLemon, but for some odd reason his medicine wasn't always that reliable?!?